2017 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Week 2 76 79 96 25 64 18 95 7
Week 1 7 6 43 28 62 35 62 6
Cumulative 33 30 77 23 57 29 79 4
2016 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Weekly Rankings 9 31 5 27 40 9 4
Draft Rankings 3 66 10 7 23 66 112
3-Year Average Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
2014-2016 21 37 28 22 42 16 33

A wiser fella once said, sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, well, the bar eats you. As you can see above and as I alluded to with one of the great colloquialisms ever known to man, perhaps the universe itself (FAR OUT, DUDE), we took a step back in our Week 2 Rankings. And that’s okay! I mean, it’s not that okay, we do care about how we guide your strategy, your players, ultimately your teams… but as many of the longtime readers will attest, generally when I receive middling results, the lede gets wishy-washy with a slight apologetic tone and a hint of lilac. As I wrote about last season, my ranking process is pretty ludicrous when you think about it, so when I deconstruct what went wrong, it generally becomes a bigger mess. Like the messes I’ve made in life, anything can be solved with a wet wash cloth and a lot of faith. I immediately regret sharing that. What I mean to say is, weeks like this happen, and all we can do is starve ourselves for the entire week so a bar seems not just edible, but also a mediocre source of fiber. So let’s start Week 3 and eat that bar duuuude…

Week 3 Rankings for Standard, Half-PPR, PPR and IDP leagues are right after the jump! (And our Rest of Season rankings have been updated and can be found here!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to another edition of Jay’s (hey, that’s me!) Review of all things Week 2. Except for Monday Night Football, just as bad as Thursday Night Football, but now without Chris Berman. So slightly better. Maybe. Who knows actually? I’m just waiting for when the NFL figures out how to have a game on every night and additionally draw out the NFL Draft for entire offseason. You think it might not happen, but Roger Goodell is already telling Robert Kraft to hold his beer (usually it’s his penis). So yeah, that was basically me saying that MNF is too late for this existential journey, maaaan. And sure, what I just typed may have come off as sassy, but that’s only because MB RSVP’d (so many acronyms, so little time!) probably the best GIF from Week 2 with the Lynch Safety Dance. You probably only understood that reference if you’re a member of AARP, but hey, on the bright side, more acronym dropping. So instead, I have chosen Todd Gurley to shine my light upon with the utmost care and love. Which is what I also refer to as a boner. And behold above, if that GIF doesn’t turn you on, I don’t want to be off. I feel like this could be the new Dyson’s vacuum cleaner slogan. Or the first last line I’ll ever say to a first last date. The possibilities are endless, just like a world with a functioning Todd Gurley. Is he back? (Maybe?) Was he ever gone? (Yeah.) (Vague) Answers to these questions and your usual daily allotment of hot takes, yokes (jokes in egg form, or I guess I could have just corrected the typo instead of typing this long sentence out… wait, am I still typing?), and your Week 2 Top Plays in GIF form are all after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you tuned into last week’s primer, you’ll know that the beginning of the season began the right way with large amounts of New England schadenfreude, which is pretty much the best kind of schadenfreude if you’re into that whole German thing. And I only mention this not as another opportunity to give my best to the Northeast (well…), but to segue into Week 2, where once again, things are starting off right (depending on how much you enjoy Skyline Chili) with the Cincinnati Bengals already in full playoffs mode. I’m not sure firing your offensive coordinator (and quarterbacks coach Bill Lazor, pew pew!) after your second game is the best thing to do, only because any time previously two weeks ago would have been gajillion times better. If the Bengals organization went into this season saying “Gee, Ken Zampese (and Bill Lazor, pew pew!) sure seems like he’s right on the cusp of something awful or something great. We’ll just gauge where he’s at on the awful-to-great scale on a week-to-week basis…” then maybe the actual problem is Mike Brown and the Bengals front office. And that Andy Dalton is a ginger…

