Author: Jay

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell. You can follow him on Twitter @jaywrong.

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Rankings, Week 4: A Return to Normalcy

by: Jay

Period	Accuracy	Rank	High	Low	Percentile
Week 3	59.1%	18 out of 134	65.0%	42.1%	Top 15%
Week 2	53.4%	85 out of 135	65.2%	46.2%	Top 65%
Week 1	56.8%	54 out of 137	62.8%	46.3%	Top 40%
2015	56.4%	34 out of 132	60.8%	48.0%	Top 30%
2014	58.1%	31 out of 125	60.7%	50.6%	Top 25%

As the title states (as do the numbers) we are back to kicking ass and chewing bubble gum. And boy am I out of bubble gum. In last week’s rankings post, I mentioned that we would be putting forth a new process for ranking players (or I guess in this case, returning to my original process), and the results were telling. Small sample size (that’s what she said) will always been an issue, but I think the numbers produced were promising, and I’ll be keeping with the same methodology to better serve your Fantasy Football Teams. Here are your Week 4 Rankings…

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Packin’ in the Rain

by: Jay

HISTORY IN THE MAKING PEOPLE

In what was an oft-rainy night an Lambeau Field (IF ONLY IT WERE SNOW, WE’D ALL EXPLODE), our long national nightmare finally ended. No, Alex Smith did not retire. Instead, he finally threw a touchdown to a receiver (shown above), something that hadn’t happened in the Chiefs last 17 games. Or, in calendar terms, not since December 8th, 2013. Folks, Andy Reid’s long con has finally paid off. That being said, it’s so very Chiefs that the record-breaking extravaganza for a useless stat occurred in a game in which they basically got blown out. The garbage time was strong with this one (even almost bringing the game within one possession with 1:25 to play before botching the two-point conversion), but it’s abundantly clear that the Chiefs may not be that good at the footballs. In a striking follow-up point, the Packers have shown that they might be pretty good at the footballs. If someone made a movie based on my time here at Razzball, it would be called: An Analytical Life. Or quite possibly WHERE ARE MY DATES? I WAS PROMISED DATES. But enough about myself and my movies, let’s make fun of Alex Smith more…

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Monday Night Football Live Thread, Week 3: Chiefs vs. Packers

September 28, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 32 Comments

by: Jay

After giving away a win to Peyton Manning and the Broncos last week, the Chiefs look to move to 2-1 against the Packers who are from the bay that is green. I believe that’s also the name of a Dr. Seuss poem. Or maybe I’m just a poetic person. OR MAYBE WHO CARES. Much like how I feel about this game. Sure, on paper the match-up is interesting, only because the principle cast involves guys like Jamaal Charles, Randall Cobb, Aaron Rodgers, Eddie Lacy… okay, I’m seeing a theme here. The principle cast is essentially from Milwaukee. But don’t let that dissuade you from not being entertained, we actually get another chance in our lives to see if Andy Reid will find some way to psychically eat his timeouts. I’m assuming he’s done so with the challenge flags, thinking they were ribs with ketchup on them. The game will essentially come down to how healthy Eddie Lacy and Davante Adams are, both suffering from ankle injuries this week. Both have practiced this week and are probable for tonight’s game, but if we’ve learned anything from semi-injured players miraculously being able to be suit up for their games this year, it’s that they’ll break your hearts and then punch them in the crotch. A heart-crotch punch, if you will. (See Anderson, C.J..) I’d say we’re in for an interesting game, but since it’s Monday Night Football, I’ll just say we’re in for a game. A football game, hopefully.

