Colts Officially Upgraded to Dolts

Or downgraded, depending on how you feel. How do I feel? Well… I still can’t quite decide if I enjoyed last night’s Monday Night Football. It had it’s moments, but at the end, I can say that I was overwhelmed with this conclusion: that the Colts pretty much represent how truly reprehensible the AFC South has become. You know it’s serious when I use two really long words that both start with “r”. (I mean, you might have not known that, but now you do. When I bring out the multi-syllabic “r” words, look out!) Anyways, the Colts are now 3-5 after last night’s overtime loss, with their only three wins in 2015 coming against their own division. And, surprising (or I guess not), they are still currently tied for first, despite looking like the AFC version of the San Francisco 49ers. And yes, I’m talking about the newest version that has already started selling (Vernon Davis to Broncos) and has benched Colin Kaepernick for Blaine Gabbert (LOL). Granted, Luck had to deal with a rainy first-half, and has undisclosed rib and shoulder injuries (which actually might be a good thing, or he’d be tempted to build an ark), but some of his passes were straight out of Duck Hunt. And the ones that weren’t? Well, as you can see above, Luck threw an interception that led to a game-winning Graham Gano field goal. Honestly, he’d better be careful, it’s just way too easy to call him Andrew Suck…

Here’s what else I saw during last night’s game… (with bonus Grudenisms!)

Special congratulations go to blewis555 for winning Razzball’s Week 8 Money Contest! One of our Daily Fantasy writers on the Baseball side, Matt Truss, finished second and in the money as well! If you want a chance to join in for Week 9, sign up here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hard Targets: Marvin Jones the Only Cure for Halloween Hangover

by: LT Murray IV

Let me tell you something

If you took away the chicken

If you took away the thongs,

the celebrity references.

If you took away the swingers lifestyle.

And all the yayed out strippers that come with it.

If you took away the chiseled body and movie star good looks.

What would you have left?

Everything????

Nahhh, for that is Beddict, and Beddict is I, ready to pump it up once again and feed your malnourished minds with a treasure trove of gems that are only found on Razzball. Greetings all! How did you do last week? Dropped another dud did you? Well just like Aldon Smith did, you need to take it one day at at time, and you need to find a solution. Trust in Dr. Beddict to vanquish your worriment and help snatch that league title you’ve been craving. Some of you, may have been in the same league for years and held title-less, and that my friends is a torturous experience I know all too well. Like a Catholic Priest who’s had his Lambo repo’d and been disallowed from being 50 feet from teenage boys, it’s almost like we are nothing. I Tehol Beddict, hereby challenge you to rise up and rage against the dying of the light! We shall overcome and become legends. We shall become like Marvin Jones, who went hambone on the opposition last week to the tune of 8 receptions for 122 yards with 4 Tds on 8 targets. I’ve privately praised Marvin now for the past 2 seasons and wondered why he wasn’t starting over the barely average, if that, Sanu. Well, he’s a must own in all leagues at this point and showed in last night’s game he is a touchdown machine. I know it was called back by a questionable call but such is life. We witnessed Sanu dropping multiple balls and it’s a certainty that his role will decrease going forward. Jones is a very nice WR3 option and possible flex option depending on byes. I’m sure he’s owned now in your league and if you swooped him, you receive a big kudos from Uncle Tehol. Let’s move on to some other players, some tantalizing and some disgraceful to the game. Witness.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cameron…Cameroff, Daniel-San

October 25, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 231 Comments

by: Sky

There are certain players that make me wish that Fantasy Football Roto were more common. I think I’ve heard them called ‘total points leagues’ before which is probably more apropos but since I love fantasy baseball and fantasy football, I always try to find a way to amalgamate the two into my understanding of the world. I actually thought it would be a great beginners league to do H2H football but with categories. You know: Passing Yards you either win or lose like baseball head to head…*Crickets*. Ok, clearly I’m talking to myself. You like the traditional tried and true. The head to head format that pits mano-a-mano, mano-a-womano and sometimes even womano-a-womano. Hrm, now I’m thinking of mud wrestling…sorry lady readers, my reptilian brain has clearly only progressed so far. But I digress, I bring up this topic of points leagues because Cam Newton is the epitome of a QB you’d want to draft in a total points league. Cam has spent the last two years floating between mediocre to living up to his moniker of Superman and this year his schism hasn’t balanced out any better. Coming into tonight, Cam had 2 games of scoring 25 or more twice on the year, and three where he scored between 12 and 16 and topped off with a 6 point performance against the Cards after scoring a season high 30. But after a 27 point night against the Bucs, Cam is back in his owner’s good graces and honestly that’s where he should stay. You drafted him to be a top 5 QB and so far, the stats say he’s well on his way. If you didn’t want the roller coaster ride, you shouldn’t have bought the ticket. To give you a different analogy, you liked it and you decidedly put a ring on it. Sometimes you get this Beyonce and sometimes you get the other Beyonce. You got 99 problems and the B!@#$ ain’t one and other times…well, yikes. It’s the life of being a Cam owner. You either hate it or embrace it but either way you lack discipline if his imbalance throws you off. In other news from TNF for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Targets and Touches: Antonio Brown Goes Liberace On Bears

September 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 59 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

My buzz is crazy in the hood, they holler my name. If it ain’t about the writing, it’s about the stones and the wang. Greetings! Tis I, your beloved Tehol Beddict, returning yet again to give you a rundown on this past week’s targets and touches that stood out in this mind of mine that’s been referred to as beautiful, a la John Nash. I haven’t yet received my Nobel Prize but one day, with your continued support and recognition, that day will surely come. I know what you’re thinking; ” In comparing Antonio Brown to Liberace, Beddict is saying Brown went balls deep into a plethora of young men who are employed by the Chicago Bears.” Come on now people. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m simply referring to the flash and pizazz Brown displayed in making one incredible play after another against the highly rated Bears secondary. What Brown does off the field is none of my business. Brown exploded with 9 receptions for 196 yards and 2 TD’s on 13 targets. Now, we’ve all been waiting for Brown to explode like a lactose intolerant Rosie O’Donnell after a 31 flavors binge, and he rewarded his owners in an extreme manner. Brown is far and away the superior wideout on Pittsburgh and I expect him to average around 100 yards receiving for the remainder of the season. If you want to disagree with me, go ahead. Just be aware that I may go Liberace on you and I’m not talking speaking of flash and pizazz if you catch my drift. Here’s what else caught my lovely eyes this past weekend. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?