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As Grey pointed out yesterday, I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday of the year, mostly because I cook, drink, and football the sh*t out of it. And, of course, it’s a day of thanks, so what better thing is there to do than to thank you, the Razzball community? Well, now that I think of it, I should probably thank your mom for that one thing at that one position that happened multiple times… But seriously, the truth is, I’ve been lucky to be given the opportunity to entertain, help, and interact with all you, and I love it. And all I have to do is fart and d*ck jokes all day long. That being said, after enjoying my extravaganza of a feast (I’d be happy to share my recipes in the comments if you’re interested), I will admit… I may have napped too long. When I woke up and saw the ending of the Eagles-Dallas game, I thought I slept right into December. In fact, Romo actually saw his shadow yesterday, confirming that Romocember has arrived early. There was also a Bears-Lions game that was captivating for about a quarter and then there was a Seahawks-49ers match-up featuring Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll. And I’ll admit, I hadn’t seen an interaction between two assholes like that since I watched Requiem for a Dream

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rest of Season Rankings have been updated, and can be found here.

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.90% (20th out of 129 Experts, 59.90% Highest, 49.00% Lowest).

Week 12 Results: 59.10% (29th out of 129 Experts, 66.20% Highest, 42.40% Lowest).

Accuracy Rank Experts Highest Lowest Score +/- Rank +/-
Week 1 61.80% 22 134 66.10% 48.20%
Week 2 54.00% 35 135 61.30% 42.10% -7.80% -13
Week 3 57.40% 88 128 67.10% 44.30% 3.40% -53
Week 4 56.50% 48 128 61.10% 42.80% -0.90% 40
Week 5 56.50% 70 131 69.40% 47.00% 0.00% -22
Week 6 56.30% 27 133 63.10% 41.50% -0.20% 43
Week 7 59.70% 33 132 64.30% 46.50% 3.40% -6
Week 8 56.30% 67 130 64.80% 45.20% -3.40% -34
Week 9 60.30% 23 131 66.00% 46.10% 4.00% 44
Week 10 57.80% 68 130 66.90% 48.40% -2.50% -45
Week 11 52.10% 64 131 67.60% 42.60% -5.70% 4
Week 12 59.10% 29 129 66.20% 42.40% 7.00% 35
Totals 57.90% 20 129 59.90% 49.00%

And now, your Week 13 Rankings…

Note: These STANDARD and PPR rankings are for this week’s slate of games only. These rankings are not cumulative, nor are they an indicator of any future value. They are based solely on this week’s projected performance in regards to fantasy football production.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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So, what a wonderful evening of football we were treated to. Not only did we get our (delayed) fill of the “ridiculously unnecessary game of the week” (AKA Thursday Night Football, aka Monday Night Football, aka any game with Tampa Bay, aka any Jets game), we also got an interesting match-up between a hard-to-peg Ravens team going against the division (tied for first) leading Saints. Tied for first with now a 4-7 record. God bless you NFC South. Obviously, the Jets went and Jeetzzed all over themselves, despite coming off a bye and going against a team that a couldn’t even practice (which is pretty much the Jetsiest thing possible) the previous week due to inclement weather. But the Ravens and Saints game was interesting in the fact that I’m not sure if the Ravens are actually good… or are they are just doing well at the right times? No clue. And it’s really hard to figure out, especially when last night’s game pitted them against  a Saints team that has about as much of a defense as a certain St. Louis county Grand Jury… anyways, I’ll tell you one thing, I didn’t go, nor did I participate as much as I should, but I’ll certainly be demanding a refund on those free Jets-Bills tickets…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last night, Odell Beckham had 10 receptions for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Oh, yeah, he also did this…

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That was the best one-hander since I lost my virginity.

I’d love to write more, but that would probably only take away from what you see before you. So when you’re finished watching this glorious depiction of a football player doing a legendary thing, join me below for the round-up. Don’t worry, it took me about two hours and an ophthalmologist to get me to move on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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With the record amount of snow falling in and around the northern lake areas (also my nickname for your mom’s private parts), we’ve lost the Jets vs. Bills to Monday in Detroit. As if that was any safer. Despite having one less game on the slate (who wanted to watch that one anyways?), we have some key match-ups with playoff implications. In fact, the only game that has near zero affect on the playoff picture would probably be the Buccaneers vs. Bears, because they’re both terrible at football. Their team names also start with “B”, but the science to support that connection is suspect at best. The Lions vs. Patriots should be fascinating, if only to watch Bill Belichick troll fantasy football by giving all rushing touches to Brandon Bolden and newly (re)signed LeGarrette Blount. Another intriguing match-up should be the 9-1 (wut?) Cardinals vs. Seahawks, who were once thought to be strong repeat Super Bowl winners. But with an inconsistent season, a loss here and a 49ers win would almost assuredly complicate matters and allow a team led by Drew Stanton to have a real shot at home field throughout the playoffs. And this is why we drink folks. This is why we drink.

