Welcome back, my Lovelies! Here we are again fresh into a new NFL season. I have to take a
minute to brag because I managed to squirt out wins in all of my leagues this week. It was no easy feat, but I am the Goddess of Fantasy Football, so I suppose it was expected. How did you fare this week? I see that my Black Widow Curse did not waste any time this season and began to feast upon collarbones in Week 1. It rather scares me as to what it has in store for the rest of the season. I own Alshon Jeffrey in one league, so I am sure that means he will be decapitated at some point, given his propensity toward injury. It is almost like he is inviting it in. I am a glutton for punishment, I suppose, but I am used to others paying for it.
Welcome back, my Lovelies! Here we are again fresh into a new NFL season. I have to take a
Welcome back my pretties! If you are reading this, I can only assume you are either (1) a glutton for punishment, (2) a desperate creeper, or (3) just curious. Any way you look at it, I am always glad to have you here. For those loyal slaves who have been with me for the past six years, hi lovelies! I know you missed me more than I missed you, but that is expected.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. It has been some time since I was here to regale you with all of my wonderful musings, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do…and this girl was DO-IN! I know it has only been two weeks for me, but for many of you it may seem like a lifetime. For that I promise to make this week all that more fulfilling for you.
So, you missed me, huh? Well I am sure the boys here at Razzball have been taking care of you. Mind you, not in the way I do (well, maybe Zach) but even they cannot hold a candle to me in certain areas. We are slowing moving on forward to the end of the fantasy season and that can only mean one thing, playoffs. Yes, my lovelies, playoffs are right around the corner. The Curse does not seem to be letting up either and those of you who have been with me from the beginning know that her thirst and hunger only get more insatiable as the season goes on.
So far, I have been faring well and even pulled out a blowout win in my sacrificial league this week. I do have to admit, the past two weeks have been fun since I have been able to play with my Fournette, but it may be fun while it lasted thanks to a “my d**k is bigger than your d**k” fight that ended with his being tossed. With a suspension looming, I think my playtime is over. Oh, well. Such is life in the fickle fantasy world. I still have all of you to keep me happy and I will continue to return the favor.
As I sit here in the Dungeon and look about, I am starting to feel some kind of way because I know we only have a few, short weeks left together and I want to make them memorable for you. I mean, it is what keeps you coming back so I have to make it worth your while, right? Therefore, I suppose I should get to why you are here. As always, talk is cheap, but I am not so, without further ado, I give you Week 13, Hit it or Quit it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Week 9 seemed to be a ho-hum week for me as your stunningly gorgeous Goddess went a mediocre 3-2. As expected, my sacrificial league was a complete and utter sh**show, but was somewhat less grotesque following a blowout in one of my money leagues. The emasculation I visited on that poor bastard is one for the ages. I may have to report to the Hague now because it really was a crime against humanity. These constant losses in my sacrificial league still do not sit well with me. Although I do not like the role of submissive, in the end life is about balance. As you know, I am willing to take one raw and dry from you, my faithful readers, with the hopes I can bring you first-hand experience on how my article subjects fare, so if that means I have to assume unfamiliar roles to keep you coming back for more each week, I am willing to do so without charging extra.
The curse managed to spare me again this week, so I am beginning to think there is something to this sacrificial league after all. I will probably jinx myself, but I have never made it this long in any season without being absolutely violated by the Curse. Of course, Fournette is still taking up oxygen while sipping Mai Tai’s on my bench, but rumor has it he plans to head back following the bye. I’ll believe that when I see it. Right now, he is more like a freeloading ex who just will not go away, but you cannot bring yourself to quit him because when he is on, he satisfies many a need for you. C’est la vie.
Wow, Week 10 already. Where has the time gone? I so enjoy our time together in the Dungeon each week and knowing we only have a few more weeks of fun together before the season ends, well, that just brings an iota of pain to my cold, dead heart. Yes, even I, your Mistress of Pain, your Dominatrix of Destruction misses you. After all, without you, I would not be able to keep the lights on in the Dungeon, and the routine bleach downs really take a hit on the wallet. Therefore, I suppose I should get to why you are here this week. I know, talk is cheap, but I am not. Without further ado, I give you Week 10, Hit it or Quit it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of Innuendo. I missed you all last week but the Dungeon was due for a scrub down. It looked like a Jackson Pollock painting in here. It was unbelievable. One just can’t seem to find good cleaning help these days.
Aside from the bleachy scrubdown, it was a pretty good week for your Mistress. I went a respectable 5-0 this week. Yep, even in my sacrificial league I managed to eke out a win with a measly 95.00 points. I am convinced the person I was playing against was either kidnapped for organ harvesting or has a huge crush on me and decided to toss me a freebie. Either way, I was very appreciative. Hopefully, if his organs were harvested, they spared the eyes, because I don’t want to lose a loyal reader, especially when I didn’t profit from black market organ sales. If it was for crush reasons, thanks, Boo!
I was once again spared this week, but it seems like the Black Widow Curse had a feast of epic proportions on her favorite meal…ACL’s. That being said, I still have Leonard Fournette squatting on my roster and not paying any rent or fees. With the bye this week, I am optimistic I can and will be able to finally whip him out next week, but we shall see.
Halloween is tomorrow, so I am ready to give you all some treats (tricks for those of you who are diabetic or have no teeth) and I am sure you are eagerly waiting to see what tidbits I toss you this week. So, ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, bow before me and worship as I give you what you all came for, Week 9, Hit it or Quit It.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Although I want to say that I took a pounding this week, I am happy to say that it was not in Fantasy Football. Hey, you have your hobbies, and I have mine. Your Goddess went a respectable 4-1 this week, with that one loss being the sacrificial Razzball Contributor’s Black Widow League in which I opted to play the submissive, rather than the Dominatrix (I save that for my other leagues). Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices and this time I opted to throw my body upon the pyre and only pick up those I write about in that league, so I can give you firsthand experience. Alas, that league is a pathetic 0-for and it really sticks in my throat since those of you who know me know that I hate to lose. So, I opt to drown out the memory with whiskey…lots and lots of whiskey.
