Hello, my lovelies and welcome back to yet another enthralling rendition of Hit it or Quit it. As you all know, I am your gorgeous and ever omnipotent Fantasy Goddess, here to make all your dreams come true.

How did you all fare in Week 6? I have to say, I was demolished this week, since this was my bye week in many of my leagues. We all have that one dreadful week where we are basically playing ground-screw and concession stand people to fill those holes. I did not win a single game this week, but c’estla vie, sh** happens. The Black Widow Curse continues to feast upon anything she can get her hands on this season and as the years go on, she seems to become more and more insatiable. I can’t blame her. All I can do is bow to her and hope my devotion allows her to look away and leave my players alone. As crappy as I did this week, my Patriots are 6-0, so I honestly can’t complain. Being a Patriots fan living in Pittsburgh also helps to fuel my sense of satisfaction as well, so once again….can’t complain.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello my lovelies! Welcome back to another rousing rendition of Hit it or Quit it. Sorry I have been AWOL the past two weeks, but the Feds were catching up to me and I had to give them the slip and head off the grid for a while. It is all good. I found some other patsy to take the fall. Men can be so gullible sometimes. How was your Week 5? Mine was sweet. Coming off a horrifically embarrassing Week 4, my Week 5 was one for the record books. The poor bastards I played this week never knew what hit them. Much like Mason Rudolph. I am sure that dude saw his dead grandmother AND Santa after that hit. Being a woman in this world of male-dominated fantasy virgins is a bit complex sometimes, and sure, there have been leagues I have not been invited back to because I won, but what would you expect from a Fantasy Goddess such as myself? Men can have such fragile egos sometimes, yet you all keep coming back to me week after week for me to lay down my wisdom, so you too, can dominate your leagues. I thank you for that.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hi Lovies! I am so sorry that I had to abandon you all last week, but you know, I am in high demand. How are you holding up? Week 3 was good to Yours Truly, but I am probably facing arrest for assault, considering what I did in some of the matchups I had this week. Hey, there is no shame in being beaten (within an inch of your life, apparently) by a girl. Especially one as fantastical, amazing, and wonderful as me. See why I am in such demand? As if you even needed to wonder. It is understood that my Black Widow Curse continues to gorge herself on man meat this season, but rather than knees and hammies, she is aiming for shoulders, wrists, and ankles. Hey, she knows what she wants. Who am I to stop her? As long as she leaves my people alone…well, Alshon is a given. Call him my sacrificial lamb, if you will. Things you can always count on, the tides ebbing and flowing, the sun rising and setting, death, taxes, and Alshon Jeffrey hurt. (Sigh)…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies! Here we are again fresh into a new NFL season. I have to take a
minute to brag because I managed to squirt out wins in all of my leagues this week. It was no easy feat, but I am the Goddess of Fantasy Football, so I suppose it was expected. How did you fare this week? I see that my Black Widow Curse did not waste any time this season and began to feast upon collarbones in Week 1. It rather scares me as to what it has in store for the rest of the season. I own Alshon Jeffrey in one league, so I am sure that means he will be decapitated at some point, given his propensity toward injury. It is almost like he is inviting it in. I am a glutton for punishment, I suppose, but I am used to others paying for it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back my pretties! If you are reading this, I can only assume you are either (1) a glutton for punishment, (2) a desperate creeper, or (3) just curious. Any way you look at it, I am always glad to have you here. For those loyal slaves who have been with me for the past six years, hi lovelies! I know you missed me more than I missed you, but that is expected.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. It has been some time since I was here to regale you with all of my wonderful musings, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do…and this girl was DO-IN! I know it has only been two weeks for me, but for many of you it may seem like a lifetime. For that I promise to make this week all that more fulfilling for you.

So, you missed me, huh? Well I am sure the boys here at Razzball have been taking care of you. Mind you, not in the way I do (well, maybe Zach) but even they cannot hold a candle to me in certain areas. We are slowing moving on forward to the end of the fantasy season and that can only mean one thing, playoffs. Yes, my lovelies, playoffs are right around the corner. The Curse does not seem to be letting up either and those of you who have been with me from the beginning know that her thirst and hunger only get more insatiable as the season goes on.

So far, I have been faring well and even pulled out a blowout win in my sacrificial league this week. I do have to admit, the past two weeks have been fun since I have been able to play with my Fournette, but it may be fun while it lasted thanks to a “my d**k is bigger than your d**k” fight that ended with his being tossed. With a suspension looming, I think my playtime is over. Oh, well. Such is life in the fickle fantasy world. I still have all of you to keep me happy and I will continue to return the favor.

