Why did I pick up Bobby Rainey, the guy who was waived by the Cleveland Browns back in October? This move makes me feel dirty, not pigpen dirty, but the I just picked up a hooker in an alley dirty. Maybe I should go back to the beginning. *wavy lines wavy lines wavy lines* I drafted Doug Martin in the hopes he would lead me to championship glory. He’s PPR gold and that’s all I play, standard makes me fall asleep from boredom. But nope, that was an unwise selection. Hey I listened to Sky and I was so pissed at him that I hopped on a little plane, flew to where he lives, got drunk and told him off. What can I say, I really think my insults are better in person. OK, now I grab Mike James who drops 158 on the Seahawks and makes me think that maybe I scored some pure lottery type luck. Nope, that’s strike two on your hopes and dreams. Now what do I do, Tampa is cursed, they lost their QB who woke up one day and said “I suck”, a bunch of them got MRSA, their coach is a dick, and now Brian Leonard is the lead back. Wait!….What? Bobby Rainey looked so good on Monday night, “well Jack he was playing the weak rush D of the Dolphins”, that is true diligent commenter. But Really? I know what I’ll do, I’ll grab both and beat the devil at his own game. Damn, this shizz is making me depressed. Rainey has the upside here. If you don’t already own him I would grab him. Bucs are showing signs of life and I think every current and former Browns running back is better than T-Rich. Yup, I would drop T-Rich for Rainey. If you’re going to go for it then I would go grab Rainey and hopefully the curse of the Bucs is over and they all play really well ROS.

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Tonight, we answer the question to why Mike Tolbert is relevant. How does anyone in Carolina notice when his name isn’t Newton, not the cookie, the quarterback. Why do Americans love their football so much and politicans so little, tell me your thoughts at #idiots rule. Why does this only sound good in my own head when I do this in a Steven Colbert voice? Maybe it’s the 6 beers and three glasses of scotch I’ve had. I don’t know, you can watch the real Colbert Report if your are already tired of this. In the spirit of the Colbert Report we will do the Word about Mr. Tolbert. He’s scored 3 on the ground and 2 through the air this year. All of those TD’s came in victories for the Panthers. Like any owner of the most relevant fullback in football, we hope Señor Rivera sees this too and decides to give him a chance to score every week because Tolbert +TD = VICTORY….for them and you. He’s a great bye week filler and will be someone to watch for match ups every week. I think the risk is similar to Danny Woodhead earlier in the year when we were unsure whether to start him or not for fear of touches. With the Panthers on a roll, I would go big, literally and send Tolbert out there if you have the need. He faces the Falcons this week who are competing with the Texans for biggest disappointment of the year award.

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After my road trip deep into the woods of the Pacific Northwest to meet and pass Razzball Football initiation with our leader Sky, I have returned a new man with no recollection of last Saturday. I woke up Sunday, naked and alone, sometime in the early evening to find Roy Helu had scored three touchdowns in the Redskins big win over the Bears. Am I still drugged up? Is this all a dream? Why are my pants cut into chaps? Like almost everyone else on earth, except maybe this guy, who would of thought Roy Helu would score as many rushing TD’s in one game that CJ Spiller, Arian Foster and Doug Martin have combined for this season. Yeah, F**K YOU FIRST ROUND RUNNING BACKS! It’s ok everyone, Helu is just really lucky because of one game, but it is hard to imagine that he goes back to nothingness considering the Skins only two wins came in games where he found the endzone. Wait!…What? Yup, that is correct 12 readers of my “list”. In the Skins only two victories of the season Helu found the endzone four times. He has averaged 4.2 YPC on the year and averages 10.9 yards per reception. That looks good enough to me Shanahanigans. PLAY HELU MORE! WE NEED MORE HELU! RETIRE YOU CRAZY BASTARD! WHY AM I YELLING AT MY COMPUTER WHILE I WRITE THIS! Sorry for the yelling 12 readers, I drafted Trent Richardson everywhere and if I keep punching my computer I won’t be able to bring this drivel to you every Friday. I would grab Helu everywhere, no not there Prezzii, and either use him or stash him. Because of the unpredictability of his coach I won’t make him a fuzzy cuff til I see more. Before moving on I must share this beautiful artistic piece about the ownership of the Redskins.

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For those of you that had week 6 in your DeMarco Murray injury pool then enjoy your winnings and for those of you that had Joseph Randle stashed I call bullshizz. What’s that diligent razzball commenter, “hey J, you had Lance Dunbar listed as the handcuff the last 4 weeks”. I know and who would of thunk the guy with ZERO touches all season would be the guy to replace the guy. I’m not here to get all googly eyed over Randle even though Randle is the word of the week right now in fantasy football. First, you have the knee injury to Randall Cobb, who I always thought was this guy, and then you have Rueben Randle, the very relevant the last two weeks WR from the Giants who likes to battle with David Wilson on Twitter. Now Joseph Randle doesn’t really add to the sexy mix like the other two, but he is the starter this week and may be needed as a bye week stand in. If you don’t need him then I wouldn’t drop anyone worthy to stash him. Last week vs. the Skins he managed only 1.4 YPC for a total of 17 yards on 11 carries with a long of 14 yards. That means he averaged 0.3 yards for the other 10 carries, that’s a little less than a foot per carry against one of the worst run defenses. He did catch two balls out of the backfield and considering he is playing the Eagles this week might be good for 8-10 points and maybe more in a PPR league. Everyone on the list below him is droppable to stream, and we might see a different Randle this week compared to last when he gets all week to prepare and mentally get ready to be the main ball carrier. But again, I wouldn’t put my stock too high. Sorry readers this post will be a little short this week for I am going on a trip to see our leader Sky and have a lot of things to handle before I leave town. I also want to wish our Razzball icon on the baseball side a happy bachelor party weekend, may it turn out as exciting as this one. I will be available throughout the weekend for Q&A and via Twitter for those that prefer that route…..damn I went link crazy this week!

