The narrative of tonight’s game would best be read in a Sam Elliott voice. No, I’m not talking about those crappy Dodge commercials. No again, I’m not talking about his turn as the Chupadogra in Marmaduke. How’d you even know he was that without Wikipedia anyways? Nah, I’m rocking The Big Lebowski on this one and going with ‘The Stranger’. Sometimes there’s a man…I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? But sometimes, there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about Peyton Hillis here. Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s Hillis, in New Jersey. And even if he’s a lazy man – and Hillis was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Bergen County, which would place him high in the runnin’ back world for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man…sometimes, there’s a man…Aw, I lost my train of thought here. But what I do know is on a night rife with Fantasy futility, the the bridge to a winning week was brought down by the unlikeliest of guys on a night of the unlikeliest suckitude we’ve seen in prime time so far this year. Hillis gave us his best Hynoski impersonation for most of the night as he rumbled for 81 tough yards and a touchdown to help hold down the first win of the NFL season for his beleaguered team mates. Indeed, sometimes there’s a man…who doesn’t really matter and will never be heard from again. You can call Peyton Hillis the dude and I’m just fine with that. But he’s not the capitalized ‘Dude’. He’s some schmo that stumbled onto an 0-6 team and whose lead back for the week got hurt and needed a spark for the night and he was it. And with this narrative, I fully expect the first question to be ‘should I pick up Hillis’ because I’ve trained you all well in the art of snark. Good lord, this game was terrible. Thank you, voice of Sam Elliott in my head, for making it palpable. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news…

Please, blog, may I have some more?