Welcome back, my lovelies, to this week’s rendition of Hit It or Quit It. Hopefully, this week’s article finds you with your MCL’s, ankles, knees, toes, and elbows intact and where they are supposed to be, unlike the poor bastards on many of our rosters this past weekend. OUCH! Somehow, yours truly managed to squeeze out a 5-1 record for my leagues this weekend, while starting the best of the worst, a few no names, and a couple of poor schmoes who happened to be working the grounds crew at Met Life Stadium (Thanks, Manuel! I needed that turnover!). Did I just get lucky? Right place, right time? Or is this week’s domination in my leagues an indication of my Fantasy Football genius? I’ll let you make the call… (Hint: It’s the latter). So, before the refs from last night’s Bears-9’ers game decide to flag me for excessive celebration, let’s get into this week’s slim pickin’s and outright grenades. Gentlemen, and a few ladies, I give you Hit It or Quit It: Week 3.

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It’s time to run to the waiver wire and put your claim in for Kansas City running back Knile Davis. Star running back and first-round pick Jamaal Charles left the loss at Denver in the first quarter with an ankle sprain and didn’t return. Davis took the field and had 79 yards and two touchdowns on 22 carries. He added a pair of catches as well, and looked sharp. Davis could be a starter on some other running-back hungry teams and he should be on your fantasy roster this week. Charles (sprained ankle) looks to be questionable at best for this week against Miami. He’s been diagnosed with the dreaded high ankle sprain, and Davis should capitalize on it. The Dolphins are giving up 101 yards a game on the ground so the opportunity is there for Davis. The week after, it’s a Monday night tilt at New England (122.5 yards per game) for the Chiefs. Week 5 is a brutal matchup at San Francisco. We know how tough they are to run on, hunh Matt Forte? It wouldn’t make sense for the Chiefs to bring back Charles to get pounded into ground chuck before the team’s bye week on Week 6.

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Trent Richardson just experimenting with his new tactic of gaining yardage by getting tackled from behind.

So apparently ESPN had their huge unveiling last night for their new piece of technology that celebrates Chip Kelly’s innovativeoffense by creating a clock that works in reverse of a play clock. So the numbers now count up instead of down. I’m sure money, time, and development went into this, so I should point out that cancer is still a thing. Regardless, the game itself was strangely entertaining for an MNF slot that hasn’t felt relevant this decade. Sure, most of that excitement was produced by Darren Sproles, who is so tiny and fast. And while Foles and the Eagles offense has struggled mightly now in the first half of their first two games, to their credit, they’re now 2-0. And despite an obvious holding call directly leading to a crucial Andrew Luck interception in the 4th quarter, the Colts seemed to waste an actually effective running tandem in Trent Richardson and my chosen one, Ahmad Bradshaw with lousy repetitive play-calling and the mistakable urge to play for field position towards the end of the game. It’s not a death march by any means, but 0-2 is not how I imagined the Colts starting.

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Well, based on what happened yesterday, I’m surprised the NFL was able to field two teams with no replacement players. Tonight’s match-up features a not-as-good-as-last-year-but-still-should-be-pretty-good Nick Foles leading the Eagles into the two block by two block city known as Indianapolis. Going for a 2-0 start would be ideal, but with the Giants being the Giants, the Cowboys being the Cowboys, and RG-3 being RG-3, they really don’t have to try too hard this season. 7-9 seems like a reasonable play-off record in this division. On the flip side, we’ll get to see Trent Richardson try and run with the football further than my dead grandmother could have. This proposition seems 50-50 right now. Oh, and seeing as how I was telling everyone to buy on Ahmad Bradshaw and Dwayne Allen, it would be nice if they put up a combined 809 fantasy points tonight to erase the memory that I ever touted Ryan Mathews. It’s not Sunday folks, but let’s drink anyways…

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To be honest, I’m not really sure what to do with myself right now. As I’m writing today’s recap (which will be yesterday’s recap when you read this), I find myself essentially writing my first ever obituary. It’s certainly not a fun feeling writing about gruesome, year-threatening, maybe even career-threatening injuries, but seeing as this all came on a day where we saw the Cleveland Browns finally have an opportunity to understand what this “happiness” emotion is that they’ve heard so much about, but have never experienced, and that the Bills are officially on pace to go 16-0, we can try to find some sort of silver lining here. Or just realize that the world is about to come to an end. Also, LOL Jets.

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NFL: Divisional Round-San Franciso 49ers at Carolina Panthers

I AM SEVENMAN!

Well, most of these games today were terrible, or required triage as the week 2 early morning games were brought to you by the NFL Kickers Union and Obamacare. I knew I should have gone to the bar instead of watching multiple games at home… but I’m not putting on pants now, so here I am as the second week of Sunday Night Football brings us the Bears and 49ers. While it’s still a game-time decision, as I let you know this morning, it appears that Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery may not play tonight. Which I guess means that it’s going to be Forte all Forte long. Whatever that means.

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True nightmare fuel.

Who are these “Chargers” you speak of? Are we talking about my phone charger? Yeah, you’re right, such faux bewilderment by me is totally unbecoming of a true Charges fan. All 12 of us. But here we are, probably the biggest test of the young season, and… brah, check out those waves. Laters. Meanwhile, Pete Carroll is too busy helming the Northwest Death Star and poisoning San Francisco’s water supply to know what a Charger is or what it does. In fact, there are going to be more Chargers fans in Portland this Sunday than San Diego. And while you could accuse me of being a bit bias with the lede, I simply refuse to talk about a Houston-Oakland match-up. And no, the Rams and Cardinals seems equally as boring. And while I would have liked to have highlighted the Jets-Packers game, I’m pretty sure I would be forced to pay royalties to State Farm for doing so. Unabashed Chargers homerism it is!

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Sooo, not exactly what I would wear during hunting season…

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the AFC East 1st place team– The Buffalo Bills. Sure it’s only week 2, and they are in a three-way tie with the Dolphins and Jets, but let’s get real. The Jets will soon do what the Jets do best, and that’s not stay in first place. And the Dolphins, I’m sure, will find interesting ways to stay mediocre. Then again, both those things can be said about the Bills, but let’s enjoy it while it lasts. After all, some day in the future, someone will remember that one week where the Bills were Super Bowl bound and on pace for a 16-0 season. But probably not.

Week 2 Rankings have been updated for today’s games. You can check them out here.

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I hope everyone had a great week one. I didn’t. But let’s not dwell on me, because I’m here for you. This week I’m tinkering with the set-up as I seek the best way to go about this. I’m adding in ranks among the fantasy pros and our own honcho Jay’s ranks to give you some perspective. You might be asking yourself: What’s with all this three way talk? Well I needed an eye catcher, and I can’t afford to buy you all a beer, the shipping cost would kill me. What I am doing is a three way battle this week as I pit freshman hype vs. freshman handcuff vs. freshman who dat? Don’t worry, you’re not alone with all this three way talk, probably giving you a flashback of that one time you thought it might happen, only to realize the two girls wanted a ride and you were the safest person to get them home without getting all grabby in the car. Stupid insecure me…wait…I mean my friend with confidence issues named Mack. Yeah, Mack’s crazy insecure.

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