What’s this? Can it be? Yes, tis I, Beddict, back from the dead, both metaphorically and literally speaking, as I was recently shocked back to life after keestering (spellcheck wanted this word changed to “racketeering” for context) a bad batch of horse tranquilizers (or is that what they’re supposed to do?). Where have I been all season, you ask (or more likely don’t care)? Well, if you must know, I’ve been searching for my life’s purpose, something to dedicate my life to, something that inspires me…

At one point in time, I believed that writing was my true calling, believing I had the skill to become a known author, but, as per usual there was something holding me back from reaching my full potential, a blockade altering my path to glory yet again. As you sit at work reading this (while you should be working) you think to yourself: “Man, I can’t stand my wife. I wish I could go back in time and take a shot at the Brazilian stripper I met on my bachelor party in Vegas. She really seemed to get me.” Also: “What could possibly stop Tehol Beddict?!?!?! The man has a rocking body, a heart of gold, a slightly above average sized pipe, and a real talent on the key board. If he can’t become successful, who can!?!? WHY? WHY IS THIS WORLD SO CRUEL?!” The truth is, I’ve always given up on things too early, finding some excuse or reason to quit. Some would call this a fear or failure, some would call it laziness.

I’m sure many of you have experienced the same, or I don’t know, maybe you don’t have talent of any sort…and, errrr, that’s ok too… :-( …I guess what I’m trying to say here is, we all must dig deep within ourselves to become that person we were meant to be, to use the talents bestowed upon us by the Elder Gods. I’ve wasted many of the prime years of my life, but don’t intend on continuing to do so. Of course, we never intend to be utter failures in all aspects of life, so maybe I’m destined for a life of misery and despair. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, say he’s probably f*cked.

Oh, wait, is this a football column? Below are my thoughts on a few stories I find interesting in the NFL at the midway point of the season. Take Heed!

James Conner – By my calculations, James Connor will owe Le’Veon Bell about 15 million dollars, barring injury, for without Bell sitting out, and destroying ANY shot of him ever re-signing in Pittsburgh, James Conner more than likely would never have been given enough work to ever garner any sort of major contract. Certainly not on his second deal, possibly EVER. Seriously, these are the sort of things that keep me up nights that nobody EVER talks about. Think about it; Say Conner backs up Bell for the next couple years and continues to receive fairly minimal work. Does he ever show enough for a team to throw any kind of real money at him, or even be brought in somewhere with a shot to start? I mean, let’s just give him what Carlos Hyde got, which seems farfetched, for Hyde actually was quite productive, and he received just 5 million guaranteed. After that, you never know what will occur, as the lifespan of an NFL running back, as we well know, is shorter than an alligators dick. Now, with Bell sitting out, which now looks pretty dumb (We will find out next offseason if someone is willing to pay more than he passed on this year), Conner is putting up historic numbers and carrying many a fantasy owner to mid-season glory, setting himself up for a major contract in a couple years, that he otherwise never would have received. Crazy how the world works, am I right, my goodmen?

Saquon Barkley – Most sane writers, including myself ( Am I sane tho?) ridiculed the Giants for drafting Barkley over all the alleged franchise QB options considering the impact a good QB on the rookie wage scale can have on your franchise. That’s without mentioning  the fact you probably don’t plan on being horrific enough  again be drafting high enough to select one of the top throwers in any of the upcoming drafts, meaning you will have to pay a pretty penny to move on up to do so. Oh ho-ho!!!!! Guess what, guys/gals, the Giants are so piss poor pathetic, that they’ll undoubtedly end up back at the top of next year’s draft! This was probably their plan all along! Genius! Genius, I say! Wait…….what? There’s no star QBs in next year’s draft? F me in the goat ass.

On a serious note, none of the quarterbacks the Giants passed on have looked like superstars in the making (it’s early), and Barkley has surpassed my expectations and looks like a game changing back in the mold of a Todd Gurley or Zeke Elliot, so how can you really hate on the pick? The only reason the rushing numbers aren’t better is due to the godawful offensive line play. Honestly, if I’m in Giants management, I’m seriously limiting his touches for the rest of the season. Why pound him into the ground in worthless season when we’re always talking about how tread on running backs? I know Barkley’s fantasy owners don’t want to hear this (I’m one of them), but the Giants season is completely finished and I’m having nightmares of my goodman tearing his ACL in the final game of the season on yet another 2 yard swing pass, after breaking 4 tackles and being hit awkwardly out of bounds. Truly, it’s the smart call. I’m available if they would like my advice on the matter going forward.

