Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we’ll be there. If  Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we’ll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we’ll be there. You get the point…. Wait.?!?! That’s not what this post covers?…. It’s about running back committee’s? …Hmmm I don’t think that’s right. Jay, I think we have a problem…..I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le’veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay… I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I’ll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I’ll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I’ll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I’ll probably switch to more of a “handcuffs to watch format”, where I’ll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we’ll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I’m cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered?  Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said “cops use”… do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That’s Why!!!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ugh, I’m making the lead paragraph about Mark Sanchez. I know, blech.  I might as well have talked about Bob Dole here, it would’ve been just as exciting.  But the reality is, despite him not getting drafted even in 2QB leagues, Sanchez was set to be the starting quarterback for the Jets this year.  You […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ever have that one friend who you try and get out to do stuff but when you call he’s always got a cold or not feeling well or just not up to it? You know the one. You spend all this time with them in a bunch of different settings but they’re always ‘sick’ or ‘hurt’ when you try to get them out. ‘Are they a hypochondriac?’, you ask yourself. ‘Do they need more vitamin C in their diet?’, you muse. ‘Are they just feeling embarrassed after a BBC porn marathon?’, you giggle to yourself. You just don’t know but you don’t trust it’s really a health issue. So you start asking them to go do things less and less and eventually…well it’s not that you hate the guy/girl but you’re not really friends with them anymore either. So you start hanging out with other people in those social settings and slowly move away from spending time with them. I bring this awkward analogy to the table to talk with you about Hakeem Nicks. Per my private sources (i.e. the search function on twitter), the wideout coach Kevin Gilbride – and honestly most of the staff/ownership – are getting a bit fed up with the always nicked up Nicks. Per this twitter guy, Gilbride’s quoted as saying ‘I think he needs to… practice. He knows it. He and I talk about it all the time and he knows it’. Now Nicks is no Allen Iverson, but with another DTD next to his name as he recovers from a groin injury, I’m feeling more and more confident in my Hakeem Nicks Overrated post earlier this summer. Practice is there for continuity, it’s there to make for a solid understanding of how to approach the season as a team. Anyone who doesn’t think in some part not having Nicks ready to go on time last year didn’t throw things off is lying to themselves. But as I hate to be a downer for everyone, I’m gonna find the silver lining and guide you in that direction…in the next player blurb! But before I do that, I want to remind you to kiss your mother, tell her that you love her and to join/create an RCL. Don’t know how? Well here’s a guide to all that is our Razzball Commenter Leagues that you’ve always wanted to know but were afraid to ask. But enough shameless promotion, on with the show. Let’s continue on with our training camp notes for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For a fourth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing local NFL beat writers for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge.  Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team through the summer.  This installment comes courteous of Alex Mann from leading Arizona Cardinals blog Revenge of the Birds:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome one, welcome all to the big top. We’ve got every type of Ranking you could imagine. We rank players by their individual positions. We also consolidate them and rank them against each other. We even have IDP Rankings and Dynasty Rankings for you this year. We may even rank beards eventually. I already know my top pick. Not sure where to go to find those rankings, you say? Well let your eyes travel north…on the web page you silly! See that menu up there where it says ‘Rankings’? Click on it. Or hover over it. We’ve got you covered any way you go on that. Good, so now if you’re a Razzball Novice we have you up to speed let’s look at what we’re dealing with this week. We left off on our Top 40 Running Backs with a bit of a cling hanger if you’re the excitable type as I said the ‘Know Your Role’ tier went into the Top 60. Well here we are so let’s not keep the suspense too heightened. Here are the Top 60 Running Backs for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The calendar turned from September to October and the injuries continue to pile up around the league. At this rate, the Arizona Cardinals might be trying out fans to play running back (maybe, you never know) after their Thursday night disaster. The Rams didn’t get away unscathed either. Let’s start with last night’s game and […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So yeah, it seemed so long ago that we christened our relationship at the beginning of the football season, talking about Romoception’s and getting Olgetree’d. Those were the days, were they not? While I did lay down a schedule for my readership that did not come to fruition– covering the MNF and TNF games, I […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?