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Really Eli?  I finally believe in you and all your familial splendor.  I thought that maybe Peyton was playing vicariously through you, and then when I put you, Manningham, and Cruz on nearly all of my lineups you go and do this?  And I swear, if you go out against the 49ers and post eye-popping numbers I’ll do something.  It probably won’t affect you, but I’ll do something, I swear it.  And while we’re on that topic, Matt Forte, are you serious?  I go all-in on you and you reward me with 2 fumbles and a Marion Barber vulture.  The taste in my mouth is indeed sour.

I should have lost my ass this weekend, but instead I only lost like half a cheek (for those of you who have seen a picture of me, I apologize for the visual, and for the fact that you’ve seen a picture of me.)  Thank the fantasy football gods for Julio Jones, who luckily also happened to be on a majority of my squads.  Moving on to what you actually came here for…..

How Awesome I Was(n’t) (It’s Up To You)

Carson Palmer 22.58:  As though inspired by Mr. ImmabetterfantasyquarterbackthanIaminreallife who was across the field from him, Palmer provided those willing to take a risk on him with quite the boon.  The statline and three interceptions translated into a loss, which I’m sure has the brass in Oakland a little nervous though.

Michael Bush: 19.9:  We knew he could play so why were you surprised?  In fact, the only surprising thing about his performance was that the touchdown came in the air.  As long as DMC is in a ditch, Bush can and will continue to post these sorts of numbers.

Julio Jones 29.9:  The poor Indy secondary had absolutely no answer for Jones physical presence on Sunday.

Michael Crabtree 7.6:  After watching him play, I’m beginning to feel like this stat line is going to be typical until the 49ers get themselves a new signal caller.  There’s a ton of upside here, but it’s becoming apparent that it won’t be showcased this season.

Marques Colston 7.7:  Overall a disappointing effort from a guy that I thought could really take it to an overwhelmed Tampa Bay defense.

Mike Tolbert 22.2:  Same idea as Michael Bush here.  Tolbert has the talent to be a feature back when called upon and he performed admirably with Mathews sidelined.

Jackie Battle 5.4:  This may be the most unimpressive feature back I’ve seen in a long time, but with a steady stream of carries coming his way you’ll have to take the good with the bad and temper your expectations.

Jon Baldwin 1.7:  I’m hoping this wasn’t Baldwin hitting the rookie wall after one game.  Although whenever Bowe and Breaston are firing on all cylinders, it will be hard for the rookie to command much attention.  I still think he wows us with a few more good games.

Mario Manningham 10.8:  If it wasn’t for the touchdown that saved the day, this might have been the biggest bust of the week.  With Nicks and Bradshaw out, and the Patriots delectable secondary as the main course, much was expected from the surging G-Men.  Although they ended up winning the game, it wasn’t in the high scoring fashion we all expected it would be.

Victor Cruz 12.1:  Continuing his case for being the de facto number two in New York’s wideout corps, Cruz posted an extremely impressive stat line.  It could have been even better had he been able to make the grab in the endzone that resulted in a pass interference call.

Eric Decker 12.2:  Decker continues to be the only trustworthy target on the Broncos.  Tebow seems comfortable looking to him when he’s in trouble, and Decker’s proven that he can thrive in any environment.

LeGarrette Blount 9:  A fairly average day against a rush defense that I expected to bend a lot more than it did.  It hurts a lot that Lumpkin continues to steal all the third down work from Blount too.

Vernon Davis 4.1:  I give up.

Brandon Lloyd 10.5:  A below average day from Lloyd, and what does it say about him that only below average QB’s seem to like what he brings to the team?

Steven Jackson 14.7:  Another guy that posted a huge day, but failed to reach the endzone.  I think it’s safe to say that Jackson is experiencing a renaissance.

Greg Salas 9.4:  His day ended with him on the injured reserve, but if you chose to roll with him in your lineup he provided great production for the price.

Darren Sproles 18.4:  Another day at the office for this guy.  I wonder how long it will take FanDuel to list him at just under elite RB pricing, which is exactly where he belongs this year.

Demaryius Thomas 3.4:  I’m done with Thomas until he shows me something, anything.

Knowshon Moreno 1.8:  What’s that you say?  Willis McGahee exists?  Oh, my bad.

Ryan Succop 4:  Boo.

Dan Bailey 12:  Yay.

Steelers 4:  In my mind it went something like this.  Flacco has been mistake prone in the past.  The Steelers will be fired up and wanting to avenge their earlier loss.  This + That = turnovers and sacks.  I’m bad at math.

Value Town


Matt Moore $6400:  I never thought I would be listing Moore here, but after putting together a decent stretch, he’s not the worst option for you to plug in if your other picks leave you strapped at QB.  The Redskins are in a complete Tom Petty right now and there’s no telling what the morale might be this Sunday against a Miami team that has fought hard to the end all year.

