Josh Gordon, Aqib Talib

Don’t worry, I got five on it.

Despite pre-season nearly over and the media being inundated with “best shape of my life” stories and covering the on-going suicide watch of the Chiefs defense, there is one story, in particular, that was being watched closely by both the NFL and fantasy football fans alike. And that story was the Indianapolis Colts cutting LaVon Brazil after being suspended for the year after a second drug violation, while Jim Irsay, you know, does his thing. Oh, no, wait, that wasn’t it. The story being watched closely was Janay Rice’s apology for being knocked out and dragged unconscious on the floor by Ray Rice (to be fair, he only carried her two yards before falling down…), with the fallout of this incident being Rice suspended for two games. So I guess one game per one black eye is the going rate these days. Oh, wait, that’s not the story either. No, THE story which is under the NFL and fantasy sports nation’s microscope (it’s bedazzled, because, of course) is the status of Josh Gordon‘s appeal of his one year suspension. We can now all breathe easy and draft accordingly, for there has been a decision…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

We are here today to point out the differences between the Razzball rankings and those that Yahoo has released to the masses. (Not to be confused with Yoohoo, which I do all the time. Then again, I usually confuse most things with chocolate drink. Totally normal.) Since we’ve already compared our rankings with ESPN, the next logical step is to have some amazing chocolate drink. Err, see what I mean? IT HAUNTS ME. I meant: the next logical step is to compare our rankings to Yahoo, THEN have some chocolate drink. Exactly. Maybe I’m just thirsty. Or hungry. Or all these things. All of the time.

Note: Obviously, there are going to be some players that ESPN and Yahoo both like that I do not and vica versa, so I’ve avoided players I’ve already covered, because who likes re-runs? I mean, besides Star Trek and Futurama re-runs? Nobody does. Nobody. 

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Gentlemen and four Ladies,

I know what you’re all thinking, “Who is this man-child showing off his above-average arsenal of hair products? Is this Grey from the past?” Now that’s humorous, and I’m not talking about my arm bone. That’d be humerus! Why would I write about that in the Football section of Razzball? I wouldn’t. Grey wrote about that on WebMD though, so you never know! I digress.

I’m here to introduce the 2014 Razzball Fantasy Football War Room. Get excited! I’ll preface my explanation with an apology for not getting this to the readers sooner. The Fantasy Football War Room was inspired by the one-and-only Fantasy Baseball War Room. It’s a great tool that I’ve used over the last few years to dominate my drafts. While developing my personal draft spreadsheet for football, I realized I could easily format it for use by the masses. There are features I hope to add in the future, but for the sake of time, I wanted to release the War Room while there was still an opportunity for Razzballers to use it!

So, let’s get down to brass tacks. Here is a brief rundown of what you’re getting in the 2014 Razzball Fantasy Football War Room:

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Darn straight I’m going to use an exclamation point there. As I alluded to in last week’s RCL update, when I mentioned that a mysterious additional prize shall be announced at a date that remains a mystery, well, my allusions are now over. Illusions too, because I don’t have that type of holographic technology. I believe only Tupac and Star Trek have that power… but don’t worry! Be happy! I totally didn’t just quote a song! But I might have! I’m yelling all of this because we have a new prize to announce! Okay, let’s introduce this thing, seeing as how I have to go search for a throat lozenge. Our friends at Far Out Award have provided you, the Razzball Commentator Player, a wonderful new prize, and that’s an actual Fantasy Football Trophy! Sorry, I’ll stop yelling now. Seriously, this thing is completely what I would imagine a Razzballer having in his or her home. And that’s not to mention the fact that we still have a Bobble Head set up for grabs, along with Razzball t-shirts.