Matthew Stafford – Is Stafford the most overrated player in NFL history? I became physically ill watching him attempt to play Quarterback against the Minnesota Vikings last Sunday, getting a live look-in at the definition of peasantry as Stafford attempted to pitch the ball backwards when he was on his way to picking up a rare first down, that was returned for a defensive touchdown. Did I mention the Vikings had a franchise record, TEN SACKS to go with the defensive touchdown. Or did I also forget to mention I was playing against the Vikings defense this week, and only lost because of this record breaking performance that was in large part due to Stafford holding on the ball for grotesque amounts of time?

In all seriousness, Stafford has cleared more money than about 99 percent of players in NFL history, and for what? Why have they tied their future to a guy who clearly isn’t the answer? Yes, we know Stafford has tremendous arm talent, and that he’s good at coming back from large deficits, albeit with no pressure and still usually coming out un-victorious, but he’s never won anything meaningful. Then again, Detroit has literally been completely inept for my entire lifetime, and that should be impossible. Seriously, you can’t even get one lucky year, where you catch some breaks and win a playoff game? Good Gods, those fans should be given a free bowl of soup and a hug for showing up weekly for that dumpster fire. Can you tell I’m bitter about my fantasy loss, or did you stop reading a long time ago? All righty then.

The San Francisco 49ers – Have you ever gone to a swingers party, thinking that it’s not natural for humans to only have one lover, only to leave with the sight of your wife being pig roasted by the guys you play Saturday golf with, forever ingrained in your brain? Talk about a best ball tournament…….Yikes. Anyway, yea, that’s the 49ers this season. Did anyone see it coming? Well, absolutely, one man who goes by the fake name of Tehol Beddict saw it coming a mile away.

You see, I’ve been blasting almost every move John Lynch has made for the past two seasons and it’s been killing me to read incessantly about how great a job the Niners have done building this team. Of course, they traded for Jimmy Garoppolo, the porn star spearing savant, and I’m certainly not going to dispute that move. BUT (People like to point out that you can’t start sentences with but, BUT, you actually can, morons), almost everything else they’ve done has been downright disgraceful and many important leather bound books should be written for humanity to remember how NOT to build an NFL roster.

Cool, I get it, Jerick McKinnon tore his ACL in preseason, and I have always liked this fellow as a player, but the fact is, he disappointed almost EVERY time he was given a chance to lead the team in touches. Many of you (All of you) seem to forget how excited we were to pick McKinnon up every time Adrian Peterson was injured or suspended for beating the brakes off of one his kids, but the numbers will tell you, he has never lived up the hype. Yes, he was really good IN PPR, for a nice stretch of last season but, ummmmm, but dude hasn’t averaged over 3.8 yards per carry since 2015, and that was off of 52 carries. He’s NEVER gotten carries near the goal line, making him a maddening player to own in fantasy. Search your hearts, for you know it to be true. Why am I spending so much time writing about a player who didn’t even play a single snap in 2018? I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T F*CKING KNOW.

Honestly, I could write all day about how the Niners made a lateral move in trading Trent Brown, only to take a right tackle with a top 10 pick, or how basically all the defensive backs they’ve drafted have bricked, or how they reached on Dante Pettis, or how they haven’t invested in weapons for their big money quarterback, or how Garçon is beyond washed, or without the great pick of George Kittle, they would literally have done everything incorrectly. But (There it is again, MFers), I don’t have all day….Actually, I do, but Jay probably doesn’t, and that’s how long it would take to edit this if I continued on.

I believe I’ve droned on long enough for on post, but rest assured I shall return like Jesus on Easter or however that story goes. Don’t look for me, as I shall find you. So happy to be home, back at Razzball. Have a wonderful week.

If you’re at all interested in my daily life, follow me on Instagram @LtmurrayIV, where you can access me to talk sports whenever you so choose. 

  1. Benny says:
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    For ROS – who’d you rather have in half point ppr?

    Lamar Miller or Matt Breida
    Golden Tate or John Brown

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Benny: Miller/ Tate

      Any more brain busters, Benjamin?

