Was there a Fantasy team out there not affected by Snow-pocalypse 2013? No? I didn’t think so. The frozen tundra’s of Green Bay, Philadelphia, Washington, Baltimore and Pittsburgh may have decided whether your playoff dreams were realized or simply melted away like Frosty the Snowman in a greenhouse full of poinsettias. Damn you, Professor Hinkle! We well-informed, stat studying, borderline genius, Fantasy loving Razzballers left standing are headed for the playoffs. Some of us, however, are also carrying a roster that may look like a MASH unit. There was a blizzard of injuries Sunday that left Adrian Peterson, Rob Gronkowski and Reggie Bush owners cracking open the cheap scotch and drowning their sorrows before it was 5 o’clock anywhere. Now that you have pulled your sorry self up off the cool bathroom floor, let’s run down the players that may lead you to Fantasy Football glory and all the accolades that come with it. Namely rubbing it in your league-mates faces for the next 52 weeks. It’s time to jam it or cram it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Another week of RCL action is in the books! And whilst my teams fall apart faster than a Jenga tower at a vertigo clinic, the RCL title is wide open! You can check out the full interactive 2013-2014 RCL Standings tab up under “Leagues” that shows you how you’re stacking up against your Razzball competitors in your journey to RCL glory.
TOP SCORER: The talk of the Cowtown! RCL top scorer this week went to the Cowtown Russellers, who racked up 207.16 points in the Bobby Boucher’s Water Bottle league as a statement win to close out their regular season heading into a #2 playoff seed. Huge games from Josh Gordon, Jamaal Charles, Charles Clay, and the utter special teams beat down KC put up on the Washington football squad moved Cowtown to 10-4 and the most points in the league. Cowtown will need to beat the Gridiron Gangastas to get into the league finals, while #1 seed Dougie Fresh’s Team is heading into the playoffs off a sub-100 point week and a loss. They’ll need to turn it around against the D-Town Stompers to meet the winner of Cowtown and Gridiron. Good luck in your semi round, and congrats again to Cowtown!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey did you survive the first round? Like, comment and subscribe below if you did! Sorry, thought I was running a youtube blog. Wait, are those even real? I don’t think you can blog on youtube. Just post really pointless comments that nobody reads and even when they do and respond, they don’t actually read the response to what you said. So youtube should just be videos sans comment section. Glad we cleared that up! Now what was I talking about…oh yeah, Josh McCown. Did I say he was gonna be good this week? Let’s take a magical ride back to last Thursday and find out in my weekly rankings…yup! Sure, Jared Cook dropped a deuce, Torrey Smith farted while your mouth was open and the Bengals started CBs off the street against the Colts but hey, I got one right…RIGHT?!? It was a rough rankings week, I’m not gonna lie. As Tehol pointed out on twitter to me, I got my Bens mixed up. Ben Tate didn’t do well and Big Ben did. But of course, Tehol chides yet also loves when it’s appropriate. Speaking of Tehol…TeholBeddict47? Is that like 47 Ronin? And is it just me or does Keanu’s movie sound more like a play call at the line than it does a samurai movie…but I’m digressing. And of course, what do you expect? The biggest fantasy scorer on the week is a 34 year old journeyman who has played for/been dropped by teams like the Cardinals, Lions, Raiders, Dolphins, Panthers, and 49ers which is not even mentioning his stint with the Hartford Colonials. So first I’ll briefly go over the stats: 27/36 for 348 and 4 passing TDs along with a rushing touchdown and a 2 point conversion. With the zero interceptions, that’s pretty much glory defined. Can’t beat it. Not even Peyton Manning could. The reality is he probably should’ve had at least 2 INTs on the night and is still a 34 year old journeyman. I do think this game says much more about two things: the Dallas defense and Marc Trestman. Never trust one, always trust the other. I don’t care who Trestman has at the helm next year – Cutler, McCown, a junior high 3rd string QB – I’m gonna want in on it. And to be fair, I’m not doing this to say McCown is terrible. You still have to execute to get a statline like that and he has so far as a starter with a 13:1 TD to INT ratio. Even if you’re getting lucky, that’s hard to do. All I’m saying is I care about Trestman and nothing else. I’ll ride through the fantasy desert on a QB horse with no name if Marc is leading the way. Here’s to what I hope was a successful week 14 run and and you’re even closer to that sweet championship. And with that, let’s see what else there was to see from MNF for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! The Razzball pod is back with Nick, Jay and I all together at once for a fuller house than when the Olsen twins got old enough to be annoying. But we’re such a happy family in the DraftKings.com studio! I might bad mouth Nick a little by the water cooler, but that’s because he doesn’t let me gloat all over him about David Wilson! Then again, Jay and I recap our own terrible hits and misses along before we recap a few upside plays we like for week 15. I hope you survived the wintery blizzards and good luck in the playoffs!
