Greetings! Tis I, Beddict, and I’m gonna drop some serious Bangerz on you today. Sky stole my breaking bad idea, so I suppose my version will have to drop on TeholBeddict.com. Drop by if you want to witness some hot solo jerk sessions and some life changing mankini shots. Back to Sky: I mean the guy is on season 4 for the God’s sake, and he has the balls to drop a breaking bad special on that ass and ask for no spoilers? Ok, think Tehol, think! Is there anything in this incredible universe more fascinating than the greatness that was Breaking Bad? After pulling my hair out and choking the chicken a couple times, it hit me! MILEY. Is it the Salvia smoking, the charmingly boyish haircut, the boner inducing twerking, or is it the blindingly white skin that almost makes Dakota Fanning look African American? We all know Miley’s super producer Mike Will is tagging and bagging that scrumptious pasty pancake ass. I mean, he’s got to be right?!? God dammit, I wanna be him, and that’s probably the first time I’ve ever wished to be another human being. I’d literally kill to bang my wrecking balls against that lurid, smooth skin. Speaking of wrecking balls, that’s my favorite song of Cyrus’s new album, which I listened to on my flight to Maui Thursday morning, specifically for the purpose of writing this prized piece. What I’m doing here is going through Miley’s song titles from her most recent album, Bangerz, taking a quote from them and placing the players under the songs I see fit for them after this last week. As per usual I will be breaking down the targets and touches for players that stood out to me. Oh and one more thing: It slipped my mind that last season my post’s were called ” Hard Targets” not “Targets and Touches,” so that’s coming back as well. I can feel your excitement from my hotel room, where I have two washed up models feeding me grapes and waxing my body for the big shoot tomorrow. When I say “shoot,” I don’t mean money shot, for this is not a porn. Only if I come upon dire straights will that happen. Dear Sky,Please, blog, may I have some more?
Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. It’s been a few weeks, since I already skipped one post assignment… (Which I probably shouldn’t have, since the football gods gave me this ridiculous match-up to cover instead of the NFC West showdown last week. Which actually wasn’t much of a showdown when you think about it, so I guess there’s that.) So yeah, Chicago and Pittsburgh… Ugh. Can I just write about Breaking Bad instead Sky? Please? Sigh… So, how did I make a game like this watchable? That’s right folks, the answer lies in a newly created section for this series. (To go along with my score and a quick summary of the game, DRUNKEN BULLET POINTS, world famous Razzball player blurb thing-a-ma-jigs, and a wonderful concluding thought.) And what’s that new section? Follow me after the jump and find out…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome one, welcome all to the big top. We’ve got every type of Ranking you could imagine. We rank players by their individual positions. We also consolidate them and rank them against each other. We even have IDP Rankings and Dynasty Rankings for you this year. We may even rank beards eventually. I already know my top pick. Not sure where to go to find those rankings, you say? Well let your eyes travel north…on the web page you silly! See that menu up there where it says ‘Rankings’? Click on it. Or hover over it. We’ve got you covered any way you go on that. Good, so now if you’re a Razzball Novice we have you up to speed let’s look at what we’re dealing with this week. We left off on our Top 40 Running Backs with a bit of a cling hanger if you’re the excitable type as I said the ‘Know Your Role’ tier went into the Top 60. Well here we are so let’s not keep the suspense too heightened. Here are the Top 60 Running Backs for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
To quote one of my favorite all time bands, Faith No More, ‘it’s always funny until someone gets hurt and then it’s just hilarious’. In no small way do I feel a little cheated by the fantasy football Gods in this league. There’s always a modicum of luck involved in creating a strong fantasy football roster. I get that just as about as well as anyone else but it truly takes some luck of the ‘un’ variety to get the team that I had riding into the consolation championship and not for the big prize. As you can see from my original post, I did really well, or at least I thought I did well in drafting for a 2QB league where you could start anywhere from 2 to 5 running backs at a time. I wish I could point out the positives but I swear, every time a positive happened, I got hammered by a negative that very same week. After starting off 2-1 with Chris Johnson struggling in my RB2 spot, I thought it would be good to make a strong move for another high end RB before the season got too far along. Since I already had Larry Fitzgerald - pre-Skelton/Lindley mess this was actually a GOOD thing – I felt comfortable trading Brandon Marshall and Michael Bush for Alshon Jeffery and Maurice Jones-Drew before the start of week 4. Well, Alshon broke his arm week 5, MJD did something to his foot and was out from week 8 until oblivion while Marshall went on to be the top WR in PPR leagues up through week 15 at least. In the midst of all this turmoil, I made what – at the time – was a very good trade, sending Ryan Fitzpatrick away for Marques Colston because in our 2QB league, I had just picked up Kevin Kolb. Say what you will about Kolb but before he went down with an injury, he had a 7:2 TD to INT ratio. He was actually a top 15 QB to go with Big Ben. But of course as this season was so fated, he went down the very week I traded away his backup in Fitz. Needless to say, I could never get my team’s head above water long enough to make a serious run at the playoffs. By the time Adrian Peterson was clicking and CJ2K was no longer sucking, I was struggling to fill my QB2 flex spot with a various assortment of Tannehills and Skeltons while Larry Fitzgerald fell off the map. Oh, and did I mention I drafted Danny Amendola? Yeah, there was just no good luck rolling my way in this league this year. When Big Ben went down, my team went down for the count finishing 5-8 making me question my love for this forsaken game.