Oh wise and powerful Elder Gods, I beg of you to release me from this bondage of constant anguish that my fantasy players have brought down upon me this season. For you, I would give my left nut and sacrifice my best friend and prize chicken, Beatrice, if you so asked me to (please do not). The pain, the pain… I cannot bear it much longer. But this isn’t all about me though. My readers still have hope. Do not punish them, oh Gods, for they don’t deserve your vengeful scorn. They pray to you, the same as I. Bless them with bountiful treasures of fantasy glory.

With that being said, I do own Jerick McKinnon in most of my leagues, and that, my friends, is a very good thing. Of course, it’s because I owned Adrian Peterson, so I suppose that takes some of the luster off of it. Either way, McKinnon must be owned and ridden like that Thai girl (or boy?) rode me one in that fateful night in Bangkok. His explosion is legendary, and watching him run in the open field is an event of unsurpassed beauty. Running for over 100 yards on a Buffalo team that was previously giving up only 2.8 yards a carry is no simple feat. Matt Asiata… he’s no longer relevant. We’ll always have that 3 touchdown game, Matt, and I thank you kindly for the memories. McKinnon’s in line for another special performance against Tampa Bay this week, and I suggest you place him in your fantasy lineups.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

To be honest, Florida kinda sucks.  Not the state of course… just the football teams.  [Jay's Note: Oh, I can make plenty of cases for the state sucking.]  And not even all of them… more like two of them, specifically… I mean, yeah, the Jags roughed up the Browns a bit last week, but say that out loud one more time and let me know if you feel any more validated as a Jaguars fan? Didn’t think so. Tampa Bay? They got two solid wins against former powerhouses, but does knowing what we know now about the Steelers and Saints make those wins lose a little luster? Don’t get me wrong, a win is a win, but then again, it’s really not.  Miami is, by far, the best team coming out of the state, and they’re the real deal (for real!).  They’re two parts sexy defense, and one part boring-but-game-managing offense.  I’m totally picking on the northern Florida teams this week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So this week, we go to the quarterback position. Why? Because I sorta say so, and I’m the one typing.  Show of hands, how many people are still rolling with Matt Ryan?  I see one up front, a few shy kids in the back, and a high school kid just giving me the finger.  Well, in my estimation, a lot of you still are.  So here is my spotlight this week… instead of pretending that Matt Ryan is going to turn it around against the top ranked defense, why not look at a quarterback that is owned by a third of you, and started by just a fifth.  My fellow gents and rude high school kid, take a look at the Ryan Tannehill show.  I know he isn’t for everyone, but there are some of us that have a question mark there.  Tannehill is owned in just 35% of the Yahoo universe, and only started in 14%. The past two weeks he has outscored Stafford, Romo, Ryan, Geno Smith… ahh, you caught me.  You were paying attention.  The list of quarterbacks is pretty long, and it doesn’t start over those three definite startable options.  So stick around as I convince you to start a lower percentage quarterback over a fantasy stalwart.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 59.3% (4th out of 20 Experts, 61.9% Highest, 43.9% Lowest).

I hate to start off with yet another injury, but the loss of Paul Posluszny for the season with a torn pectoral muscle (along with the same injury to Brian Orakpo, do you guys even lift?), leaves the IDP world with yet another stud down for the count. I’ll talk replacements in a second, but I want to take a second to talk about the brilliance of Poz. He’s played on terrible teams for his entire career, yet he’s been an IDP stud ever since he cracked the starting lineup. And by terrible teams, I mean really, really terrible. Like his teams have never even been .500 and their winning percentage during his career is .305, including this year. This is yet another reason why playing in IDP leagues is fun, because even when you’re forced to watch Blake Bortles literally learn the game of football in front of your eyes, you still can enjoy a ball hawk linebacker destroying opposing RBs and giving your team valuable points. Get well soon Poz.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Special Note: JB Gilpin has returned! Sorta-kinda. You should know that he runs Razzball Basketball and was kind enough to have me on the podcast over there. Why? Because this is my first year playing Fantasy Basketball (RCLs are still open, join up!), and if you haven’t partaken, you should, um, partake. I was in trouble, like three words in…

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.60% (19th out of 122 Experts, 60.30% Highest, 49.60% Lowest).

Week 7 Results: 59.70% (33rd out of 132 Experts, 64.30% Highest, 46.50% Lowest).

