Greetings! I write this to you, loyal subjects of Beddict, from the trap-house, the one I share on lengthy drug-bingeing weekends with a pink-haired beauty named Maleficent. I’d give the skin off my balls for 20 minutes of slumber, but you know what, upsetting sweet Jay by not having a post submitted today would latch a gonorrhea burn to my soul for the remainder of my days on planet earth, and that’s something I’d prefer not to live with. Let’s proceed, shall we, aaaaaahkay!

So, I’ve noticed many an “expert” have fully turned to the “zero running back theory” this season, and much like the time I accidentally witnessed two men play hide the salami, I’m somewhat curious… Should I adopt this theory as my own, maybe even attempt to say that I invented it after witnessing a distinguished member of my home league run the table on his way to fantasy glory five years ago? I, much unlike Ralph Lifshitz, who stole my entire style and ran with it to fame and glory, don’t have the blackened soul of demon, therefore taking credit for something I didn’t actually do (even though I kind of did) just doesn’t sit right with me. Did I mention Ralph stole my soulmate and now lives with her and my children in an old trap house I used to cook meth at in Boston? WHY, RALPH, WHY?!?!? All I did was gave you a style for you to run with. Smiling in my face, glad to break bread with the God… I’m getting sidetracked here, or should I say: ” I digress”? Do people still say that? Truly got to a point where I’d become furious upon reading that statement. Anyway, “I digress” yet again, and for that I apologize. Where we we? Ahhhhh, yes, zero running back theory. Does it work? Sure, if all the receivers you draft early have monster years and the running backs you draft late all become breakout stars. Or, my goodmen, you could flip the whole game on it’s back and give it the kind of pounding Peter North would be proud of by, WAIT FOR IT, WAAAAAAAAAAAIT FOR IT… taking advantage of your league-mates going to this system, while you sit back, blow a bag to the face, and calmly select a pair of elite running backs in the first three rounds, creating a powerhouse of the likes we haven’t witnessed since the Elder Gods openly walked the earth, burning grown a** men with beams of light from their eyeballs and piping down any women of their choosing. WITNESS!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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AFC-WEST

So wait… You mean to tell me that we’re only a few weeks away from real, live concussion filled NFL action? Where did the time go? Anyway, for those of you not familiar with my work, which would include everyone not in my immediate family, I’m Mike Honcho and I’m usually pontificating on baseball this time of the year. However, it’s hard to say no to the persuasive ways of Unbreakable MB and Jay Wrong. They’re like the Razzball version of “Brazilian security guards” at a gas station at 6 A.M. – You just can’t say no! So here I am, ready to tell you how the AFC West will unfold in 2016. How will Denver cope without America’s favorite “Non-PED using” quarterback? Can Derek Carr take the next step and lead the Raiders to the postseason? Did Andy Reid serve his 15 hours of community service for habitual clock-management violations? Finally, can Phillip Rivers generate enough excitement for the dozens of Chargers fans in San Diego? Theses questions and more (well, not much more) will be answered below. I’ll list the teams in order of predicted finish and give you a few helpful nuggets to help you navigate the choppy waters of fantasy draft season. Join me, won’t you?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Right now, Andrew Luck has a higher ADP than every quarterback except Cam Newton and Aaron Rodgers. Look, I get it. The Colts have no run game and they rely on the pass which is why Luck is so high on everyone’s board. But I fell into this trap last season and I’m not falling for it again.

My main concern is that people are drafting Mr. Luck over Russell Wilson. Or should I say, Dangeruss Wilson?CoXfYN-WYAAhyNy-688x1024

In all honesty, I hate Russell Wilson. He’s a total meathead and he’s got a smokin’ hot girl which only makes things worse, because they are super cliquey together. But the truth is, on the field, he is Dangeruss. So Russell, you can continue to do whatever you want off the field (like these Armed and Dangeruss photoshoots), as long as you win me fantasy football championships, fair?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

blogtalkradio

If you haven’t already, you can listen to the podcast that was recorded during this draft here, which was hosted by former ESPN producer Pod Vader. Come to think of it, he not only hosted the league, he was a special host for the actual podcast. Two birds! One stone! You know how the saying goes… and if you don’t, no worries! Just blame Obama! Anyhow, with this expert draft in the books, it’s time to write about said draft in the self-deprecating manner that captivates all of my first dates (and not so coincidentally, last dates) to no end. So first, let’s introduce the players: ESPN’s former Producer Pod Vader, Fantasy Insiders‘ Joel Henard, SportsGalPal‘s Ramona Rice, Her Fantasy Football’s Brandon Marianne LeeMatt Chatham from Football by FootballWally Spurlin from Fantasy Football Sharks, D-Rex (yes, that’s his name, no, he’s not a dinosaur, unfortunately) from PyromaniacDaily Fantasy Sports Rankings‘ Doug Norrie, Pro Football Weekly‘s John Sahly, and Jay from Razzball (hey, that’s me!) And now? My team!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

usa-today-9340670.0

Welcome back, my loyal Horde! I trust that you have all been able to get on without me this past week? No arrests, Megan’s Law registries, or restraining orders? If not, then that means you are all here for another weekly dose of my awesomeness, and, with the regular season approaching, hopefully I have given you some things to think about (up to this point) as Fantasy Football draft season begins. I know, I know, there are soooo many writers out there who probably give you the same thing I do, each week. But remember, nothing can compare to the original, and baby, I am as original as it gets! Imitation really is the best form of flattery, but you know, only I can satisfy your weekly need of Fantasy Football wisdom like no other. So, without further ado, let’s get on with this week’s version of my gospel according to Jen with Hit it or Quit it, the Preseason Editions…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