Which brings up another point. Be a RCL commisioner. It’s super easy (I promise), and just a few minutes of work could enter you in for a chance to win a Best Buy gift card. Because any Razzball writer is not eligible, the prize pool is that much smaller, and you could walk away with whatever you kids are buying at Best Buy nowadays. Blu-rays, robots, lasers, drones, who knows. Follow me after the jump for all your RCL details…

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As you may have noticed, there hasn’t been too much pre-season news to take note of this year. I can’t say if it was different last year, mostly because of alcohol. But so far, we’ve had the Andre Brown epic releasing party, which I struggled to even notice. From what I’ve heard, all seven Houston Texan fans didn’t care anyways. There’s also Kansas City, who is trying the unique strategy of possibly going into the season with no secondary at all. We talked a bit about Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount, who were going to drive without a DUI, but then they got high. And I know why. Yeah. Yeah. Because they got high… Oh, and don’t forget, we are still on Josh Gordon WATCH!– 2014, in which news should be breaking any second now for the past two weeks. Good thing I’ve started an IV of coffee. Don’t worry, it’s hazelnut flavor. However, if there’s one thing we can be promised during the pre-season (the Kansas City secondary being prime example number one), it’s that injuries happen. And it appears Sam Bradford led the charge this past weekend…

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For a sixth straight season, Razzball will be interviewing NFL-team blogs and site contributors for some actual in-depth football knowledge to shed some additional light on our fantasy football knowledge. Keep your eye out for an interview for every NFL team for our Team Preview Series through the summer. This installment comes courteous of Brian Malan from the leading Baltimore Ravens blog: Baltimore Beatdown.

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Do you even tan bro?

Throughout the world of fantasy football, there are varying degrees of talent. Of course, it’s easy to point out the studs and duds each season. After all, studs end up drafted in the first round or two while the duds find themselves on your league’s waiver wire. However, the most important thing to remember is that fantasy football championships are won in the back-half of your draft. Finding quality depth for your roster is undoubtedly the most important (and difficult) thing for fantasy owners to do year in and out. With that being said, here is a look at one of many quality veterans who are being vastly undervalued in fantasy football drafts across the world and could help you win your league: Miami Dolphins wide receiver Brian Hartline.

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Hey, any of you guys see where my offensive line went?

Hey guys, I get it, risk is scary. Most people go their entire lives doing whatever they can to avoid risk. No matter what it is, people avoid risk like I avoid poison ivy and country music. Well consider me to be the fantasy version of the tacky motivational poster on your boss’s wall. Throughout my years as a fantasy football player, I’ve come to know a few things to be true. Never draft a Mike Shanahan coached running back, never draft a QB in the first round, and those who take risks, win. Some of the best picks I’ve made have been some of my riskiest over the years. For example, Randy Moss in 2007 was going rounds after other top receivers after a futile stay in Oakland and a Training camp of DNP’s. What ensued was pure fantasy magic as the combo of Moss and Brady carried several of my teams to Payout City. Think of all the players that avoided Peyton Manning last year coming off of neck surgery. Now think of all the laughs the owners had who took the risk on Manning, as they cashed the more conservative owners checks.

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Don’t worry, they sell Fantasy handcuffs at that one store down the street…

I guess this could have been considered breaking news, but I’m still waiting for the NFL to have any kind of self-awareness with Ray Rice only getting a two-game suspension for assault. Silly me! So here I am, in complete awe, as Pennsylvania has basically taught us the best way to handcuff running backs in fantasy football. Both Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount were charged with possession of marijuana following a traffic stop Wednesday afternoon. Apparently there’s also a DUI charge in the works, which seems logical, you know, kill two birds with one stone, etc., and, of course, the NFL is expected to review the incident. Personally, I think they both should have just stayed home and punched their girlfriends.

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Can you feel the electricity in the air? I know what you’re thinking– Mom/wifey has yet to learn her lesson and attempted to deploy her plug-in vibrator in the Jacuzzi again. (When will they ever learn?) Pray to the Elder Gods that twas not due to them discovering my mythical Instagram account, for once a mortal witnesses those photographs they literally have no choice other than “Releasing,” which is much like the way I felt after viewing the latest Nicki Minaj video, Anaconda! I am known in some underground circles as they Ganymede of fantasy football analysts and I thoroughly embrace it. Back to that electricity your boy Beddict spoke; It’s due to the return of not only football, America’s greatest sport, but FANTASY FOOTBALL, America’s greatest game! ARE YOU READY?!?! I SAID, ARE YOU READY?!?!

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