As I sit here in the Dungeon and look about, I am starting to feel some kind of way because I know we only have a few, short weeks left together and I want to make them memorable for you. I mean, it is what keeps you coming back so I have to make it worth your while, right? Therefore, I suppose I should get to why you are here. As always, talk is cheap, but I am not so, without further ado, I give you Week 13, Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Week 9 seemed to be a ho-hum week for me as your stunningly gorgeous Goddess went a mediocre 3-2. As expected, my sacrificial league was a complete and utter sh**show, but was somewhat less grotesque following a blowout in one of my money leagues. The emasculation I visited on that poor bastard is one for the ages. I may have to report to the Hague now because it really was a crime against humanity. These constant losses in my sacrificial league still do not sit well with me. Although I do not like the role of submissive, in the end life is about balance. As you know, I am willing to take one raw and dry from you, my faithful readers, with the hopes I can bring you first-hand experience on how my article subjects fare, so if that means I have to assume unfamiliar roles to keep you coming back for more each week, I am willing to do so without charging extra.

The curse managed to spare me again this week, so I am beginning to think there is something to this sacrificial league after all. I will probably jinx myself, but I have never made it this long in any season without being absolutely violated by the Curse. Of course, Fournette is still taking up oxygen while sipping Mai Tai’s on my bench, but rumor has it he plans to head back following the bye. I’ll believe that when I see it. Right now, he is more like a freeloading ex who just will not go away, but you cannot bring yourself to quit him because when he is on, he satisfies many a need for you. C’est la vie.

Wow, Week 10 already. Where has the time gone? I so enjoy our time together in the Dungeon each week and knowing we only have a few more weeks of fun together before the season ends, well, that just brings an iota of pain to my cold, dead heart. Yes, even I, your Mistress of Pain, your Dominatrix of Destruction misses you. After all, without you, I would not be able to keep the lights on in the Dungeon, and the routine bleach downs really take a hit on the wallet. Therefore, I suppose I should get to why you are here this week. I know, talk is cheap, but I am not. Without further ado, I give you Week 10, Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of Innuendo. I missed you all last week but the Dungeon was due for a scrub down. It looked like a Jackson Pollock painting in here. It was unbelievable. One just can’t seem to find good cleaning help these days.

Aside from the bleachy scrubdown, it was a pretty good week for your Mistress. I went a respectable 5-0 this week. Yep, even in my sacrificial league I managed to eke out a win with a measly 95.00 points. I am convinced the person I was playing against was either kidnapped for organ harvesting or has a huge crush on me and decided to toss me a freebie. Either way, I was very appreciative. Hopefully, if his organs were harvested, they spared the eyes, because I don’t want to lose a loyal reader, especially when I didn’t profit from black market organ sales. If it was for crush reasons, thanks, Boo!

I was once again spared this week, but it seems like the Black Widow Curse had a feast of epic proportions on her favorite meal…ACL’s. That being said, I still have Leonard Fournette squatting on my roster and not paying any rent or fees. With the bye this week, I am optimistic I can and will be able to finally whip him out next week, but we shall see.

Halloween is tomorrow, so I am ready to give you all some treats (tricks for those of you who are diabetic or have no teeth) and I am sure you are eagerly waiting to see what tidbits I toss you this week. So, ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, bow before me and worship as I give you what you all came for, Week 9, Hit it or Quit It.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Although I want to say that I took a pounding this week, I am happy to say that it was not in Fantasy Football. Hey, you have your hobbies, and I have mine. Your Goddess went a respectable 4-1 this week, with that one loss being the sacrificial Razzball Contributor’s Black Widow League in which I opted to play the submissive, rather than the Dominatrix (I save that for my other leagues). Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices and this time I opted to throw my body upon the pyre and only pick up those I write about in that league, so I can give you firsthand experience. Alas, that league is a pathetic 0-for and it really sticks in my throat since those of you who know me know that I hate to lose. So, I opt to drown out the memory with whiskey…lots and lots of whiskey.

The curse spared me this week. How did you fare? That being said, Leonard Fournette has been sitting deep in the closet in one of my leagues and I am dying to whip him out and have some fun. Only the Black Widow knows when and if that will happen. In the meantime, I am making due with the lovely specimens which are coming my way via my other leagues. Guys, look, I honestly take no pleasure in whipping the Holy sh** out of you in your leagues week after week, but it is what you pay for, and I am a woman of the people, so…Oh, who am I kidding, I absolutely LOVE beating the Holy sh** out of you week after glorious week. It does more for me than the array of toys in that special box under my bed, and that is really saying something.

Ok, I know, I seem to be rambling while I bask in the Week 6 slain carcasses which lay before me and you didn’t pay extra for the emasculation this week, so I will move on and get to what brought you here. Ladies and Gentlemen, Convicts and Perverts, your wait is over. I give you Week 7, Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. This week has been another pound fest for your all-knowing Goddess. I went 4-1 this week and that 1 is really sticking in my…throat. See, what many of you are not aware of is I am a giver. And being such I made the decision in my Razzball RCL this year to stock my team with nothing but sleepers and waiver wire meat. As a result, I am currently 0-5 in that league with it not looking up anytime soon. C’est la vie. Let it be known that I like to give you all your money’s worth and emasculating men in every one of my leagues (albeit fun for me) does not help my reading base grow. And if there is one thing you, my faithful Horde know, is that I am quite the master of making things grow.

Please, blog, may I have some more?