(Doc’s Note: Join me in a 20 Team FanDuel League. My handle is cgdoc. The top 3 win $45, $28, $17)

In the wake of coachgate, I’m hoping that the league has turned a corner for the more entertaining.  While the rest of you were worried about your fantasy teams, I was having fantasies of rage-fueled coaching duels filled with clipboard broadsides and headset projectiles.  In honor of this weekend’s festivities, I’d like to share an idea that capitalizes on all of the extracurricular coaching mayhem.

Madden is cool and all, but does anyone remember the days of NFL Blitz?  My friends and I would stay up until the wee hours (what constitutes a wee?) shoving cheesy poofs into our faces and throwing controllers down in rage as your opponent ran Zig Zag for the 4th straight down.  How cool would it be if, instead of challenging a call, a Tekken style mini-game ensued where the coaches would actually have to duke it out, and the winner would have the call go in his favor?  Oh, and did I mention they would have superpowers?

Belichick would be like Professor Xavier, fighting with nothing but mental prowess and telepathy.  He would have a special power-up move where he pulled out a camera and started taping.  This would allow you to see the moves your opponent was about to make and adjust accordingly.

I imagine Mike Shanahan being like Thor’s brother.  For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, basically he could replicate himself by making holograms, and the opponent would never know which image was actually attacking as they all seemed lifelike.  Shanahan would replicate a stable of identical RB’s and send them all flying at the opponent as a special move.  You would have to guess which one was real and plan your defenses accordingly.

Of course, there would have to be a choose-a-coach option, so your coach wouldn’t necessarily be attached to any one team.  No one wants to pick the Seahawks just so they can transform Pete Carroll into The Crimson Chin (Google ‘Fairly Odd Parents Crimson Chin’.)  There would also have to be an option to choose coaches who are no longer in the league.  This inevitably leads us to Denny Green being able to transform into an Incredible Hulk type creature that throws reporters like javelins.

My phone is turned on EA Sports, call me.

HOW AWESOME I AM

Let’s get the stinkers out of the way right off the bat.  The Dolphins running game performed well considering the circumstances, but the committee was in full swing thus rendering both backs largely ineffective from a fantasy perspective.  Hardesty keeps explaining why he’s not the answer to the Peyton Hillis problem, Laurent Robinson was the same guy he was three weeks ago, Evan Moore got overshadowed by Alex Smith, and Victor Cruz decided to take a break from making SportsCenter (it’s tough business staying that fly.)  If you told me Vernon Davis would stay home blocking all day and the 49ers would still win, I would have called you crazy, but that’s exactly what happened.  Greg Little, Marques Colston, Andy Dalton, Colt McCoy, and AJ Green rounded out the guys who gave you big value.  The rest of my picks gave you good production relative to their price tags.

THE VALUE

Jackie Battle $5300:  This one is probably the value pick of the week so I won’t waste too much of your time explaining why you want to use Battle on AT LEAST some of your rosters.  Rarely do we get a feature back against a bad defense, at such a low price.

DeMarco Murray $5800:  Whether or not Felix Jones got injured, this one was bound to happen sooner or later.  Jones has always been a Sproles prototype, a change of pace weapon unnaturally thrust into a feature back role the past two seasons.  Jerry Jones had three years to make Tashard Choice a starter if he so desired, meaning we can only assume that ship has all but sailed.  This leaves nothing but open grazing for the talented youngster, and what better cud than St. Louis.

Eric Decker $6000/Demaryius Thomas $4500:  These are both pretty intriguing options, with a host of unknown variables going into the game against Miami.  As far as I can tell, the Broncos staff  want to know what type of passer they have in Tebow (soon), and what better way to let him go sling wild than against fish (I know they’re actually mammals) out of water.  With Thomas you get the chance to stack your other two WR spots, and with Decker you get the potential for a 20+ point performance at a WR3 price tag.

Darrius Heyward-Bey $6100:  Heyward-Bey gets a bump if Palmer gets the nod, as his arm is great for DHB’s style.  You could certainly find worse boom/bust options.

Steve Breaston $5800:  Breaston has been on sort of a mini-tear the past few games, and with Cassel finding his stride I don’t expect much of a letdown.  The game in Oakland is shaping up to be a shootout as neither team has much talent on the defensive side of the ball.

Greg Little $5500:  This guy has been getting good, fast.  Before the season, few rookies received as much hype as Little, and the past few weeks have certainly revealed why.  It’s important to note that as the Browns passing game continues to flourish, Little has become McCoy’s favorite target, speaking volumes to the skill set the young man possesses.  He faces a putrid secondary in Seattle this weekend and could be in line for a repeat performance.

Owen Daniels $6100:  With Andre Johnson still out, and after Sunday’s loss to the Ravens, coach Kubiak stated the obvious saying that Daniels would have to be even more involved in the offense if the Texans were going to continue their push towards a playoff berth.  Well, duh.  Before last Sunday’s aberration, Daniels had 3 monster games.  Look for him to be option number two in the offense this week behind Arian Foster.

Brandon Pettigrew $6100:  A second major threat is emerging opposite Calvin Johnson in Detroit, and it might not be who you imagined.  Taking advantage of the open seams due to double coverage on Megatron, Pettigrew is quietly carving a name for himself as one of the league’s most promising TE’s.  With Best likely out, Stafford will be forced to lean on short yardage passes across the middle, which does nothing but boost the value here.  Despite the tough matchup on paper, all that goes out the window when Johnson roams the sidelines.

Other Notables:  Jay Cutler $7500, Marques Colston $6900, Matt Cassel $7800, Colt McCoy $7500, Earnest Graham $6000, Mike Tolbert $6900, Torrey Smith $5500, Danario Alexander $5200, Damian Williams $5000.

Did I miss any special coaching abilities?  Leave a comment and let me know who you’d like to see in the mini-game.  Until next week folks, good luck and dust off your old copies of Blitz if you get a chance.

  1. Mike says:
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    Trade Earnest Graham for Greg Little? PPR. Thanks!

  2. T-Bone says:
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    Mike Tice would send a party boat over to the other coach and bring him back like Scorpion from Mortal Combat. GET OVER HERE!!!

  3. batman the horse says:
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    I’m really over-thinking my flex start this week (0.5 PPR)

    VJax (vs. Revis)
    Fred Davis
    Decker (probably #1 in DEN, but who knows what to expect with Christ Tebow)
    Earnest Graham (will get the carries, but CHI has a good run D)

    Thanks!

  4. Crazy Gabey says:
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    Mike: I think I would take Little in that deal. He seems to be on the rise, and Graham seems to have peaked the last few weeks with Blount out. When he comes back I see Earnest being relegated to blocking and passing downs.

    T-Bone: That is absolutely FRIGGING AMAZING!!! :)

    batman the horse: For me it would depend on how my team looked and how good my opponent for the week was. Can you get me that info?

  5. I actually dont like Battle this week. OAK is 15 vs the run, where they are bad is vs a RB who can catch (ranked 32nd). Battle is not RB that catches out of the back field.

  6. Crazy Gabey says:
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    I agree Battle is not a top 10 back or anything this week. But a feature back against an overall poor defense for $5300 is value. He could certainly go for 70 yards and a score, which for his price tag would be a steal.

  7. Pacochu says:
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    No Free Roll this week?

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