Another year, another Absolutely FAABulous back at cha! I’m your host, Phil B. ready to help you make the best, cost-effective additions using your Free Agent Acquisition Budget (Though I also like Free Agent Auction Bidding), or FAAB. FAAB allows every player a chance to get any free agent every week (as long as you have the cash) and that’s why it’s the best. If you read my Auction Draft Primer you know I like using fake money for fantasy football and FAAB is more of the same. 

I did A Zero Week primer back in ‘17 (it feels much longer ago if an apostrophe is used) and you can read that here. I’ll try not to re-hash too much of that, so to quickly sum it up, it works like so: After the draft, every team is given a certain dollar amount (for our purposes that is going to be $100) and then, after each week, each team can bid any amount (up to $100) for any unowned players.When your team wins a player, then your budget is reduced by that cost. So you win a guy for $7; now you have $93 to spend the rest of the season. However all leagues are different and let’s say your league gives $250 FAAB. If so, just multiply the values here by 2.5. If you need further assistance, just drop a line in the comments as to the quirks of your league.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! How are things? Terrible? Alllllll-Riiiiiiighty then! I had a dental appointment at 6:00 AM (more on this later), this Monday morning, so please, I beg of you, do not hold me accountable for anything inappropriate or offensive I may write in this post. I wonder, did Donald Trump give that warning before advocating a removal of all Mexican and Muslim people in the United States?… YEESH! I already own a pretty annoyingly flashy car. I GUARANTEE you that if I put a Trump sticker on that bitch, I’d get a shattered window within 24 hours. Should we test it out? I’d rather not, but I heard Jay, the greatest editor/writer in the history of sports writing, is heavily involved in Dump’s campaign, so maybe he’ll test this theory for us.

Anyway, I bet not one of you have had to get a gap filled in where you chipped a tooth when a significant other went super freak and put a dildo in your mouth… I mean, I’m always down for experimenting, and who really knows what I’ve done during my countless Molly sessions, but blow isn’t mind altering enough to get me to inhale a fake D… I’m embarrassed. I’m humiliated. I’m exhausted. Let’s talk football before these pain killers knock me out for the count.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Getting Wired with the Elders! Take heed!

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“Everybody loves a winner!
Cause when it all begins
My eyes on the prize so it’s on again
I refuse to loose I ain’t gon pretend
I thought I told you I was born to win
Everybody loves a winner!

Victory I choose
Ain’t no turning back cause I paid my dues
I tighten up my laces when I tie my shoes
Born to win, I refuse to lose
Everybody loves a winner!”

-Papoose “Born to Win” (featured on Madden NFL 2006)

It’s championship week in most leagues and hopefully, you’re still in it. Last week provided a very epic set of upsets and wacky results that could have shaken up your league’s playoffs. You know when New Orleans and its Swiss cheese defense throws a shutout that the unexpected will ensue.

At one extreme, I saw a 14-0 team that was rolling over teams all season long take a face-plant and lose by nearly 40 points in a standard league. I had an 11-2 team of mine get bounced out of an eight-team playoff by a 5-8 squad where the owner hadn’t looked at his lineup in months and got extremely lucky. Clearly, the meek might be inheriting the fantasy football earth.

By this week, you should know who you will be trotting out as your starters for this final game. However, if teams choose to rest some players you still need to have a backup plan in place. That’s what this edition of the waiver wire is about, calling for backup.

Keep in mind that there is no Thursday night game this week for the first time all season. The only game before Sunday is Detroit-Atlanta on Saturday. Availability is based on ESPN leagues and FAAB is basically whatever you have left.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“It’s your tomorrow  Right now,  C’mon,it’s everything  Right now,  Catch a magic moment, do it  Right here and now  It means everything” –“Right Now” Van Halen That pretty much sums it up for this point of the season. One magic moment on the wire could be the difference. I put the video here since it […]

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I don’t know how many of you own Maurice Jones-Drew but I’m sure that you must be as disappointed as I am about his injury in the first quarter against Oakland this past Sunday. He went down with a foot injury but later appeared on the sidelines with crutches and a walking boot. MJD went […]

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Hey there, Razzballers! Hope you are all gearing up for the playoff run and are ready to win some championships! This week, I thought it would be appropriate to also address those in keeper leagues who weren’t fortunate enough to make the playoffs and to begin gearing up for next season. Now is the perfect […]

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Good morning, evening, etc Mr. and Mrs. Razzballer. Here are some possible waiver adds if you are into that kind of thing. Sickos. Quarterbacks Kyle Orton: It’s hard to believe Tim Tebow can improve enough to not get benched at some point. Yes, they need to assess his ability, but he’s making it difficult to […]

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Hello again Razzball readers! I’ve really been enjoying contributing to Razzball so far and I look forward to answering more questions and helping more fantasy teams. Mike Braude and I will be working as a team and editing each other’s columns so feel free to ask either of us any questions; we’d love to help! […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?