WHAT. A. GAME. And while those Tampa Bay Buccaneers jerseys will never not be ugly, I want to establish that out of the two statements I just made, only one was leaking sarcasm… and I’ll let you figure out which one. Honestly, at what point should the NFL stop serving endless vodka with a heaping side of cocaine when they’re picking matchups for Monday and Thursday night? In a game that featured what seemed like six hours of tied football when Roberto Aguayo wasn’t missing and making field goals in sequential order (because that’s what you want from a field goal kicker), I don’t think we learned much. I mean, except for the fact that Derek Anderson is the consummate professional. He’d been out of the starting role for how many decades now? And as you can see above, he was instantly back to form. Our national nightmare is over everyone, the epoch of Derek Anderson has begun. Again.
If Donald Trump would have built his wall, that kick would have never happened, so…
Roberto Aguayo – 3/5 FG, 0/0 XP, 9 PTS. I’m starting to think the Bucs should have drafted A-different-guayo. Yes, that was my first ever kicker blurb. Yes, it was worth it.
Derek Anderson – 18/28, 278 YDS, 9.9 AVG, 2 INT, 67.3 RTG and 1 CAR, 4 YDS. It’s so weird to see Derek Anderson not getting injured for the Cleveland Browns…
Cameron Artis-Payne – 18 CAR, 85 YDS, 4.7 AVG, 2 TD. While I acknowledge that Artis-Payne did, in fact, score two touchdowns last night, I want to make it very clear that all scoring by both teams was by accident.
Mike Evans – 6 REC, 89 YDS, 14.8 AVG, 1 TD. Out of 12 targets! How Winston continues to overthrow dudes who are 6’6″+ is beyond me…
Ted Ginn Jr. – 1 REC, 5 YDS. Ted Ginn made a catch? God help us all. The age of man is over. It’s the fire’s turn.
Vincent Jackson – 3 REC, 36 YDS, 12.0 AVG. THIS VINCE JACKSON, I CALL HIM MY IMPOTENCE BECAUSE HE WON’T EVEN LET ME FINISH WELL IN MY FANTASY.
