Greetings! What. Just. Happened? Six months ago, I would have literally bet my life against five grand that Donald Trump had zero shot at being the Republican nominee. Two months ago, I would have bet every red cent I have that he could not defeat Hillary Clinton in this epic battle for USA supremacy. It became quite apparent to me how insanely wrong I was about the whole sitch, right about when Trump did Killary like Frank Dukes did Chong Li in Bloodsport. One can only receive so many consecutive roundhouse kicks to the grill piece before they fall to the mat in a bloody and bruised pile of raw hamburger meat and shart-stained drawls. This is honestly the hugest upset in the history of politics, or maybe the biggest upset of any kind. I’m talking about in the history of the world. I am beyond shocked. A few months ago, I would have said I’m appalled, but Hillary is so insanely unlikable that the fact she could have been the first woman to preside over the United States of America wasn’t even an interesting story. Her campaign became desperate, as she posted edited attack ads going at Trump, making her look petty and weak. Not only did Trump win, but the Republicans managed to still maintain control of both the house and the senate! PLEASE RID THIS NATION OF THE DEATH TAX! This money has already been taxed. What right does the government have to it? Again, this money has already been taxed. I don’t even understand how this is a real thing. But, truly, this Trump shizz is beyond nuts, but kudos to him for staying the course and pulling it out. Imagine how incredible it would feel to win the Presidency after countless celebrities and people like Warren Buffett and Mark Cuban blasted him non-stop. I must say, that that’s quite impressive. You simply cannot deny this. Yes, my goodmen, Donald J. Trump got the last laugh here…
I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace and Delight! Take heed!
Players the Lord believes will Ball Out in Week 10:
Tom Brady – I’m assuming you all witnessed what Tygod did to this pathetic defense? I’m also assuming you all know by now that Tygod is superior to almost every quarterback in the NFL and that I’m still awaiting my Purple Heart and Nobel prize for discovering him and predicting greatness for him before anyone else in the world. This blurb isn’t about Tyrod? Oops, I did it again. I played with your heart. I made you believe, that we were more than just friends. Seriously though, Brady is about to carve up the Seahawks like the bed sheet his ex-wife, Ivana Trump, made him for his first KKK rally. I’m jooooooooking. But shoot, If Tyrod Taylor can obliterate this once proud defense IN SEATTLE, WITH NO RECEIVERS, then, what, my goodmen, is Brady going to do to them in front of Bob Kraft and his 23-year girlfriend who he took in the day after his wife kicked the bucket? I’m thinking 400 yards and a minimum of three touchdowns.
Jay Cutler – After watching Bucs defenders grabbing their ankles and getting pounded in a game of butt’s up, I’ve decided to now rank them as the worst defense in the NFL, surpassing a pathetic Saints group. Smokin’ Jay astonished us with his brilliance and precision two weeks ago in dismantling the Minnesota Vikings (who have since fallen off like a bad bag of dope by the way). Cutler should be owned on at least one of your DFS teams this week as he attempts to make Chicago great again…
Peyton Barber – The Bucs running back group has taken more licks than Bill Clinton did from Monica Lewinsky, yet somehow these guys continue to produce. Barber is the only man standing at the moment so I’d say there’s a high probability of a 80 plus total yards and a score. Another year in the gutter for Tampa. Trump very well could change that… How, I’m not sure.
Jay Ajayi – Not since the great Donald Trump won the presidency have I witnessed a more stunning rise to the top. The Boise State product continues to amaze on a weekly basis and now I cant keep my D out of the peanut butter jar. It’s shocking, really. One could argue Ajayi is the number one RB for the remainder of the season.
Alshon Jefferey – I’ve already mentioned the Bucs defense being shredded like Hillary attempted to do with her emails before she realized they were stored online in a thing called a computer, and Jefferey has Cutler back and has now had a bye to get fully healthy. I would expect a nuclear……….explosion.
Tyler Lockett – He gets a TD off a bomb this week. Believe me.
Jimmy Graham – Still waiting on all the phone calls from all my fantasy expert brethren, conceding to me for being the only one man enough to predict Graham’s epic comeback. There is no better receiving tight end in the NFL, possibly the history of the NFL. The Patriots defense is more pathetic than Ralph Lifshitz attempting to block me from porkin’ his wife every three months or so, so I’m fully expecting Jimmy to take advantage.
Players the Lord believes will Fail like the Entire Democratic Party in Week 10:
Blake Bortles – You would be hard pressed to find a man I respect less than Blake Bortles right now. He is the Mitt Romney of NFL quarterbacks, as he started with a spark but now he’s just garbage. This weenie actually makes Paul Ryan look like a man and frankly, I’m at my wits end. I truly do not understand what happened to this young man. Every coach on the Jaguars staff must be fired immediately. This team has playoff level talent and are an absolute laughing stock. Send these lames to London where they belong.
Case Keenum – Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these months you’d like to play me. To go over everything. They say time’s supposed to heal my inadequacies, but I ain’t done much healing. – Jared Goff.
T.J. Yeldon – Another pathetic Jag. Ivory went off last week, further solidifying Yeldon’s place as chosen whizzinator holder for his more talented teammates. “Sorry Teej, didn’t mean to spray you in the eye again. This clean urine is for Allen Robinson, though, I’m thinking we should get him to quit blazing because he’s been absolute gutter butt in 2016.”
Rashad Jennings – Is there any man less deserving of an NFL job than this guy? Seriously, Hillary Clinton has bigger nuts than this guy. This will be his last season in the NFL, and rightfully so. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.
Julian Edelman – I’m not even trying to hate, I’m just wondering where the stats have been for little Julian. I could be wrong here, because, honestly, I didn’t even look them up. I’m just saying that it seems he’s had a bit of a down year with some of the added weapons the Patriots brought in this past offseason. We all remember Jeremy Lane shutting his ass down before the breaking his leg, which helped allow the Patriots to steal the worst Super Bowl in NFL history. Never forget.
DeSean Jackson – Remember when this man was considered one of the most dynamic and explosive threats in the National Football league? Those memories seem to now forever be lost along with thoughts of climate change and universal health care.
Coby Fleener – Cannot believe that Fleener totally ruined Clinton’s campaign after the FBI looked into email’s between himself and Hillary regarding his sexting addiction. Did Hillary even ask for those photos? I mean, we all love a good Dik pic, but come on.
Thank you for joining me for another edition of Disgrace/Delight. As per usual, your comments and questions will be responded to below. If you’re out there rioting, I selfishly hope you make it home safely to increase the amount of clicks I receive on this post. Let’s make Razzball great again, my goodmen. Let’s chat later.