  2. Don Majikowski says:
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    12 team PPR

    Starters
    QB Luck
    RB Zeke
    RB Conner
    WR Keenan Allen
    WR Alshon
    TE Doyle
    OP Russ Wilson
    Flex Tevin Coleman

    Bench
    Mack
    Allen Robinson
    Amari
    Crowell
    Rudolph
    Tannehill

    Ive been offered:

    AB for Keenan & Mack
    AB for Keenan & Coleman
    AB for Zeke & Alshon

    Thoughts, which one you doing?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Don Majikowski: Loving Mack but he’s been so injury prone…..tho Coleman finally decided to put in some work. I’d probably do Keenan and Mack first if possible

  3. anthony says:
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    Im number 1 in my league and looking ahead to the playoffs. Obviously matchups and teams being locked in and sitting players out come in to play. With all this in mind is there any players you can think of that are must have for the playoffs because I’m thinking of making a deal before the trade deadline.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @anthony: That’s quit the question, Tony. Want to narrow it down or tell me what your roster looks like? I’m gonna shave my balls why I wait

  4. Jimmy Jack James says:
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    Tehol, thank you for all the content my good man.

    I’m looking to upgrade my 2nd WR in a half ppr 12 team league – do you want Golloday or Amari ROS?

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jimmy Jack James: That’s an extremely tough call, and I hate to say it, but Golloday. Our goodman Golloday should receive some serious work going forward whereas the Cowboys passing attack can never be trusted

  5. The Sportsguy says:
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    14 team keeper league with 3 round adjustments..regretfully punting the season thanks to Baldwin in the 2 nd round plus other failures…trying to trade zeke for one of the following…please rank top 3
    Round listed is where I would get them next year
    5th Tarik Cohen or Kittle
    7th Golladay
    8th kupp
    9th mike Williams
    10th OJ Howard
    11th Sutton

    Non PPR, bonuses for distance TD

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @The Sportsguy: Golladay seems to be trending towards becoming a star. I still like Mike Williams but we don’t know enough tho Tyrell will probably move on next season, setting up big Mike’s breakout performance and a real steal in the 9th round. Huge Kittle and Howard fan as well. Really tough call. I would veto this shit if i was in the league hahahah.

      Golladay is the safer and still has major upside.

      • The sportsguy says:
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        Actually rules specifically allow each contending owner to make 1-1 trade that is designated a keeper trade..all other players traded during the year are NOT allowed to be kept…this allows for minimal abuse since the contending team is basically giving up the next years value and other teams can do the same…

  6. miles proudfoot says:
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    Tehol!
    I have both Cam or Matt Ryan at QB, could sure up my WR’s.
    1. Would you take both into the playoffs?
    2. If not, which one would you trade considering playoffs?
    3. Would you trade one for one of Marvin Jones, Sammy Watkins, or Cory Davis?
    Thank you!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @miles proudfoot: First of all, id much rather trade one for Jones or Watkins than Davis who i own and infuriates me every single week.

      Newton has some tasty matchups for the fantasy playoffs so if it’s me I’m holding him but clearly both are solid options. I mean , it’s whoever you prefer. You’re not going to flip a coin, so you can’t play both. You should already know who you would play…..of course one could get injured and then you’d really be bent over a barrel being shown all 50 states

  7. Frank says:
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    I’m in a 12 tm half ppr. Currently 7-2 alone in first place and points leader. I had the 12th pick and had held onto the #1 waiver priority all season. I’m somewhat weak at my RB2 spot, hav a few guys that have been more than serviceable. But debating whether to use my #1 waiver on Duke or not. With Dion looking good the last few weeks, maybe I don’t need to and he’s my guy going forward at RB2? What do you think? Or any other moves to consider? Thanks!

    We start – 2/2/2 flex (w-r-te)

    QB – Brees
    RB – McCaffrey, Dion, Ito, Thompson, J Adams, McGuire, CJ
    WR – Thielen, Odell, Gordon, Funchess, TreQuan
    TE – Kittle

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank: well, are you just never going to use it then? I highly doubt you’ll ever get someone more valuable than Duke a this point. Adams could end up being useful and we will find out after the bye but otherwise id probably grab dude

  8. Andrew says:
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    In a .5 PPR league, who is the most droppable out of Godwin, TreQuan and MVS?

    Would you pick up Larry Fitzgerald over any of them?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Andrew: I’m not familiar with MVS or TreQuan. I think I had MVS in college and it was quite painful. I’d take Fitz over Godwin tho, no question

      • Andrew says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Apologies- I’m referring tin Tre’Quan Smith and Marquez Valdez-Scantling. Out of these two and Godwin, who is the most droppable? Thanks!

