Well, if you hadn’t noticed, (which is most likely the case), we have our very own Fantasy Football Draft Kit! Yay us! (And you!) While calling it a “kit” makes it sound like some kind of Inspector Gadget wonder-tool, or, I don’t know, a Trans Am that has an artificial intelligence with an oh-so-soothing voice that blows sh*t up, because: 80’s television yo… well, it’s much more than that. It’s your one-stop destination for everything drafty (is that a word?) that originates from Razzball (that’s us!). You’ll find all of our Fantasy Football Rankings and auction values here in one place, and in the not too distant future, you’ll see our projections. On top of that (oh yes, there’s more, and it goes on top), it’ll be updated daily as we produce content. There will also be upcoming division previews and comparisons between our rankings and those of our peers (ESPN and Yahoo mainly). And while I can’t promise our Draft Kit will have Skynet like abilities in wiping out your competition AND the entire human race with robots that have an Austrian accent… we do promise to try to keep you entertained and informed. Because that’s what we do. (I hope!) Word.

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For the unfortunate few that did not have the pleasure of experiencing Tom Vu in the late 80’s, you truly missed out. His infomercials were the best thing on late night television, which prompted In Living Color, Saturday Night Live, and Family Guy to all pay homage to him. Put all the clowning to the side, though, because we as fantasy football degenerates should emulate the great Mr. Vu. Look past the terrible accent, the allegations of securities fraud and false advertising, the beautiful women, and the fancy cars. What do we have? The OG of VBD (Value Based Drafting). Okay, David Dodds and Joe Bryant over at Footballguys.com created VBD for fantasy football, but Tom Vu was VBDing in real life before fantasy football was cool. Look past all the sizzle and you will see that, at the core, he was all about finding value. Scooping up distressed properties (foreclosures, bankruptcies, divorces, tax liens) and milking a profit from them. Sound familiar?

Come to my seminar and I will show you the best value in the fantasy football market today!!!

Virgil Green. Is it any coincidence that the color of money is green? I think not.

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Welcome back for another strategy session, where you and I sit down, group our intellect together, and prepare to discuss fantasy football ad nauseum… and then promptly get distracted by RedTube. So pretty much every other Wednesday. (Well, for me, at least.) We already have a Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football, for those of you who had no idea fantasy football existed… I’m sure there are dozens of you. DOZENS! But now that we have the “101” stuff out of the way, we arrive at the “Do’s and Don’ts” of a draft. As what should be pretty self explanatory, there are things that you should do and things that you should not do. Crazy stuff! I know. Granted, these are based on my own experiences within the fantasy football landscape, so take them for what you will. Which frankly, should be lots. Because it’s free. Free stuff is always good. Unless it’s crayfish in your pants. That’s something that’s free, mysterious, titillating, and scary all at the same time. Much like my lovemaking.

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Soooo, yeah, I got bored. What can I say? Even with such an illustrious life of binge drinking and hanging out with your mom, there are empty spaces to fill. And I give you something that came out of one of those spaces. And while this is probably considered more a table than a chart (and a crude one at that!), I wouldn’t have been able to make a nautical joke in the title. I’m all about the nautical jokes, baby. The thought process here is, (and be careful, you’ll be entering my thoughts, so duck if you see heavy amounts of tacos, or, you know, do your best motorboat impersonation):

“Well, you know what I would really like? Besides a fudgesicle? Actually, that’s all I’d really like. Wait, then I can’t explain my chart. Well… okay, but this is the last favor I’m doing for you. (What, this is how my brain works… kinda makes you wonder why you are even here, right?) So… what I’d like right now, besides fudge in my mouth, is a sort of reference thingamajig and tells me where all my picks will land if I’m picking, let’s say, 5th in a 12-team draft. Where are the rest of my picks? WHERE I ASK YOU! Look at all this internal strife. FUUUUDGE.”

So, you see all that? I needed something to tell me where my picks are, because I react to math like I do canned asparagus. This is a bad thing for all you canned asparagus lovers out there. All three of you. So, here’s a nifty chart/table-thang (thing?) that won’t necessarily help you navigate international waters, but might come in handy during your drafts…

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We are approaching the beginning of the Fantasy Football season. SURPRISE! There are Fantasy Football Rankings everywhere, the Draft Strategy series has begun, and everything is falling into place except for one big thing (that’s what she said). That’s right, your potential team name remains the one true mystery that must be solved. Be the Sherlock of your league. Don’t be the Dr. Watson. I mean, do be a doctor if you can, that seems like an admirable profession that pays well. More like… don’t be the “Watson” part. Actually, being Watson isn’t that bad either, since you get to star in a plethora of Hobbit movies with a guy who wears spandex and ping-pong balls as a living. So, actually, you can be both those guys AND have an amazing team name. That’s what I’m trying to say. I think. Anyhow, allow me to introduce the Razzball Fantasy Football Team Name Generator.

Post some of your favorites below!

