Welcome all to this little shin-dig run in conjunction with FanDuel Insider we like to call TNGFFW around here.  If you’re not familiar with what we’re trying to do and why you should be doing it, I strongly encourage you to take a look back at the start of it all when we announced Round One of The Next Great Fantasy Football Writer.  We are getting very close to announcing our winner for 2012.  Though we’d gladly accept your submission at this point in the process even if you’re new to it, please do realize there are guys with a leg up on you in this competition having competed for most of the rounds up to this point.  It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try but you are gonna have to beat out the consistency we’ve been getting from the other writers.  Not something you can’t do, per se, but you have a challenge ahead of you.  So without stretching this out like an old rubber band until it breaks, let’s get to Round four’s results…

Honorable Mentions

Jeff Loudon – I take notes as I go when I read through all the write-ups and thought you might appreciate seeing what I notes I put on yours: A poem!  A poem?  A poem!?!  I have mixed feelings about this.  As I’m sure you can understand, it was part novel approach and part hard to rank higher because of thinking about the posting process.  I give you many stars for the attempt but in the end had to think about whether or not it would be posted on Razzball and for that reason couldn’t  give you more props than honorable mention.  Considering your turn around time on it, though, mayhap we will have to make a poetry corner for you if you win because it’s clear Robert Frost has got nothing on you.  See how I used ‘mayhap’?  Your eloquence is rubbing off on me!  Of course, no honorable mention would be worth mentioning if I didn’t quote something so I give to the world your dirty limerick regarding Alex Smith:

When drafting Michael Vick or Peyton
You need a solid backup waitin’.
But why take Cutler in the 8th
When you can pick up Smith so late?

With an ADP around 166
You’re paying the price of a player who kicks.
And now that your 8th pick’s not lost
You can use it to grab Randy Moss.

I’m giving you props for rhyming 166 and kicks, there.  Way better than rhyming homer with homer.  I tried to find the Simpsons link for that but the internet failed me today.  Mea Culpa.  Overall, you’ve been sniffing around the top for most of this contest so all is not lost.  We look forward to seeing you in round five.

Lance Parrino – Last week’s winner and champion of the ‘I don’t know where this is going but I can’t stop until I find out‘ post had a solid idea this week, but was simply dethroned due to the competitive nature of the sport at hand.  Everyone now knows you truly are a funny man from your last post and you didn’t disappoint this week with this line about the new offensive coordinator in Tampa Bay:

Greg Schiano may not be an offensive guru, but new O-coordinator Mike Sullivan is. Sullivan is known to fantasy players and fans about as much as their wives’ favorite movie (uh…probably something with Mike Tatum…or Magic Channing. Whatever…the guy from 21 Jump Street who isn’t Jonah Hill).

It’s funny because it’s true.  I still can’t think of what his name is.  Again, we’re just at the point of the competition where it gets tight and you were an odd-man out this week.  But as you’ve won once, you know you’ve got it in you to be TNGFFW so we look forward to your round five post.

2nd Runner-Up:Kevin Kumpf

Here you are again, sitting with your name in bold.  This contest is all about consistency and you’ve been as good as they come with regards to that.  Your recent read was very strong and actually more in depth than some people chose to go, giving us not only 3 people a move helped but also who the move hurt.  We loved your line about Antonio Gates:

Rivers also has more toys to play with in Brown, Malcom Floyd, Robert Meachem and Eddie Royal, so there will be fewer balls for a tight end with two men on him, which sounds a bit like an oxymoron.

Oxymoron indeed.  Overall, we really liked the read but the two above you took some bigger steps in their approach that kept you out of taking this week’s crown.

1st Runner-Up: Craig Turley

Normally insulting myself and Josh by calling us American Idol judges doesn’t win many votes but you did it in such a cheeky way, we couldn’t help but love you for it.  Yes, I used the word ‘cheeky’ and yest it was in my notes.  I think my only question would be which ones are we?  Neither of us say ‘dawg’ enough to be Randy Jackson but I have been known to leer uncomfortably at contestant writings so perhaps I’m Steven Tyler.  I don’t know how many muscle relaxants Josh normally takes but it might be enough to pull off Paula Abdul.  In either case, the intro was funny…at least I was hoping you were being funny cuz if not you were very mean!  I keed, your final line made it clear you were joking and we at Razzball love ya back!  You were extremely quotable and funny but I personally liked this litte ditty about Cedric Benson:

While guaranteeing the value of having Cedric Benson on your fantasy football team in December, I will not guarantee the Mayans were incorrect regarding the end of the world come December.  I guess we’ll have to see how both situations play out.

Trust me there were plenty of ones to choose from, but you have a real flair for humor and it shows.  For that reason, we’d obviously love to see some of your work in round five.

Winner: Josh Carey

From honorable mention to winner.  Not bad for only having two submissions!  You approached it like a story of two friends who work for a moving van company as they travel across the states moving all these players to their new homes and the fantasy impact it would have.  It actually felt like a real story, something hard to do.  It was like I just picked up a novel and read the first few pages to see what it was like.  So you get an A+ for outline while giving us facts by having one not give a rip about fantasy football and the other trying to  praise it’s virtues.  It was very ingenuitive, if I’m using that word correctly.  I won’t quote it but it was filled with little humorous parts, like how you referred to Brandon Lloyd’s rap single.  I strongly encourage you to try and find a link to the vid on youtube and squeeze it into your article when you post it.  The best part?  It was narrated by Morgan Freeman.  Oh, I know you didn’t say it was but it had that Freeman feel to it when it switched to 3rd person so I did myself the favor of reading it that way.  It was quite breathtaking, I suggest you try.  Oh and that does mean that your entry did end in titty sprinkles.  It couldn’t be helped.


And with round four out of the way we move on to round five.  Your final topic for the 2012 edition of The Next Great Fantasy Football Writer – if you so choose to accept it – is this:


No, it wasn’t typed in invisible ink.  No, I didn’t use a white font against a white background.  Welcome to the final test of being a truly great fantasy football writer: your imagination.  Yes, the training wheels have come off as it is now time for you to choose your own Razzball adventure.  We need you to provide us with an idea of what you think is worth reading on a weekly basis.  It’s time to let your ideas shine.  You have until August 19th to submit and we will review not only the round five winner but the grand winner on August 24th.  Email your submissions to:

Sky ~ sky[at]razzball.com

Josh ~ joshv1991[at]snet.net

  1. LT

    LT says:

    CHANNING TATUM FOOL! the man is a legend. ‘Step Up’ anyone?

    • Sky

      Sky says:

      My movie history has obviously been deprived

  2. Yo, when can I expect Cheat sheets with tiers? My PPR auction is tonight and I need you guys! Can you just email me what you’ve got so far?

    • Sky

      Sky says:

      We got our Tiers up today sorry for the delay

      • @Sky,

        Thanks a million! Now I have all the information I need to draft all the most logical and likely stars of 2012 so I can watch them all inexplicably underperform and suffer horrifying injuries! Seriously though, perfect timing. So glad I’ll have this for the draft.

        -John with an H

  3. @Sky can you please put out the tiers sheet for your rankings like Doc used to do. My draft is right around the corner. Thanks

    • Sky

      Sky says:

      Hey my good man sorry it took so long but we got them up

        • Sky

          Sky says:

          @Chicago Mike, Hope it was just in the nick of time for ya :)

Comments are closed.