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Andrew: Ahhh, i’m sure I could have deciphered that…..but drugs. Oh, they’re all droppable. I’d hold Scantling. I suppose Smith is the one to drop tho as he will probably be least consistent ALTHO he is rookie and could see role increase as Brees grows more comfortable. It’s difficult. You could drop Smith for Fitz tho for sure as Rosen probably leans on him now

      • Andrew says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Apologies- I’m referring tin Tre’Quan Smith and Marquez Valdez-Scantling. Out of these two and Godwin, who is the most droppable? Thanks!

        • Yr Never Too Old For Balloons says:
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          @Andrew: MVS hold for sure here. probably differing opinions on which of t.smith/godwin to drop first.

  9. Nick says:
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    Hey Tehol, long time no see, hope all is well! I’m in 2 10-team standard leagues this year, last place in one and 2nd in the other…lets focus on the latter!

    QB: Mahomes (Big Ben on bench)
    WR: Brown, Cooks, Golladay (Robinson & D Thomas on bench)
    RB: McCaffrey & Coleman with Cohen flexing (Eckler & Ito on bench with Freeman on iR)
    TE: Doyle (Rudolph on bench)
    K&D: Butker & Carolina (replacing with a $2 bid on the Chargers)

    So I have a decent FAAB budget left with $66 and 4 leaguemates with more $ – all in 6th place or further down…my waiver options to consider this week are Duke Johnson, Josh Adams, Scantling, Dez, Humphries, T Williams & not much else…I’m leaning towards upgrading my WRs via Scantling or RB with hopes that J Adams begins to lead the way with carries over Smallwood/Clement

    Who is at the bottom of my totem pole, Rudolph or A Robinson? & Do you like any of those options ROS over them? If so, how much of my FAAB should I give up?

    Thanks bud!

    • Nick says:
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      @Nick: my gut is saying around $20 on scant

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: Nick at night! sorry for the late response, broham. Yea, sadly Allen Robinson is almost worthless with bum ass Trubisky tho he could have some solid games. I doubt D Thomas does anything major either so either way you good.

      You hit the nail on the head, mon frer, Scantling is Adams have the most upside as pickups. I do like Duke probably as much or more than Eckkler tho who I own. Yea, i’d give up 20/30 or 20 a piece if you want to get sexy. I mean, when are you going to use it later?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Nick: I did mention going 30…….

          • Nick says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: I was sleeping by the time you replied so I did not have a chance to even read your post…unfortunately the window for waivers is slim with it being set to Wednesday & talking heads usually do not post about waivers/FAAB until Tuesday afternoon….whenever I reach out to folks for advice, it is almost always too late hence why I just roll with my gut :/

            • Nick says:
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              @Nick: going back to my original question which I do not believe was answered…who is at the bottom of my totem pole, would it be Rudolph, A Rob or Eckler/Ito? Maybe rank them from least valuable to most valuable, that way when I need to make a move, I already know who to let go

              • Tehol Beddict says:
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                @Nick: I mentioned A-Rob and d Thomas as probably being droppable. I’d hold the other two. Rudolph can be dumped whenever. I’d prob dump Rudolph first as I want to see Robinson and Thomas play more

  10. Water boy says:
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    Howdy Tehol! Crazy we are at week 10, flying by! .5 ppr league I need to get on track I lost two straight to fall to 6-3

    Are you ok with dropping my worst RB which is Doug Martin to add one of: Mike Davis, Elijah McGuire, ito Smith, Hines, riddick, Josh Adams Or Alf Morris? I’m hoping to get Davis however it’s extremely doubtful I will I am 9th out of 10 teams on the waiver order.

    Next I’m dropping Dak Prescott to claim either Ryan Fitzpatrick, mariota or this new guy Mullens thoughts on those? I kind of want to get mariota

    Now lastly, a league mate in my league has both Matt Ryan & Watson – he already said I could have one- who to aim for and who’s schedule do you like better?

    Thanks & gracias

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Water boy: hell yes. F Doug martin. intrigued by Josh Adams but we really don’t know yet. Ito Smith is probably safest bet over long term but Mike Davis should get some serious action this week if Seahawks can keep it close with Carson missing tim…. I sort of doubt they keep it close honestly.

