Now that my little Fantasy Football science experiment is over I’m going to change things up a little bit. You wouldn’t believe all the hate mail I got in the past couple of weeks. It seems my ESPN accounts have been locked out and someone even toilet papered my front yard. Enough is enough. Going forward I’m just going to give you my top six picks for the week. The only rule for a pick is that a player cannot be considered a stud to be eligible. Recommending Antonio Brown helps no one.
Before we get started let’s quickly see how I did last week…
Last week I promised that I would dedicate the following week to subjecting myself to the save level of scrutiny I have spent the past two weeks bestowing upon the author of ESPN’s weekly fantasy football Love/Hate article. Well fast forward to today and it is now next week. You like how I did that. I didn’t need a flux capacitor, 88 MPH or 1.21 gigawatts to launch us into the future. Eat your heart out Doc. On a related note, did you hear they are doing a remake of Back To The Future with Will Smith’s son as Marty McFly. Donald Trump will be playing Biff Tannen.
Well I guess it’s time to see just how much I am going to ridicule myself. Without further adieu…
Last week I tried something new by analyzing another expert’s weekly picks. Some of you did not take very kindly to my approach. If I’m being honest, while you are entitled to your opinion, your comments did not phase me as I’m right back at it again. If you’ve read my posts, both here and on the baseball side of business, you will know that I like to mix it up with respect to post topics. Some weeks you will get an advice column while others will be more of a recap rant. Sometimes I’ll use my math and computer science background to try and analyze the numbers, and once in a while I like to go off the rails and hit you with a wild card. That is exactly what I did last week. If you didn’t like it, I’m not sorry. If you’d prefer to ignore what I have to say, then I’m pretty sure you know how to to not click the link when you see my name announced as the author. If you don’t, then I suggest you pick up the following book.
Believe it or not I am still going strong in my head-to-head points league in fantasy baseball. It’s the second week of a two-week World Series, but I’ve still got one foot in the fantasy baseball door. Between baseball and my eleven football leagues I haven’t had much time to consider how I’d like to contribute to the football side of things here at Razzball this season. I thought, perhaps, I would give some of you the opportunity to suggest some topics you’d like to see me cover. What subjects could potentially provide you with a weekly post that might help you gain an edge in your league?
In the meantime I’m pretty much going rogue. Just about everyone I know in my personal life that plays fantasy football comes to me with questions. A guy from work, whom I don’t care for very much, swears by the advice of Matthew Berry. He said that his Love/Hate post is his go-to source each week. He even suggested I start reading it if I want to win my league. I responded by asking how many times he has won his league. After a long winded spout of bullsh*t, he said he hadn’t won it yet. I laughed and told him to keep up the good work.
This did give me an idea however. Let’s see what Mr. Berry has to say. What did he say about last week and how would have following his advice helped me. Spoiler alert! His advice blows.
The best thing about still being involved in fantasy baseball is that it means I am in the playoffs. While I am in many leagues, there are three which I consider the important leagues. I define “important” to mean there is a reasonable buy-in accompanied with it and an even more reasonable first place prize. Unsurprisingly, if you read my baseball posts, all three of these leagues are points leagues. Currently I am in the World Series in two of them, and the semi-finals of the third. Pulling off a three league win would be pretty sweet, but I’ve still got a long way to go.
The worst thing about still being involved in fantasy baseball is that it means my fantasy football research has been severely hindered and delayed. While I refuse to play in a pay league where the draft occurs more than a week before the regular season starts, this still gives me little time to prepare. And perhaps even worse, it reduces that amount of pre-draft advice I can attempt to sling your way. Not that many of you give a sh*t what I have to say, but I do have a handful of readers that have at least some interest in my posts.
For the last fourteen weeks or so I have proven that even a team that looks like absolute hot garbage on paper can prove the old adage true, never judge a book by its cover. That’s easy to say with the benefit of hindsight. It’s not like I’m predicting who these players will be a week in advance. I would, but I can’t seem to find my copy of Gray’s Sports Almanac. Each week I have tried to pick the players for the upcoming week, but if I said it was an easy task, I’d clearly be lying. Many weeks I have gotten a player or two correct, but my low batting average is nothing to write home about. George Brett? Tony Gwynn? Wade Boggs? More like the Mendoza Line for me!
If you are still reading this post that most likely means you have made the playoffs. Congratulations. But you are a long way from hoisting that championship trophy. And if you’ve made the playoffs, it is even more unlikely that you are going to be looking for under owned players that “might” have a good week. At this point you need high floor players.
If you have not made the playoffs and just enjoy reading my banter, rock on!
However, in the spirit of this post I’d still like to present to you last week’s crop of crapshoots…
Being that the kind people at Razzball have given me a soapbox, if you will, to share with you all the thoughts that swim within my head, I thought I’d take advantage of said opportunity to rant. If you can bear with me for a few sentences I promise to return to regularly scheduled programming and, as I do on a weekly basis, tender my slightly above average fantasy football advice. And when I say “average” I really mean “mediocre”. And when I say “mediocre” what I REALLY mean is “fvcking awesome”. Okay, so perhaps I’m reaching for the proverbial stars, but why not. After all, I could probably give you crap advice and many of you would still be happy. Stealing a quote from Negan, I could be inclined to say “I just slid my d*ck down your throat and you thanked me”. But that’s not how I roll.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and with that I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you all the things for which I am NOT thankful. Considering how long this list could potentially be, I’ve decided to limit its scope to fantasy football related content. There’s only one thing I would be thankful for, and that’s a championship. Everything else is just background noise. Here’s my list.
After deciding to go with A.J. Green last week in most of my DFS lineups, he promptly left game after his team’s second offensive play ending the day with zero points.
When three of my four running backs all have the same bye week. Yes, one could easily say “poor planning”, but sometimes sh*t just happens. Right?
I guess I can just lump Adrian Peterson and Jamaal Charles in the same sentence. There are reports, however, of AP making a mid-December return. Might not hurt to stash him if you have the room. I’d probably grab Wendell Smallwood instead.
Cam Newton, Todd Gurley and DeAndre Hopkins. Can you imagine having drafted all three of these guys. You might have been on top of the world walking away from your draft. Little did you know that you had just ordered a triple sh!t sandwich and it was going to taste as bad as its name leads you to believe it will taste. Triply sh*tty!
Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. The monotony of repetition quickly bores me. For the last ten weeks I have been writing the same post. Different players, same game. Well today I’m saying f-ck it and I’m zigging when I normally zag. They’ve sent in a run play, but I’m calling an audible and throwing the ball down field. If I’m putting my cards on the table, the last four times I’ve done this I’ve thrown three incomplete passes and an interception.
For those that are actually looking for my weekly waiver wire lineup of misfits, I’d hate to disappoint. These guys combined for 177.94 points. I was going to say that they combined for 206.24 points and see if any of you actually bothered to check my math. I’m betting that no one would have caught on.
Ladies and gentleman, America has played its Trump card. Just goes to show you just how much this country dislikes Hillary Clinton. They were willing to elect a man with no political experience over one with a lifetime. Good riddance Killary, and congratulations President Trump. You know what they say, every dog has its day. Well, here are my dogs. Speaking of dogs, has anyone gone to or plan to attend a Temple of the Dog show? If so, I’m jealous. While this might not be the best lineup I have presented, 172 points should be more than enough to bring home a win.