I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Houston Texans (+9) at Kansas City Chiefs

Forecast: Clyde Edwards-Helaire will lose a fumble on the first drive, prompting Andy Reid to bench him for the remainder of the game in favor of sure handed fullback Anthony Sherman. Later in the first quarter Will Fuller catches three touchdowns before tearing both hamstrings while celebrating a Bryan Anger punt on the sideline. David Johnson will keep the Texans in this contest by finding the end zone four times, but it won’t be enough to hold off Patrick Mahomes who marches the defending Super Bowl Champion Chiefs down the field on a last-minute-game-winning drive, climaxing with a blindfolded touchdown pass to Mecole Hardman. Chiefs 49, Texans 45

Wager: Texans +9 (1 Unit)

 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 1:

 

  1. JC says:
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    In our ESPN standard scoring 12 teamer, I faced the decision of Julio or Mahomes with pick #19. I reluctantly went receiver there. Later I grabbed Dak.

    So in essence I selected Dak and Julio over Mahomes and Chark or Woods who went in the same round as Dak.

    What are your thoughts? I think Pat/Robert may have been better there.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Can’t argue with locking up Julio. I’m one of the lower people on Dak so I’d lean toward the Mahomes/Woods tandem, but it’s close.

  2. JC says:
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    Would also like your critique of the team including soft spots to shore up…,

    Dak, Stafford
    Cook, Taylor, Montgomery, Cohen, Mattison
    Julio, Golladay, AJ Green, Slayton
    Higbee, Gesicki
    Pats
    Elliott

    Thanks!

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Looks good! That’s a really small roster size, are you sure you need the 2nd QB and TE? Might swap them both out for the best available RB and WR in the FA pool…

      • JC says:
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        Great point…trying to do a 2-1 trade right off the bat. But failing that, I could drop Stanford and Gesicki for which two?

        Darrell Williams
        Hines
        Cobb
        P Campbell
        A Miller
        Fitz
        Lazard

        Thank u

        • Donkey Teeth

          Donkey Teeth says:
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          Dang a little late but I woulda gone with Williams and Lazard…Hines instead of Williams assuming he’s locked. Miller is one to keep an eye on too.

          No problem

  3. William Hung says:
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    Damn, is Gostkowski not a good kicker anymore?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Eh, he’s a kicker. Outside of the loaded teams you’re just throwing darts.

    • For An Armenianless Vacation Come to Akron says:
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      hip surgery + age, that is one likely reason. and no, not good.

  4. OldMilwaukeePounders says:
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    Hey DT!

    Would you look to add Scotty Miller or Justin Watson in the event that Evans does not suit up? I’ve got no other WR option that plays at the same time as TB, so I think I’ve gotta go with one of those two. It’s a PPR format.

    Thanks!

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Hey Pounder!

      Yeah, Scotty Miller is the one I’d grab. Assuming this is a pretty deep league with sparse options?

      • OldMilwaukeePounders says:
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        My thought process is to pick someone else up with the same kick off time just in case. My options are:

        Scotty
        Watson
        Corey Davis
        Adam Humphries
        James Washington
        K. Bourne
        T. Taylor

        Not exactly inspiring

        • Donkey Teeth

          Donkey Teeth says:
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          Ha yeah not super exciting. Scotty does make sense. Think I’d go with Corey Davis myself but it’s a dart throw either way…

          • OldMilwaukeePounders says:
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            Ha. Yeah. I think my only cut is Hardman or John Brown too. Stinks!

            • Donkey Teeth

              Donkey Teeth says:
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              Might honestly just roll the dice with Hardman tonight and bench Evans. Not super excited to start Evans even if he plays…

              • OldMilwaukeePounders says:
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                That was also in consideration. Maybe I’ll go that route. Thanks man!

                • OldMilwaukeePounders says:
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                  Oh, I also have Bryan Edwards there too. Forgot about him as an option!

                  • Donkey Teeth

                    Donkey Teeth says:
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                    Yeah a little risky with the rookie in week one, I’d lean Hardman tonight myself

  5. Kevin says:
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    Give me your thoughts on ranking LeVeon this week. I own him but have him on the bench as of now. Thanks

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      So with the fantasy pros module we rank for 1/2ppr and then their algorithm auto adjusts the rankings for standard and full PPR. It seems like their algorithm moved him up too much in PPR (I have his 13th in half PPR).

      That said, I think all the drama with Gase and Bell was way overblown by the NY media and come Sunday he’ll be getting bell cow carries still. I’ve been saying for months that the Jets offense should be better. Who are you starting over him currently?