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What this picture presupposes is, maybe it should be?

Welcome to what could be called the “first installment” of our 2016 Draft Strategy. This journey will help prepare you for Draft day, and will likely also be filled with an assortment of snacks ranging from TWIX® candy bars and FUNYUNS®, basically what I like to call: breakfast. And don’t tell me why they’re written all in caps, that’s their official “name”, so I can only assume that we are meant to shout it out every time, which, now that I think of it, seems totally natural. Q: “What are you hungry for?” A: “TWIX MOTHER F*CKER!” See what I mean? Regardless, this opening salvo of strategic knowledge (everything sounds better when weaponized) is focused for those of you who have no idea what fantasy football is or what it does. And yes, to all the Razzball regulars, you’ve read this before, but I know there are some of you out there that are new to the site or new to the game. If so, this Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football is for you. And listen, don’t be afraid of being the “noob”, that’s not a derogatory title for me. It can be derogatory, but for those who do use it as a negative descriptor, just remember, they were noobs once too. We all have to start somewhere… Which is probably your mom’s basement. And if that’s the case, you’ve completed half the journey, some would say. (Me!)

So, you want to play Fantasy Football? Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go!

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During a football draft one year, we hit round six and I made the quote: “Here’s where it gets interesting, yet boring.” Seven years later, I still hear about it. But what those silly fools I play with don’t understand is that the statement’s not that Johnny Bananas in reality. Sure, everyone and their mom (mom’s don’t play fantasy football…they have Pinterest…) knows the names of the first few rounds, and you should all know to wait for upside, defenses and kickers for the final rounds, but what about the clusterf*ck in the middle? It can be a big pile of I don’t knows, wild guesses, and ESPN says he’s ranked 50th overall!!!’s. So let’s sort through the trash like Scrooge McDuck diving into his treasure room of gold coins and mine those players for the middle rounds to find some overrated hype, underrated targets, and the sleepiest of sleepers.

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So, wouldn’t it be cool if you could take on some of your favorite contributors and all of the Razzball readers/commenters in one huge Free Fantasy Football League? IT WOULD BE COOL YO. That’s why we made this possible. And why it was in all caps. Welcome to the 2016 Fantasy Football RCL! Where all of the Razzballers get to hang out, talk some football, and compete against each other in the game we all love. While we can’t create a single 500 person league as of yet, since the technology has yet to be invented, what we can do is create multiple 12-person leagues and pit them all against each other. If you don’t like that, well, you can be the one to wait for the future to come. So enjoy those dragons with lasers, wearing leather and blasting Daft Punk. ENJOY IT. However, if you are not such a timey prude, join us for some fantasy football funnage. Totally a word. So I present to you: the 2016 RCL Fantasy Football Season, with prizes!

Before you get started, I know that some of you out there may have never played fantasy football before. That’s okay! Razzball will have a Beginners Fantasy Football Guide tomorrow just for you! Maybe you’re a seasoned veteran, well, we have a 2016 Fantasy Football Draft Kit that’s being updated everyday, be sure check it out multiple times. (That’s what she said.) And can’t think of a team name? Check out our Fantasy Football Team Name Generator. Need some rankings? Oh, we got some Fantasy Football Rankings for ya! Now, let’s get to the good stuff…

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In a “low-energy cast”, Tehol and I return to the old school style of doing things. In that, I mean we do it Double Dragon style. For those of you who remember Nintendo, you know what’s up. For those of you who don’t, well then, just assume it’s sexual innuendo and move on. Regardless, because it was a small news week and the big “draft” Podcasts (a two-part series hopefully) won’t be created (in all it’s majesty) and all it’s parentheses until next week, we stuck to some NFL topics that are somewhat fantasy relevant… like RG-III and Ryan Fitzpatrick. Haha, fantasy relevant…

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Tehol’s Rankings: Top-200 (Standard)| Top-200 (Half-PPR) | Top-200 (PPR) | QB | RB (Standard) | RB (Half-PPR) | RB (PPR) | WR (Standard) | WR (Half-PPR) | WR (PPR) | TE (Standard) | TE (Half-PPR) | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Top-50 Rookies

Greetings! How are things? Caught your teenage daughter was making smut films? No worries, the Lord’s wide receiver ranking are here for you, hand delivered on ruby-encrusted silver platter by my man-servant, Ralph Lifpshitz. Tis’ true, not only does he hand feed me grapes, but he stole my whole style and became a popular writer here at the site! I’m so proud; I now smile like a proud father watching his only son that made it. With that being said, I’ve been receiving (no pun intended… haha, oh, that’s really not funny) countless requests for my wideout rankings, as there are obviously many of you doing your drafts early. Why, I have no clue, but that’s what ya’ll do, so I’m going to give this to you hard and raw, like you were a Kardashian, backstage at a Black Panther Party award ceremony. Say one thing for the Kardashians, they love African-American sausage, and can you really blame them? Look at the size of those things!

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