Last Week: 9-5-2, Season Record: 94-69-4 

Greetings! I come to you humbled and begging your forgiveness after my lock of the week pushed this past week, as the Seahawks failed to put their foot on the neck of the Whiners for reasons I’m still struggling to figure out. Myself and the Hawks will make up for it this week, and that’s a guarantee straight from the horses mouth… I’ve been compared to a horse for reasons I’ll leave up to your imagination, and I’m not talking Mr. Ed. Wiiiiiiiilllbuuuuuuur. Put on your big boy/girl thong and let’s get this mula!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 10: 8-5, Overall: 63-53-1, Locks: 6-1

Greetings! What up doe!? It is I, Beddict, returning to your warm embrace after another successful lock of the week call. Imagine how much dough I’d have if I bet my entire Razzball salary on each of my locks and kept letting it ride! Enough money to get my mom out the hood, with enough left over for a state of the art, chicken coop, for my loving Beatrice. This week, I’m going all in. Join me or sit back from afar, either laughing at my demise or throwing rose petals on the ground, I walk as the Elder God blessed grand champion of gambling ATS. Have you witnessed the ESPN dude’s record this year, or last year for that matter? Yeeesh! I’m already 0-1 this week after foolishly putting my faith in the Bills, but let’s not dwell on the past by talking about how disgraceful the Bills offense was, or even how Ryan Tannehill ended my fantasy life by missing Mike Wallace on two HUGE plays. Seriously, Tannehill is gutter trash when it comes to throwing the football deep. It sickens me to levels beyond human comprehension… but as I said, let’s not dwell on the past…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!?!? F*CKING WHY!?!?!?!?!?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DO NOT say I didn’t warn you. I made it abundantly clear that starting Jay Cutler was a grave mistake, an error so sacrilegious, not even the usual animal sacrifices would appease the Elder Gods. All week I declared that it was irresponsible journalism to have Cutler in anybody’s Top-10 for this week. Cutler’s numbers in Green Bay are right there in front of everybody’s face. It’s a known fact that he’s David Hasselhoff, blacked out on the bathroom floor eating cheeseburgers type of pathetic when playing in Wisconsin. Hopefully owners realize how ridiculously lucky they were to get that incredible TD from Brandon Marshall, making Cutler’s day somewhere approaching respectable. The only reason he put up decent numbers two weeks ago at New England was because the Patriots went to prevent defense once they were up something like 200 points. The Bears are an absolute joke right now, and my respect for Cutler has collapsed to Michael Lohan levels. Inexcusable all around performance by the Chicago Bears and fantasy analysts everywhere… hold tha phone! I just looked at Jay-bone’s rankings, and now I feel like a real d*ckhole. Let me point out that Jay is one of the most accurate rankers in the world, and that even geniuses like himself (Cutler thing), Kanye West (R&B album that somehow didn’t ruin his career), and Roman Polanski (an affinity for underage women), are prone to minor mistake every now and again. [Jay’s Note: That’s why they call me Jay… Wrong.] I’ll pray to the Elders, that he doesn’t’ delete me on Snapchat for this, or even point out the fact that if it wasn’t for his editorial work, it would look as if a 9-year-old child put this together. [Jay’s Note: You’re too hard on yourself. More like an 11-year-old…] Let’s just move forward with all of our lives, shall we… Gods, I F*CKING DESPISE OWNING JAY CUTLER.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Overall: 48-42-1, Locks: 4-1

Greetings!! Tis I, Beddict, your favorite chicken lover and gambling extraordinare. Hopefully, you’ve kept up with my picks the past two weeks on Twitter or in the comment section of my weekly Disgrace/Delight column. Oh, you don’t care about point spreads and real betting? What’s that you say? You come here for fantasy football advice, not for some former mankini model to put you up to your ears in debt and possibly ruin your life? Dudes/Dudettes, this is for fun! Chill out! It’s been my lifelong dream to write a weekly betting column, so can you at least pretend to enjoy it? Make your picks every week, beat me and receive thousands of kudos points, possibly even a razzball T-Shirt. Razzball, you know, the greatest website every created. Let’s get involved people! Think you’re more intelligent than me? (Don’t answer that!) Then put your knowledge of the NFL to the test below, for there is no greater challenge on earth than correctly choosing a high percentage of covers.