The curse spared me this week. How did you fare? That being said, Leonard Fournette has been sitting deep in the closet in one of my leagues and I am dying to whip him out and have some fun. Only the Black Widow knows when and if that will happen. In the meantime, I am making due with the lovely specimens which are coming my way via my other leagues. Guys, look, I honestly take no pleasure in whipping the Holy sh** out of you in your leagues week after week, but it is what you pay for, and I am a woman of the people, so…Oh, who am I kidding, I absolutely LOVE beating the Holy sh** out of you week after glorious week. It does more for me than the array of toys in that special box under my bed, and that is really saying something.
Ok, I know, I seem to be rambling while I bask in the Week 6 slain carcasses which lay before me and you didn’t pay extra for the emasculation this week, so I will move on and get to what brought you here. Ladies and Gentlemen, Convicts and Perverts, your wait is over. I give you Week 7, Hit it or Quit it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. This week has been another pound fest for your all-knowing Goddess. I went 4-1 this week and that 1 is really sticking in my…throat. See, what many of you are not aware of is I am a giver. And being such I made the decision in my Razzball RCL this year to stock my team with nothing but sleepers and waiver wire meat. As a result, I am currently 0-5 in that league with it not looking up anytime soon. C’est la vie. Let it be known that I like to give you all your money’s worth and emasculating men in every one of my leagues (albeit fun for me) does not help my reading base grow. And if there is one thing you, my faithful Horde know, is that I am quite the master of making things grow.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. I have to tell you right now, I am about ¾ of a bottle in on this Jameson, so I cannot be held responsible for any advice you may decide to take today.
Well, it has been a rough weekend on many counts for your Goddess this week and none of that rough play was fun in any way, shape, or form. The beatings I took this week make Fifty Shades of Grey look like a Judy Blume book. IF you don’t know who Judy Blume is it’s because you are not a girl and did not have to rely on a book to talk to you about your period. But I digress. Yeah, it was a tough one all around and I went a sad 2-3 this week in all of my leagues, but those two wins were nothing to flaunt. But, hey, it is what it is. The fantasy gods giveth, and they also taketh away. Is it just me or does it seem like this season is getting off (giggity) to a rather bumpy start? Lots of handsy fumblings in the dark kind of bumpy. Great, now I am having high school party flashbacks…or was that Saturday night? Anyway, it has been a mess and I can say for me, this season has not been very enjoyable. Thank God I have that box of toys under my bed to perk my spirits up. Oh, what would I do without you? Probably throw myself into a precipice, but again, I digress. So, let’s get down to the meat and bones of why you are here. You are here, again, because you love me and, let’s face it, you need to suckle at the teat for the weekly nourishment I offer. Go ahead, tell me I am wrong…I’ll wait. Right, I didn’t think so. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, convicts and peepers I give you Week 5’s Hit It or Quit It (sponsored by Irish Whiskey). Enjoy the feast.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Last week I regaled you all with the Fifty Shades of Grey style beating I took, but I have to say, compared to this week, last week was a walk in the park. Albeit a physically abusive walk in the park, but a walk in the park nonetheless. Yeah, you heard that right. I have taken the pounding of a lifetime this week and went a solid 0-5 in all of my leagues. Hey, even the best of us have to be put in our place sometimes and it seems that Week 3 was that week for me. I am not used to being in the position of a submissive and I honestly don’t like it. For me, being able to put you men in your place and school you on how things are done is what really gets me off. So now I am left wanting and non-satiated. One of two things is going to happen now. I will either make the blood sacrifice to the Black Widow Curse and appease her for my own gratification, or it will backfire mercilessly. I am hoping for the former. Speaking of the Black Widow Curse, she continues to maintain her consistency, it seems, and spent Week 3 feasting on your rosters again. Players are dropping faster than panties at a Wayne Newton concert. Granted, they are your mom and grandma’s panties, but panties nevertheless. See how evil I am? I managed to get you to think about your mom’s panties in an article about fantasy football. Anyhoo, I suppose you all came here for more than to just admire my wit and my gorgeous face (seriously??). For now, it seems I am going to have to wait until Week 4 to reclaim my dominance but in the meantime, I can give you all what you want. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, have your cash in hand because here comes Week 4’s edition of Hit it or Quit it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. I have to begin by telling you that I took an absolute pounding in my leagues this week. First off in my Contributor’s League, someone with a higher waiver priority than I (I know, the balls, right??!) and also happened to read my article, stole all my Hit Its. Which left me standing there holding my proverbial d**k. It’s ok. That is my Black Widow League, and any of you loyalists know, she does manage to have her way with everyone…everyone. Speaking of which, she feasted like the queen in Week 2. Lots of you lost your moneymakers to ankles, and knees, and concussions, oh my! I was not spared this indignity to an already sparse team in my RCL. Usually it takes about until Week 9 before I have to start picking up grounds crew and concession stand workers to fill holes in my team. Yeah, that’s right, even someone as beautiful and intelligent as I sometimes has a hard time filling her…holes. But I digress. Let’s get to the meat and bones of why you are here. You are here to read me spit out the juiciest pieces of the week, like the Oracle I am. And, since you paid ahead of time and the clock is ticking, why don’t I just get down and dirty with Week 3’s Hit it and Quit it. Enjoy, loves!Please, blog, may I have some more?