  6. Kevin says:
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    Give me your thoughts on ranking Bell 7th this week.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      See above

  7. Jerseyjon says:
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    Hey DT can you tell me why Zane Gonzalez has been dropped by 13,000 teams in yahoo? I know they’re playing the 49ers and I don’t see where he’s hurt or been cut?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      No idea! I don’t see any news either…

      • Jerseyjon says:
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        I’m guessing it’s everyone that drafted or auto-drafted 2 kickers realized they don’t need 2?

        • Donkey Teeth

          Donkey Teeth says:
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          Ha yeah for just streaming someone they think has a better matchup maybe

    • The Harrow says:
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      it’s people ghosting their drafts and being auto’d 2 kickers. be happy all those upside guys were available if money league from that stuff. everytime you see somebody draft a kicker in the non-last round or a DEF in the earlier than 2nd to last round it fells like opening christmas presents.

      • The Harrow says:
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        …. christmas presents that shouldn’t even be yours.

  8. OldMilwaukeePounders says:
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    DT

    Got another one to get your advice on.

    With the news in JAC that it’s down to just Robinson & Thompson, would you drop a guy like Benny Snell or Joshua Kelley for shares of Robinson?

    They are my only 2 bench RBs in a deep league and aren’t assured much of a known role barring injury.

    Thanks!

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I’d swap Snell out for Robinson.

      No problem!

  9. Russowl says:
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    I’m not liking news that Colts drafted Taylor to spell Mack . I drafted Taylor everywhere

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Me either! But I’m also not buying it. There might be more Mack than we wanna see for the first few weeks but I expect by midseason it’s the Taylor show. Be patient with him…

  10. ryanoger says:
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    .5 ppr league

    Which two you starting out of this bunch?

    Amari, Phillip Lindsay, E Sanders, Ronald Jones, and Mecole Hardman?

    thanks man

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Amari and Lindsay for me

      no problem

  11. Russowl says:
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    10 teen standard league 10 point bonus at 100 rushing or receiving yards

    Last bench spot AJ Dillon or Jalen Reagor?

    • Russowl says:
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      Breshad Perriman also available

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      With 10 teams I’d stash Reagor for the upside. But be ready to kick him to the side for the flavor of the week….

  12. Russowl says:
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    Same format who to start at flex?

    K.Johnson versus Chicago
    Devante parker at New England
    Gibson versus Philadelphia
    Emmanuel Sanders V tb

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Kerryon for me. I expect he has a pretty steady workload in week one with Swift missing so much of camp and AP just getting town.

  13. Russowl says:
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    Thanks

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      No problem

      • Russowl says:
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        With Miles Sanders being ruled out do you like Boston Scott over Kerryon Johnson this week now? Standard 10 pt bonus @100 rushing or receiving

        Qb -dak
        Wr-Julio
        Wr-obj
        Rb-chubb
        Rb-J Taylor
        Te- Hooper
        W/r -scary terry
        W/r/t -Kerryon
        Bn. D . Parker
        Scott
        Mattison
        E. Sanders
        Kirk
        Swift
        Gibson
        Dropped Dillon for Reagor
        Ir-Armstead
        D -colts
        K-gold

  14. William Trill Cauley-Stein says:
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    Donkey Teeth! I hope you are doing well. Could you please help me out this week? I am in a ten team .5 PPR league. We do have big play bonuses in my league. Can you help me figure out who to start for week 1? My biggest questions are at Defense, RB2 and flex. I really do appreciate it.

    QB- D. Prescott OR D. Lock

    RB- M. Sanders OR Moss OR Montgomery

    RB2- J. Taylor OR L. Fournette OR P. Lindsay?

    WR1- M. Thomas

    WR2- M. Evans

    Flex- Fournette OR Marquise Brown OR J. Taylor OR Jonnu Smith OR Moss OR P. Lindsay?

    TE- Fant OR J. Jonnu?

    K- Zuerlein

    D- Vikings OR Colts OR Eagles?

  15. Rez says:
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    Thanks for rankings and the help. Always appreciated.
    In .5 ppr, I’m torn between jeudy and picking up And plugging in Boston scott in my flex (or maybe marlon MAck?). The rest of my bench doesn’t hold any trust this early in the season. Mack, Akers, Dobbins, latavious, Landry (can’t trust right now), aiyuk, kirk.

    Then I have another cluster of the same level for a flex in a standard league because of the golladay injury. Pick one: jeudy, Gallup, mclaurin (little worried about the slay matchup here), or total dart throw p. Williams, Reagor, aiyuk.

    In both scenarios I can make the case for any of them really.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Sorry I missed this Rez.

      I woulda suggested Scott and been wrong fwiw.

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