Christian Ponder $6800:  The Vikings will be throwing, and throwing a lot this weekend as they struggle to keep pace with the Packers.  Add on top of that the fact that the Packers have been unable to stop anyone through the air and you have one of this week’s more intriguing picks.

Running Backs:

Roy Helu $5600:  He’s dirt cheap, a great PPR option, and the man now in Washington’s backfield.  While I don’t expect him to post the eye popping receiving numbers this week, I think he gets into the end zone which should keep his score in the same ballpark as last week’s.

 Jackie Battle $5600:  Although unspectacular at times, Battle gets a putrid Denver defense in a game where quite a few points figure to be scored.  I can understand if you don’t trust him, but he certainly carries the potential to score 10+ on any given week.

Kendall Hunter $4900:  Hunter is closely tied Frank Gore’s status, so if you want to use him keep a watchful eye on the beat coming out of San Francisco.  If Gore ends up taking a seat this weekend, Kendall instantly becomes a high reward plug and play.  We’ve seen him do damage in limited action, and with an entire game under his belt and an offense built to utilize the run, he could be in for 20+ points.

Reggie Bush $6400:   It seems as though the coaching staff is finally understanding how to best use Bush, and it’s not as a between the tackles feature back.  Finding creative ways to get him the ball have always been the route to take, and he’s a large part of why the Dolphins are one of the tougher “bad” teams this season.  His safety net value for Matt Moore is priceless, and this weekend’s matchup against the helpless ‘Skins should provide plenty of opportunities to cash in.

Chris Johnson $7600:  Carolina’s run defense is pathetic, and CJ2K is a former elite running back whose price is now $2K below the top players at that position.  If he can’t right the ship, I don’t believe it’s going to happen this season.  The price and potential are simply too much to pass up here.

DeMarco Murray $7000:  Except for one inexplicable half where the Cowboys refused to give their budding superstar the ball, the past three games for Dallas have been the DeMarco Murray show.  The Bills run defense is nothing to write home (or anywhere else) about and I see a tough, grind it out, time of possession contest being Dallas’s gameplan for slowing down the high flying offense of Buffalo.

Willis McGahee $6700:  Proving that you can go home again, McGahee now has four 100 yard rushing performances in six starts.  He gets a soft Kanasa City defense that was torched by Reggie Bush last weekend to the tune of 7.1 yards per carry.

Wide Receivers:

Steve Breaston $5800:  The Chiefs offense is always fickle, but Denver’s unit has proven that anyone can look good as long as they have a semi-decent QB.  That’s a bill Matt Cassel fits quite nicely.  I’m expecting something like 5-78-1 from Breaston.

Julio Jones $6700:  He’s been limited in practice for the last two days, but barring any major hindrance should see the field at nearly 100% on Sunday.  He’s still a complete bargain at this price, and in a heated divisional game against the Saints I expect at least one big play.

Joshua Cribbs $5200:  As long as MoMass continues to sit, Cribbs’ stock will rise.  He’s posted two straight games with double digit points, and things only get easier with the Rams on the block this week.  I could easily see another 12-15 point day.

Laurent Robinson $5300:  This one smells like a pure home run to me.  For those of you who don’t know what that smells like, think Marcy Playground (Sex and Candy.)  $5300 for a proven WR2 (because of Austin’s hammy injury) in a high powered offense is a steal.  Get this guy on a bunch of your squads this weekend.

Torrey Smith $5600:  I expect the Ravens to use the matchup against the flaccid Seahawks to work on the emerging chemistry between Smith and Flacco.  I’ve got a taco bell at 2am indigestion sort of feeling that he finds the endzone.

Jon Baldwin $4500:  I know he disappointed a lot of us last week, and I know that there are two better options ahead of him on a passing attack that’s already suspect at best.  Still, Baldwin has the world (and unlike a Bond movie, that’s plenty) in terms of upside and he does get the Broncos.

 Plaxico Burress $5900:  The Jets hate the Patriots, and the Patriots have no answer to big redzone targets like Burress.  To put it plainly, I expect him to find the endzone at least once, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up with multiples.

Tight Ends:

Brent Celek $5200:  Things are getting desperate in Philly.  DJax is doing his best David Blaine impression, disappearing for long stretches at a time, and Jeremy Maclin has developed a sudden phobia of catching the ball.  This leaves a lot of room open in the passing game and it’s shown with Celek receiving a high number of targets the past two contests.

Visante Shiancoe $4900:  Same here as with Christian Ponder.  This should be a high scoring affair, and we’ve been waiting for Shiancoe to breakout all season.  I say this is the game he finally posts a line like 5-70-1.


Rob Bironas/Matt Prater $5000:  They kick the ball.


Jacksonville Jaguars/Cleveland Browns $5000:  Two enticing matchups against two poor, turnover prone offenses.  Me like.


Until next week my friends, Seacrest out.


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