It’s been well documented that the dumpster fire the 49ers transformed themselves into this offseason has been a resounding success and ahead of schedule thus far, six games into the regular season. And by success, I mean the fire has gotten bigger, and the dumpster has stayed the same size. In fact, the only redeeming quality at this point is the fact that Jim Tomsula looks to be about as batsh*t crazy as Jim Harbaugh was when being physically emotive. Is it enough to keep the 49ers afloat this season? Of course not, but it certainly improves their watchability. Meanwhile, schadenfreude is in full bloom for the Seattle Seahawks as they sit a woeful 2-4 and are battling the aforementioned
dumpster fires 49ers for last place in a division that usually has the Cardinals and Rams taking carry of the NFC West basement. That fact right there makes this game worthy of my attention, even if it is Thursday Night Football. Get your recovery water folks, this should be a good one!
Rankings have been updated for tonight’s game and can be found here.
By the Numbers
3 – The Seahawks have not lost three in a row since 2011 when the finished 7-9. They have lost two in a row going into tonight’s game.
14 – Only 14 of 168 teams since 1990 have made the playoffs after starting 2-4. None made it to the Super Bowl.
55 – The most points allowed in the league in the fourth quarter. The Seahawks are the ones who have allowed these points.
53.3% – Colin Kaepernick’s completion percentage thus far in 2015.
0% – The percent of real human qualities and emotions that Russell Wilson is capable of. #blessed. #gohawks.
Take one sip of beer if…
You see any type of Kaepernicking.
Pete Carroll actually doesn’t look douchy.
Pete Carroll acts like a douche.
Jim Tomsula throws a tantrum.
Phil Simms says something absolutely asinine. (Take baby sips…)
The commercial bumpers show The Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, Lombard Street, The Streetcar, or Pier 39.
Russell Wilson makes a punchable face.
Take one shot of liquor if…
You hear Phil Simms go ”Well JEEEEEEM…”.
Someone says “Super Bowl hangover”.
Every time Russell Wilson bullsh*ts his way out of a sack.
Totally Legitimate Game Predidction
Seahawks – 0 (Also the amount of wide receivers Darrell Bevell things he has.)
49ers – 15 (The amount, in gallons, that Jim Tomsula sweats per game.)