Here’s your updated Razzball Fantasy Football Rankings for Week 2 (STD, Half-PPR, PPR, IDP) including our Staff Consensus, player updates, and an opportunity to ask those all so important roster questions to myself, MB, and Zach in the comment section!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Over the years, I probably haven’t been as active with my Rest of Season Rankings as my peers. The simple reason is: I dislike shoot-from-the-hip reactions, and not that ROS Rankings are that, but they are certainly a tool for that. I’m fairly conservative (not really suffering from economic anxiety though) in terms of the first month. But sometimes I wonder if that’s too slow a reaction time in Fantasy Football. I don’t think we’re sitting here waiting for an exact number of games, and one complete football season will never offer a large enough sample size to draw concrete data from, so this year I’m giving in and going ahead and releasing our Rest of Season Rankings here in Week 2. While I still think a wait-and-see approach for most teams is the right way to go, I’m also empathetic to all the David Johnson and Allen Robinson owners out there who will be needing to do a bit triage work on their respective teams. So in that regard, here are our Rest of Season Rankings, which will be updated every Thursday from here on out, unless there’s a case of breaking news or Josh Gordon gets reinstated. Whichever comes first…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
2017 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Week 1 7 6 43 28 62 35 62 6
2016 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Weekly Rankings 9 31 5 27 40 9 4
Draft Rankings 3 66 10 7 23 66 112

Tired of clicking multiple links just to look up where one of our writers ranked Gerald Everett? Wondering who Gerald Everett is? Good, because I’m with you on both counts! With Matt, Zach, and Tehol providing the Razzball readers with their own rankings (a contrarian consensus, as I like to say to pretend I’m clever), we’re going to provide our 2017 Fantasy Football Staff Rankings for the first time ever, a place where you can find all of our weekly rankings in one spot! The players will be sorted by our average ranking, providing you a great way to see how the Razzball Staff feels (questions posted in our comment section will be answered by all ranking writers!), and it’ll also provide our specific rankings so you know how each of us feel about a player. So many feels, so little time. Follow us after the jump for your Official 2017 Razzball Staff Rankings for Week 2!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
2017 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Week 1 7 6 43 28 62 35 62 6
2016 Accuracy Rank QB RB WR TE K DST IDP
Weekly Rankings 9 31 5 27 40 9 4
Draft Rankings 3 66 10 7 23 66 112

Welcome to Week 2! I wish I could say our rankings did well during Week 1, but the truth of the matter is, I actually have no idea how they did. NO ONE DOES. Before I go on an existential tangent (no one has no idea about anything really! Time is a flat circle maaaaaan…), as many of our readers know, we’ll be adding our weekly results above, but apparently this week, we’ll have to settle with last years ranking accuracy results until FantasyPros releases their results. So until then, I’m going to pretend that we did the best, we’re all so beautiful, both physically and mentally, and that your mother is the most charming person I ever met. Just kidding, I’m the most charming person she’s ever met. There was so much charm, Russell Wilson dropped in with some magic water and said hello. Macklemore was there. So I guess I’m describing a nightmare. See what happens when I don’t get my results FantasyPros!

Alright, alright, Week 2 Rankings for Standard, Half-PPR, and PPR leagues are right after the jump!

[Jay’s Note: Accuracy was released on 9/15 after these rankings and lede were posted, and the results have been updated above!]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

…Because I Always Welcome Another Thing to Disappoint Me.

Wait, we’re already rebooting Spiderman again? Oh, hey, quick question, anyone know who sponsored the SNF opening? Was it T-Mobile? Sprint maybe? Also, you should know that Von Miller was jumping with butt-flames before it was hip…

