DraftKings: Red Rocket! Red Rocket!

September 10, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, DraftKings | 163 Comments

So week one is done and in the books. We now know what every player and team will do every week from here on out. You don't even need me to give my input on this week, to be honest. Go look back at those first few games, extrapolate and boom: profit. If only the world worked that way. I mean, John Kuhn gonna have a 16 TD year, right? Right...well there is one thing I think we can hang our hat on from year to year: my penis. I'm sorry, that was lewd. And kind of painful. You didn't tell me it was a beer helmet with two full tallboys! No, what we can hang our hats on are stats: specifically home/road splits. And with that, we're here to discuss Andy Dalton, aka the Red Rocket. What, you've never heard of someone calling him the Red Rocket? Clearly you read nothing of what I wrote last year, then. It's alright, I didn't either so all is forgiven. Dalton's splits over the last couple of years have shown he's a vastly better play at home than on the road. Looking specifically at last year, he had a 20:9 TD to INT ratio compared with a 13:11 line on the road as well as a +17.5 QB rating swing when enjoying the Cincy confines. Of course, splits only tell half the tale. Who is he facing, you ask? The Atlanta Failcons. You see it? See what I did there? Now Atlanta isn't the same team as last year so pointing out they gave up the 4th most fantasy points to opposing QBs last year isn't saying much. But they did give up half of the mark of the beast to Drew Brees last weekend with 333 passing yards and I don't see a reason to think they'll slow down Dalton this weekend. Welcome to Gingernnati, snitches! I'm all over this red head this week like Hermione Granger on Ronald Weasley. The fact that he's priced outside of the top 10 QBs on DraftKings at $7,500 is quite baffling to me to say the least but I'm not gonna complain. With that, let's move on. Here are Razzball's picks for the week 2 slate for DraftKings 2014 Fantasy Football season... New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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Hit It or Quit It, Week 2: Moons Over My Hammy

by: Jennifer

Well, gentlemen (and a few ladies), here we are. My first highly anticipated article, for all of you Razzballers. I know, I know, you are all saying, “Jay? What are you doing bringing a girl on? Don’t you know she has breasts? What could she possibly know about fantasy football?” Well, my steadfastly misogynistic readers, although you are correct, I do have breasts (and they are spectacular), I assure you they do not impinge on my ability to throw down some fantasy football knowledge. One thing I have learned in my years of playing fantasy football is that it’s a lot like dating. Yeah, sure, dating sucks, but depending on where you are picking in your draft, or drafts, your roster(s) can suck too. However, in fantasy football, it is a lot easier to get rid of the deadbeat creeper on your roster than it is to get rid of that real-life creeper living in the bushes outside of my house. [Jay's Note: I feel like that message came out loud and clear J-FOH.] So, without further ado, join me as I bring you the buys and sells this week, with my first ever “Hit it or Quit” for your viewing pleasure.

Waiver Wired, Week 2: As The Waiver Wire Hurns

September 9, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 65 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

The first week of the NFL season reminded us of how volatile this league can be. We saw rookie Allen Hurns of the Jacksonville Jaguars score touchdowns on his first two receptions. Then we saw the Jaguars blow a 17-0 lead and lose 34-17 to Philadelphia. Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens went from being suspended for a few more days, to being suspended indefinitely by the league in a 48-hour span shaking things up. Injuries played a big part as well, with tight ends Jordan Cameron and Jordan Reed suffering injuries and sending rosters into flux. He can be dropped in redraft leagues but hang on to him in dynasty leagues. Thankfully, we’ll help you make sense of it all on the waiver wire this week. We’ll break it down by position and ownership on ESPN, NFL and Yahoo Leagues to help you out.

Oh Giants. You so Bad.

September 9, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 256 Comments

by: Jay

Well, as referenced last night, the derpiness was magnified 10-fold with two Monday Night Football games being played. For the Giants, well, I can only say that it's my honor to watch Tom Coughlin's last year as head coach. The team looked drunk most of the night, I guess wanting to join in on my fun. The optimist in me would say that things can only improve from here on out, but I know Eli Manning better than that. (He's on pace for 32 interceptions. I believe!) On the flip side, we saw Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson play catch for most of the evening. There must have been something the Giants defense could have done to prevent all those touchdown passes to Megatron. Maybe they could have had some of their players around the area that Mr. Johnson occupied, perhaps making it more difficult for the ball to be thrown to him? They could call this wonderful new invention "pass coverage". And while in the second quarter when the game was still close, it looked like all the other Lions games I've watched, where the two teams are essentially two friends at dinner arguing over who is going to pick up the check. Eventually, someone gives in, but the act is just weird over-generosity at that point. But alas, the game ended pretty quickly thereafter and we were left with an important question: Are the Lions good at football, or are the Giants a dumpster fire?

MNF, Week One: Giants vs Lions, Chargers vs Cardinals

September 8, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 42 Comments

by: Jay

Because Sunday was not enough to fill everyone's football appetite, we don't get just one Monday Night Football game, but two. Or as the Spanish call it: dos. The more you know. These two final week one games will serve as a bookend to what was a half-derpy, half-competant filled weekend of football. So I guess normal, except the Bills are in first place, which is just silly. And while you could make the claim that it was quite the unpredictable weekend, three of the four teams that had first-round byes last season won their first game. Tonight will probably be no different than Sunday, just at a smaller scale. Or maybe a bigger scale since Eli Manning is playing.