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After allowing Beanie Wells into the end zone twice this past weekend, The Rams are officially one of the worst run defenses in the NFL. Interestingly enough, they face one of the best run defenses in the league this week, The San Francisco 49ers. Even more interesting is how that game turned out the first time these two teams met. You may remember their 24-24 tie game from just a few weeks back. Although another overtime game is unlikely, these division rivals know each other well and both teams will be playing like it’s a playoff game. Steven Jackson actually broke the century mark against the 49ers earlier this year with a TD on top of it and Frank Gore had almost identical results on the opposite side of the ball. On paper, this is a much better matchup for Gore, but both RBs are worth a start this week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The 49ers are on bye this week so that means you don’t have to worry about what running back has to face them, but you do have to worry about who will be sitting in for Frank Gore and Kendall Hunter on your fantasy teams. Two names that should be on that list are Reggie Bush and Daniel Thomas. With a relatively short TD carry in the 2nd quarter of last weekend’s game against The Jets, Thomas seems to be a little more involved in Miami’s backfield plans recently, which puts both RBs in prime position to succeed against The Colts on Sunday. If they split carries like last week, look for both players to do everything in their power to stand out from the competition. One of them will almost certainly score and they should both have enough opportunities to pass 80 all-purpose yards.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well here we are, week 8 of fantasy football. It seems like only two months ago this whole shin-dig started…I guess that isn’t much different than saying week 8. But more to the point, many of us already know if we’re gonna be a near shoe-in for the playoffs, if we have a long road to climb but still in it or ground road kill. Mom, why does my hamburger taste like Andre Johnson and Matthew Stafford? Because your father didn’t want you and left! Wow, shizz just got real there for a bit. All this to say, 8 weeks in and we kinda know what a team is good at and – conversely – turrible at. You don’t have to be Charles Barkley to call the Saints defense turrible though it helps. The least amount of points NO has given up in a game so far is 24 to the Chargers who have been having issues of their own on the offensive side of the ball this year. All this to say, Eric Decker won’t trip on the 45 yard line this week and should be good for a top 10 fantasy finish at WR. And for those who think that would be bad for Demaryius Thomas owners, let me just remind you Josh Freeman dropped 420 yards on these same Saints just last weekend. Trust me, Peyton Manning will find a way to give both wide receivers a good day. Other than that, Christian Ponder has a nice matchup vs the Buccs and found a way into my top 12 while I have much less faith in Shonn Greene than the other experts and more faith than I should in Michael Bush. And with that, we’re off to the races. May your week 8 leave you in the playoff hunt or at least bring you satisfaction as you improve to 2-6 and ruin someone else’s life, pronto.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Coming into the season, Calvin Johnson was the consensus first wide receiver off the board. Most pundits – including myself though I don’t like calling myself a pundit…feels like I’m calling myself a dirty word – had Calvin in their top 5 overall and coming into tonight, there was still good reason for that type of stature despite the missing touchdowns. And even after tonight’s bad performance in which he only nabbed 3 receptions for 34 yards – albeit on 11 targets – Calvin is still on pace for another 100 reception campaign and 1575 yards receiving. Of course, for the owners who were looking at his past seasons of 12 and 16 touchdowns from 2010 thru 2011 are surely wondering if the Madden Curse is real. Well it is but doesn’t really apply to your season CJ owners as I’m sure Peyton Hillis drafters circa 2011 can attest to. Calvin’s lack of touchdowns has less to do with him and more to do with a team in the Detroit Lions just not playing to their level of ability. It’s hard to say if/when a team might get their mojo back – well, unless you’re the Jaguars…looks like it’ll be awhile – but if the Calvin owner is a seller, I’m still a buyer. Touchdowns are like teenagers. They smell bad and don’t come out of their room for days while playing Halo 3?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Johnson is officially the most frustrating player in all of Fantasy Football. In his first three games, he rushed for a total of 45 yards against decent, but not great run defenses. So what does he do against the hardest defense he’s faced this year? He carries the ball 25 times for 141 yards. He didn’t even get all of those yards off of one break-away carry. His longest run was 19 yards. However, I wouldn’t trust him just yet. In week 5, he faces an even more challenging defense in Minnesota who only let Mikel Leshoure get 26 yards last weekend. The Titans may have figured a few things out this week, but Chris Johnson is still no more than a flex play this week.Please, blog, may I have some more?