I’d like to begin this week’s post with a big shout out to the homie Dolphins owner Stephen Ross. Good looks on firing Philbin my man, hopefully the next coach you hire can actually use Lamar Miller. Particularly in 1st-and-goal scenarios, but I know, I’m nitpicking. Now that the hey “how’s your fathers”, and the “did you get that lump looked at” are out of the way, we can move onto talking waiver wire adds and the guys Yahoo and ESPN will tell you to pickup in two weeks. So how was everybody’s Week 4? Mine was good, I want 11-2 across my baker’s dozen of teams. Am I bragging? Maybe a little, but then again this is the first winning week I’ve had all year. Meaning I have three teams above .500. Yes, I’m the guy you go to for waiver wire news, not because I know what the hell I’m doing, but because my teams are so wretched, that I’m constantly shopping on the wire to fill my band of beleaguered flunkies. In other words, I’m not only Razzball’s resident waiver wire President, I’m also a client! Here are your adds for Week 5 of fantasy football.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In what was a interesting-because-it-was-close-but-sorta-kinda-boring-anyways Sunday Night Football game, Dallas once again proved that they are two different teams depending on which half it is. It’s almost as if they are preserving the long-held tradition of Romonobyl. An homage, if you will. While the Saints are hanging on to dear life and Brees’ busted shoulder with an 1-3 record, they’d be hard pressed to catch up with the surging Falcons and Panthers as the season progresses. I’m actually still bewildered by the fact that NFC South teams are actually capable of surging. That being said, the Cowboys find themselves in the untenable position of having everything needed to dominate a weak NFC East, but having those things injured for more than half the season (including Lance Dunbar tearing his ACL last night). The Giants were gifted a win against Buffalo, who had 17 penalties, and the Eagles were beaten unresoundingly by Washington. These teams are not good at all, and hilariously any one of them can take the division. But like the Cowboys, none of them seem to want it. Almost like some kind of derpy game of hot potato. Now that I think about it, this is actually peak NFC East. Carry on…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 4:

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let me begin by thanking all of you for reading this drivel I produce on a weekly basis. Hopefully you’ve found it helpful, informative, and most of all, put my suggestions here to good use.  Throughout the season so many handcuffs have found their way into starting roles and excelled. Some on a one week fill in, but others took the job and ran with it. We salute you graduated handcuffs. Thanks for making the draft meaningless. Just kidding, but seriously who would you rather have right now, Jimmy Graham or Justin Forsett? LeSean McCoy or Jeremy Hill? You don’t need to answer, the right choice is obvious. It just goes to show how increasingly viable the handcuff stash option is. The beginning of next year pundits, peers, and perts will be lined up by the dozen to tell you handcuffs are a waste of roster spot. To them I say this: if you make a costly investment in a running back, does it really hurt to buy an insurance policy? You would on a car, house, or collection of Star Wars commemorative plates. Right? What you don’t own any Star Wars commemorative plates? More of a Star Trek guy eh? What? You don’t own any commemorative plates! What do you eat your hot pockets on?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For the past 13 weeks, I have presented you with fantasy football lineups that your league mates might set for you if you got drunk, passed out, and left your laptop open and logged in. While some were fitting you for a roman soldier helmet, others were laughing it up as they picked some of the shittiest options available for your lineup and changed your team name to something terribly immature. Well here’s another such group of players that appear to be a guaranteed one-way ticket to last place. But once again the joke’s on them as this lineup combined for 214.42 points in Yahoo! half point leagues and undoubtedly would have won any head-to-head match up.

Please, blog, may I have some more?