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Greetings! As we speak, I’m rectally inhaling MDMA in order to get through this post without breaking down into hysteria over my rankings from last week. To those of you I’ve wounded, I give my sincerest apologies. And to those of you I helped…anyone? ANYONE? Never mind. You’ve got to be realistic about these things. Anyway, I absolutely adore that beautiful-minded Eli Manning this week. He gets a Saints defense that just got bent over a barrel and shown all 50 states by the Las Vegas Raiders, and, oh, by the way, they just lost their best corner. Say one thing for the New Orleans Saints, I have absolutely no freaking clue on who the next man up is. I suppose that’s not surprising, considering I was unaware that this nobody who was injured was their best DB. That’s right ya’ll, the Saints defense is thinner than Giraffe schlong, and I, for one, plan on taking full advantage of it. Doubt me if you dare, for the last occurrence where I was doubted, I ended up with my chiseled glutes spread with my cousin’s tongue between them. She was a second cousin and not by blood. [Jay’s Note: Wait, what?]

I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Forgive me I’m not up to date on current sporting events, for Twitter, whom I fully depend on for all news and information, locked my account for a solid 24 hours! Any Quarterbacks get hurt? Did the Bills announce a starter? My life is meaningless without Twitter and the Elder Gods are known to punish me from time to time, usually when I’m riding high, basking in the glory of some incredible accomplishment, like the time I demoralized the Hilton sisters in a game of naked Twister. By demoralized, I mean that I gave both of them the profound type of hickory sticking that would make even the great Ray-J smile upon me like a proud father. Matter of fact, he was there filming it. Sorry, I’m rambling again, reminiscing about the heroic years that were my youth. But seriously, I haven’t been without Twitter for this long since the last time Sky locked me in his basement. Yes, Sky, I know: It puts the lotion on the skin!

Let’s talk quarterbacks, shall we? I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Overall: 71-58-1, Locks: 7-1

Greetings! Beddict here, weak and heavily medicated. For you see, I banged my chin on a flawless white marble kitchen countertop in a home owned by Celine Dion while shooting a soft core porn for Cinemax that should be out sometime in 2016. That’s right ya’ll, Beddict’s got 15 stitches in his chinny-chin-chin, and you’ll witness it on Razzball Radio and The Fantasy Sports Network next Tuesday. I was thinking about taking advantage of the situation and getting a chin implant. such as this one here, but after speaking with the Elders, it was decided that now is not the time.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

F#ck if your favorite writer dies, to me that’s my spot. I’ll celebrate his burial and eat at Ihop. Greetings ya’ll! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, Razzball’s resident mankini model and fantasy savant. Just because I get paid to flex my toned glutes, doesn’t in any way mean I can’t guide you to glory on the fantasy football field. It’s understandable that one would think there’s no way I could find the time to analyze each and every player in the NFL due to the fact I spend 6 hours a day doing Bobby Brown pushups and another 4 flexing in the mirror, but it is so. Having spare wenches around to massage my ass with warm milk while I watch game film is a major plus and without those Beddict groupies I’d be useless. We are now in crunch time and there is no time to waste my friends. I can only write about my bronzed buns for so long. Once your erection finally withers away move on to some in depth playa talk. Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve been patiently waiting to blow. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Tehol Beddict show. Greetings! I had to take a two week sabbatical to put in major work on my favorite charitable cause, “Beddict’s Single Mothers Project.” This charity was founded by myself, Tehol Beddict, in Jaunary of 2007 and takes aim at really solidifying the home life of abandoned or widowed mothers. The inspiration for this incredibly rewarding project came from none other than my idol/role model, Ernie McCracken, and his “Fatherless Family” sponsorship program. I devote a full 24 hours to single mothers that are deemed “worthy” by my assistants. By allowing them to make me 3 full meals with dessert plus two pipings and a tossed salad, they get to feel alive and appreciated again, helping them breakout of their funk and letting them live life to the fullest again. I’ve found that blowing these women’s backs out truly helps them become better mothers and for that I’m thankful. On NFL Sundays, doggystyle is a must, so you can both watch the game. I wasn’t the only prime-time performer on Sunday though guys. Alshon Jeffery, Josh Gordon, and Erik Decker also went balls deep on the opposition. Were you lucky enough to have one of these legends? Did anyone have all 3? If so I need to hear about it in the comment section. For those of you wishing to donate money to my “Beddict’s Singe Mothers Project,” please DM me on Twitter and we can work something out on paypal. Thank you so much. Now let’s get to what I witnessed last weekend. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?