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Week 3 was a crazy, crazy week. Thanks Trump! I kidd. Blake Bortles, Case Keenum, and Eli Manning all threw for at least three touchdowns, with Bortles throwing four! The Jets dominated. It gets crazier, though. Eight of the games on Sunday had the road teams as favorites. The Jaguars, Colts, Bears, Jets, Bills, and Redskins all took care of business at home. Bow wow wow yipee yo yipee ya! Home dogs! The Lions should have won and the Chargers…well, just scroll down to the recap of that game and all will become clear.

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In a surprising turn of events for Thursday Night Football, this game was actually semi-entertaining. I’m saying “semi” because I don’t want to get too crazy here, seeing as how there were plenty of trademarks for a Thursday game present. But there was some offense, and a lot of it came from old people. Matt Hasselbeck, Frank Gore, Andre Johnson, and Adam Vinatieri all directly contributed to the Colts victory, combining their centuries of experience in the NFL into spry performances. However, the more direct contributions to a crucial Colts victory came from Brian Hoyer (and the ineffective Texans defense). After Ryan Mallet was pulled because Arian Foster whiffed on a catch (Bill O’Brien logic!), we saw an accurate, decisive, and competent three quarters from Hoyer. And then, on a potential game-tying drive at the two minute warning, complete and utter derp (shown above) happened. It’s essentially what Brett Favre could do so well (not counting cell phone technology) back in the day. And as the Colts once again get rewarded for mediocrity by being in the worst division in football (for at least 15 years now), the Texans continue to be the posterchild for the modern day NFL: If you don’t have a quarterback, you’re f*cked.

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In what was a interesting-because-it-was-close-but-sorta-kinda-boring-anyways Sunday Night Football game, Dallas once again proved that they are two different teams depending on which half it is. It’s almost as if they are preserving the long-held tradition of Romonobyl. An homage, if you will. While the Saints are hanging on to dear life and Brees’ busted shoulder with an 1-3 record, they’d be hard pressed to catch up with the surging Falcons and Panthers as the season progresses. I’m actually still bewildered by the fact that NFC South teams are actually capable of surging. That being said, the Cowboys find themselves in the untenable position of having everything needed to dominate a weak NFC East, but having those things injured for more than half the season (including Lance Dunbar tearing his ACL last night). The Giants were gifted a win against Buffalo, who had 17 penalties, and the Eagles were beaten unresoundingly by Washington. These teams are not good at all, and hilariously any one of them can take the division. But like the Cowboys, none of them seem to want it. Almost like some kind of derpy game of hot potato. Now that I think about it, this is actually peak NFC East. Carry on…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 4:

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bigbeninjuryw315

Ben Roethlisberger was forced from yesterday’s game against the Rams when Mark Barron fell onto his leg, bending it awkwardly. While my initial reaction was to breathe a sigh of relief for all the women out there who are mobile enough to out-run a one-legged man, my next reaction was that this looked to be a season-ending leg injury. As of now, the prognosis has gone from leg implosion to ACL injury to MCL sprain, which normally takes around six weeks to recover from. Still, while the news improved throughout the day, this remains a huge blow to not just Roethlisberger, but also to the entire Steelers offense. I doubt Michael Vick ever wanted to start another NFL game again, but here he is, ready to provide clumsy pocket-presence mixed with a canon arm that fires anywhere and everywhere you don’t want it to. So basically a worse Ben Roethlisberger. While Heath Miller probably will stay the same (for now and eternity), Antonio Brown, Markus Wheaton, and Martavis Bryant (when he returns) will likely have some issues to contend with. Le’Veon Bell benefits the most, as check-downs need to go somewhere, and there will be even more emphasis on the Steelers rushing game. That being said, it can be a double-edged sword when defenses start game-planning against such things, so we’ll have to see what kind of magic Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley has ready to go. Haha, Steelers are screwed. But don’t worry, Big Ben’s third leg still works ladies! (Whether you like it or not…)

Here’s what else I saw in Week 3…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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Peyton Manning Red Forehead

Well, I’m confused. This past weekend’s outcome were just weird. Some trash won, other garbage teams looked average; I don’t know what to make of this anymore. Everyone to 8-8! Well c’mon Max you dumb mofo, tell me something that’s not making me dumber. Well okay, okay, I shall drop some knowledge on you: The AFC East and NFC West look like the best divisions, by a long margin, in the NFL this year. The AFC South and NFC EAST look like my cat’s turds. Who goes into the weekend wanting to see a Blake Bortles vs. Ryan Mallet game? Maybe a Kirk Cousins vs. Sam Bradford match-up interests you? The only team that looks like they can be really dominant this year are the Cardinals. The Bills are resembling Jekyll and Hyde, while the Broncos look hella confused about their identity. This is the weirdest season I’ve been a part of in my lifetime.

