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Friends, it’s OK to cry. A lot of us are broken after this week, and — let’s be fair — our fantasy football therapists are going to get a lot of work. Here’s a quick primer of things to say: “I should have started Colt McCoy,” or, “LeVeon Bell daggered my team,” or, “The Jags out-field-goaled the Bills.” I mean, these are the weeks that enrich those contrarian players and line their pockets with enough gold for a season. Let’s check in on the scores and stats that wrecked us in week 9 of fantasy football: 

Colt McCoyI mean, let’s start with the symbol of week 9’s insurrection: the star of the Arizona Cardinals, 35-year old career backup Colt McCoy. Kyler Murray missed practice all week with a sore ankle, and with the Cardinals lined up to face the 49ers without Murray or star receiver DeAndre Hopkins, the 49ers…completely crapped the bed and got blown out. McCoy completed 85% of his passes for nearly 250 yards and a TD. With a capable backup, James Connor managed to rifle off 21 rushes for nearly 100 yards and 2 TDs. Snag Connor like he’s a graphics card on sale if he’s available in your league, and if Kyler misses more time next week (remembering that he does need those rush yards to be an elite fantasy football QB), feel free to roll with McCoy next week against Carolina. 

George KittleHe’s baaaaaaaack. It’s going to be a great three weeks with Kittle back before he gets injured again. Aww shucks, I should be nicer to my boy George. As John Madden would say, Kittle matriculated down the field with 6 catches for 101 yards and a TD. With Elijah Mitchell somewhat injured, the 49ers chased the Cardinals with the passing game, as Brandon Aiyuk finally showed up for 6 catches and a tuddie, and Deebo Samuel added another 5 catches for 63 yards. Too bad the team didn’t show up earlier for my RazzBowl hopes (somebody check to see if I made the cutline…). 

Marquise BrownHollywood gathered 9 catches on 12 targets for 116 yards against the Vikings, helping his team pull out a win despite an off-day for Lamar Jackson. The Ravens managed a win against the Vikings despite an off-day. Seriously, I ran out of words there because I got upset. Vikings, please restart the franchise. Ravens, you do you. 

Aaron RodgersAnyway, here’s Wonderwall! After a slimeshow of a week for the Packers’ PR, Rodgers missed this week so he could practice his guitar in quarantine with Covid. The NFL is looking into Rodgers’ immunity vs vaccinated status and there could be personal and team-related consequences, but at the time of writing, it seems like A-Rodg should be back soon. That’s good news for fantasy managers because Jordan Love made his NFL debut as the signal caller for the Pack…and it wasn’t pretty. Love went 19-34 for 190 yards, a TD, and a pick. Love isn’t really a consideration for standard fantasy teams, and Rodgers has an average air yards of 15 feet…can you throw the ball 15 feet? Maybe there’s not a lot of upside in this QB room. Keep your distance. But not like Jordan Love’s family: 

https://twitter.com/RealNBAExpert/status/1457467110083473409?s=20

Javonte Williams / Melvin GordonI joked in Razzball group chat that the Packers would run 60 times with Aaron Jones and A.J. Dillon, and I was totally wrong about that. However, the Broncos went right towards that joke and combined for 40 rushes between their 1A/1B backs, with Williams gobbling up 111 yards on 19 carries and Melvin Gordon hauling the ball 21 times for 80 yards and a TD. Many pundits expected the Broncos to hand off the offense to Javonte Williams by mid-season, and here we are…with Melvin Gordon rushing 20 times a game. Whatever. A 1A/1B approach can work for your fantasy team, although you’re gonna cry every time the “other guy” gets the TD. 

Malik TurnerGarbage time! Turner snagged 5 catches and 2 TDs for the Cowboys as the team looked to other players to get the offense moving. Turner had 1 target on the year before today and last saw significant action in 2019, so don’t stay up too late on the waiver wire looking for your DeAndre Hopkins replacement. Here’s NFL Mexico’s coverage of Malik Turner, which demonstrates Razzball’s commitment to diversity and not searching too hard for media content:

Patrick MahomesY’all ever watch the TV show Lost? Did you get lost while watching it? I won’t ruin the ending, but Mahomes seems to be lost in that liminal space that great players sometimes occupy. Side note: You might know that I’m the pitcher ranker over on the baseball side of Razzball, and I try to remind readers that even the A#1 all-star pitchers will still go through long periods of near-uselessness. Yankees’ superstar starting pitcher Gerrit Cole is known for spending up to 25% of the season as a nearly-useless fantasy player. The problem is, Cole is so good the other 75% of the time that he still finishes as one of the top players at his position. This rule doesn’t apply just to baseball; it applies to all sports. When we analysts talk about this Bermuda Triangle of stats, we often say “regression.” So Malik Turner scored 2 TDs? That’s fine because he probably won’t score the rest of the year; he’ll regress to his normal usage of “benchwarmer.” Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, Patrick Mahomes. Yeah, great players go through tough periods .he problem is, you can’t predict when they’ll regress back to their normal / expected performance. So with Mahomes struggling, you — yes you! — still need to keep him playing if you’re worth your fantasy salt. Unless you’re gifted with another awesome fantasy QB as your backup, you’re riding the Mahomes train until he emerges from the funk, which is hopefully before your fantasy playoffs. 

Derrick Gore: I dunno who added him or why, but why would you do that? 3 carries for 13 yards and you shouldn’t be surprised. 

Baker MayfieldUh, is it possible that he hated his team so much that he sabotaged his career on purpose? Odell Beckham Jr. was kicked off the Cleveland Browns this week, and Baker Mayfield — the guy who was throwing less than a touchdown per game and taking the easiest target at every opportunity and has a bad shoulder injury  — suddenly decided he likes the deep ball. Maybe not. Mayfield was still throwing short for most of the day, but we’re suddenly intrigued as fantasy analysts to see a largely unrostered QB who plays on a good team (did I just call the Browns a good team?) with a solid support cast demonstrate that he’s capable of throwing deep. I’m so excited that I’m writing run-on sentences. Whatever. I’m getting vaguely excited about Baker finally and that probably means the apocalypse is coming. 

Devontae BookerEvery week it’s a new superstar for the Giants. How long ago were we all championing Kadarius Toney? Toney got 1 target and 1 carry for -2 yards on Sunday. Meanwhile, Devontae Booker got 21 carries for 99 yards in the continuing saga of “who gets the ball for the Giants?” Meanwhile, Daniel Jones completed 15 passes for 110 yards and he’s been a complete fantasy disaster since suffering a concussion against the Cowboys in early October. Mental health matters, yo, and I’m not talking about depression (which matters). Jones couldn’t even walk off the field when he suffered his concussion, yet he was starting next week. Since then, he’s got more picks than TDs and his yards/attempt has dropped by a yard per attempt. Yeesh. ENYWHEY. This is a Devontae Booker support thread, but that yardage comes because Daniel Jones isn’t performing. Maybe Roman needs to sponsor the Giants. Grab Booker if he’s available in your leagues, which might happen more often because Saquon Barkley is nearing return. 

How’d your week go? Drop a line and let us know how you’re doing with your fantasy teams. Have an awesome week!