eelliot

Fellow Razzballers: Before I get into the topic at hand, allow me a brief introduction. My name is Alex Lee, long-time reader/first-time contributor, and I have emerged from the desert of my Fantasy Football writing career a weary traveler, thirsty for the love of the masses. In my college years I wrote football articles for a site called KFFL, which the older amongst you will recognize as an early fantasy resource, the younger will think is a radio station, and the youngest will have no idea what I’m talking about because you’ve never heard of the site or listened to radio. Now, after an eight-year absence, I’m back to relive the glorious days of fantasy sports writing, sleeping on piles of money and being fed grapes by your mothers in exchange for small bits of wisdom. [Answers phone call from Jay] I’m sorry, I’ve been informed that this is unpaid and I will have to feed grapes to myself. Ah, what the hell, I’ll do it anyways! And if you’re in the Philly area, you can catch me doing stand-up comedy at any place foolish enough to let me on stage…

With that out of the way, let’s get into a nice, calm discussion of – what is wrong with you idiots!? As a Cowboys fan, it pains me to say this, but why are you drafting Ezekiel Elliott in the top-10?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

GOTrazzRCLdraftComing

Actually, a few have already happened (and we’ll talk about them a bit after the jump), but, just like the title alludes to, the table is set, the forks and spoons are in their right place, and hopefully there’s food ready and on the way. In terms of the RCL universe (since I’m hungry and if there are any more food metaphors, I’ll eventually end up eating my monitor), the “league” has taken shape and drafts are about to begin. (But that doesn’t mean you still can’t create and join your choice of RCLs!) And, I want to touch on this: when I say “league”, I mean league, not leagues. Because ef pluralization… I mean, what has it ever done for me? Regardless, you have to remember, this is one complete universal league. The Milky Way of Fantasy Football if you will, including Antonio Brown, Saturn, and of course, Uranus. Don’t roll your eyes, you knew it was coming. Regardless, what I’m trying to say is, join any league you like, create as many as you want, and be part… of the universe. Mutha. Effing. Deep.

Now, as promised last paragraph (remember the good old days?), there actually have already been some drafts that have taken place (including a league hosted by yours truly, Lord Tehol, and our very own Stan Son!) and we’ll take a look at some of what happened in these three leagues to give everyone a general idea of what a terrible idea it is to draft early. I swear, half my team will be injured by the end of the preseason…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NFCWEst

Some of the pros in this industry put out division previews, and over here at Razzball, we are no different. I will try and hit as many player names as possible that are relevant to your upcoming drafts. This is my first article for this site and I’m excited to be here. Let me tell you a little bit about myself… Sorry to go into so much detail. Sometimes I can’t stop babbling.

We are going to start with the NFC West and without going into a ton of detail before we get into individual teams, the West is chalked full of running back talent, but probably the weakest as far as wide receivers go. As far as rankings go, this is a mixed bag in terms of quarterback, and the tight end pool is pretty shallow too. We will go ahead and start with the team that I think will have the most fantasy relevance in this division…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

greekfootball

Fantasy football!  Yay!  I thought I’d take the time to share with you some of the things that have been on my mind this preseason.  These three “Myths” (that’s what I’m calling them anyway) are concepts that seem to be accepted without question when they should be held to greater scrutiny.

Want to take on Razzball writers and contributors in the great game of Fantasy Football? For Prizes? OH MY GOD YES. Where do you sign up? Great question! (Even though you didn’t technically ask. I mean, you might have, but I couldn’t hear you…) You can join here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Now, if you’ve been a reader here at the football side of Razz, you know that I try to stay away from the title of “expert” whenever possible, except in reference to watching porn (the single life!), as I’m just a dude that likes writing about football… that’s it. But whenever this nomenclature comes up, you have that one guy (or girl… please?) explaining that we are not experts and blah-blah-yadda-yadda, ef the establishment! In which case, I kinda agree, but can’t we just accept that this is the title of the league and I’m not really going to take the time to say: 10-team league full of seasoned-writers that decided to get together to form a league so we can see who reigns supreme? That’s right, I’m just going to put it in the lede to take up space until we get to the Podcast link…

Anyhow, like the title denotes, this Podcast (on the Blogtalkradio Network) was recorded during our “EXPERT, MUTHAF*CKER” draft, and among the teams, you’ll find those “seasoned” fantasy vets such as ESPN’s former Producer Pod Vader, Fantasy InsidersJoel Henard, SportsGalPal‘s Ramona Rice, Her Fantasy Football’s Brandon Marianne LeeMatt Chatham from Football by FootballWally Spurlin from Fantasy Football Sharks, D-Rex (yes, that’s his name, no, he’s not a dinosaur, unfortunately) from PyromaniacDaily Fantasy Sports Rankings‘ Doug Norrie, Pro Football Weekly‘s John Sahly, and Jay from Razzball (hey, that’s me!)

I’ll have my own analysis of the draft in a few short days, but in the meantime, enjoy the show!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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