Greetings! Forgive me I’m not up to date on current sporting events, for Twitter, whom I fully depend on for all news and information, locked my account for a solid 24 hours! Any Quarterbacks get hurt? Did the Bills announce a starter? My life is meaningless without Twitter and the Elder Gods are known to punish me from time to time, usually when I’m riding high, basking in the glory of some incredible accomplishment, like the time I demoralized the Hilton sisters in a game of naked Twister. By demoralized, I mean that I gave both of them the profound type of hickory sticking that would make even the great Ray-J smile upon me like a proud father. Matter of fact, he was there filming it. Sorry, I’m rambling again, reminiscing about the heroic years that were my youth. But seriously, I haven’t been without Twitter for this long since the last time Sky locked me in his basement. Yes, Sky, I know: It puts the lotion on the skin!
Let’s talk quarterbacks, shall we? I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!
Quarterbacks that will Delight:
Tyrod Taylor – Aaaaahkay, this is clearly dependent on Taylor winning the Bills job over the peasantry that envelopes his competition’s skill set, but I’m almost 100 percent positive he pulls it out. Cassel has been pure gutter trash for the past four seasons after that miracle he pulled off in 2010 with the Chiefs, and if the Bills brain trust desires a division title, T.T. boy is the one who shall lead them to the promised land. It has been written. Against the Browns number one defense, Taylor went 7/10 for 65 yards and ran it another 4 times for 41. Other than taking a sack on 3rd down which caused the Bills to attempt a deep field goal that missed, Taylor was almost perfect. This came with every legit offensive weapon the Bills have, other than new tight end, Charles Clay, on the sideline nursing injuries. The kid has a cannon and he’s one of the more talented running QBs in the NFL. NOW, picture this: Sammy Watkins and Percy Harvin making countless incredible plays after the catch, Charles Clay and Robert Woods working the middle like Peter North off a Viagra bomb, and LeSean McCoy and the ancient Fred Jackson catching more dump-offs than Luxor’s buffet area bathroom after Rosie O’Donnell’s family comes through. The offensive line is shored up with the legendary Richie Incognito and rookie stallion, John Miller, holding down the guard spots. I expect improvement out of 2nd year stud right tackle Seantrel Henderson, and left tackle Cordy Glenn, and center Eric Wood, who are some of the best at their respective positions.Some (all) of you may believe my ranking of Taylor is a little high, but seriously, why bring in all these weapons if they’re not going to use them? Taylor is the only one of the Bills three QBs that has ANY chance at stardom and I believe he cashes in on the opportunity he’s been given. Witness!
Eli Manning – I love Eli for many of the aforementioned reasons I love T.T. boy: He’s got more weapons than Triple X and the offensive line is improved. Everyone seems to be writing Victor Cruz off. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Imagine the holes the elusive Cruz will be able to find with OBJ in the fold. I should also mention that I still believe in Reuben Randle’s ability, although he certainly let me down last season, but let’s give him one mo shot, shall we?!? So now we have these three hogs with the emerging Tight end threat that is Larry Donnell, and let’s not forget arguably the best receiver out of the backfield in all of the NFL, Shane Vereen. If the O-line stays intact, this offense could be prolific, I kidd you not. Say one thing for the New York Giants, they win the Super Bowl every four years. Also say that commercial with Eli Manning as the stand up comedian telling the mother-in-law joke is one of the greatest ads I’ve ever witnessed.
Sam Bradford – I must admit that I’ve been disgusted with the Bradford hype since college and never believed he was worthy of the number one overall pick… with that being said, I now believe he’s a possible top-10 fantasy QB in 2015. Why? Because he’s running the Chip Kelly offense, an offense that allowed Nick Foles look like a first ballot hall of famer two seasons ago. I mean, seriously, even Mark Sanchez looked like a competent NFL quarterback in this system. It’s taylor made for Bradford… he’s got a quick release, is extremely accurate, and has some tasty weaponry at his disposal. Of course, he could tear his rotator cuff or ACL at any second like usual, so you may want a backup plan in place. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.
Quarterbacks that will Disgrace:
Teddy Bridgewater – Sure, Teddy B has more freak athletes at his disposal to score with than the Kardashian sisters, but guess what? A.P., the Elder God blessed, resides in the backfield and he will be the focal point of the offense, no matter what. The Bridgewater fanatics are going absolutely bonkers right now and it’s simply not acceptable. The only way Bridgewater comes within an elephant’s prick of the top-10 QBs is if Peterson goes down or gets suspended for getting his southern discipline on. I’m sorry you had to hear it from me.
Cam Newton – I LOVE Cam Newton, I truly do. But dude is now stuck with Philly Brown (WHO?) and Teddy Ginn as his starting wideouts, with Cotchery in the slot, giving the Panthers the worst receiving core in the NFL, WITHOUT QUESTION. Newton is always ranked high because of what he gets you on the ground, but we witnessed him take all sorts of punishment last season and if I had to guess, I’d say he’s in for more of the same in 2015. That offensive line still smells of rhino excrement and once Jonathan Stewart goes down with his yearly injury, this could get ugly quick. I’m seriously concerned for this man’s safety.
Robert Griffin III – Speaking of being concerned about a quarterback’s health, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a man take the kind of physical abuse RG-3 received in 2014 and now in this year’s preseason. I suppose Ving Rhames getting the banana in the tail pipe from the white supremacist in Pulp Fiction was kind of rough, but these hits that Griffin is taking are absolute soul crushers. At this rate, bruh is going to get taken off the field in a body bag. It’s as if Jay Gruden took out a side bet on 20 million to one odds Griffin would be the first NFL player to die on the field. IT’S THAT BAD, PEOPLE!!! Unnamed current coaches have even chimed in, saying they’ve never witnessed such blatant disrespect from a coach to his quarterback. Like, I’m seriously confused. I want answers. I had hopes and dreams of Griffin being a top-10 QB this season, utilizing his many weapons at WR, TE, and running back, and getting back some of the speed he lost a few years back when his coaches allowed him to play on a fully torn ACL. But then I witnessed the shellacking the Detroit Lions put on that ass, causing me to fully give up all hope. There is no way Griffin makes it through the first two games of the season, where they play the Dolphins and the Rams, two of freakiest and nastiest defensive lines in football. I’m truly frightened.
And there you have it! My last positional rankings post of the preseason… Hold on, I lied. I’ll still be posting my overall rankings and PPR rankings next week. Yipeeeeeeeeeeee. If you haven’t joined or started an RCL league, I’d like you to do so immediately. If you start five, you win something, so I’ve heard. The highest scorer in all of BEDDICT’s leagues wins a T-shirt and I may spread that gift to more leagues if the want is there on the reader side. I’m working with the Razzball shirt guy on a Tehol shirt, but you don’t have to take that one… or maybe you do… Anyways, as per usual, your questions and comments will be responded to in the section below and I very much look forward to our dialogue. My goodmen, it’s been a pleasure. Enjoy your weekend.
Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Beddict143.