      Yea, Mariota always lets me down but go ahead. Fitz probably safest stats wisee. I d probably rather have Ryan who will be more consistent and solid playoff schedule and better o line

      • Water boy says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Thanks man! Due to the guys in front of me I didn’t get Mike Davis Or Ito Smith. I got Elijah McGuire. Did I F up? Or not bad? I prob wouldn’t even play Doug Martin anyways

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Water boy: nah, you’re good to go. Doug Martin is not startable EVER. Kudos

  11. Puff the Magic Dragon says:
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    I’m in a 12 owner league with deep benches, better stash D’onta Foreman or Spencer Ware? .5 PPR.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Puff the Magic Dragon: that’s a decision I’m happy I don’t have to make. Ware? For injury concerns alone I guess

  12. All in says:
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    Glad ur back tehol. Love reading your columns. Literally have me in stitches reading them. Ppr league in my flex should I start Gordon or bredia? Gordon has been looking great with Brady but Tenn is a solid defense. Bredia has a jv defense in the giants. Also next yr first book in a new trilogy in the first law universe. Cant wait for that book. Hopefully glotka is in it love that guy. U got 2 b realistic bout these things. Keep up the great work as always

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @All in: got to be Gordo bro! Thank you for your kind words. Breida could go off but he hasn’t topped 60 yards in like 8 weeks or something I forget the actual amount of games. But I’m going Gordon all day

  13. The tribe says:
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    Tayhol – great to see you writing again. I’ve been a fan of yours for some time now, even pitching you to grey to get more writing content. I can assure you that everyone wants you to write more, so just be your creative, girthy self and write some stuff just for the fun of it! Your writing was v enjoyable to read here and I hope this renewed focus is fruitful for you. Looking forward to your next column.

    Cheers,
    TT

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @The tribe: thanks man!! You just made my week! Preciate cha greatly

  14. Eric the Waiter with Hands for Hands says:
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    wait a minute, tehol beddict ISN’T your real name?! years ago i was somewhat sure you didn’t exist at all and were a funny Grey made up novelty act, this till i saw you for the first time in the completely epic podcast 4 way interview with MJD, that other used to be awesome ATL receiver but well after he was awesome and had about 1.5 seasons of semi-usefullness left in him (who you called julio jones a few times) and somebody else. it was a good interview, as the ATL WR was completely pissed off and NOT AT ALL USED TO IT, meanwhile you HAD to be doing that intentionally.
    say one thing for tehol, he makes great interviews pretending to misname WR’s as they are on their last legs.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Eric the Waiter with Hands for Hands: LMAOOOO. Tehol Beddict is my pen name and I’ve considered changing it legally. Yes, that interview was epic. I kept calling Roddy White, Julio Jones hahahahahahahahha. He was hella pissed. Good memory. thanks

      • Eric the Waiter with Hands for Hands says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: well till then i had no clue if you were real or what you looked like, that’s mostly why i remembered it. yep roddy white, amazing how i forgot his name that quickly. esp insulting to him i’m sure as julio jones was basically just then showing up roddy white, when roddy had been awesome for years but was about to fall off the age cliff at the time.

  15. Yr Never Too Old For Balloons says:
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    pretty sure jaywrong isn’t the editor anymore, now he barely shows up in his own weekly posts (one per week rankings, still doing well in his rankings), and i could only imagine how many times he’s set his lineups in his RCL’s (i know in the past he wasn’t great at that and that’s back when he was super active on the site).

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Yr Never Too Old For Balloons: yea he’s my personal editor. I don’t know these other people . Rcl s are free and we don’t have time for that

      • Yr Never Too Old For Balloons says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: yep, that’s about right on the RCL comment. interesting that he’s yr personal editor (why is that exactly?). in jaywrong’s case it had been for at least 4 or so years (i do NOT mean to shit on most of his legacy as he was VERY VERY active around here till this year).

        – it’s my fault on the RCL’s for ever assuming otherwise, as outside of maybe ralph/grey i can’t say for sure anybody (Sky probably counts too back in the day) is ever active in those, i should know better. i’m sure i’m missing some writers who probably were/are to this day, but they are certainly a small % group.

        – i do like that you are completely willing to tell the truth on this though (both on the not knowing these other people and admitting that nobody around here (mostly) gives a shit about their own leagues). few others would or do.
        i prefer that to cowardice.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=4UbKLZoJzP8
        at :40 but the whole thing is good.
        best part:
        “the problem thinking i’d PAY the bill”

  16. Bigger dik sex magic says:
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    you God returns. And we’re all better men for it

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