And so it begins. What once was a quaint and quiet summer turns it’s sun-squinting eyes towards fall and all the joy it entails. Look beyond your fun in the sun and trudge with me into the cold, crisp quiet of the Autumnal turn towards the gridiron as we inspect the players you’re going to put at the top of your draft queue. Fear not, rugged nobleman, for this journey – though long – will have a guide. A guide who is here to keep you on the path towards glory and – if the Lord wills it – victory and all the fruits that go with it. Your goblets forever filled with mead and your women (or men) scantily clad while they feed you grapes and shizz…sorry, ran out of steam on this epic yarn inspired by really liking LOTR-type movies and things. You ever notice how actors do movies like that with weird British accents even when the characters aren’t actually British? Is Brit supposed to be the tone you go for when you’re trying to sound serious? Why not Australian? I believed Rocko when he told ME garbage day was a very dangerous day…wait, where was I? Oh yeah, let’s kick this off right with a look at the top 10 players for the 2013 fantasy football season…
Projections: Running back stats are based on rushing yards/rushing TDs/receptions/receiving yards/receiving TDs. Quarterbacks based on passing yards/passing TDs/INTs/Rushing Yards/Rushing TDs. Wide Receivers and Tight Ends are based on receptions/receiving yards/receiving TDs/rushing yards/rushing TDs. Finally, Kickers are based on…come on seriously, why would that happen? Rankings are based on PPR formats.
1. Doug Martin – Hrm, yeah, well and ok there, Sky. Over AP? Really? As my good friend the owl would say, YA RLY! Old memes die hard, my friends. Dougie fresh finished the year as the second best running back behind Adrian despite starting the year off fairly cold in terms of fantasy production. I like him just a tick above Peterson because of his receptions but as you and I know full darn well, we here at Razzball tier it up and the Muscle Hamster is just the start of one that I like to call the ‘Neo’ tier which stretches to Charles. I call it the Neo tier because one of these guys is ‘the one’ RB that will lead all other RBs in scoring this year. Clearly I like Martin more but the quibble on this be minor, y’all. They’re all good. 2013 Projections: 1495/10/45/428/2
2. Adrian Peterson – AP says he’s gonna rush for 2,500 yards in 2013. I once told my Mom I was gonna run for President of the Hair Club for Men. The key thing to learn from all of this? We all say silly things from time to time but it doesn’t mean we can’t still be successful *Polishes co-chair of the Lady Gaga fanclub plaque* 2013 Projections: 1480/14/35/227/2
3. Jamaal Charles – Andy Reid has produced a top 3 back in the past and here’s me saying he’ll do it again. JC was criminally underused as a receiving back last year. Then again, when Matt Cassel’s throwing to you, the passing game in general is just a crime. Alex Smith won’t light the world on fire but he’s steady, Raconteurs. 2013 Projections: 1595/7/55/440/3
4. Calvin Johnson – Calvin is so special, he gets his own tier. I call it the ‘Megatron’ tier because, like, his nickname is Megatron and shizz…I mean it’s one guy, you tell me what to call a tier like that? Anywho, he had a fluky low touchdown year in 2012 but also set a career high in receptions to counterbalance that loss. I think he keeps his reception gains and catches more touchdowns. In other words, CJ is a beast but you already knew that. 2013 Projections: 110/1760/10/20/0
5. Marshawn Lynch – Lynch is the start of the next tier that drops down to Trent. I call this tier the ‘Where The F Is Foster?’ tier because you were already mad I didn’t have Arian ranked in the top 3. Don’t worry, we’re getting there. Marshawn was a model of consistency last year and should stay in a similar vein this year so long as he stays healthy. It’s also probably the last time I have Marshawn ranked this high. Wanna know why? Well read about Marshawn Lynch here when I talked about him in the off-season. 2013 Projections: 1440/12/18/144/1
6. Trent Richardson – In all truthiness, I was tempted to put Trent as a top 3 back. Then I remembered he played for Cleveland and came to my senses. Still, I think his season ending stats are a little misleading. He played through a cracked rib for about half of the season and still finished as the 9th best back. I think there’s room for improvement on an already successful rookie season here and wouldn’t be surprised if he affirms my original top 3 RB love. 2013 Projections: 1312/12/45/315/2
7. Arian Foster – Yeah, I hear yah. He’s been very steady over the last few years. But here’s the stat I’m looking at: 4.9, 4.4, and 4.1. No, those aren’t my scores for my tumble routine at the Olympics…cursed Russian judges! But I digress, those are his yards per carry since 2010. The fact he handled such a heavy workload last year has me a little worried as well as I went over this off-season when I talked about how I’m avoiding Arian Foster in 2013 drafts. And with that, now you understand why the name of this tier is ‘oval of distrust’ and stretches to Rice. 2013 Projections: 1170/9/45/270/4
8. Ray Rice – Let me preface this with the fact of this having nothing to do with Ray Rice. I love Ray-Ray just as much as anybody else. Well, except maybe John Harbaugh. He loves Bernard Pierce. He’s also been known to love Vonta Leach from time to time. He’s like Brick. ‘John, do you really love Vonta Leach or are you just saying that because you just saw him on the sidelines?’ I love Leach! Sure you do, John, sure you do. 2013 Projections: 1237/8/65/565/1
9. C.J. Spiller – I’ve seen some really wild valuations on this guy over the pre-season. A lot of people are putting him as a top 3 back but I’ve seen him get ranked much lower than this as well. For me, I like him but think he’s getting a bit over-hyped if he goes higher than Trent. Spiller is the start of a new tier that stops at S-Jax. I call this tier the ‘Gimme, gimme, gimme!’ tier because I like these two backs if they are priced appropriately. Spiller lost Fitzpatrick over the off-season which many say isn’t much of a loss but consistency is the key at QB. I could see moving Spiller up if reports out of Buffalo begin to tell us who the QB is sooner rather than later but until then, my cup won’t Spillereth over too much for CJ. 2013 Projections: 1210/5/50/500/4
10. Steven Jackson – You remember the first Boilermaker you had? It was like ‘I love Guiness and I love doing Whiskey shots, I wonder what they taste like together’ and you found out the answer was ‘delicious’? Yeah, that’s Steven on the Falcons for me. I already wrote about this move this off-season with my Steven Jackson Fantasy. I wrote it while punching a man who offered me free Ke$ha concert tickets. 2013 Projections: 1144/12/40/328/2