Week 12 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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To totally honest with you folks, I really didn’t want to watch this game. From time-to-time, this happens. Mainly it’s whenever the Buccaneers, Jaguars, Washington’s Football Team… and the Raiders are involved. And the latter? Well, I don’t really have a choice in the matter. You see, if you hadn’t heard, I’m quite the Chargers fan, and I’m already forced to watch the Raiders twice a year, as if that wasn’t suffering enough. Why would I expose myself to more of this so-called “suffering”? There’s already enough suffering in the world. But I sh*t you not, the Raiders were part of the best Thursday Night Football game this year… And to think, I thought the only highlight last night was going to be seeing Andy Reid waddle around in his full red walrus gear. I just want to say this before we get to the recap… for the entire week, if you live in the immediate Oakland and Alameda County area, my advice to you is to stay indoors and lock your doors. In celebration, Raiders fans will be tipping over cars, burning anything that’s flammable, climbing on anything more than 10 feet high… pretty much duplicating a riot-like atmosphere. I mean, yeah, you’re right, they were going to do that even if they lost, or, you know, here and there during the boring parts of the offseason, or, probably whenever they felt like it, but this is their first win of the year… THIS HAS MEANING!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.80% (24th out of 129 Experts, 60.00% Highest, 48.80% Lowest).

Week 11 Results: 52.10% (64th out of 130 Experts, 67.60% Highest, 42.60% Lowest).

Accuracy Rank Experts Highest Lowest Score +/- Rank +/-
Week 1 61.80% 22 134 66.10% 48.20%
Week 2 54.00% 35 135 61.30% 42.10% -7.80% -13
Week 3 57.40% 88 128 67.10% 44.30% 3.40% -53
Week 4 56.50% 48 128 61.10% 42.80% -0.90% 40
Week 5 56.50% 70 131 69.40% 47.00% 0.00% -22
Week 6 56.30% 27 133 63.10% 41.50% -0.20% 43
Week 7 59.70% 33 132 64.30% 46.50% 3.40% -6
Week 8 56.30% 67 130 64.80% 45.20% -3.40% -34
Week 9 60.30% 23 131 66.00% 46.10% 4.00% 44
Week 10 57.80% 68 130 66.90% 48.40% -2.50% -45
Week 11 52.10% 64 131 67.60% 42.60% -5.70% 4
Totals 57.80% 24 129 60.00% 48.80%

And now, your Week 12 Rankings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Seriously… how many endangered birds live in Keisel’s beard? 48? 59? 1,085?

Mike Tomlin is 1-8 all-time against teams with a winning percentage of 0.200 or worse. Lucky for him and the Steelers, the Titans had a 0.285 winning percentage coming into last night’s Monday Night Football game. And since mathematics are unquestioned around these parts, mainly because I don’t understand what it is or what it does… obviously, based on all these facts, the Steelers won. Obviously. Something else that’s obvious is Le’Veon Bell is good at the game of football. And wouldn’t you know it? Ben Roethlisberger isn’t actually Aaron Rodgers, so the Steelers probably need other things to happen to make the playoffs. And wouldn’t you know it… a gun-shy Ken Wisenhunt punting on a 4th-and-4 in the 4th quarter with seven minutes remaining, down a field goal, with a 2-7 record, combined with Le’Veon Bell’s performance seemed to be just enough to qualify as those “other things” . The Steelers now have a 7-4 record and have… some control over the AFC North. Then again, they did also lose to the Buccaneers and Jets. Sooooo, yeah. Who the ef knows anymore…

BREAKING: Adrian Peterson has been notified today that he has been suspended for the remaining 2014 season. Granted, Adam Schefter is reporting this, so there’s at least an 89% chance that he starts this Sunday. Regardless, while he was a speculative add if you had a hole on your bench, he’s safe to drop at this point.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Well, that was certainly a Sunday worth remembering. Especially if you’re like me and reset the ole’ memory banks with copious amounts of bourbon throughout the day. You could say these Sunday notes aren’t just for you, but also myself… So here we are, together in this. And together, we saw some interesting things… the Bucs, the 1-8 Bucs (in case you were confused) destroyed Washington. For context, the Falcons destroyed the Bucs. And the Panthers almost beat the Falcons. So according to that, the Panthers would probably beat Washington by 200 points. In fact, with the Raiders only mustering 200 yards of total offense, I’m pretty sure if they faced off against Washington, both teams would find a way to lose. And let’s not forget the Lions having a throwback game to the Matt Millen Era. Peyton Manning thinking it’s the month of January (to be fair, the weather has me convinced of this.) Mark Sanchez returning to form. And then there’s this… the Cardinals are now 9-1. They are now three games ahead of Seattle and San Francisco, and one has to naturally wonder, how is this possible? My answer? Two quick touchdowns and leaning on your defense for three hours… this has been done before many times. So I’m just going to go ahead and write the Cardinals in as a playoff team. In permanent marker. And then prepare myself for the end of the world.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Wow,  the Patriots taking on the Colts… a match-up that’s unheard of in modern-day football! Rarely have we seen these two franchises play against each other. Maybe one day, a rivalry can develop between the two, giving all of us an illustrious and storied narrative for which we will be bombarded with ad nauseam. What a future that would be… perhaps we will get a taste of this wonderful new era during this Sunday Night Football match-up? It wasn’t too long ago that we had all fired Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, and we were ready to usher in the era of Jimmy Garoppolo. I don’t know about you, but the epoch of Garoppolo sounds very intriguing. Only because it sounds like a Lost episode. But the Patriots find themselves with a 7-2 record and back to where they usually find themselves, atop the AFC standings. The Colts, despite some defensive hiccups, like Ben Roethlisberger doing whatever he wanted (sounds familiar for some reason…) are still in control of the AFC South. Mostly because the division has the Titans and Jaguars, two teams that are both dedicated in trying to out Jets the Jets and operate the Raider way. With the recent prime time games being terrible, there’s a chance for this to be quite an entertaining game. Which means it’ll be an excruciating three-plus hours of awfulness.

Week 11 Rankings have been updated for today’s games, for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?