Week 14 Fantasy Football Primer

Ah, week 14 — we are fully into the second trimester of making that fantasy football championship baby. Or something like that. Fantasy football is often called the imaginary sports management game where luck plays the biggest role — there are so few games and the season is over so quickly that even the best laid plans crash to the ground and never recover. Kind of like my idea for a Kentucky Fried Chicken cryptocurrency. ENYWHEY. If we were creating a life form, like some sort of quasi-intelligent football being named “Brad” that pumped nacho cheese through his veins and was born with a Chargers logo on his head, we’d be six weeks from calling Brad a viable embryo. Yet here we are, prepping for the fantasy football playoffs already. Sorry Brad — this whole season is gonna be wrapped up before you can show us that your nacho cheese-powered body is in the best shape of your nascent life and ready to play running back for the Seahawks. 

Let’s see if we can do anything to help your fantasy teams this week! 

Quarterback

Taysom Hill: Much like the ammonia-drenched beef patties that the FDA permits to be called “hamburgers” you get at your favorite fast-food restaurant, Taysom Hill stars in the omnipresent debate of “good” or “good for you.” Is Taysom Hill an objectively good quarterback? Nah — he threw 4 picks last week and broke his finger. Is he good for you? That depends on how much you trust him to run against the New York Jets. Last week, Hill put up nearly 400 yards of combined offense while trying to justify his incentive-laden and position-dependent contract extension. Yet, there’s almost no tool that anybody can point to on the 31-year old short king that screams, “must start fantasy football QB.” But that 70% availability and upside for massive rushing yards (and touchdowns!) screams “FAAB me hard!” 

Running Backs

A.J. Dillon: Dillon’s senior partner Aaron Jones was one of my top running back recommendations coming into the year, and then came Jones’ MCL sprain. It’s like you spend your life writing the script for and then bankrolling Razzball in Space and then you release it the same week as Matrix Resurrections and nobody recognizes your genius. A.J. Dillon has been getting elite usage the past few weeks and has finished as a top 12 RB for 3 weeks straight. He’s still available in some leagues — and so is Elijah Mitchell for some reason — so maybe if you’re in one of those abandoned leagues you can get some nice free agent RB1 and 2 to finish the year. Speaking of free agents — anybody want a script for Sea Razzball 2099? 

Tevin Coleman: Just like sometimes you mis-time your script for Razzball in Space, sometimes you really miss the timing on the release of your dance album, Donkey Teeth Can’t Sweat. It’s true — he gets heat exhaustion just watching SportsCenter! Tevin Coleman was a favorite of us Razzballers in the pre-season to take the lead RB role in New York due to the whole San Francisco connection, and then the Jets went with the whole 4 QB thing and they rotated their RB committees more a gas station grill dog. Coleman has taken 27 rush attempts the last two weeks while adding some targets, and since you’re probably starting some former Canadian footballers in your RB2 slot, you could do a lot worse than risking your fantasy playoffs on a Jets RB. [manic cackling]

Receivers

Darnell Mooney: You thought I was going to recommend Hunter Renfrow again, didn’t you? Ha! Fooled you! I can only recommend the same guy so many times. Speaking of replaying the same schtick over and over again, Darnell Mooney is fairly available! Matt Nagy’s going to be auditioning for a coaching job somewhere and there’s a non-zero chance that Justin Fields is back this week, or at the least there’s Andy Dalton playing for a contract somewhere next year. Mooney has been a top 15 receiver 3 times this past month with 2 top 5 finishes and is coming off a down week where some slob in your league might have dropped him while salivating over Antonio Brown. 

Hunter Renfrow: Ha! Fooled you again! Can’t believe this guy is still available in 15% of leagues — all he did was finish in the top 10 WR again last week. Do people hate winning? Do people hate Charlie Sheen? Did I pass logic class? 

The Broncos Receivers: For a team named after a predatory beast that chases its prey, the Lions sure love a zone defense. Justin Jefferson ran around like a gazelle taunting his predator last week while the Vikings put up gaudy passing numbers on their way to an ignominious loss. This week, you can take advantage of the emboldened Dan Campell-led Lions by starting the Broncos — especially Tim Patrick, who is available everywhere. 

Thursday Night Football

Throughout all of 2021, NFL fans have been treated to Thursday Night Football games that resemble the 2000-era Fox network’s efforts to tank shows like Arrested Development and Firefly. This week, we’re treated to a game with relevance for fantasy fans more than NFL significance: the Minnesota Vikings vs the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Vikings just emerged from a humiliating loss against the Detroit Lions — which basically ended the Vikings’ playoff hunt — and we’ll probably see coach Mike Zimmer continue his offensive output as he tries to make a case to finish the year as head coach or even remain employed next year. Meanwhile, the Steelers get to chomp on a chronically weak Vikings defense that is suffering through a buffet of injuries. We’re again in a situation where we start literally every player on the slate, and there aren’t really any surprises unless you think Justin Jefferson vs Dionte Johnson isn’t a fantasy matchup worth salivating over. However, the Over/Under line at 43.5 at the time of writing just screams “TAKE THE OVER” because we’re looking at a coach who wants to make the playoffs (Tomlin on the Steelers) and a coach who wants to keep a job (Zimmer on the Vikings). I’d be very surprised if this game finishes 21-17 instead of 30-27. Smash the overs on just above everything to play the odds and if you’re going contrarian in DFS you’ll probably want either Alexander Mattison or Najee Harris in your captain slot. 

Have an awesome week and leave your questions down in the comments!