I’m nothing if not culturally irrelevant. Leave it to me to bring up a white Canadian Reggae rapper from the early 90′s that was known best for a song that no one can sing along to because we have zero clue what the crazy Canuck was saying. Lickeeboomboomdan? Ickyvroomvroomman? I have zero clue. I’ve looked up the lyrics now that I live in the age of the intarwebs. Still don’t care. Dude was spitting fierce tourette’s jibberish if you ask me. We get made fun of for Vanilla Ice, what about some accountability for this, Canada? You’ve never bombed my great nation but you’ve still found ways to destroy my culture. Bryan Adams, Alanis Morissette, Nickelback…you guys have zero shame. But of course I’m not here to add fuel to the inevitable Canada vs ‘Merica war, I’m here to talk fantasy football and so I’m picking probably the worst game on the day to pick my stud from. Naturally. In what can only be described as a snow bowl, the Eagles won 34-20 in a game that featured no FGs or XP attempts, 8 total fumbles, and Foles’ first INT of the year, it only makes sense that LeSean McCoy would go off against one of the best rushing defenses in the league. Can’t throw the ball in the snow, eh? Well, might as well run Shady 29 times for 217 yards and 2 TDs then. Problem solved. Though the weather let up a bit in the second half, it was still a fantasy $h!tshow for most of us who owned parts of these two teams. Megatron? Bupkis. Stafford? Lamesauce. Riley Cooper? Oh fudge (only I didn’t say fudge). It was a game that ‘real football fans’ adore and we fake football fans loathe, especially on the first week of the playoffs. This game could’ve sealed the fate for quite a few teams. It’s a bitter pill to swallow because either way you’re gonna be mad. What if Stafford, Megatron, et al went off on your bench? Roshambo yourself. But they stayed in your lineup and didn’t go off. Another roshambo to oneself. It was a can’t win scenario and unfortunately – unless you owned McCoy – probably won’t win because of it. Well look at that, I’ve already depressed 75% of my readers in the first paragraph. New record! Well let’s get to some better news then shall we? Here’s the rest of the fantasy goods from week 14 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Leagues are usually mixed between your 6-team playoffs starting this week, or if you’re in RCL or in any other 4-team playoff format, this is your week. The last week of the regular season. Where points scored tie-breakers make you hate your former self from 2 months in the past. If only you could send a Terminator to kill that former self before you made that roster move. Wait, would that kill you now? I don’t understand time travel!
My playoff/elimination game philosophy is no different than any other week. You hear all sorts of “don’t get too cute” or “stick with your studs” or “Sarah Connor????” Dude, the playoffs are no different than any other week. You want to score more than the other team. I know you’re reading that and thinking John Madden wrote today’s LSD. I could go for some turducken though! But it’s ludicrous the things you see sometimes – play who you think will score the most. If that means benching T.Y. Hilton for Justin Hunter in a huge gamble (like I’m doing in one league, but I need to get a preposterous amount of points for an unlikely 4 seed), then go for it. I honestly think Hunter outscores Hilton. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. Hilton has sucked and Hunter will get garbage time – I don’t think I’m getting too cute. Although you may think so. I do have devilishly good looks… Play who you want and if you’re torn LSD is here for ya!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve been patiently waiting to blow. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Tehol Beddict show. Greetings! I had to take a two week sabbatical to put in major work on my favorite charitable cause, “Beddict’s Single Mothers Project.” This charity was founded by myself, Tehol Beddict, in Jaunary of 2007 and takes aim at really solidifying the home life of abandoned or widowed mothers. The inspiration for this incredibly rewarding project came from none other than my idol/role model, Ernie McCracken, and his “Fatherless Family” sponsorship program. I devote a full 24 hours to single mothers that are deemed “worthy” by my assistants. By allowing them to make me 3 full meals with dessert plus two pipings and a tossed salad, they get to feel alive and appreciated again, helping them breakout of their funk and letting them live life to the fullest again. I’ve found that blowing these women’s backs out truly helps them become better mothers and for that I’m thankful. On NFL Sundays, doggystyle is a must, so you can both watch the game. I wasn’t the only prime-time performer on Sunday though guys. Alshon Jeffery, Josh Gordon, and Erik Decker also went balls deep on the opposition. Were you lucky enough to have one of these legends? Did anyone have all 3? If so I need to hear about it in the comment section. For those of you wishing to donate money to my “Beddict’s Singe Mothers Project,” please DM me on Twitter and we can work something out on paypal. Thank you so much. Now let’s get to what I witnessed last weekend. Take Heed!