We all play games, whether it be fantasy sports or psychological battles with one’s SIGNIFICANT OTHER, which I’m bolding because I think it should be a horror movie title or a boss in the Dark Souls series. Fantasy Football holds all the hallmarks of a Souls-type video game; You get crushed Week 1, you spend time getting pumped/reading primers to help in your next run, and then you either triumph the next time you play, or you’re sent back to the last bonfire, full of impotent rage and complaining about how the system cheated you. Perhaps a Tecmo Bowl comparison would have worked better, but it’s too on the nose, and it’s been about five years since I last emulated the Eagles to yet another perfect season. Let us continue to explore the biases that reshape our mind’s eyeballs (maybe into cubes, or even tetrahedrons!):

Now that we’re getting into Week 3, let us gather ’round the campfire and tell scary stories about the Bogeycreatures of our minds: Biases! To know oneself is a difficult task, a task I will perhaps never complete. Correction, I know the parts of me that I abhor, just not the good parts. So yeah, as Meatloaf did not sing, “One out of two ain’t bad.” Now that’s some bad math, friends, so let us impale your encased meats and inflated sugar cylinders on your sticks, stare into the flames, and ponder the first person who decided that flames “lick.” First one to scream in fright has to stay up and make sure the fire’s all the way out. We’re doing A-through-C today. Use these biases to reflect on your drafts, your teams as they stand now, and to manipulate people so you win every argument. People like you a lot better when you insist on winning every argument

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Projections are hard, especially when it comes to Fantasy North American Football. The list of caveats that come with evaluating a single player’s offensive performance any given week are many.

Good afternoon and salutations to you, delicious devourers of pigskin prognostications! I have been providing what some describe as a public service, and others may describe as a self-flagellating farcical fete. I read a lot of blurbs for fantasy sports, whether it’s Rotowire, Rotoworld (NBC Sports Edge, to noobs), FantasyPros. They all have the daunting task of sourcing and re-reporting beat writer Tweets, playing time updates, and whether or not a player is “in game shape.” As a male adult who writes words, my current game shape is polygonal, especially when sitting down to write. This polygonal writer will weekly look for examples of biased or factually/rhetorically incorrect to help you avoid getting blurbstomped. You shouldn’t read a blurb and immediately pick up a bro because a fantasy site told you to.