Breaking: Ray Rice Still a Horrible Human Being

September 8, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 50 Comments

by: Jay

TMZ Sports has released the complete and disturbing video that shows Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee in the face in an Atlantic City hotel in February. This is the first time we have seen footage of Rice actually hitting Janay Rice (then Palmer), and while I won't link it here because abuse, of any kind, sickens me, I'm sure Google can help you out. There are conflicting reports of whether or not the NFL and Roger Goodell had access to this "extended" cut when deciding the length of Rice's suspension, because I'm sure at this point, the league would rather just look completely stupid than heartless, but, at least in my eyes, it looks like they're going to come out as both. Nailed it!

Tony Romo: Interception Savant

September 8, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 144 Comments

by: Jay

An artist's depiction of yesterday's Cowboys game.

I've come to the conclusion that the ~~first~~ every Sunday of football should always have the Dallas Cowboys doing whatever that was they did yesterday afternoon. In fact, let's start a petition to have them on Monday AND Thursday night as well. I mean, can we even say that the Cowboys actually did anything in training camp? This looks like the exact same team from last year, and I've already started decorating my house for the holidays seeing as how the Cowboys are already in mid-December form. True, as the sharp and always entertaining (in gouging your own eyes out sort of way) commentating duo of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman informed us, if not for all the turnovers, this would have been a close game. I've never seen something so beautifully and succinctly useless at the same time. If it weren't for the Normandy landing and the eastern invasion of Russia, Germany had a pretty good World War II. And while the game was technically close without including large portions of events that happened during the game, I was left with this one burning question-- What is it called when you throw to a receiver that had 12 people covering him?

SNF, Week One: The Return of Tired Storylines

September 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 20 Comments

by: Jay

Hey, did you know Peyton Manning was once the quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts? Pray tell! While Manning's first game against his former team was heralded as an "emotional" return because of all those years he worked to bring the Colts as many Super Bowl Championships that Tavaris Jackson has, this Sunday Night match-up will feel a little bit different. Mostly because the man (Jim Irsay) who created such a sentimental treatment in the last match-up is on a short Roger Goodell imposed time-out. (Since it's not like he beat up a woman or something like that.) And Wes Welker, arguably not one of this best receivers, is hanging out with some woman named Molly.

Week One Late Games: Newton Can’t Play, But Don’t Worry Folks, He Feels Good

September 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 7 Comments

by: Jay

With only two games in the late portion of today's schedule (WHY ONLY TWO NFL?), we get to focus on the one of the bigger news stories going on right now, and that's Cam Newton sitting in week one. "Ron Rivera's comments throughout the week indicated Newton might very well not play this week as the Panthers take the "long-haul approach" to their franchise quarterback. If Newton is out, Derek Anderson will get the nod. The Panthers are probably confident Anderson can do everything they need for offensive purposes, but it's obviously a significant drop-off from what Newton brings to the table." Hahaha, "probably" confident.

Week One Early Games: Sunday Football Has Arrived, No Jest Bro

September 7, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 104 Comments

by: Jay

They probably root for the Mest as well. Just a wild guess.

The season is now in full swing, with the first Sunday of football for 2014 season bringing us a fantastic slate of games. Do you want action? Do you want drama? Do you want romance? I WANT ALL OF THESE THINGS. Well, then I present to you the Raiders versus the Jets. Haha, just kidding... but this is week one... I wouldn't have really minded that being the premier match-up, for at least a few minutes. Honestly, what can you say about Jets that would excite anyone? And what can you say about that Raiders that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? Nada, to use a parlance of our times.

Deep Impact: Denarius Moore

September 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Deep Leagues | 10 Comments

by: Jarrod

Here is the next article in our series we are referring to as Deep Impact, where we at Razzball will examine players who are tucked away deep in the player projections, and are bound to surpass their underwhelming expectations. The benefit of these players, aside from showing off your fantasy football prowess, is that they are often available on your fantasy league waiver wire and can provide relief to owners looking for quality talent in deeper formats. The player we will be focusing on is Oakland Raiders wide receiver Denarius Moore. While any fantasy football analyst with any common sense would have warned you against ANY Oakland receivers with the unimpressive Matt Schaub under center, there is a new sheriff in town. Just days ago, Raiders Head Coach Dennis Allen finally came to his senses and announced that rookie quarterback Derek Carr will be the team’s starter for week 1 against the New York Jets. Moments later, the entire city of Oakland simultaneously rejoiced.

Week One: Start ’em and Sit ’em

September 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 86 Comments

by: SethDaSportsMan

It's Sunday, and the clock is about to strike 1:00 pm. Anticipation is building, and you finally cave, as you remove Stevan Ridley from your FLEX and replace him with Joique Bell. After all, Ridley has been in the doghouse with Coach Belichick and Bell has a great matchup vs. the Eagles. We've all be there before -- at the last minute you completely reverse course from the original starting lineup you had all week long. Sometimes it pans out, but sometimes you're left kicking yourself -- like when Bell cedes carries to a red-hot Reggie Bush and Ridley sneaks in for a couple of one-yard touchdown dives. This column is here to help you make those decisions easier. Each Saturday throughout the NFL season, I will be providing you with a list of some players you should start, as well as some that should take a seat at the end of your bench. I won't be telling you to start LeSean McCoy, 'cuz if you'd ever consider sitting him, well, you've got way more things to worry about than fantasy football (like getting your head checked). Instead, I'll focus more on the fringe players or the sneaky second- or third-tier guys who aren't automatic starts or sits each week.