I made my Thursday Night Football pick in my Disgrace/Delight column, going with the Saints (-3). I was laughed at for calling it a lock, but we see how that turned out. Still, we won’t count it as the lock of the week since I never actually stated it was that. The Elder Gods have blessed me with many great bounties over the years. I have a feeling this week shall be one of my most blessed hauls ever.  The quest for the perfect week continues.

Shall we begin? Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Welcome to another titillating edition of Disgrace/Delight. Tough week for your boy, as I dropped $130 and $160 in two money leagues with the first being a standard scoring league. There’s an ongoing joke (I’m the only one who seems to participate in it), in the standard league that I’m cursed as I get everyone’s best performance and lost in my first three finals appearances, including on by a tie!!! This is quickly becoming creepier than (Homeland Spoiler Alert!) Carrie molesting that 17 year-old Pakistani boy. (Spoiler over.) They dog me for being a supposed “expert”, don’t read my blogs, and definitely don’t watch my  TV interviews on The Fantasy Sports Network (some friends, I know). I feel like Rodney Dangerfield, for Beddict the Elder God Blessed gets zero respect from these clucks. It’s time to turn the tide. It’s time to channel the powers of the Elder Gods and demolish the souls of these treacherous bastards. Those of you residing outside the playoff picture at this moment need to take a look in the mirror (I have hundreds if you need to borrow one), and ask yourself if you want to be great. It starts with this week, and I’m going to be by your side, pushing and prodding you to be the best you can become. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh wise and powerful Elder Gods, I beg of you to release me from this bondage of constant anguish that my fantasy players have brought down upon me this season. For you, I would give my left nut and sacrifice my best friend and prize chicken, Beatrice, if you so asked me to (please do not). The pain, the pain… I cannot bear it much longer. But this isn’t all about me though. My readers still have hope. Do not punish them, oh Gods, for they don’t deserve your vengeful scorn. They pray to you, the same as I. Bless them with bountiful treasures of fantasy glory.

With that being said, I do own Jerick McKinnon in most of my leagues, and that, my friends, is a very good thing. Of course, it’s because I owned Adrian Peterson, so I suppose that takes some of the luster off of it. Either way, McKinnon must be owned and ridden like that Thai girl (or boy?) rode me one in that fateful night in Bangkok. His explosion is legendary, and watching him run in the open field is an event of unsurpassed beauty. Running for over 100 yards on a Buffalo team that was previously giving up only 2.8 yards a carry is no simple feat. Matt Asiata… he’s no longer relevant. We’ll always have that 3 touchdown game, Matt, and I thank you kindly for the memories. McKinnon’s in line for another special performance against Tampa Bay this week, and I suggest you place him in your fantasy lineups.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Overall: 31-29-1, Week 5: 9-6-0.

