Can I tell you that due to the title of this post, I get some of the kinkiest followers on Twitter? Let’s just say I didn’t realize the “handcuff market” was so vast and expansive. Because these people are following me and supporting my efforts here, I feel it only necessary to give them a shout out. To all the weird fetish sites that obviously have never read a word of my writing, thanks for the follow and keep up the good work!

Now onto business, lots of handcuffs to discuss due to some evolving situations in Phoenix, Cleveland, Minnesota, and New Orleans…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Internet nearly broke this week when the Cleveland Browns announced they were going to start rookie Johnny Manziel at quarterback… or so we think. It looks like Brian Hoyer might be sent to the bench to give the Browns a spark, according to published reports. But is he worth it from a fantasy standpoint? We’ll examine that and more as we take a dive into the waiver wire. There are three or four weeks left in your fantasy season, so this is the time to make the solid moves that will get you into the playoffs. So, what about Manziel? Yes, he was a change of pace for the Browns, as he rushed for a touchdown last week, but let’s see why you don’t want him. Tight end Jordan Cameron is questionable for this week after missing his last five games with concussion symptoms. Miles Austin is still hospitalized after taking a hit to his lower back and hurting his kidneys. Andrew Hawkins is the best receiving threat the team has right now that’s healthy. Yes, Josh Gordon is there too, but I would want to see how Manziel works with all of his weapons before seeing how much he impacts fantasy values on Lake Erie. The Browns finish the season with Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Carolina in Week 16 and Baltimore in Week 17. The chances are there for Manziel to throw it a bunch and get the all-important rushing yardage as well with a pair of weak rush defenses during the fantasy playoffs. Dare we say it, Manziel could be a nice play down the stretch if you want a quarterback with a good situation that you can pick up now.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Tis I, Beddict, and I’m gonna drop some serious Bangerz on you today. Sky stole my breaking bad idea, so I suppose my version will have to drop on TeholBeddict.com. Drop by if you want to witness some hot solo jerk sessions and some life changing mankini shots. Back to Sky: I mean the guy is on season 4 for the God’s sake, and he has the balls to drop a breaking bad special on that ass and ask for no spoilers? Ok, think Tehol, think! Is there anything in this incredible universe more fascinating than the greatness that was Breaking Bad? After pulling my hair out and choking the chicken a couple times, it hit me! MILEY. Is it the Salvia smoking, the charmingly boyish haircut, the boner inducing twerking, or is it the blindingly white skin that almost makes Dakota Fanning look African American? We all know Miley’s super producer Mike Will is tagging and bagging that scrumptious pasty pancake ass. I mean, he’s got to be right?!? God dammit, I wanna be him, and that’s probably the first time I’ve ever wished to be another human being. I’d literally kill to bang my wrecking balls against that lurid, smooth skin. Speaking of wrecking balls, that’s my favorite song of Cyrus’s new album, which I listened to on my flight to Maui Thursday morning, specifically for the purpose of writing this prized piece. What I’m doing here is going through Miley’s song titles from her most recent album, Bangerz, taking a quote from them and placing the players under the songs I see fit for them after this last week. As per usual I will be breaking down the targets and touches for players that stood out to me. Oh and one more thing: It slipped my mind that last season my post’s were called ” Hard Targets” not “Targets and Touches,” so that’s coming back as well. I can feel your excitement from my hotel room, where I have two washed up models feeding me grapes and waxing my body for the big shoot tomorrow. When I say “shoot,” I don’t mean money shot, for this is not a porn. Only if I come upon dire straights will that happen. Dear Sky,

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. It’s been a few weeks, since I already skipped one post assignment… (Which I probably shouldn’t have, since the football gods gave me this ridiculous match-up to cover instead of the NFC West showdown last week. Which actually wasn’t much of a showdown when you think about it, so I guess there’s that.) So yeah, Chicago and Pittsburgh… Ugh. Can I just write about Breaking Bad instead Sky? Please? Sigh… So, how did I make a game like this watchable? That’s right folks, the answer lies in a newly created section for this series. (To go along with my score and a quick summary of the game, DRUNKEN BULLET POINTS, world famous Razzball player blurb thing-a-ma-jigs, and a wonderful concluding thought.) And what’s that new section? Follow me after the jump and find out…

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Welcome one, welcome all to the big top. We’ve got every type of Ranking you could imagine. We rank players by their individual positions. We also consolidate them and rank them against each other. We even have IDP Rankings and Dynasty Rankings for you this year. We may even rank beards eventually. I already know my top pick. Not sure where to go to find those rankings, you say? Well let your eyes travel north…on the web page you silly! See that menu up there where it says ‘Rankings’? Click on it. Or hover over it. We’ve got you covered any way you go on that. Good, so now if you’re a Razzball Novice we have you up to speed let’s look at what we’re dealing with this week. We left off on our Top 40 Running Backs with a bit of a cling hanger if you’re the excitable type as I said the ‘Know Your Role’ tier went into the Top 60. Well here we are so let’s not keep the suspense too heightened. Here are the Top 60 Running Backs for 2013 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

To quote one of my favorite all time bands, Faith No More, ‘it’s always funny until someone gets hurt and then it’s just hilarious’. In no small way do I feel a little cheated by the fantasy football Gods in this league. There’s always a modicum of luck involved in creating a strong fantasy football roster. I get that just as about as well as anyone else but it truly takes some luck of the ‘un’ variety to get the team that I had riding into the consolation championship and not for the big prize. As you can see from my original post, I did really well, or at least I thought I did well in drafting for a 2QB league where you could start anywhere from 2 to 5 running backs at a time. I wish I could point out the positives but I swear, every time a positive happened, I got hammered by a negative that very same week. After starting off 2-1 with ​Chris Johnson​ struggling in my RB2 spot, I thought it would be good to make a strong move for another high end RB before the season got too far along. Since I already had ​Larry Fitzgerald ​- pre-Skelton/Lindley mess this was actually a GOOD thing – I felt comfortable trading ​Brandon Marshall​ and ​Michael Bush​ for ​Alshon Jeffery​ and ​Maurice Jones-Drew​ before the start of week 4. Well, Alshon broke his arm week 5, MJD did something to his foot and was out from week 8 until oblivion while Marshall went on to be the top WR in PPR leagues up through week 15 at least. In the midst of all this turmoil, I made what – at the time – was a very good trade, sending ​Ryan Fitzpatrick​ away for ​Marque​s Colston​ because in our 2QB league, I had just picked up ​Kevin Ko​lb.​ Say what you will about Kolb but before he went down with an injury, he had a 7:2 TD to INT ratio. He was actually a top 15 QB to go with Big Ben. But of course as this season was so fated, he went down the very week I traded away his backup in Fitz. Needless to say, I could never get my team’s head above water long enough to make a serious run at the playoffs. By the time ​Adrian Peterson​ was clicking and CJ2K was no longer sucking, I was struggling to fill my QB2 flex spot with a various assortment of Tannehills and Skeltons while Larry Fitzgerald fell off the map. Oh, and did I mention I drafted ​Danny Amendola​? Yeah, there was just no good luck rolling my way in this league this year. When Big Ben went down, my team went down for the count finishing 5-8 making me question my love for this forsaken game.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well here we are, week 8 of fantasy football.  It seems like only two months ago this whole shin-dig started…I guess that isn’t much different than saying week 8.  But more to the point, many of us already know if we’re gonna be a near shoe-in for the playoffs, if we have a long road to climb but still in it or ground road kill. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?