NFC North fans, unite! The battle of the Lion/Pack for Northern Supremacy entertained all [does the math] 13 people who live up here, and most of them were drunk on Leinenkugels shandy that they got for cheap from the drive-thru liquor store. No, I’m not describing my night…ENYWHEY. The Packers came into the game as massive favorites over the Lions, with the ARog side getting a -560 line to win the game (that’s about 85% chance of winning, amirite degenerate majors?). So, how’d the game go? Did ARog give another thrilling postgame interview dressed in Dereliqute (that luxury-trash fashion house brand from Zoolander), or did he have a thrilling victory against the knee-capping Lions? Let’s check out the highlights!Â
Quintez Cephus:Â Cephus led the Detrois Lyons in air yards last week. Does anybody else start thinking of futuristic floating yards when they hear that term? My aeroponics garden would finally be of value, right? This week, Cephus opened up the game with a huge pass and a TD. Who else is gonna catch passes in the City that Ford Abandoned? The Ghost of Megatron? If he survived your waivers last week, snag him this week and keep slamming those props/GPPs on Cephus. I was super-pumped when my Goff/Cephus showdown lineup opened the game with a TD. I went to DK to screenshot my moment where I should have been at the top of the heap for at least a moment, but I found myself in 400th place behind a bunch of brave souls who put Cephus in their Captain spot. And if you had Cephus on your roster, you would have had a nice TD on your Flex spot.Â
Quintez Cephus with the first TD!
A bettor placed $300 on him to be the first scorer. The payout = $8,700 pic.twitter.com/QUfDmhouUu
— DraftKings Sportsbook (@DKSportsbook) September 21, 2021
Aaron Rodgers: Some people become a meme and their lives fall apart. Suddenly your disheveled face is photoshopped on wanted ads and your posh post-career job on Jeopardy is handed off to Blossom. Let’s remember back to 150 words ago: the Packers were supposed to crush this game. The Lions have been one of the worst teams in the league for years, and they’re in their second game under a rookie head coach, with a primary running back that missed practice for most of the week. Rodgers had his chance to redeem his image from derelict to dutiful.Â
Aaron Jones:Â Where did I rank him in the preseason? Like, #4 or something? Rankings are all relative — Aaron Jones is a reliable RB with a good team situation and he was going to get a ton of utility and for whatever reason people didn’t want to accept that because A.J. Dillon has big legs. Giannis is like 18 feet tall and an NBA champion but he can’t shoot free throws. Size isn’t everything. Jones had himself a day, racking up a touchdown quadfecta, as if he was trying to match the numerology of my ranking. Thanks for reading Razzball, Aaron! Have yourself a Leine’s on me.Â
T.J. Hockenson: Followers of Razzball (hey all three of you!) know that Donkey Teeth loved himself some Hock this year. In the shimmering rain this Monday Night, Donkey got to see himself some luscious, wet Hock. He loved it. Hock is clearly the WR1 in Detroit, but the question is whether his talent can withstand the attention he’ll draw from opposing defenses. We saw how the Ravens shut down Tyreek Hill, and the Chiefs still racked up over 300 passing yards because they had a capable second receiver in Travis Kelce and a bevy of other options like [checks notes] Byron Pringle. Who else will be catching passes in Detroit — Quintez Cephus? [reads 200 words ago] Apparently yes. The Lions will need another wideout to breakout [surprised there’s no movie called Wideout Breakout starring Zac Efron] before Hock can sustain top 5 TE numbers over the course of the season.Â
Jamaal Williams and D’Andre Swift:Â They combined for 20 targets last week. This week? The quadfecta…up until garbage time when Goff had to do some makeup work. I’m watching here in garbage time and Jared Goff ignores his open running back, opting instead to throw across his body while running. The result? Interception. Sure, the Lions weren’t going to win anyway, but Goff had a shot to finish the game 35-24 if he dumped it to the running back. Maybe with luck, they coulda done 35-31 if they got an onside kick. Instead, Packers win by a mile and make a bunch of Overs bettors happy. Here’s the video of Goff completely ignoring Swift; on the next Lions series, Goff ran the same play he threw a pick on and gave it to Swift, with Swift running it for about 15 yards and a first down. He did it again as the game ran down, almost as if the coach told Goff to use his tools instead of trying to make miracles happen. Lesson learned.Â
https://twitter.com/justgroc/status/1440148264989315082?s=20
How’d your nights go? Drop me a line down in the comments and tell me if you’re feeling the after-effects of the shandy.Â
