I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:
Houston Texans (+9) at Kansas City Chiefs
Forecast: Clyde Edwards-Helaire will lose a fumble on the first drive, prompting Andy Reid to bench him for the remainder of the game in favor of sure handed fullback Anthony Sherman. Later in the first quarter Will Fuller catches three touchdowns before tearing both hamstrings while celebrating a Bryan Anger punt on the sideline. David Johnson will keep the Texans in this contest by finding the end zone four times, but it won’t be enough to hold off Patrick Mahomes who marches the defending Super Bowl Champion Chiefs down the field on a last-minute-game-winning drive, climaxing with a blindfolded touchdown pass to Mecole Hardman. Chiefs 49, Texans 45
Wager: Texans +9 (1 Unit)
Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 1:
