Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Although I want to say that I took a pounding this week, I am happy to say that it was not in Fantasy Football. Hey, you have your hobbies, and I have mine. Your Goddess went a respectable 4-1 this week, with that one loss being the sacrificial Razzball Contributor’s Black Widow League in which I opted to play the submissive, rather than the Dominatrix (I save that for my other leagues). Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices and this time I opted to throw my body upon the pyre and only pick up those I write about in that league, so I can give you firsthand experience. Alas, that league is a pathetic 0-for and it really sticks in my throat since those of you who know me know that I hate to lose. So, I opt to drown out the memory with whiskey…lots and lots of whiskey.

The curse spared me this week. How did you fare? That being said, Leonard Fournette has been sitting deep in the closet in one of my leagues and I am dying to whip him out and have some fun. Only the Black Widow knows when and if that will happen. In the meantime, I am making due with the lovely specimens which are coming my way via my other leagues. Guys, look, I honestly take no pleasure in whipping the Holy sh** out of you in your leagues week after week, but it is what you pay for, and I am a woman of the people, so…Oh, who am I kidding, I absolutely LOVE beating the Holy sh** out of you week after glorious week. It does more for me than the array of toys in that special box under my bed, and that is really saying something.

Ok, I know, I seem to be rambling while I bask in the Week 6 slain carcasses which lay before me and you didn’t pay extra for the emasculation this week, so I will move on and get to what brought you here. Ladies and Gentlemen, Convicts and Perverts, your wait is over. I give you Week 7, Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. This week has been another pound fest for your all-knowing Goddess. I went 4-1 this week and that 1 is really sticking in my…throat. See, what many of you are not aware of is I am a giver. And being such I made the decision in my Razzball RCL this year to stock my team with nothing but sleepers and waiver wire meat. As a result, I am currently 0-5 in that league with it not looking up anytime soon. C’est la vie. Let it be known that I like to give you all your money’s worth and emasculating men in every one of my leagues (albeit fun for me) does not help my reading base grow. And if there is one thing you, my faithful Horde know, is that I am quite the master of making things grow.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. I have to tell you right now, I am about ¾ of a bottle in on this Jameson, so I cannot be held responsible for any advice you may decide to take today.

Well, it has been a rough weekend on many counts for your Goddess this week and none of that rough play was fun in any way, shape, or form. The beatings I took this week make Fifty Shades of Grey look like a Judy Blume book. IF you don’t know who Judy Blume is it’s because you are not a girl and did not have to rely on a book to talk to you about your period. But I digress. Yeah, it was a tough one all around and I went a sad 2-3 this week in all of my leagues, but those two wins were nothing to flaunt. But, hey, it is what it is. The fantasy gods giveth, and they also taketh away. Is it just me or does it seem like this season is getting off (giggity) to a rather bumpy start? Lots of handsy fumblings in the dark kind of bumpy. Great, now I am having high school party flashbacks…or was that Saturday night? Anyway, it has been a mess and I can say for me, this season has not been very enjoyable. Thank God I have that box of toys under my bed to perk my spirits up. Oh, what would I do without you? Probably throw myself into a precipice, but again, I digress. So, let’s get down to the meat and bones of why you are here. You are here, again, because you love me and, let’s face it, you need to suckle at the teat for the weekly nourishment I offer. Go ahead, tell me I am wrong…I’ll wait. Right, I didn’t think so. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, convicts and peepers I give you Week 5’s Hit It or Quit It (sponsored by Irish Whiskey). Enjoy the feast.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. Last week I regaled you all with the Fifty Shades of Grey style beating I took, but I have to say, compared to this week, last week was a walk in the park. Albeit a physically abusive walk in the park, but a walk in the park nonetheless. Yeah, you heard that right. I have taken the pounding of a lifetime this week and went a solid 0-5 in all of my leagues. Hey, even the best of us have to be put in our place sometimes and it seems that Week 3 was that week for me. I am not used to being in the position of a submissive and I honestly don’t like it. For me, being able to put you men in your place and school you on how things are done is what really gets me off. So now I am left wanting and non-satiated. One of two things is going to happen now. I will either make the blood sacrifice to the Black Widow Curse and appease her for my own gratification, or it will backfire mercilessly. I am hoping for the former. Speaking of the Black Widow Curse, she continues to maintain her consistency, it seems, and spent Week 3 feasting on your rosters again. Players are dropping faster than panties at a Wayne Newton concert. Granted, they are your mom and grandma’s panties, but panties nevertheless. See how evil I am? I managed to get you to think about your mom’s panties in an article about fantasy football. Anyhoo, I suppose you all came here for more than to just admire my wit and my gorgeous face (seriously??). For now, it seems I am going to have to wait until Week 4 to reclaim my dominance but in the meantime, I can give you all what you want. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, have your cash in hand because here comes Week 4’s edition of Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my Lovelies, to another e-rousing week of Hit it or Quit it, with Yours Truly, your Goddess of innuendo. I have to begin by telling you that I took an absolute pounding in my leagues this week. First off in my Contributor’s League, someone with a higher waiver priority than I (I know, the balls, right??!) and also happened to read my article, stole all my Hit Its. Which left me standing there holding my proverbial d**k. It’s ok. That is my Black Widow League, and any of you loyalists know, she does manage to have her way with everyone…everyone. Speaking of which, she feasted like the queen in Week 2. Lots of you lost your moneymakers to ankles, and knees, and concussions, oh my! I was not spared this indignity to an already sparse team in my RCL. Usually it takes about until Week 9 before I have to start picking up grounds crew and concession stand workers to fill holes in my team. Yeah, that’s right, even someone as beautiful and intelligent as I sometimes has a hard time filling her…holes. But I digress. Let’s get to the meat and bones of why you are here. You are here to read me spit out the juiciest pieces of the week, like the Oracle I am. And, since you paid ahead of time and the clock is ticking, why don’t I just get down and dirty with Week 3’s Hit it and Quit it. Enjoy, loves!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, well, well, here we are again, my lovelies! Another year of fantasy football is underway and here you all are, ready, willing, and waiting for me to give you what you have all been longing for since about Week 10 of last season. Oh, honey, don’t worry about all the foreplay. I do plan to deliver. Be patient. Those of you who are not new to my Dungeon know that I carry with me a Black Widow Curse that manages to feast on man flesh every season, and usually it waits a week or two, you know, wine and dine you before it has its way with you. Well, this season it seems that the curse was out in full force and hit me first when it decided to take Leonard Fournette away from me before halftime. I am not going to say any more about it because I don’t want to jinx it, but my sacrifice has been made…for now. Hopefully this year it does one of those Final Destination things where it moves on to the next person after claiming a victim, but knowing my luck I better stock up on the lube because I have a feeling I am about to get reamed halfway to Sunday. Without dinner first, the nerve! If you are in the same position as me (Giggity) not only do you know what it feels like, but you are already looking for another hole to be filled for next week. Well, fear no more. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, the foreplay is over. Here is the first 2018 version of Hit it or Quit it. Bon Appetite!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, well, well, here we are together again. I know I had to abandon you at the end of the season last year, but I am back again and better than ever baby! I promise never to leave you again. I know you missed me more than I missed you, but that is expected.

