It was the middle of the night when the message woke me, it’s incessant buzzing threading the neurons in my brain. It said, Tom Brady’s gonna be useless, start Trevor Siemian today. With my mind on rankings and helping the Average Joe, Jose, and Josephine, I couldn’t fall back into the grasp of the Sandman. I had to tell the people. I had to tell them to run away from Matt Ryan and Baker Mayfield (“Why didn’t they listen to me on Baker?”), and instead ask my unfailing followers to go all-in on Gabriel Davis. Wait, did I do that? [checks To Do List] Aww crap I told you to start everybody else. But on the plus side, we didn’t end up with the Bills losing in a battle of field goals, did we? Let’s check out what happened on Sunday for fantasy football:
Especially as we get late into the season, I’m going to focus on some of the more “questionable” fantasy football / dynasty player situations. Like, you were already starting Josh Allen, right? You don’t need me to validate your Justin Jefferson teams, right? But what are you gonna do about D’Andre Swift next year? Let’s discuss!
D’Andre Swift: The guy touched the ball 36 times, and when that happens, your fantasy team wins. At this point, Swift should just be the Lions’ quarterback and coach and probably the owner because he’s the one who calls the shots. I’d write a 2,000 word column on D’Andre Swift being your dynasty acquisition target, but who really wants a running back that’s surrounded by elite talent like [checks notes] Trinity Benson and Godwin Igwebuke? ENYWHEY. The Lions almost pulled off a win against a suddenly Big Ben-less Steelers team, which is basically like when I win of game of chess and shout, “I figured this whizz out, it’s time to go pro!” At least Swift can visit Barry Sanders in the Lions alumni hall of fame and learn what it’s like to be the only good player on a dismal team. Best of luck to all you Swifties out there, and I hope you enjoyed the new album this week.
Cam Newton: Everybody’s losing their mind over Cam Newton’s [checks notes] 8 passing yards and 14 rushing yards. Just like last year! Yeah, that’s right — the last year when he rushed for more TDs than he threw. Lamar Jackson fans are rocking in their gaming chairs right now. I say this on a Fibonacci interval of time, but rushing QBs are very hard to predict on a consistent basis [stares at LJax this past week, Kyler, Russ, and Blake Bortles]. Yeah, you forgot that Blake Bortles was one of the top rushing QBs of the past decade, didn’t ya? So Cam’s probably going to take the lead role in Carolina and reporters are saying he’ll basically audition for 2022, which is like saying his 2020 season was an audition for 2021, when 32 teams bypassed him and went with the likes of Tyrod Taylor, Trevor Siemian, and Taylor Heinicke. Whatever. Play for today. Celebrate him on TV and love him on the cat walk, but it’s probably best to leave him off your fantasy roster.
Christian McCaffrey: Speaking of Panthers coming back, McCaffrey played in his 8th game since Cam left Carolina. What a world, eh? McCaffrey gained nearly 100 yards on the ground but was pulled from the game and checked in the tent because an injury spotter worried that he was seeing stars. With so many Swifties about, how can you not see stars? McCaffrey looks like he’s good to go, and that’s fantastic news for Carolina’s #1 receiver (10 targets, 10 catches, 66 yards).
Wayne Gallman: So you’re saying my preseason predictions are coming true and the Vikings are going to the Super Bowl? Ooops, wrong prediction. Gallman was a favorite late-round target of mine when he was on the 49ers, and pre-season Kyle Shanahan looked at his RB room and said, “We’ve got too many in here” and cut Gallman. Joke’s on him! Gallman caught on in Atlanta, which ostensibly should have been good but sometimes we can’t have nice things: Calvin Ridley needs a break, Matt Ryan looks like he’s ready to work as a Tide spokesman, and Kyle Pitts is either the greatest receiver on earth or completely disappears. Enter Wayne Gallman. Gallman landed 15 carries for 55 yards and added another catch for 21 yards. Was he on the field because of the blowout? Maybe. Was he on the field because Arthur Smith has completely disowned Mike Davis? Maybe. Either way, 15 carries from a running back — especially in a blowout and by a guy who has held RB1 volume for spurts before — can be especially valuable. Reminder: Gallman stepped in for Saquon Barkley last year, didn’t win a starting job in New York until midseason, and then all he did was churn 15ish carries for the rest of the season, including a couple games above 90 yards and a bunch above 60 yards. Why write 250 words on Wayne Gallman? Because he saved fantasy teams last year when he was in basically the same situation, and fantasy football champs aren’t going to win with Alexander Mattison’s 4 carries a week.
Russell Wilson: There was something weird in the water when I noticed that Rudy’s Premium Tools thought Geno Smith was going to do well this week. Wilson came back through the power of crystals and magics and maybe he should have tried some home cooking and medical science. After Seattle got shutout for the first time in ten years, the TV analysts were all chanting “Rusty” Wilson. Such disrespect for our fantasy short king. Wilson has been fantasy gold for years. Will he be fantasy gold to finish the season? A hastily healed finger makes his prognosis questionable. Russell, if you’re listening, I don’t mind you being “rusty.” Just please don’t rush back and become Reked.
Trevor Siemian: Apparently it’s quarterback week here at Razzball HQ. I really don’t know how it happened, but Siemian is suddenly a fantasy asset despite leading a team that has basically no legit receivers and was without its primetime RB this week. Siemian put up nearly 300 yards in the air to the likes of Deonte Harris and Mark Ingram, while Tre’Quan Smith pulled in a TD and 44 yards. My best ball teams are living large right now! It’s not like throwing 300 against the Titans is a challenge, but Siemian has shown that he belongs in the NFL…OK maybe not that far quite yet…but with 6 TDs, 0 INT, and a rapidly increasing yards per attempt clip, Siemian might be that Derek Carr-esque player that sits at QB 12-15 range for the rest of season and fills in when your QB1 feels like he’s immunized really well. Also, I got my 5G booster and I’m really hoping my takes are super sharp this week.
Adrian Peterson: Clearly Jeremy McNichols was never going to run this offense, but the inheritors of Derek Henry’s touches aren’t wowing anybody. I don’t know why the pre-game analysts are showering praise over Adrian Peterson — the guy missed a year after admitting to abusing his kids and the only reason he’s still in the league is because he’s nearly 8 million dollars in debt from bad financial decisions. Did somebody convince you to add him to your team? 8 rushes for 21 yards after spending last week going 10 attempts for [checks notes] 21 yards. You wanna guess what AP does next week?
Dan Arnold: The guy’s getting ridiculous targets recently and has basically been the Jags’ leading receiver. Rudy loved Arnold as a backup TE…last year. Arnold got “lucky” after getting traded away from the Panthers this year, and maybe his new stint in Jacksonville will give him enough targets and opportunities to get some major traction in the NFL…assuming Urban Meyer can keep the team from exploding at the end of the year.
Baker Mayfield: Yeah, it’s QB week. Mayfield got injured…again…I mean the guy was wearing a cyborg-like sling to hold his arm together. Case Keenum came in for relief and went 8-for-12 and 81 yards, which bodes well for those Jarvis Landry / D’Ernest Johnson managers who want yards while Nick Chubb does his expected injury thing.
OK friends, how did your weeks go? For me, my Carson Wentz/Michael Pittman plan definitely didn’t go as well as the optimal Josh Allen/Stefon Diggs plan. But my best ball teams are very happy for that Josh Allen revenge week! Best of luck on Monday Night Football!
