I have spent much of my adult life wondering, who should I follow on Twitter? This is a problem, but eff off! The answer of course is anyone and everyone you find slightly interesting until they say something stupid/racist/annoying and then unfollow them in a blaze of glory! But I’m going to make things a little easier for you here by telling you the exact people you should follow and I don’t want to hear any back talk!

So anyway, as many of you know I have a debilitating addiction to Twitter which is coupled by my unhealthy obsession with fantasy sports. So together they make for a sound and robust crutch to get through life! I got the idea to make this list because when you google who to follow for fantasy football advice on twitter you don’t find what I want you to find and the internet should be ruled by me!

This list is biased toward people that actually engage with theĀ twittertariat with no sense of assness (for the most part) and are actually funny and interesting as well as thoughtful in the realm of football. So yeah, here are some fake football nerds in no particular order. Or is it? It isn’t. And this list is also quite short which means I’m leaving out a whole slew of amazing fake footballers. You can click here if you want to check out my whole list. And follow me here because I have to fill the abyss of depression with something!

@FantasyDouche: Mr. Douche likes to work in the realm of statistics but in an interesting and witty way. His identity is a bit of a mystery so I think of him as sitting in some oak-lined den reading old calculus text books while drinking scotch and smoking cigars.

@mschauf63: Matt Schauf is a cynical and funny tweeter and since his name is close to Matt Schaub’s it makes for easy and not very good jokes. I have actually never met a non-cynical/funny tweeter but that is neither here nor there. He’s been on Twitter since the dark days (i.e. before @Chet_G). He hates the Cowboys which is always a plus and he is also a smarty pants IDP guy which is hard to find. Oh, and he likes good beer.

@ChrisWesseling: Mr. Wesseling is one of the Rotoworld football dudes and one of the top 3 fantasy guys I really listen to. And I really don’t like listening to people. As a Rotoworlder he has to be on blurb duty much of the time which keeps him on top of every sliver of NFL news and analysis and then he adds his own analysis into the mix which is usually pretty spot on, just like his taste in music.

@FBALL_Andrea: Ms. Hangst is a real NFL writer but also works on fantasy football for Pro Football Focus so her brain has a real and fake side that she sloshes together like a big fat football martini. I do think us fake football writers can get a little too focused on that side of the coin which can probably skew our analysis some, so I like the balance between the two that she brings to the table. So follow her friendo!

@Dexters_Library: Mr. Library is not always safe for work but that’s the reason that I’ll recommend him until the cows come home, especially the coked up whore cows. He thinks about football, faux and factual and does so in a helpful manner, but he’s also just so darn entertaining.

@RotoPat: Mr. Pat is another of the Rotoworlders which is just like being a flat earther but without the being wrong. I think Twitter was made for Roto P. He has a way with the one liners. Oh and he also is smart which is better than being dumb.

@DLFootball: Eric Dickens likes himself some Dynasty Football and he knows what he’s talking about. Being able to focus on dynasty can help since it is difficult to put yearly and dynasty rankings and notes together at the same time without flipping your long or short term brain capacity off, Going deeper into just dynasty allows for a more nuanced look at a format that needs just that and Mr. Dickens does just that. It’s just that simple. Or not. Just that.

@RumfordJohnny: Rummy is the guy to go to for all your Sunday funnies and every other day of the week funnies. He and the also awesome @RyFo18 do the podcast thing and bring it with a side of awesome sauce (the secret recipe is ground up footballs mixed with Vince Wilfork drippings) over @2MugsFF. They care for the beer as well, which is commendable. I believe the two adopt orphan beer all the time and give them a good home albeit for a very, very, short time.