Well here we are, folks, three rounds down and two more to go. If you’re just joining us on this fun ride, I’ll give you a brief fill-in before we get onto the goods. Firstly, this is a contest we are doing in conjunction with our friends at FanDuel Insider who are helping us look for The Next Great Fantasy Football Writer. If you want a full detail as to why it would be cool to submit for this process, you need look no further than at the first post of the contest here that describes the whole ordeal. Note this isn’t an NCAA tournament: no one gets eliminated. Well actually you DO get eliminated by not submitting but that ain’t us doin ya wrong, it’s you doing it to yourself. All this to say, you can miss rounds for submission but not submitting for five rounds? Well, what can we do about that if you’re TNGFFW? Read your fantasy football minds? Sorry, the only superpower I have is x-ray vision. At least that’s what my wife tells me when I stare too long at an attractive girl in public. But I digress, I’m simply here to say all is not lost. We still have two rounds left for you to show us what you have. So with that, let’s take a look at the results for this week…psyche! I wanted to remind all you fantasy football people that Razzball Commenter League Sign-Ups are open and free to join. I post-jacked Kevin and Andrew this week to get the word out, I figured it was only fair to do it to myself. We currently have two open leagues so hop right in if you’re game to play this game with us. Alright, now on with the show!
Honorable Mentions
Like last week, I wanted to take some time to make note of some of the guys that didn’t quite make the top three but still had worthy things to say about them. It’s also proof we don’t just read the first three we get and then draw straws. I like to feel it keeps us honest.
Zoran Maleganovski – Like last week, you submitted a solid piece that was very funny and insightful. I really loved your background on having dealt with ACL issues yourself. Not only did it give a good ‘real’ perspective to how to view ACL injuries for fantasy football, you also had a way of bringing the humor out in it as well with this line:
Will Jamal have his quick early burst back in order to break those long runs he was so well known for? Will Adrian have the power and speed back that makes him so lethal on the field? Yes, I can refer to them by first name as we are ACL brothers.
I think the only thing that might’ve worked against you was deciding to post your three crocks as one posting. It made it feel like there should’ve been two more crocks. Sorry, it’s that time of the contest and we have to get picky. Hopefully not nit-picky though. I hate being a nit in any fashion. Overall, you placed last week and were honorably mentioned this week so we hope to see a round four out of you.
Josh Carey – It’s not you, it’s the competition. It’s stiff. Stiffer than a…yeah, I’m just not going to work any further with this analogy. Flat out loved this line with regards to Eli Manning:
Manning was the sixth-ranked passer last year, but he won’t do that again, so please stop drafting him as the eighth QB off the board. Please. It’s crazier than Adam Levine pushing Tony Lucca to the finals of The Voice this spring. Am I right? Hello?
Now THAT is how you do an awkward segue. Again, strong performance vs strong competition and someone has to win. That said, we hope to see more from you in round four.
2nd Runner-Up: Kevin Kumpf
As your dad always says, you can’t win every time but you CAN Tonya Harding the winners…hrm, maybe that’s just my dad who says that. Nevertheless, you yet again had a solid piece but this week just had two more guys that did it a little better. I’m sure you understand and don’t worry: You Will Always Be My Kumpf. That bad joke only works if that ‘U’ makes a long ‘oo’ sound, of course. Mea culpa if I’m wrong. And all apologies to all people who have ears.
1st Runner-Up: Jeff Loudon
No thumb wrestling this time (and yes I saw that comment and yes I did laugh) just honestly honest we had a winner we both agreed on. I’m sure you feel like a bit of a bridesmaid but this is two straight weeks of being #2 so you know you’re not out of it. If you’re looking for things you could improve, we ain’t got it for you because you’ve been near the top for a reason. You deftly wove everything together with a sailing reference that made everything gel like you were Dr. Scholl’s. The fact you did it without a Lonely Island reference is both admirable and amazing given the day and age. Like I said, ain’t got any negatives. If you’re looking for some, I suggest the periodic table as a resource.
Winner: Michael Parrino
Well, clearly you listened about the humor part in our review of you last week. Hands down, you took the most bizarre and completely out there approach out of all the contestants. You decided to do the round three topic as a news anchor team and it was awesome for the plain and simple fact that I couldn’t stop reading it. I had to know what you were going to do next. You made me feel like a 12 year old girl who just couldn’t leave the story of Bella Swan alone, for which I’m both thankful and angry at you for for obvious reasons. Of course, if you win the whole thing we – sadly – can’t let you run as amok as you did in this write up but this time around, it definitely worked. Since you’ll get the opportunity to post your work, I won’t spoil the details with any snippets. Your write-up is one of those ‘you have to read it to believe it’ pieces.
So without further ado we bid adieu to round three and move on to round four topic de jour:
Three Off-Season Moves That Will Move Your Fantasy Teams
Sadly, I left my rhyming dictionary at home today and gave you ‘moves’ and ‘move’ but at least I got the number three in there. I know, I’m just as disappointed as you are. Just to clarify the title: if you think an offensive lineman/defensive player trade or off-season signing is going to have fantasy impact, you are justified in taking that approach and we’ll hear you out. Also, re-signings count though you will probably need to do a lot of justifying in some circumstances. Head coaches are fair game as well. You simply have to support your argument like my jockstrap supports my hanging azaleas. Ok, now that that’s covered, did that make things easier? Good, now get to writing! We will review entries up through Sunday, August 5th and declare a winner of round four and post the round 5 topic on Friday, August 10th. Email your entries to both Josh and I at:
Sky ~ sky[at]razzball.com
Josh ~ joshv1991[at]snet.net