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Big Ben Down

September 28, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 78 Comments

by: Jay

Ben Roethlisberger was forced from yesterday’s game against the Rams when Mark Barron fell onto his leg, bending it awkwardly. While my initial reaction was to breathe a sigh of relief for all the women out there who are mobile enough to out-run a one-legged man, my next reaction was that this looked to be a season-ending leg injury. As of now, the prognosis has gone from leg implosion to ACL injury to MCL sprain, which normally takes around six weeks to recover from. Still, while the news improved throughout the day, this remains a huge blow to not just Roethlisberger, but also to the entire Steelers offense. I doubt Michael Vick ever wanted to start another NFL game again, but here he is, ready to provide clumsy pocket-presence mixed with a canon arm that fires anywhere and everywhere you don’t want it to. So basically a worse Ben Roethlisberger. While Heath Miller probably will stay the same (for now and eternity), Antonio Brown, Markus Wheaton, and Martavis Bryant (when he returns) will likely have some issues to contend with. Le’Veon Bell benefits the most, as check-downs need to go somewhere, and there will be even more emphasis on the Steelers rushing game. That being said, it can be a double-edged sword when defenses start game-planning against such things, so we’ll have to see what kind of magic Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley has ready to go. Haha, Steelers are screwed. But don’t worry, Big Ben’s third leg still works ladies! (Whether you like it or not…)

Here’s what else I saw in Week 3…

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Sunday Night Football Live Thread, Week 3: Broncos vs. Lions

September 27, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 16 Comments

by: Jay

In what is an interesting match-up, if only because we rarely get to see it (I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT), the Broncos travel to Detroit to find out if last week’s fourth quarter “Manning being just being Manning” is actually repeatable. Much has been said of Denver’s lack of any rushing attack, mainly because of C.J. Anderson’s toe. Which seems ridiculous. I mean, you want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. I can get you a toe by three o’clock this afternoon… There are some reports that Ronnie Hillman could start splitting carries, but I’m assuming the Broncos prefer positive rushing yardage, so I’m still in the Anderson camp, health and s’mores permitting. The Lions have started 0-2, I think mainly because Matt Stafford forgot that he has a thing called Calvin Johnson on his team. A stifling (I’m running out of adjectives) Broncos defense will continue to make that relationship tense (I’m running out of metaphors), but both offenses are capable of putting up yards. I for one hope this is the most amazing game in the history of games, only because with Drew Brees looking doubtful in Week 4, we’ll have a Sunday Night Football game that features Luke McCown and Brandon Weeden coming up. Jesus.

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Late Games Live Thread, Week 3

September 27, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 23 Comments

by: Jay

With the Late Games schedule lacking a bit, uh, what’s a good word to use here? Ooomph? Yeah, ooomph. I suppose the prime time game would be the 49ers hanging out with the Cardinals in Phoenix, or as Fox calls this match-up: “America’s Game”. Seems a bit presumptuous, since I like to think that Arizona doesn’t really exist as part of America. I suppose much of the tri-city area doesn’t really think too highly of San Francisco, but we might be getting too meta here. The Bills also go against the Dolphins, which should be an interesting defensive nap-fest, and seeing as how the Seahawks have been suffering so much, they get a one game reprieve as they go against Jimmy Clausen and the surviving members of the Bears. What’s my analysis here? Get your alcoholic beverages ready friends…

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Early Games Live Thread, Week 3

September 27, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 101 Comments

by: Jay

Na na na na na na na nana, Na na na na nana, Gettin stabby wit it

With no other “marquee” match-ups for the early slate of games this Sunday, I suppose I’m pigeon-hole’d into discussing the always “just about mediocre” rivalry of the Bengals and the Ravens. Not quite up to par with the Steelers and Ravens rivalry, which usually involves a lot of angst and stabbings (Ray Lewis misses those days), the Bengals and Ravens yearly face-off’s are like the adopted child of the AFC North’s divisional games. Baltimore has seen a bit more success in the playoffs in recent memory, but that’s only because I’m comparing them to the Bengals, who last won a playoff game during the Hoover administration. This very early 2015 season though, favors Cincinnati with their 2-0 start. You might say it’s because of Skyline Chili, but then I would say, have you ever had Skyline Chili? Rather, it’s probably from the surprisingly steady play from Andy Dalton. The Ravens could have a difficult road ahead if they lose and go 0-3, but they do have Murphy’s Law on their side. Which usually ends up being the best weapon against Dalton. Plus, the Ravens have the most elite quarterback in the NFL. His 2015 fourth-quarter passing rating of 34.6 and two interceptions proves this as fact. An elite fact if you will…

Rankings have been updated for today’s games, and can be found here.