For those of you new to The Dungeon, welcome. I am here to please and perhaps give you some insider info to help you dominate in your own leagues. My 5th Annual Black Widow League drafted last night and I sacrificed some picks for you, my Lovelies, to opt for sleepers, rookies, and those lesser named players with the hopes that I can give you first-hand information throughout the season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back, my lovelies, to another week of lovin’ from yours truly. How did you fare this week? Not too good from what I hear. Did you lose more valuable players to blown out ACL’s or other bodily injuries? Are you feeling like you are getting the run-around with this whole Ezekiel Elliot thing where one minute he’s playing and another he may not? I know. There is nothing worse that wanting to have a little fun and someone acting like an ex who won’t let go, and keeps hitting you up. Well, fear not. It seems that Elliot may be looking at his suspension soon, which means the door is open for some other talent to make its way into your life and satisfy all of your needs. Me you ask? I did pretty well this week. Of the leagues I am in that I actually pay attention to, I went undefeated this week. I have a few leagues which mean nothing to me, so of course, I treat them like anything which can’t meet my needs or satisfy me in the way I need it to…I ignore them and hope they will go away. So, with that in mind, let’s proceed like we are trying to get in the pants of some really hot young talent and get right down to it. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, welcome to Hit it or Quit it, Week 10.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, hello my lovelies! Have you missed me over the past two weeks? I know I missed all of you. Being an international sex symbol and all around catch has been exhausting. My Sugar Daddy decided to fly me all over the world for the past two weeks and hence, no time to pay attention to any of you. Well, not really, but it sounded good in my head as I was writing it. How are we faring? It seems none of us can escape a week without the loss of one of our beloved on our rosters and right now our teams are so ugly you wouldn’t even f**k it with your buddy’s d*ck. It’s understandable. Eventually, the lights have to come on after last call and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are looking at a winner, there isn’t enough tequila in the world to make that team look sexy enough to bang. Well, that’s where I come in. Let me be your bartender and slip you a roofie or two as we journey into Week 9 of the 2017 season. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, I give you Hit it or Quit it, Week 9!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Want to nab him and hold onto him? Go on sexy britches, take a lesson from my playbook and Welcome back my lovelies, to another week of Hit it or Quit it. I honestly have to say that Week 5 has been the most carnage-inducing week thus far. The Black Widow Curse was certainly back and in full-on raging b*tch mode. Probably because she had been pretty quiet in Week 4. B*tches be trippin’ like that sometimes. But alas, here we are. I managed to make it out alive this week, but I know most of you are still laying in your kitchens with your heads in the oven. Don’t fret, my loves. I have always been here to satisfy all of your needs and this week is no exception. So, let’s cut through all the foreplay here, shall we? Bust out the lube and get ready. I present to you Week 6’s edition of Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?