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If you haven’t yet, you better listen to the Duke and get on the “A” train, Andre that is. Andre Ellington has a role my fellow Razzballers. Bruce Arians says he’s a 30 play a game player because he doesn’t have the body type to handle being a “lead dog runner”. Can we pray for 20+ touches out of those 30 plays? I know this isn’t the best news, but what he does with those touches can be kinda magical. He’s averaging 6.7 YPC and 11.1 YPR (Yards Per Reception). Some might call him the change of pace back in Arizona, I call him the pace they should be at back. As of right now, he’s a PPR flex in the bye week and a possible starter based on match ups. Last week in a 1 point PPR league he scored 12.30 points. Not bad in my book. It’s a situation you need to keep tabs on. The kid has skills and who knows what Bruce’s game plan will be by week 10. This might be the guy that wins you a playoff match up when Mendenhall is done for the year by week 13 and Andre is the only guy worth handing off to in the desert. In Yahoo he’s 22% owned right now, I just picked him up for my friend in her league and that was confounding to me considering that Daryl Richardson hadn’t been dropped yet….yeah I don’t like Richardson.

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This might seem like an inappropriate proposition when our lead this week has only 19 carries for 90 yards on the year with zero rushing TD’s, but trust me, I’m writing this with the best of intentions. Danny Woodhead was the apple of Phillip River’s eye this past weekend with his 5 catches for 54 yards and 2 TD’s. “But Jack, those are his only two TD’s on the season?” That is correct diligent commenter, but please let me finish. On the year he is second on the Chargers with 22 receptions, has provided a different look in the backfield with his 4.7 YPC and looks like he uses “what’s up brah” as a greeting. If you are looking for a bye week flyer or a potential PPR flex then look no further than Woodhead. Am I the only one here giggling every time I say his name? Before I move on to the ranks I want to pay my final respects to the 2013 Fantasy Baseball Season. It was one hell of a ride for those of us in the RCL and to my frequent commenters, I say thank you for making the ride that much better. Now I can fully throw myself into football, my 2nd fantasy love, and say goodbye to my old friend fantasy baseball. I was recently comforted by frequent commenter Kid A when he said that fantasy football was his methadone for fantasy baseball. Now I can sit back and drink my nice warm cup of fantasy methadone and give my proper dues to this icon and this icon. Without these two, none of this would be possible and with that I want to encourage all the Fantasy Footballers to give baseball a shot. Razzball makes the game that some view as meh, if you follow the guys on CBS, fun and a really good ride. Now on to the ranks

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As for the ladies, GOB means something gifted. The first two letters spell GO but the last one is something different, wait, what? of course it’s different….different good, the B stands for you been going Big… Ok, no more hack rappin on the Razz… Have you ever known that hot chick that was dating down for the longest time? She always says, “he will turn his life around” and “you don’t see what I see”. For the latter I hope I never see that guy naked. Well the Bengals are that hot chick and they just don’t see what we all see: That GOB – or Giovani Bernard as you know him – is a stud waiting patiently, flashing his “I’m better than the Law Firm skills” every week and trying to get exclusive with the Bengals. I don’t want you all thinking that BenJarvis Green Ellis is a dud, but he is the complementary back to Giovanni and not the other way around. I chose to highlight GOB this week for a few reasons 1) this might be the last time I write about GOB 2) I’m crushing on him like Grey on Giancarlo (must be the sexy Italian names) and owning him nowhere 3) there is no three, oh wait here it is in my back pocket, he’s a top ten back in Yahoo and not 100% owned. If he’s not owned, then grab him, if the league is too small for him to be owned then get in a bigger league or play draft kings with our 7 foot biscuit pimp. Before I get to my ranks, I just watched a commercial for fries on a burger and have noticed lately they sell burritos with fries inside at a few select fast food joints. Is it just me or does this seem borderline ridiculous? Yes, I like fries in my food, but I want to do it myself and feel special for doing it. Don’t cheap up my special things fast food empire!

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Do you remember the days when teams each had one running back to carry the load from 1st through 3rd down? Lumbering through the pain of worn out cartilage in their knees and treating pain killers like a food group. Now we have a world of 3rd down backs, pass blocking backs, full time, part time, short yardage (that use to be called a fullback) and some baby backs….yeah I’m pointing at you David Wilson. With the first two weeks in the books we can walk away from all this with a little bit of sanity knowing what we all didn’t know, we didn’t know together, and what we did know was laced with lies. For those of you that know me as Jack, I’m here to help break down and navigate the wonderful world of handcuffs. To help guide you, please take the contents of the little baggy I put under your seats, oh wait, that’s a different blog. To help guide you, if you are in a shallow league pay attention to the top, if you are in a 12 team, then give yourself a high five and if you are in a deep league pay attention to the bottom.

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