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NFC East Fever! CATCH IT!

September 25, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 56 Comments

by: Jay

PEAK WASHINGTON

I was promised derp, and boy did we get some derp. Sure, it took an insufferable amount of time to receive said derp (three-and-a-half quarters), along with sitting through an equally insufferable fourth quarter that lasted about 32 hours longer than it should have, but when that derp came… I mean, there was just no way to predict that Matt Jones would fumble there (shown above), but I think we all saw it coming in our hearts. And folks, it was everything I knew Washington derp would be. “District derp”, if you will. Which, coicidentally, will be the name of my new band. It’ll be a cross of Taylor Swift and Bon Iver. In a game that will further put the NFC East in flux, Washington came into Thursday Night Football as the favorites to win the division if they only existed and didn’t somehow die of dysentery. Hey, it happened all the time in Oregon Trail, which, if I remember correctly, was based on a true story. But alas, the Giants showed some competency (don’t hold your breath) and Washington returned to their roots. But with Dallas still pitting all their hopes on Brandon Weeden (now with more Matt Cassel back-up power!), and the Eagles struggling to muster two yards of total offense, the division remains up for grabs. So it wouldn’t surprise me if the 49ers somehow ended up taking division title from all of them…

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Thursday Night Football Live Thread, Week 3: Washington vs. Giants

September 24, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 18 Comments

by: Jay

As has been a reoccurring theme this season (and all of last year if you were hanging out with us), the NFC East is known for the derp and nothing but the derp. Call it the cornucopia of derp, if you will. And you should, because Thanksgiving is just a mere few months away. Which is close enough for me, because turkey. And while the Cowboys and Eagles always offer their own unique brand of derp, Washington and the New York “Football” (HUR DUR) Giants were born in it. Molded by it. Watching these two teams is always an existential exploration of mascochism for their fans, and when you combine two such forces of derp, it’s almost like going on a life-fulfilling camping trip. The air is so fresh, the scenery is so majestic. The catharsis of it all… and then you get lyme disease. It’s like the Greek myth of Icarus and Daedalus, but in this case, Icarus is the derp, we are Daedalus, and these two teams are the sun. Ya know, maybe I should have just stuck to writing about turkey…

Rankings have been updated for tonight’s game and can be found here.

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Rankings, Week 3: Retrospectives with Ryan Mathews

September 24, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Weekly Rankings | 121 Comments

by: Jay

Period	Rank	Overall	High	Low	Percentile
Week 2	53.4%	85 out of 135	65.2%	46.2%	Top 65%
Week 1	56.8%	54 out of 137	62.8%	46.3%	Top 40%
2015	55.1%	70 out of 133	60.8%	47.8%	Top 55%
2014	58.1%	31 out of 125	60.7%	50.6%	Top 25%

Obviously, we’re not doing as well as we were last season around the same time period. The real question is, why am I using the royal “we”? On both counts, you can color me confused. Because I’m a book. It’s a coloring book joke people. Anyhow, to the point… I want to state that, personally, these first two weeks of accuracy results have me befuddled. Befuddled I tell ya! And I say this as a ranker who, unlike last year, has not ranked Ryan Mathews anywhere near the top-5… so I have that going for me. I realize that the entire process can sometimes be, well, to put it bluntly, a mystery. It’s true that this year I’ve taken certain liberties, some would call it “risks”, in terms of rankings. Last season, we finished in the top-25 percentile among all of our peers, and we were probably one of the most consistent week-to-week rankers out there. But consistency doesn’t necessarily get you to the top. And what can I say? I wanted a chance to hit those high notes. Terrible music metaphors aside, after implementing a process that I thought to be more beneficial to the readers (and the site itself), I’ll now be dialing back my strategy a bit. Don’t get me wrong, two weeks is a small sample size, but as I said earlier, you are coming here for the jokes AND a little bit of help. All of us in this business of Fantasy Football advice are here to help, and we feel sh*tty when we’re aren’t helping. And if we don’t feel sh*tty, it’s time to get out of the business all together. I don’t pretend to be a savant at this stuff, but I work hard on this craft because this community deserves it. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. You guys made that happen…

