Handcuff Report, Week One: The 2014 Primer

Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we’ll be there. If Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we’ll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we’ll be there. You get the point…. Wait.?!?! That’s not what this post covers?…. It’s about running back committee’s? …Hmmm I don’t think that’s right. Jay, I think we have a problem…..I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le’veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay… I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I’ll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I’ll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I’ll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I’ll probably switch to more of a “handcuffs to watch format”, where I’ll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we’ll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I’m cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered? Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said “cops use”… do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That’s Why!!!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NFL Combine: No Leon Sandcastles in This Group

by: murph

The NFL Combine or as I call it, a reunion for a dysfunctional family we call the National Football League. The combine provides Owners, General Managers and Coaches a chance to reconnect, make generalized statements to the media and observe potential draft prospects in the first official event of the off season. Unfortunately two players that I really wanted to see – Matt Barkley and Eddie Lacy – did not participate. Some of my favorite moments include Chip Kelly’s “Erroneous” interview, GM Tom Telesco stating that Ryan Mathews will be the starting running back for the Chargers (not buying it), watching the hundreds of people gather at Manti Te’o’s interview only to get the same information we have known for months, the blazing 40 times including 6’ 5” 305 LB Terron Armstead run a 4.65 and of course everyone’s overreaction to under or over performers. I half expected for Jerry Jones to have an interview stating that he was looking forward to watch Leon Sandcastle and that he was on the Cowboy’s radar…sorry Jerry, it’s just a joke. Seriously though it might have been entertaining to watch in regards to the background noise but ultimately we watch the combine for one reason and that’s to keep an eye and get a first look as Fantasy Football owners of the talent that could possibly land on our fantasy rosters and give us the best opportunity to win the coveted championship. Lets take a look at a few combine standouts from each position and how their performance effects their relative draft position. One thing to keep in mind with these grades and scores is that a good evaluation does not always mean that a player is or is not a great NFL prospect this is more of a track meet and as we know there is more to football than running, jumping and lifting weights. Track speed and strength does not always translate to football speed and strength. But enough about that, let’s see how the 2013 NFL Combine played out and what, if any, effect it will have on 2013 fantasy football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?