It’s 1934, prohibition is finally over, but the country is in the midst of the Great Depression. Of course, you are sitting at the local watering hole drowning your sorrows when a well-dressed man walks into the bar requesting a cold one. The bartender requires the man to pay upfront because of the economic times. He reveals a large wad of cash and the bartender questions, “Where did you get all that money?” The stranger proclaims he’s a professional gambler. Everyone in room disparages him, claiming even the best bets are 50/50.
The gambler does what gamblers do, he wagers with the patrons. “I’ll bet you $50 I can bite my right eye!” When the bet is taken, he pulls out his glass eye, pops it into his mouth, and shoves the fresh Ulysses S. Grant in his pocket. He proceeds, “Perhaps that was unfair, so I’ll bet you $50 I can bite my left eye?” Seeing him walk into the room, knowing he isn’t blind, the bartender obliges. The gambler pulls out his fake teeth, bites his left eye, snatches the cash, and heads to the back of the room to drink up.
After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbles up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he says, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.” The bartender once again ponders the bet. The gambler could not even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he says.
The gambler climbs up on the bar, stands on one leg, and begins pissing all over the place. He hits the bar, the bartender himself, but not a drop makes it into the whiskey bottle. The bartender is ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender says, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!” The gambler climbs down off the bar and says, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”
Gambling is a time-honored tradition around the globe, and thanks to loosening restrictions, many states have passed laws legalizing forms of it. This is massive news for the NFL, as the league is heavily wagered on all year long. This season, I will be delivering my National Football League wagering advice to you, right here at Razzball.
Introducing…Teasers and Pleasers!
First, there are some fundamental principles we must cover. Wagering on anything, including sports, should be for entertainment purposes only. Sure, I hope to give you the best bets each week, and I definitely hope we will all break the sportsbooks. Winning consistently over time is difficult. Wagering only monies you are willing to lose is paramount, that is why I will subsequently be writing up a bankroll management article before the season kicks off.
Next, like the gambler’s story, I am here to entertain you and in no way guarantee any of my published advice. Any “professional handicapper” who tells you they have a STONE-COLD LOCK is full of it. There is some luck involved in sports wagering, but hopefully, our process helps to minimize luck’s impact on our bets.
It goes without saying there is some terminology that comes with wagering, and if you are a beginner, you should familiarize yourself before placing a wager. In the future, I will provide you with a glossary of terms to reference. You should know the different types of bets, and understand the simple math behind the payouts. After all, you want to know how much money you will take down when the Saints and Bucs go over! Do not go into this blind. It will be a hard lesson for you if you do.
As a unified group, let’s share our own strategies and wagering thoughts throughout the upcoming year. Leave comments below postings, use Reddit positively, and find me on the Twitter @FantasyTriage. There will be losing weeks and process adjustments made throughout the season. Join the TnP team and enjoy the redemption and big cash weeks too!
Lastly, Teasers and Pleasers should not be the only resource you use for your wagering. Our NFL fantasy team drops invaluable knowledge weekly about players, teams, injuries, weather, and essential changes. All of that information can HELP YOU WIN MONEY! Whether you are a first-timer or a seasoned handicapper, this community will help you become more successful. Bite both of your eyes, piss on the bartender, and make some cash.