This week’s rankings, I’ll be returning to the process I used last year, which I can essentially describe with this phrase: better to be safe than sorry. You’ll notice there will be less “gut” calls, floor guys will be ranked higher, and riskier match-ups will be frowned upon. And let’s see how our accuracy responds this time next week. At the very least, I want to be as open as I can, which is why I always share my results at the forefront and consider myself accountable when my own results don’t match my expectations. So I’m basically my own mother, I guess. All things considered though, I’d rather be with your mother…

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Colts the New Jets

September 22, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 119 Comments

by: Jay

This game, in a nutshell.

In what was another snore fest that Monday Night Football can sometimes (almost all the time) be known for (at least as much as Thursday Night Football games can be), let me tell you, this one met that mark. And then surpassed it by innumerable. The first three quarters (and the last five minutes of regulation in the fourth quarter) lived up to the hype that I’m sure could have only been matched by a local mattress store Labor day commercial: a slow, cheesy, and clunky experience, which seems wholly natural as that basically describes Indianapolis, where science has taught us that rolling is the most popular form of transportation. In fact, for the first three quarters, I’m not sure sure either team’s offense understood what the game of football is or what it does. In this battle of attrition (for the viewers too), the Jets gained the upper hand, convincing me enough that both teams had probably switched uniforms before game time and decided to see who could perform the poorest. Suffice it to say, the Colts won that face off. Or do the Jets technically win there? I have no idea, all I know is that we lost. But, as I did mention earlier, the entire game wasn’t completely devoid of events resembling football. Some offense did occur in spurts, though it was mainly concentrated at the beginning of the fourth quarter. Alas, it was too late by then, there was little this game could accomplish to offset the damage done to everyone. The previous four interceptions and three fumbles (six of the turnovers were happily donated by the Colts), and struggling to figure out who the ef Quincy Enunwa was ended up being the line for me. Monday Night Football folks… Oh, hey, the Jaguars are now in first place, something that hasn’t occurred since the lovely year of 1462. So that happened…

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Monday Night Football Live Thread, Week 2: Jets vs. Colts

September 21, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 71 Comments

by: Jay

Breaking News: There is a report coming out that states Drew Brees has a torn rotator cuff and will miss the rest of the season. (There are now other reports being released that he’ll be out for “several” weeks or miss no time at all…) As of this writing, nothing has been confirmed yet, but if the original report is true, then the entire Saints offense takes a huge hit, especially Brandin Cooks and Brandon Coleman. It would have affected Marques Colston, but he’s been dead for two years. More importantly though, this news will give us a Sunday Night Football Week 4 match-up between Brandon Weeden and Luke McCown. Oh boy.

Tonight on Monday Night Football, Todd Bowles has the chance to start the season with a 2-0 record. What other Jets coaches have started 2-0, pray tell? Well, Weeb Ewbank didn’t do that back in 1963, but I believe an Ewok in Return of the Jedi was named after him. In the great (lol) history of the New York Jets, you have to go just a mere few decades back when in 1994 (gasp) Pete Carroll accomplished that feat. He then went 6-10 and got fired. Al Groh went 4-0 in 2000 (after Bill Belichick abruptly resigned), finishing the season 9-7, missing the playoffs. And then, of course, Rex Ryan started 3-0 in 2009 where they lost the AFC Conference Championship to the Colts. I think it was because Mark Sanchez was overweight at the time. After all, the defense just got too tired carrying him all season. Fast forward to present time (I know it’s hard for Andrew Luck to adjust from the paleolithic period) and we might have a Jets team that is capable of not being the Jests, if you know what I mean. Going against a Colts team that many favored to walk into the playoffs (mostly because Luck’s back has a caveman’s width to carry such things) and beating them would confirm that these are not, in fact, your run-of-the-mill-sh*t-the-bed Jets that we’ve come to love and pity. Or at least it would confirm that they are waiting until midseason to spiral into the abyss. So until then!

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