Welcome to what I call “Jay’s Review”… since, you know, I’m Jay, and this is my review of Week 1. Spoilier Alert! (That probably should have gone before the last sentence, but f*ck it, we’re doing it live!) For many of you who’ve been wandering around my Razzballs (haha, get it?) for the last four years, you’ve seen the site go through minute but incremental changes. Kinda like the world in general. So DEEP. And so this season, we’re bringing yet another minute and incremental change… If you hadn’t noticed, Matt Bowe led off the day with his take on what happened Sunday… you should check it out. I think it was a love letter to Kenny Golladay, but whatever. Having such an informative asset (potential double entendre alert!) in terms of both Football and Fantasy Football will allow me to spread my wings and fly. Right over to your mother’s house. It’s no secret that I like having a little fun… probably a little too much fun. For those of you who want deep analytics like how I want to watch Deep Impact over and over again (Armageddon is in my top-10, lest we all forget that asteroid movies are my fetish) and some usable fantasy information, Matt’s your guy. If you’d like to have a little fun with what happened Sunday, experience some jokes, watch some great plays in GIF form, create some hot takes, AND still enjoy some “measured” usable fantasy information, welcome to my club! We get spiffy hats. Just kidding. I just get the spiffy hats. TL;DR – Why so serious? See Matt! Want to see me in a spiffy hat? See me!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome the first week of football, which started off the right way Thursday night when the Chiefs and Kareem Hunt made all of the WEEI listernship collectively question their existence. When life gives New England lemons, make me that sweet sweet schadenfreude is how the saying goes, right? Sans the Monday night double-header, we have a full slate of games today, featuring some interesting matchups between the Cowboys and Giants later tonight, and the Seahawks at the Packers. The Eagles and Redskins also piques my interest, much like how watching a 10-care pile up piques my interest. And have no fear, if you’re in the mood to take a nap, may I introduce to the Andrew Luck-less Colts against the Rams? But don’t worry, even the Jaguars versus the Texans can get me down (if the Jags and Texans have positive yardage, does anyone really notice? DEEP.) on opening Sunday, so without further ado, here’s your updated Razzball Fantasy Football Rankings and opportunity to ask those all so important roster questions!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome, everyone, to the first chapter of the story in which the Patriots win yet another Super Bowl.

Wait, what’s that?

They lost the opener? To Andy Reid? And Alex Smith? (Laughs for nine hours. Stops to breathe. Laughs another nine hours. Another inhale. Sleeps for six hours. Rinse and repeat.) So yeah, football’s back guys. And with it came the usual hour-and-a-half pregame show that generally felt like 127 hours while also at the same time watching the ending of 127 Hours for 127 hours straight. (If I ctrl-effed “hours” right now, my monitor would light up like a Christmas tree.) So of course NBC Sunday Night Football would premier on a Thursday, it’s still a “day”, am I right? Bob Costas looked even more like a shambling corpse than last year. Tony Dungy looked as much like Nosferatu as he ever has. And then we were treated by a Marky Mark recap of last season’s Patriots Super Bowl win, with all the unnecessary lording over that would entail. I was actually surprised he was able to inform us of what happened in the fourth quarter since he checked out in the third with the rest of New England, but the fact remains that only the Patriots could show up a team which they have no rivalry with like it was a team full of Mangini’s.

The actual game itself began in prototypical fashion, with the continued slow evolution of Alex Smith turning in Rex Grossman, a human being who would actually look better if he had cauliflower ear. Think about it. And then there was Kareem Hunt with his first carry as a professional…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ah yes, so we meet again… wait, did we actually formally meet? I mean, technically we’re meeting again, we’ve done this before… but did we really meet? Of course I’m an existential crisis waiting to happen, but that’s only because clinical depression requires so much work. I mean, I’d rather jog than emo, ya know? But back to where we started, this is your (and “our” I suppose) official 2017 Razzball Picks. Or selections. Or whatever nomenclature you prefer. I guess whatever it takes for me not to force you to read word “nomenclature” over and over again. We do this because, frankly, we just can’t write about everyone and everything that we love or hate. I mean, we’re talking about 1,696 players here. And so this is the quick and easy “viewer-friendly” version that allows you to quickly see our likes/dislikes/predictions for all of you to promptly point and giggle at…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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