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did you see that? Did you like what I did there? I used Payoff instead of Playoff as a means to be PUNy. *squeezes horn* Yeah, I’m not very funny, the baby’s mama said most people laugh at me instead of with me. Funny I never got that til I met Sky a couple months back. I’m also not very happy right now. I have missed the playoffs almost everywhere, have tried kicking out the stool about a half dozen times and have also drank enough tequila to get the city of Guadalajara drunk. But hey, my therapist says I need to be more optimistic, so I fired him. Why be happy for myself when I can instead be happy for all 12 of you and hopefully help you to playoff gold. My only way to a championship is by living vicariously through my 12 readers. I love you 11 guys and Prezzi. So here’s what were doing here. I’m giving you names to stash, like I did two weeks ago, in the hope they get some play in week 16 or 17 because their teams (real life) are playoff bound and don’t want to injure the starter or are auditioning for next years production of football. To see my last list click here
Here’s how it works:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’re coming down to the last week of the regular season in most leagues and the first week of the playoffs in others. Hopefully you have your playoff spot wrapped up and are planning your path to postseason glory.
But Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers (collarbone) shouldn’t be a part of those plans. He practiced yesterday for the first time in the month since he suffered his collarbone injury against the Bears. Matt Flynn is expected to get the start this week against Atlanta at Lambeau Field.
If you’re hanging on to the hopes of having Rodgers for the playoffs, don’t. The Packers are 0-4-1 without him this season and his absence has dragged down the values of the Green Bay wide receivers. At 5-6-1 their only real chance of trying to make the playoffs is to win the NFC North. They have virtually no shot at a wild card and losses to Philadelphia and San Francisco really hurt their chances in that regard.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I know, I know, I should’ve seen this coming. I think Hunter S. Thompson put it best: ‘You can turn your back on a person but never turn your back on a drug’. I let my guard down, forgot that I was dealing with an addict. Kubiak’s passion for Matt Schaub runs deeper than THE Bruce Dickenson’s want for more cowbell. I should’ve known that he’d get the itch at some point again. How many days had it been since crazy ‘ole Kub had seen a ‘drop back and fall to the ground because I’m an immobile QB’ sack? When was the last time he got to see one of those patented stalled drives down near the goal line from his old QB flame? We all understand, Gary, you just can’t quit this man. You guys had such good times together. Like that pick-6 he threw in week 2. And then that other one he threw in week 3. Oh and do you remember that one he threw in week 4? That one was a beauty. Personally, though, I’m partial to the one he threw in week 5 that helped him set an NFL record for consecutive games with a pick 6. I mean, imagine that: your starting QB setting NFL records. That makes you proud as a coach. You can’t quit that. Not after someone has made a burger about it. No sir. You don’t care what the stats say or the energy the new QB brings to the team. You do anything and everything in your power to undermine the confidence of that young man. I mean, who does he think he is? Throwing 5 TDs in 2 games to big AJ, the guy who had 4 total in his last 20 games heading into that string. He’s…uh…just not moving the ball right that way. Gotta spread it around. We need more 5 yard bootleg passes to the TE! We can’t have plays that go for more than 10 yards. What’s the fun in that? That’s not Schaub-style football, dammit! Dear Gary Kubiak, consider this lead paragraph my love song to you in the swan song that is your career as the Houston Texans coach. Please note I typed it only using two fingers, both of them middle. In other fantasy news from week 14′s Thursday Night Football contest…Please, blog, may I have some more?