In what will be a showdown for the ages, with the context of said showdown being for first place in the dumpster fire known as the NFC South, seems as though it’s a perfect game to spotlight during Thursday Night Football, a prime time slot that has been utterly corrosive to our livers about 90% of the time. Or maybe that’s just my liver. I love alcohol. What of it? After treating the Green Bay defense like tissue paper, Breesus and his disciples (see what I did there?) look to take on the fledgling Panthers. Fun fact: Every team in this division is fledgling. Except Tampa Bay. They’re just terrible. Coming into the season with what was supposed to be an elite defense, Carolina has given up at least 37 points four times in the past five games. But they did hold Seattle to 13 points, proving that Seattle’s offense is kinda sh*tty. That being said, Cam Newton still has some room to grow, and DeAngelo Williams is back in time for this game, just to get injured again. So, uh, yeah, should be one of those games…

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Greetings! Welcome to another titillating edition of Disgrace/Delight. Tough week for your boy, as I dropped $130 and $160 in two money leagues with the first being a standard scoring league. There’s an ongoing joke (I’m the only one who seems to participate in it), in the standard league that I’m cursed as I get everyone’s best performance and lost in my first three finals appearances, including on by a tie!!! This is quickly becoming creepier than (Homeland Spoiler Alert!) Carrie molesting that 17 year-old Pakistani boy. (Spoiler over.) They dog me for being a supposed “expert”, don’t read my blogs, and definitely don’t watch my  TV interviews on The Fantasy Sports Network (some friends, I know). I feel like Rodney Dangerfield, for Beddict the Elder God Blessed gets zero respect from these clucks. It’s time to turn the tide. It’s time to channel the powers of the Elder Gods and demolish the souls of these treacherous bastards. Those of you residing outside the playoff picture at this moment need to take a look in the mirror (I have hundreds if you need to borrow one), and ask yourself if you want to be great. It starts with this week, and I’m going to be by your side, pushing and prodding you to be the best you can become. Take Heed!

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Good Afternoon, my three loyal friends! We’re midway through the season, and I wanted to take a chance to analyze our streamer performances over the last eight weeks. Are our streamers weak like your gramps complains about, or are they strong like a young stallion?! That’s what we want to find out here, kids. To start, I went back and looked at the ownership rates of players at our four streamer positions to figure out how many players at each position were owned by over 50% of teams. I found some interesting information:

QB: 20 TE: 16 K: 12 DST 17

In most leagues, 20 QB’s, 16 TE’s, 12 K’s, and 17 DST’s are held on teams over 50% of the time. These are the baselines to which we need to compare our streamers, since we are giving you players that are under 50% owned. We want our picks to outperform the Top-20 QB’s, Top-16 TE’s, Top-12 K’s and the Top-17 DST’s. So how did our streamer performances stack up against the averages? Overall, our average QB’s ranked 16.6 each week, TE’s ranked 21.2 each week (A Niles Paul 47th ranked week killed us), K’s ranked 17.5 each week, and DST’s ranked 14.8 each week. When you look at our ranks, you can see that we’re exceeding the baseline with our QB and DST picks, but underperforming in the TE and K department. We’ll look to rectify and improve these numbers in the second half of the season.

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Well, if you have, I am surprised that you weren’t abducted and brought to a quaint little nest just south of Parma…  So. here in Week 9, we have come to a guy that I have been trying to save for when the time was right.  Andrew Hawkins is the clear cut favorite this week for me in the city of Brown.  I am officially make the color and team name singular.  Because it’s a color and a dog… I hear you way there in the back smarty pants.  Go extinguish your LeBron jersey and become a fan all over again.  With Jordan Cameron most likely to miss this week’s game, I ask you this: who else is going to be in the running pattern for human underthrow Brian Hoyer to go to? I am kidding Brian Hoyer, I love you, and you will find out later in two paragraphs patience. Who he will throw to was just discussed, look up, and if you don’t own, or want to take part in the 43% of people who do own Andrew Hawkins, get comfy and stay close to your monitor as I break down the Hawk… and you can put in on the board… YES!

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2014 In-Season Accuracy: 59.3% (4th out of 22 Experts, 62.3% Highest, 42.6% Lowest).

In this space we typically just talk defense, and for good reason. Offensive players are covered ad nauseam on literally every other page on the Internet. I try to provide a safe haven for IDP owners to come and rejoice in the beauty of the solo tackle, and mourn the losses of beloved friends like Derrick Johnson and Paul Pozluszny. But IDP fantasy football doesn’t exist in a silo, and in order to maximize your lineup’s potential, we occasionally need to think about the other side of the ball.