Greetings!!! Welcome to another exciting edition of Betting With Beddict. We’re back over .500 with a 9-6 week!!! If you’d like to join Sky and I to celebrate, just meet us down in Tijuana, as we’re trying to hit every donkey show in the city. I sent Fantasy Football Hottie a first class plane ticket, but no word on if she’s joining us or not. Either way, you need to follow her on Twitter as she’s a total peach (whatever that means). My lock of the week, the Seattle Seahawks (7.5) barely covered, but hey, that’s gambling. If it wasn’t for Dallas and Chicago choking like Lisa Anne on an 18 incher, it’d been a day for the ages. I’ve been celebrating my birthday all week, so please excuse the lack of wordiness, humor and usual Tehol-ness (I’m sure you’re devastated. Especially Jay). Last week, one of my favorite commentators, Goodfold2, joined in on the fun just to see how difficult this truly is. Him and I both cordially challenge you to join in and see if you can defeat me week to week or even throughout the season. If someone dominates me for a month or even an entire season I MIGHT just hit you with a Razzball T-shirt, cuz we homies yo. Just remember, if sports betting were easy, everyone would do it. The quest for the perfect week continues so let’s get it poppin’.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gronk, my savior. My gallant knight in shining armor riding his mighty steed coming to rescue me, his distressed virgin maiden. That’s two weeks in a row now that Gronk has saved me from fantasy extinction, and I owe him my sanity for it. In all of my days, I’ve never witnessed a tight end that seemingly breaks a tackle on every single reception. Sorta like how Kanye West seemingly says something incredibly moronic every time he opens his mouth or puts on a new skirt. It’s quite incredible, really. It’s certainly within the realm of  possibility  that Gronk could have been the greatest tight end in the game’s history, if you erased all the nasty injuries that incredibly chiseled body (pause) has endured. That’s most likely not going to occur now, but as long as he’s even at 75%, he’s a top-3 tight end in football. I’ll take 100 yards and a tub each and every week from my tight end and celebrate with an O’Douls. If captain limp wrist can play like he did this past week, Gronk’s numbers should continue to ascend like Apple stock after they dropped the iPhone 6….Wait… what? Scratch that. Oh, you waited six hours in the rain for one of those? I wouldn’t wait six hours in the street for a FREE iPhone 6, let alone to have the opportunity to pay full price for one. Kudos to those of you with that kind of dedication and tenacity though. I’m thoroughly impressed…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Overall: 22-23-1, Week 4: 6-6-0.

Sorry to disappoint the millions of #Disgrace/Delight fans this week, but Beddict was moving from the “Beddict Penthouse” to “Beddict Manor”. With no internet, countless supplies to unpack, and a chicken coop for my baby, Beatrice, there was simply no time to put forth the proper effort into my Wednesday post. I was told the move would take three hours total… it took nine! Not even the Elder Gods could have foretold the savage beating my wallet endured. Kudos to those of you who are professional movers or have at some point worked for a moving company, for those men are soldiers of the highest order. We can chat about this another time, but feel free to come watch football with me in my new pad and watch some football anytime. Sky’s in my basement right now. “SKY!!!! It puts the lotion on the skin.”

A couple side notes here… Last week’s lock of the week, the Baltimore Ravens (-3), destroyed the Carolina Panthers as Steve Smith Sr. gave his old team the kind of pounding I haven’t witnessed since the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape. If we stop there, it would seem like I had a great week… A young man named Matt correctly pointed out that I didn’t seem to realize Oakland was playing in London this past week and not in their home stadium. If only my editor could not only fix my countless grammatical errors, but also do all of my research for me, maybe then, I’d be better at this. [Jay’s Note: Maybe!] Seriously though, that was amateurish of me and it will not happen again. That is, if Jay(Wrong) alerts me when and which teams are playing in London. [Jay’s Note: Sure thing! Here ya go…]

I didn’t get in my Thursday pick last week, and I changed my pick Philly/SF pick to San Francisco at the last minute, giving me a .500 record on the week. Normally, I’d be disheartened by such a performance, but that was before speaking with numerous sharps who seemed to have similar issues. Remember guys, if betting was easy, everybody would do it.

I hit Twitter multiple times with my Packers pick this week, as I was feeling blowout all the way. I also nailed my Matt Asiata prediction (of him scoring no more than 5 points). Unfortunately for me, I was forced to start Asiata everywhere, but you know what makes the pain from being bent over in fantasy go away, don’t you? Yeah, having some floozy from Tinder ride you like a pony with the bidet at full blast hitting that special spot. Winning money is another possible cure, and that’s the focus here, so let’s get to it. This is Betting With Beddict!!!!

The quest for the perfect week continues…

Please, blog, may I have some more?