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While I always say that Sunday Night Football is tacitly known as the premier match-up of the weekend, I wasn’t necessarily wanting to lead-off my first recap of Sunday’s games with it, but if the Cowboys and Giants continue the long NFC East tradition of having memorable derp-offs, I have very little choice in the matter. In a game that featured two interceptions and two fumbles (and that was just the Cowboys!), Run DMC being his usual “Run for two feet then drop DMC”, coaching you’d expect from the Princeton ginger Jason Garrett and a guy with the last name McAdoo, well, you’d be hard pressed to follow all that up with a fascinating and suspenseful last two minutes. But they did. After an “interesting” (to be kind) play-action call at the one-yard line (I’m assuming even Pete Carroll would call a run play there) with just about 1:40 left in the game that failed with an intentional throw out of bounds by Eli Manning, the Cowboys quickly drove down the field in just 88 seconds, scoring the go ahead touchdown shown above. On that score, Romo was able to connect with Jason Witten after dropping a bad snap, which seems like the most Romo thing ever. Unless it ended up being an interception. Good hustle Cowboys and Giants… I can’t wait to see what the derp looks like when the Eagles and Washington get involved. Especially Washington. They were born in the derp. Molded by it…

Here’s what else I saw in Week 1 (with bonus first week knee-jerk reactions!)…

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Last night, Odell Beckham had 10 receptions for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Oh, yeah, he also did this…

obeck

That was the best one-hander since I lost my virginity.

I’d love to write more, but that would probably only take away from what you see before you. So when you’re finished watching this glorious depiction of a football player doing a legendary thing, join me below for the round-up. Don’t worry, it took me about two hours and an ophthalmologist to get me to move on…

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Damn these Broncos keep me busy. It seems they’re in a 5 alarm Running Back crisis every three weeks. I’m of course talking about Ronnie Hillman‘s recent foot injury that will likely keep him out for the next two to three weeks. Over the last four games, Hillman had been a savior for Montee Ball owners, like myself. He’s actually been the 9th best Running Back in RCL’s over that time, and that includes last week’s 6 carry game. If we removed week 10 and replaced it with week 6 it would be even higher. Unfortunately it was short lived due to the aforementioned injury.

We now turn to C.J. Anderson and begrudgingly Ball in some cases. Anderson blew up last week gaining 163 total yards and a TD on 17 total touches. He’s also been touted as the team’s “Best Running Back” by Mike Klis of the Denver Post. Outside of one game against the Raiders and the endorsement of a beat writer, there’s not a lot to draw from. He’s had just over 20 career carries and gets mentioned on deep league watch lists from time to time. Will Anderson stick as the starter in what’s been called a “Hot Hand Situation” by coach John Fox? That’s a question I can’t answer. But I do know this, Monte Ball’s never had hot hands, ever. In fact I’m pretty sure even wearing fleece mittens in a sauna he still has chilly paws. Doesn’t mean he won’t find a way to suck value away from Anderson though. Ball has a way of ruining everything, in fact I heard he gave Hillman a hug only moments before his injury last Sunday. Starting to make sense now, right? Yes, Ball is a nuisance and we’d all be better off without him for a long time. Then again, maybe this is his shot for redemption. His chance to provide weeks of value going into the playoffs. Maybe winning over the hearts and minds of the Fantasy Football Collective. Wow, the Fantasy Football Collective sounds like a non-profit organization aimed at saving under maintained fantasy teams. They would all wear button up knit sweaters, and have dumpy bodies, with awkwardly groomed facial hair. Then again these fearless guys and gals are doing the lord’s work, so maybe I should cut them some slack. Oh sorry about my A.D.D there, back to Ball, so maybe this is his shot at redemption, and maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him for flavor of the week Anderson. This is a former 1st round pick from 2013, which is only a year ago. One that was highly decorated in college, being voted an All-American in back to back years at Wisconsin. His career YPC isn’t horrible either at 4.2, though that’s heavily supported by last year’s 4.7. He’s got a real shot to do something if Anderson slips up. So the question remain the same with Ball, “will he finally step up and take the job he’s been handed so many times?” I guess the next few weeks will tell us.

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This week’s waiver wire column is going to explore the returning player. The focus is on the players who are coming back off lengthy layoffs after injuries. Of course, we’ll still try to catch lightning in a bottle too and help your team that way. That said, let’s dive in.

First, let’s talk about Adrian Peterson. He’s not coming back from an injury, but from a suspension… or so we hope. There is going to be some legal wrangling this week over whether or not Peterson can come back to play this season or not, so it will need time to play out. Hopefully a decision gets made this week to give us some clarity. Even if he’s not 100% ready to go, you need to stash him on your roster. If nothing else, ensure that other owners don’t get their hands on him. With his talents and a plush schedule, Peterson could be the ultimate shot-in-the-arm add to any fantasy team. If he doesn’t pan out, you can toss him back and try again. If it does, you have fantasy gold. The thing to keep in mind is there is some internal strife within the Vikings front office about whether or not to bring him back. Minnesota is 4-5 and three games behind 7-2 Detroit for the top spot in the NFC North. Sure, there are other factors at play, but it is worth giving consideration to adding AP. I’ve been picking him up much as in the same way it’s time to get another guy in the same boat.

That other guy is Cleveland wide receiver Josh Gordon. It’s worth checking the wire to see if the dynamic wide receiver is there. He would make awesome trade bait if you can pick him up. Things set up nicely for Gordon with his schedule (HOU, ATL, BUF, IND, CIN, CAR, BAL) and that matchup against Carolina on championship week is inviting. We saw Mark Sanchez abuse the Carolina defense last night and Gordon could go nuts.

Realistically, it would be difficult to see either of them being available on the waiver wire but we mention them anyways. Take a second and scan anyways. Let’s go to reality now.

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