Early on in the season, playing matchups is a bit of a fool’s errand. Teams are still struggling to establish their identity, starting lineups can be fluid, and one game can have an outsized impact on stat lines. But now that we’re two months into the season, using matchups to help inform lineup decisions can be a valuable tool.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at teams that have been the best (and worst) matchups for each IDP position.

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Rest of Season Rankings have been updated, and can be found here.

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.90% (33rd out of 122 Experts, 60.70% Highest, 47.80% Lowest).

Week 8 Results: 56.30% (67th out of 130 Experts, 64.80% Highest, 45.20% Lowest).

Accuracy Rank Experts Highest Lowest Score +/- Rank +/-
Week 1 61.80% 22 134 66.10% 48.20%
Week 2 54.00% 35 135 61.30% 42.10% -7.80% -13
Week 3 57.40% 88 128 67.10% 44.30% 3.40% -53
Week 4 56.50% 48 128 61.10% 42.80% -0.90% 40
Week 5 56.50% 70 131 69.40% 47.00% 0.00% -22
Week 6 56.30% 27 133 63.10% 41.50% -0.20% 43
Week 7 59.70% 33 132 64.30% 46.50% 3.40% -6
Week 8 56.30% 67 130 64.80% 45.20% -3.40% -34
Totals 57.90% 33 129 60.70% 47.80%

And now, your Week 9 Rankings…

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I’m going in a different direction this week, and staying out of the running back game. I’m going to battle four wide receivers at once, and give you a little mini-ranking at the end. We got a preseason darling that has been testing the patience of his owners, a rookie who has opportunity and upside, a third-year break out playing as a WR3 regularly, and lastly, a fourth year player who has been a little lost in a sea of rookies. What’s the Logic here? It’s just me playing shenanigans. I’m kidding, have a sense of humor. But really let’s get serious.

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All Hallow’s Eve is nearly upon us, and I hope you have your costume picked out. I’ve got a few late nights ahead of me to finish mine, but I expect to be ready in time. Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. What’s better than drunk adults wearing costumes acting like children? Honestly, not much. One year I saw a guy dressed as Daniel LaRusso in the shower get punched in the face by a dude wearing a Cobra Kai jersey while he was smoking a cigarette outside a bar. Another time I saw a dude dressed up as the Teen Wolf crushing beer cans with his teeth as he spun a basketball on his fingertips. But I’m not sure anything can top seeing the Ultimate Warrior in a speedo running down the middle of a main street in freezing weather in typical Warrior-like fashion.

How about a few NFL players last week that put on their uniforms and masqueraded about as fantasy studs?

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Because Monday night’s game went exactly as we all thought, right?  The Washington (enter name here) football team defeated the first-place Dallas Cowboys in primetime.  And yes, at one point in the night, Cleveland fans rejoiced (or puked) when both Colt McCoy and Brandon Weeden were in the game. So with McCoy’s performance over the past two weeks — he leads all quarterbacks in completion percentage over that stretch — what does this mean for Robert Griffin III?  Washington head coach Jay Gruden said that McCoy’s stellar play won’t have any impact on Griffin, as he’s the starter as soon as he’s healthy.  On Tuesday, Gruden said that Griffin is “very, very, very close” to returning.  With six teams on bye this week, fantasy managers are scrambling to the waiver wire to replace Jay Cutler, Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, Kyle Orton, Matt Ryan and Zach Mettenberger.  OKAY, maybe not Mettenberger, but you get the picture.  Can Griffin be that guy this week for you?  Chances are slim, to be honest.  Yes, he could probably go out there against Minnesota on Sunday, but with a Week 10 bye week, it makes more sense to sit him until Week 11.

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Ugh, do I have to, Fantasy Gods?  Why must you torture me so?  What did I ever do to you to deserve this?  You touch yourself inappropriately when you think no one is watching.  Ummm, Fantasy Gods care about that?  You’re ruling over a bunch of nerds, what else are we supposed to do?  ‘Check out my fantasy team’ isn’t exactly something you post on Tinder.  Neverthewho!  Eli Manning.  Ugh…I mean, he plays football so there’s that.  Just doesn’t play it well most weeks…so there’s that too.  Then again, he’s coming off a bye and should hopefully be ready and prepared to take on a secondary that got completely wrecked both on the scoreboard and in terms of injuries on week 8…but of course Rashad Jennings might not be back this week and it’s clear the Giants need him…ooph, this is tough.  Eli is gonna throw for 350 and 4 TDs or he’s gonna end with 175, 2 picks and give you Manning face.  There’s really no in between with this guy so for me he’s going to be a GPP only go and even at that, only do it if everyone and their mother says ‘I won’t play Eli this week’ for the contrarian goodness.  Wow, what an inspiring opening!  I think there is more hedging here than even a yard worker could provide.  Clearly it’s time to move on so let’s.  Here’s some other hot takes for the week 9 DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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