It was 16-3. Zach Wilson (9-for-18, 92 yards, 1 INT) looked on at the field at MetLife Stadium, having accounted for 93 yards of total offense and one turnover through nearly three quarters of play. Enter Chris Streveler, certified gladiator and champion of men. Recently activated off the practice squad, the former Winnipeg Blue Bombers star instantly reinvigorated the Jets offense, producing 144 total yards — 51 more than Wilson — in just one quarter of play while not turning over the football. Newly-minted as my hero, Streveler showed heart and grit, and most importantly, that he was willing to put his body on the line and do anything for the players next to him. That’s not something we have seen Wilson do. Wilson doesn’t yet understand how to be a leader and more importantly, can’t comprehend how to read a defense. He is not a starting NFL quarterback, and never will be. Say all you want about arm strength and projectability, but it only goes so far. I have a bottle of ketchup in my fridge that has the size, shape and squirt to be an elite mustard, but what’s inside is simply never going to change. Last night should be a lesson Streveler’nd for us all. Unfortaunely, I don’t think it will be for Wilson. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in another riveting edition of Thursday Night Football.

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Okay, Razzball fam. Can we be honest about something? Ray-Ray McCloud III sounds like he should be catching passes from Tyroil Smochie-Wallace. And I’m still not sure if I’ve been spelling Jauan Jennings’ name correctly. Is it linking in this post? Unfortunately, if you were a wide receiver last night, it didn’t matter how recognizable your name was. You fell short, while the tight ends and Christian McCaffrey stole the show. Yes, George Kittle and Brock Purdy were awesome despite only connecting four times. They did it when it mattered and they did so in chunks. Which is exactly what I have been spewing the past several hours as a heavy-share Brandon Aiyuk owner. We’ll sort out that mess and more below as I reveal what else I saw in the Week 15 edition of Thursday Night Football.

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Welcome to Thursday Bite Football, Week 12 — the Thanksgiving Edition. It’s where you come to hide from your in-laws’ salt-and-pepper-crusted casseroles for all of 10 solitary minutes before returning to the madness of the holiday season. Or perhaps you’re out Black Friday shopping, pushing over grandmothers and little kids alike while bustling through the aisles and reading these delicate words. Wherever you may be, hopefully, you had the chance to inhale some home cooking and play some good, old-fashioned stump in the backyard with those you love, because that’s what it’s really all about — at least in my family. Throwing sharp, metal objects in the air and smashing nails into a log alongside close friends and family while Luke Combs wails in the background and someone’s fat uncle snoozes in the corner.

While I was doing all of that, I was also watching a riveting Thanksgiving slate (or plate) of NFL Football. Here’s what I saw:
While I was doing all of that, I was also watching a riveting Thanksgiving slate (or plate) of NFL Football. Here’s what I saw:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you have spent any time reading this column, you know that it has been a tough year for the NFL’s Thursday Night Football. Luckily, that all changed this week thanks in part to the uber-talented rosters of the Atlanta Falcons and Carolina Panthers going head-to-head. There’s not much that gets a football fan’s blood boiling more than a querterback showdown of Marcus Mariota and PJ Walker, and running back rooms fronted by Cordarrelle Patterson and D’Onta Foreman. Add in five field goals in four quarters and you’ve got yourself an instant classic on primetime TV. Now, this wasn’t the worst game of the season, not by any stretch of the imaginiation. But top fantasy options like Patterson (2.5 half-PPR points), Kyle Pitts (3.8 points) and DJ Moore (4.9 points) all crapped the bed, while Foreman (19.0 points), Laviska Shenault (13.4 points) and Drake London (12.3 points) shined to varying degrees. Safe to say, this was not a joyous day for most fantasy owners. Memes portraying Mariota as a trash can in a squad car have surfaced, which is honestly an insult to garbage disposal devices everywhere. This game was really between the Splatlanta Fartcons and the Terdalina Pantnerds. And yes, that is really the best I could come up with. It’s clearly time for some deep introspection. 

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My main takeaway from Week 9 of Thursday Night Football is that the Houston Texans have a lot of players that I have never heard of. That either means I’m really bad at my job, or that the Houston front office is even more lackluster at theirs. Four tight ends in this game were projected to score fantasy points, including the Texans’ Jordan Akins and some guy named Brevin Jordan. But it was in fact TE Teagan Quitoriano, projected for zero points in this matchup, who put Houston ahead, 7-0, with a two-yard touchdown reception from QB Davis Mills in the first quarter. Also of news: the Texans have players named Chris Moore (4 receptions, 43 yards, 1 TD) and Tyron Johnson (1 reception, eight yards). This is a real thing. On the Eagles’ side, QB Jalen Hurts (21-27, 243 yards, 2 TD; 9 carries, 23 yards) and WR A.J. Brown (4 receptions, 59 yards, 1 TD) were up to their usual tricks, but it was TE Dallas Goedert (8 receptions, 100 yards, 1 TD) and RB Miles Sanders (17 carries, 93 yards, 1 TD) who really kicked HC Lovie Smith (1 really white beard, 1 win, 6 losses) in the crotch.

