It’s been well documented that the dumpster fire the 49ers transformed themselves into this offseason has been a resounding success and ahead of schedule thus far, six games into the regular season. And by success, I mean the fire has gotten bigger, and the dumpster has stayed the same size. In fact, the only redeeming quality at this point is the fact that Jim Tomsula looks to be about as batsh*t crazy as Jim Harbaugh was when being physically emotive. Is it enough to keep the 49ers afloat this season? Of course not, but it certainly improves their watchability. Meanwhile, schadenfreude is in full bloom for the Seattle Seahawks as they sit a woeful 2-4 and are battling the aforementioned dumpster fires 49ers for last place in a division that usually has the Cardinals and Rams taking carry of the NFC West basement. That fact right there makes this game worthy of my attention, even if it is Thursday Night Football. Get your recovery water folks, this should be a good one!

Rankings have been updated for tonight’s game and can be found here.

 

By the Numbers

tomsulaclap

3 – The Seahawks have not lost three in a row since 2011 when the finished 7-9. They have lost two in a row going into tonight’s game.

14 – Only 14 of 168 teams since 1990 have made the playoffs after starting 2-4. None made it to the Super Bowl.

55 – The most points allowed in the league in the fourth quarter. The Seahawks are the ones who have allowed these points.

53.3% – Colin Kaepernick’s completion percentage thus far in 2015.

0% – The percent of real human qualities and emotions that Russell Wilson is capable of. #blessed. #gohawks.

 

Drinking Game

"HEY, SHUT THIS MELON FARMER DOWN"

“HEY, SHUT THIS MELON FARMER DOWN”

Take one sip of beer if…

You see any type of Kaepernicking.

Pete Carroll actually doesn’t look douchy.

Pete Carroll acts like a douche.

Jim Tomsula throws a tantrum.

Phil Simms says something absolutely asinine. (Take baby sips…)

The commercial bumpers show The Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, Lombard Street, The Streetcar, or Pier 39.

Russell Wilson makes a punchable face.

Take one shot of liquor if…

You hear Phil Simms go ”Well JEEEEEEM…”.

Someone says “Super Bowl hangover”.

Every time Russell Wilson bullsh*ts his way out of a sack.

Totally Legitimate Game Predidction

Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

Seahawks – 0 (Also the amount of wide receivers Darrell Bevell things he has.)

49ers – 15 (The amount, in gallons, that Jim Tomsula sweats per game.)

 

 

  1. Teddy Heater says:
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    Why does Tomsula insist on wearing long sleeves? It’s like he’s trying to cut weight before the big weigh in!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Teddy Heater: You may be on to something here. Probably trying to cut weight for something. Maybe his next meal?

      • Teddy Heater says:
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        @Jay: He’s trying to get back into shape to be a player/coach.

          • Teddy Heater says:
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            @Jay: Lynch was straight Beastmode on the 1st series. I figured he’d be all in playing in his home town. Rawls in on 2nd series…..

            • Jay

              Jay says:
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              @Teddy Heater: yeah, not sure what to think, he looked alright. Looks like he’s sick?

              • Teddy Heater says:
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                @Jay: Tehol accidentally gave him a roofie instead of a greenie!

                  • Teddy Heater says:
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                    @Jay: As long as he wasn’t wearing the Razzball Jersey I mailed him when he did it, we’re good.

  2. Killer joe says:
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    You should add a bonus category for absolutely ridiculous things.

    Like, finish your whole box of wine if Phil Simms goes the whole game without saying something completely asinine.

    • Killer joe says:
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      @Killer joe: or even just a whole quarter without doing it. That’s nearly impossible, I believe.

      • Jay

        Jay says:
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        @Killer joe: five minutes would be incredible

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Killer joe: it happens once in a bluemoon, but I don’t want people to go to the hospital either.

  3. 740 says:
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    hey Jay, 10team h2h.

    would u make this trade….Forte , Palmer or Wilson. for my Brady, Hillman, CJ.
    should i ask for more?

    Thank you

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @740: i think it’s fair. I’d probably go Wilson.

  4. hellohello says:
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    antonio brown and knile davis for arian foster and greg olsen?

  5. brion Pagel says:
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    If you have Foster, Peterson and Ivory, do you start Peterson and Foster week 7?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      I think you have to, but it’s a good problem to have.

  6. Brian says:
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    I’m been getting a lotta of feelers for Demaryius Thomas in my three WR 1.0 PPR league. I think people are expecting him to surge, but I just don’t buy it what with Peyton Manning being mortal and all.

    Two questions:

    1.) If I wanted to just straight up trade Demaryius Thomas for another receiver in a 1.0 PPR league, who would you target that the other owner would most likely bite on for Thomas’s name alone? Larry Fitzgerald? Brandon Marshall? Keenan Allen? Alshon Jeffery? All of the above? None? Someone I am missing?

    2.) I have Dez Bryant and Brandon LaFell coming back and I have Julian Edelman, which is another reason I find Thomas expendable. My running back are a bunch of Tier 2 and 3 guys (Justin Forsett, Frank Gore, Jonathon Stevwart, James Starks). What RB could I get for Demaryius Thomas? Is it absurd to trade him for Todd Gurley, Arian Foster, or Chris Ivory in a 1.0 PPR league? Or do I need to ask for more?

    Thanks in advance for any help and/or ideas.

    • And Now the Jon Lovitz Dancers! says:
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      @Brian: not absurd, do 2. see what Jaywrong says for the order of gurley/foster/ivory, i would use ROS but i believe it’s being updated from a time in which since Gurley would’ve moved up it. but it looks like foster/gurley/ivory would be the order to attempt it.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Brian: I think you should be able to net all of them. My preference would be Jeffery then Allen. And I don’t think it’s absurd at all, and I’d probably try for Foster there.

Comments are closed.