Seriously, who covered Week 3 in the d*cks? Maybe it’s the massive binge of American Vandal I’ve been on and that’s the best parallel I can draw. Maybe it’s the fact that this week was a big red donger on the face of the NFL. Or my picks. BUT I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE! Like Peter Maldanado, lets quick spank it to an American Apparel catalog, and then get to the bottom of this clusterf*ck. But seriously, without dick references, let’s put this week in a box and bury it. And then right after I typed that, I started singing Dick In A Box in my head. Quick tangential thought: Bring on Timberlake during the halftime show. I’d rather jam out to him than Lady GaGa a million times over. But I digress. Let’s go streaming! As always, I shoot for guys that are owned in less than 65% of leagues after waivers process Wednesday nights. Bring your green hat Snoop-a-loop!!!
Eli Manning – I don’t know if Eli is going to air out the ball 47 times like he did last week against the Eagles. However, this is a Buccaneers defense that is banged up and has allowed 300 yard passing games to Mike Glennon and Case Keenum. We already know they will be without Lavonte David, Kwon Alexander didn’t play against the Vikings and was out of practice Wednesday as was T.J Ward. Gerald McCoy was also hurting. Even with these injuries, I don’t believe in the Giants rushing game. I think getting Sterling Shepard more involved helps this offense move, Evan Engram has been a steady play mentioned in this article before. The 0-3 Giants have to show something more than Eli face this year.
Deshaun Watson – You know that video on social media where the kid working at Best Buy is discussing the difference between having “juice” and having “sauce”? Watson’s got the sauce. Between hanging out with Mia Khalifa and going into Foxboro and almost beating the reigning champs, Watson should feel the swag. He takes it on the field against the Titans this week against a Titans defense that doesn’t really worry anybody, giving up the 5th most yards in the league. There’s a possibilty Watson getting Will Fuller back this week, and I just think that Deshaun is what people wanted Tyrod to be this year. Probably a better version of it too.
Paul Richardson – I know 4 receptions on 12 targets over the past two weeks isn’t inspiring. But quite frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. He’s got a busted finger and still pulled down 2 TDs over that span. A juicy Colts matchup with a less than 100% Baldwin intrigues me for Richardson’s prospects. Plus, I just can’t be rational about this guy. Sorry not sorry.
Ryan Griffen and Evan Engram – We talked about both QBs, why not spread that love to the tight ends? … I feel like there’s an innuendo there, but let’s keep the analyzing to the football. Without C.J Fiedorowicz in the lineup, I think that Griffen could have a servicable day. Especially if he can wrestle more targets away from Bruce Ellington. Engram has been a solid 50 yard play, which most people streaming TE would kill for. And we’ve already talked about his cherry matchup. Deploy away.
Charles Clay – I think if you asked people to name a high end TE2, most people would pull Clay’s name from their memory bins. He’s scored in 2 of 3 weeks and is second on the team in targets behind Lesean McCoy. The Falcons could be up big, but at least we know if that happens, their defense will be in for that second half crumble that has become their calling card. The Falcons may be without Ricardo Allen who is in concussion protocol in addition to the loss of Vic Beasley. BILLS MAFIA REPRESENT!!
Redskins DST – Yes, Kareem Hunt is a beast. But we all know what Alex Smith is. And when you put that up against this defense that is 7th best in points allowed in the league and yardage allowed in the league (2 of the teams in front of them have played one less game), they become a deep play being only owned in 5% of leagues. Those stats came against the Eagles, Rams, and Raiders. I just don’t see them coming into a disappointment game in their second straight primetime game, even with the bye week looming for them. I expect them to keep the intensity as they battle for the top spot in the NFC East.
Packers DST – Feasting on bad matchups on a short week is a gimme, but the defensive plays this week are a little thin, and sometimes you gotta take the easy shot. Which doesn’t always work out (like the #BecauseJets thing last week), but doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop going after it. The Bears offense is heavily reliant on their backfield, and while they have two good pass catching backs in Jordan Howard and Tarik Cohen, they can’t carry the whole team. 550 passing yards through 3 games puts them 25th worst in the league and if the Packers put them on their heels, I think this could be a situation where I’m looking elsewhere for entertainment after halftime.
Jake Elliott – You may know him as the first kicker drafted in the 2017 draft. Or as the guy who didn’t beat out Randy Bullock. But most likely you know him as the guy who booted a 61 yard game winner last Sunday. Now, Marvin Lewis was right to give him the salt bae treatment by bringing up that Bullock has been the better kicker. But enjoy your time in the sun Elliott. And by “time in the sun”, I’m most definitely referring to the bottom of this column.