Accuracy Rank Experts Highest Lowest Score +/- Rank +/-
Week 1 61.80% 22 134 66.10% 48.20%
Week 2 54.00% 35 135 61.30% 42.10% -7.80% -13
Week 3 57.40% 88 128 67.10% 44.30% 3.40% -53
Week 4 56.50% 48 128 61.10% 42.80% -0.90% 40
Week 5 56.50% 70 131 69.40% 47.00% 0.00% -22
Week 6 56.30% 27 133 63.10% 41.50% -0.20% 43
Week 7 59.70% 33 132 64.30% 46.50% 3.40% -6
Totals 57.60% 19 122 60.30% 49.60%

And now, your Week 8 Rankings…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pulling a title from the great run that Eddie Murphy had on Saturday Night Live reminds me of the sense of humor we need to have when we play fantasy football. He had so many great moments, actually too many to list, unlike my fantasy season that has had three good moments. This week, I’m going to look at a hot pickup vs. a draft day dud, and a receiver battle that the experts are pretty split on. As usual, this is my two cents and a look into my process to help you make your calls. I don’t want to get all blah-blah wordy-word on you, so let’s just dive in head first and bang this out… hunh, that sounds like my old hookup philosophy in my teens.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week, I had the ALCS on the television as I was researching some fantasy fantasy football on my MacBook Pro, and something funny happened. My wife, who’s more of a Total Divas and House Hunters kind of viewer, looked up at the game and said “is that Philip Seymour Hoffman?” Without turning my head I knew exactly who she was talking about, and immediately starting laughing. While she knows that the inventor of the shart is no longer with us, I have to admit, the resemblance is a bit uncanny. And in case you haven’t figured it out, the Philip Seymour Hoffman impersonator I am referring to is none other than Buck Showalter…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There are three things that are certain in life: Death, taxes and fantasy football injuries.  Like clockwork, the injury bug struck again this weekend, as running backs seemed to take most of the damage on Sunday.  To get you ready for Week 8 of the NFL and fantasy season, let’s take a look at some of the more severe running back injuries and what they mean from a fantasy perspective.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you know anything about me, or at least have read more than a few articles, you’ll know that I have a few movies in my referential lexicon that I lean on heavily. Number will will probably always be Anchorman. I mean, seriously, within 17 weeks of fantasy football, San Diego gets referenced at least 17 times. How could you NOT go with the German definition when presented the opportunity? Rhetorical. Sixty percent of the time you do it…every time. So let that bring us to the present where I am yet again quoting a movie but this one might be before your time. I don’t know how young you are. Based on some of your texting-based understanding of the human language, I’m guessing at least 30% of you are of the ‘Y’ generation. Don’t worry, I can still understand what you’re saying even if you don’t use punctuation and end sentences with ‘LOL’ and don’t worry part two, I ain’t mad atcha nor am I picking on you. If there were ever a request for Samuel Johnson truncated, you’d have nailed it. Thankfully, my movie reference isn’t THAT old. Nah, I’m just looking back at The Neverending Story. I don’t know if it’s on Netflix. Damn, now that I say that I HOPE it’s on Netflix. FALCOR! But more to the point, Marshawn Lynch was one of the bigger disappointments for DK players last week but I’m here to tell you, dammit it wasn’t his fault! He had a TD called back and for what it’s worth, the Rams played a very good game, which limited his grind down yardage as he finished with a miserable 2.9 ypc and ended with a defeating 9.1 DK points on the day. Not quite what people signed up for when paying $7,100. Oddly, his price point hasn’t changed this week. Given he’s facing the Panthers – a team that is giving up 5,29 ypc to opposing runners – staying the course with Marshawn makes a lot of sense. Marshawn should be a good get for both cash and GPP given his price and him coming off a frustrating week 7. But that’s so last week, let’s talk about this week. Here are my hot takes for this week’s DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Normally, I start with a little opening about the week and dive into the picks for the waiver wire. This week, I’m going to go a little different to open…

It’s one thing to get waiver advice from this site. It’s another thing to get it from someone who is in first place. It’s even nicer when they’re the same person. That is exactly the case right now in the Razzball Writers League, where I am the top banana by myself at 6-1. Hooray for me at the halfway point. Enough chest-thumping, let’s get into the meat of the column.

This week is going to be a very key one on the waiver wire. This is Week 8 and each of the next two weeks feature six teams on bye. If you make the right move this week, you can potentially sit back and reap the benefits while your opponents scramble each week trying to make moves. First, the byes. This week, it’s San Francisco and the New York Giants. Week 9 features Atlanta, Buffalo, Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay and Tennessee sitting out. Week 10 has Houston, Indianapolis, Minnesota, New England, San Diego and Washington at home on the couch. Week 11 is a little easier with Baltimore, Dallas, the Jets and Jacksonville on a bye. And Carolina and Pittsburgh close it out on Week 12.

We’re going to have to keep this in mind as we evaluate our selections.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Archives