It’s happening: all the food is filled with “pumpkin spice,” which is actually just cloves and nutmeg and whatever tree bark the hard workers of Spice Majesty International, LLC could grind into a cinnamon-like dust. Yet you — yes you! — are navigating the sales and the spiels and the pumpkin-dusted frittatas to know the truth: it’s short pumpkin spice season, but it’s a looooong fantasy football season. That can be good! Whoever’s in first place in your league right now — they don’t really matter. Do you ever look at your frozen burrito in the gas station microwave after 30 seconds and say, “Ope! One-quarter of the cooking time is done, I’m taking my burrito!” Nah, you know that burrito deserves better. Maybe some cinnamon whip on top…wait, I got carried away. ENYWHEY. We’re here to help! Let’s jump into the spice fray and see what we can dig up for you. 

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Week 4 Fantasy Football Highlights


Daniel JonesDaniel “Stop on a” Dimes has been more than adequate in this 2021 fantasy season, and he’s currently ranked as QB11. He’s had about 35 pass attempts per week, topping 250 passing yards in every week (OK, 249 in week 2 for you completionists). His legs are still going strong, which makes him a legitimate 300+ yards per game candidate every week — in fact, that’s exactly what he’s done every week so far (OK, 297 combined yards in week 1, you completionists!). Every other site gets to write, “Lamar good, start” and call it a day. Why can’t I write “Daniel Dimes wild legs, roll dice, fall flat on face?” 

Running Back

David MontgomeryYou’re all wondering which decrepit Ravens running back to roster while David Montgomery’s just out here doing his top 20 RB thing again. The Chicago Bears can’t figure out which QB they’ll start next week, which makes DMont a volatile play. But he finished RB6 last year with a combination of awful QBs (Mitchell Trubisky and Nick Foles), so keep an eye on Montgomery as your RB2 that could gain steam as the season goes on. 

Chubba Hubbard: CMC is out, and his back is none other than…well, let’s let Matthew McConaughey tell you: 


Cole BeasleyYou don’t have to like your sneaky plays as a human being. Heck, Donkey Teeth and I have weekly sparring matches where we put our political stances on the line. DT shouts, “Pumpkins shouldn’t be spiced!” and I respond, “Pumpkins are just sexless gourds in need of spice!” It’s pretty awful. I’m sorry I shocked you all like that. And here we are in week 3, with Cole Beasley as WR27 in PPR. You hate to see it. 

Tim PatrickStill available in 30% of leagues, and is WR23 in standard-scoring leagues. Deep threats! Just don’t draft his cousin, Patrick Tim, who served in the Revolutionary War Re-Enactment Brigade. 

Terrace Marshall Jr.: Robby Anderson has 5 catches on 11 targets so far this year while Sam Darnold is going haywire. Imagine: you’re a much-maligned QB, ready for rebirth in the sparking football environment that is [checks notes] the Carolina Panthers. Your favorite target is DJ Moore. Great! Your second favorite target is CMC, who’s now injured. Uh oh! Your third target, Robby Anderson, has been largely absent. Meanwhile, Terrace Marshall has 10 catches and 14 targets, outpacing the veteran Robbie “I Was a Jet Once, Too” Anderson. Marshall’s available everywhere and could be the breakout you’re looking for. 

Thursday Night Football

Ugh. You want me to write about the Jacksonville Jaguars against the Cincinnati Bengals? OK: Zac Taylor is one of the least successful head coaches in the NFL and the off-season was filled with drama about whether the Bengals would finally replace Taylor and his staff. Taylor responded with a career-saving 2-1 start to the year. Their second win of the year came against the Steelers, where Big Ben had come in injured and subsequently threw 20 times to Najee Harris. What, is this me playing Madden? Blerg. Given all this, the Bengals are still massive favorites against the Jacksonville Jaguars, who are 0-3 and have been nearly outscored by a 2-to-1 factor. Let’s see what players you might want to play tonight: 

Ja’Marr Chase: One of the top WR thanks to his 4 receiving TDs. Start, but don’t expect him to maintain a 24 TD pace on the year. Tee Higgins is out, so that leaves Tyler Boyd as the other wideout competing for targets. 

James RobinsonFresh off a 120 yards from scrimmage performance, JRob has found his home within the Urban Meyer system. At least for now. We gotta remember — Meyer wanted Travis Etienne to be the Jags’ RB this year, not Robinson. It shouldn’t surprise us that JRob is getting a slow start while Urban Meyer comes to terms with the NFL vs College Football differences. One would imagine those differences were studied before hiring, right? Start JRob.

Marvin JonesDJ Chark apparently can’t catch passes from Trevor Lawerence. Marvin Jones is the clear WR1 in Jacksonville and, if healthy, should finish in competition for WR20 or above on the year. 

Ugh. Jaguars. There’s really not a lot to get excited about for fantasy football here. If I’m playing the DFS Showdown, I want Chase or Boyd in the captain spot, both QBs, Marvin Jones, and a giant mixed drink. Good luck in week 4 everybody!