We made it folks. Yesterday was the last Sunday without football for a long time, and I can’t wait to get this season started. I’m just so excited for what we have in store for you this year. I could also be excited from eating copious amounts of Guinness (part of an essential and balanced meal). But even if it’s a combination of the two, it matters not, for Football, and Fantasy Football is back. Follow me after the jump to see what we are cooking for you this year at Razzball HQ. Hint: It’s not edible. I mean, you can eat your computer if you want, but I would recommend unplugging it first. And probably adding some salt.

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New York Jets Rookie Minicamp

This represents the first article of a series we are referring to as “Deep Impact”, where we at Razzball will examine players who are tucked away deep in the player projections and are bound to surpass their underwhelming expectations. The benefit of these players – aside from showing off your fantasy football prowess – is that they are often available on your fantasy league waiver wire and they can provide relief to fantasy owners looking for quality talent in deeper formats. So without further ado, let us begin with New York Jets Tight End Jace Amaro.

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For a sixth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing NFL-team blogs and site contributors for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge. Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team for our Team Preview Series through the summer. This installment comes courteous of RaiderTake from the leading Oakland Raiders blog: RaiderTake.
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What you will see below are the results of the 2014 Razzball Writer’s League Fantasy Football Draft (click here for the results). The league is based on this year’s RCL format. If you don’t know what a RCL is, man, you are behind the times. Join here for a chance at prizes and glorious bragging rights! The RCL stuff is basically as follows: The 0.5 PPR league is comprised of 12 teams each starting a QB, three WRs, two RBs, one TE, a FLEX, K, and a Defense. If you are interested, go ahead and rank the teams in the comments section below. You can also tell us the reason for your order. Or, you can just tell us how you feel about Tehol’s team. Spoiler: I couldn’t find Matt Wieters anywhere on the roster, so I’m not sure Tehol really drafted.

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Greetings!! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, and last night, in a Chantix dreaming slumber, the Elder Gods visited me and gifted me with the grandest of ideas: ROOKIES!! Who doesn’t love rookies? Always so enticing, aren’t they? Yes, yes, I know it’s strenuous to resist drafting them. even as I succumb to their alluring qualities. The fact is, rookies are predominantly a poor source of fantasy production, especially at QB and WR. Yes, children, I remember Cam Newton and Randy Moss, but those types of rookie breakouts are few and far between. Anyone else get sucked into swooping Tavon Austin last season? It huuuuuuurts! Being that it’s still preseason and all, myself and the Elders thought it wise to touch on most of the skill position players who went in the first few rounds of the 2014 draft, and that boys and girls, is just what we shall do!

We’re gonna do Disgrace/Delight a tiny bit different this week and just hit each player with a hashtag, #Disgrace, or, you guessed it, #Delight. Mind you, this tag is based upon what I feel the player will produce this season, not what I think of the overall skill set. I have a big audition tomorrow so let us begin. TAKE HEED!

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Soooo, yeah, I got bored. What can I say? Even with such an illustrious life of binge drinking and hanging out with your mom, there are empty spaces to fill. And I give you something that came out of one of those spaces. The thought process here is, (and be careful, you’ll be entering my thoughts, so duck if you see heavy amounts of boobage, or, you know, do your best motorboat impersonation):

“Well, you know what I would really like? Besides a fudgesicle? Actually, that’s all I’d really like. Wait, then I can’t explain my chart. Well… okay, but this is the last favor I’m doing for you. (What, this is how my brain works… kinda makes you wonder why you are even here, right?) So… what I’d like right now, besides fudge in my mouth, is a sort of reference thingamajig and tells me where all my picks will land if I’m picking, let’s say, 5th in a 12-team draft. Where are the rest of my picks? WHERE I ASK YOU! Look at all this internal strife. FUUUUDGE.”

So, you see all that? I needed something to tell me where my picks are, because I react to math like I do canned asparagus. This is a bad thing for all you canned asparagus lovers out there. All three of you. So, here’s a nifty chart-thang that won’t necessarily help you navigate international waters, but might come in handy during your drafts…

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Josh Gordon, Aqib Talib

Don’t worry, I got five on it.