Here’s what else I saw in another riveting edition of Thursday Night Football.

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Thank you, football gods! Al Michaels and Kirk Herbstreit called so many touchdowns last night that there might not be enough on-air material left for the remainder of the season. That’s what the youths call Herb-Al medication. Luckily for us, that provides a lot of cargo to unpack from the Week 7 edition of Thursday Night Football. Andy Dalton had his highs and lows, but the real stars were Juwan Johnson and Eno Benjamin, of course, just as we all saw in the tea leaves. Of course, it would be a crime not to mention the impressive return of DeAndre Hopkins, who immediately received 14 targets and converted that into 10 catches for 103 yards. Here’s what else I saw on Thursday Night Football in Week 7.

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There comes a moment in everyone’s life when they sigh deeply and think to themselves, Man, I’m sure not good at football, but I wouldn’t have thrown that pass directly into a defensive lineman’s forehead. For a lot of us, that moment came to fruition last night. With an open Cole Kmet in the front of the end zone, Justin Fields rifled a throw right into the dome of Efe Obada, causing the ball to skyrocket into the air and come down into the hands of Jonathan Allen for an interception. That proved to be Fields’ lone turnover of the night, but that miscue coupled with Velus Jones’ muffed punt in the fourth quarter was ultimately Chicago’s downfall. And once again, we find ourselves wondering if the NFL’s Thursday Night Football could possibly get any harder to watch, and I find myself debating what I did to Donkey Teeth to deserve being stuck with writing about this travesty week after week. But complaining is for the weak, so onward we trudge into the abysmal abyss!

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Frank Reich adjusted his bifocles, inhaled a deep breath filled with mile-high air, and stared endlessly into the eyes of Nathaniel Hackett. The newly-minted Denver Broncos head coach didn’t flinch. Instead, he extended his right hand, embraced Frank and whispered, “Three-pointers only. Deal.” They shook. They cackled in unison. And the rest was history: another dreadful Thursday Night Football game highlighted by zero touchdowns and a concerning brain injury on the national stage. And I’m making no joke of that last part. Once again, it was a bad look for the NFL, as Nyheim Hines sustained a hit from several Denver defenders and was unable to stand under his own power upon getting up. He was noticeably wobbly as teammates helped him off the field. His status will need to be monitored moving forward, especially since it was clear Indianpolis was going to lean on him in Jonathan Taylor’s absence — feeding him on each of the first three plays from scrimmage. But enough is enough. Here’s what else happened on Thursday night.

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I had the beginnings of a witty lede typed up prior to Thursday night’s matchup between the Dolphins and Bengals in Cincy, but it didn’t seem appropriate to run with after the second quarter head/neck injury sustained by Miami QB Tua Tagovailoa. In what has been a breakout season for the former No. 5 overall pick, Tua was taken off the field via a stretcher after a hit delivered by DT Josh Tupou rendered him unconcious due to a neurological injury. Tua’s status certainly has fantasy ramifications that stretch across the entire Miami team, but the primary concern is for Tagovailoa’s personal well being and overall health as it relates to life outside of football. In the interim, backup QB Teddy Bridgewater instantly becomes an option in two-QB leagues should Tua be in line to miss time. We’ll unpack the rest of Week 4 of Thursday Night Football below, but continue to monitor this situation moving forward.

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If your Week 2 was anything like what fans of Baltimore, Cleveland, and Las Vegas experienced, then you’re waking up on Tuesday in the depths of despair. Fortunately, the season is young and there’s plenty of time to right the ship once the page is turned. Unfortunately, the waiver wire isn’t all that enticing this week, and there’s an armadillo turning my backyard into the next Holes remake. However, if you’re a relentless quarterback streamer or in a two-QB league, there are some intriguing options for you this week — not to mention some serious finds at the wide receiver position should your league mates not have gobbled them up yet. If you’re in a waiver order-based league and not in dire need, this is a week to stand as firm as Snoop Dogg’s buttcheeks in the TSA line. In deeper formats and leagues utilizing FAAB, proceed with caution. I wouldn’t use more than 15-20% on even the top names listed, although you could validate up to 25-30% if you’re so desperate your season-long competitiveness calls for it. Hopefully, you’re not in that position this early. Onward we go!

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