Despite pre-season nearly over and the media being inundated with “best shape of my life” stories and covering the on-going suicide watch of the Chiefs defense, there is one story, in particular, that was being watched closely by both the NFL and fantasy football fans alike. And that story was the Indianapolis Colts cutting LaVon Brazil after being suspended for the year after a second drug violation, while Jim Irsay, you know, does his thing. Oh, no, wait, that wasn’t it. The story being watched closely was Janay Rice’s apology for being knocked out and dragged unconscious on the floor by Ray Rice (to be fair, he only carried her two yards before falling down…), with the fallout of this incident being Rice suspended for two games. So I guess one game per one black eye is the going rate these days. Oh, wait, that’s not the story either. No, THE story which is under the NFL and fantasy sports nation’s microscope (it’s bedazzled, because, of course) is the status of Josh Gordon‘s appeal of his one year suspension. We can now all breathe easy and draft accordingly, for there has been a decision…

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We are here today to point out the differences between the Razzball rankings and those that Yahoo has released to the masses. (Not to be confused with Yoohoo, which I do all the time. Then again, I usually confuse most things with chocolate drink. Totally normal.) Since we’ve already compared our rankings with ESPN, the next logical step is to have some amazing chocolate drink. Err, see what I mean? IT HAUNTS ME. I meant: the next logical step is to compare our rankings to Yahoo, THEN have some chocolate drink. Exactly. Maybe I’m just thirsty. Or hungry. Or all these things. All of the time.

Note: Obviously, there are going to be some players that ESPN and Yahoo both like that I do not and vica versa, so I’ve avoided players I’ve already covered, because who likes re-runs? I mean, besides Star Trek and Futurama re-runs? Nobody does. Nobody. 

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Gentlemen and four Ladies,

I know what you’re all thinking, “Who is this man-child showing off his above-average arsenal of hair products? Is this Grey from the past?” Now that’s humorous, and I’m not talking about my arm bone. That’d be humerus! Why would I write about that in the Football section of Razzball? I wouldn’t. Grey wrote about that on WebMD though, so you never know! I digress.

I’m here to introduce the 2014 Razzball Fantasy Football War Room. Get excited! I’ll preface my explanation with an apology for not getting this to the readers sooner. The Fantasy Football War Room was inspired by the one-and-only Fantasy Baseball War Room. It’s a great tool that I’ve used over the last few years to dominate my drafts. While developing my personal draft spreadsheet for football, I realized I could easily format it for use by the masses. There are features I hope to add in the future, but for the sake of time, I wanted to release the War Room while there was still an opportunity for Razzballers to use it!

So, let’s get down to brass tacks. Here is a brief rundown of what you’re getting in the 2014 Razzball Fantasy Football War Room:

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Darn straight I’m going to use an exclamation point there. As I alluded to in last week’s RCL update, when I mentioned that a mysterious additional prize shall be announced at a date that remains a mystery, well, my allusions are now over. Illusions too, because I don’t have that type of holographic technology. I believe only Tupac and Star Trek have that power… but don’t worry! Be happy! I totally didn’t just quote a song! But I might have! I’m yelling all of this because we have a new prize to announce! Okay, let’s introduce this thing, seeing as how I have to go search for a throat lozenge. Our friends at Far Out Award have provided you, the Razzball Commentator Player, a wonderful new prize, and that’s an actual Fantasy Football Trophy! Sorry, I’ll stop yelling now. Seriously, this thing is completely what I would imagine a Razzballer having in his or her home. And that’s not to mention the fact that we still have a Bobble Head set up for grabs, along with Razzball t-shirts.

Which brings up another point. Be a RCL commisioner. It’s super easy (I promise), and just a few minutes of work could enter you in for a chance to win a Best Buy gift card. Because any Razzball writer is not eligible, the prize pool is that much smaller, and you could walk away with whatever you kids are buying at Best Buy nowadays. Blu-rays, robots, lasers, drones, who knows. Follow me after the jump for all your RCL details…

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Razzball Archives