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Trent-Reznor-III
Last week, Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins attempted to put himself on the same pedestal as Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder in an interview on The Howard Stern Show. Say whaaaat! While I do appreciate a lot of the music he put out in the 90’s, and consider Siamese Dream to be a masterpiece of sound, you Billy Corgan are not quite at the level of those two legends. Pearl Jam and Nirvana are in a class of their own.

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Jay-Cutler-in-Makeup
There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.

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dailyshow
I wonder if Peyton Manning was going against himself in fantasy football last week? Less than 5 points from Peyton during the fantasy playoffs sounds like a fantasy football player’s worst nightmare. How many teams did the prince of Papa Johns let down? And why does he wear a helmet that’s 3 sizes too small? Speaking of 5 fantasy points, that’s the total number of combined points scored by LeSean McCoy and Alfred Morris. And while we’re putting together an all-star squad of undroppable players that scored less than 5 points, let’s add Demaryius ThomasJosh Gordon and Jimmy Graham, who combined for 8.6 points. You’re sh*tting me, right? Those six studs put up a grand total of 18.52 points!

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For the past 13 weeks, I have presented you with fantasy football lineups that your league mates might set for you if you got drunk, passed out, and left your laptop open and logged in. While some were fitting you for a roman soldier helmet, others were laughing it up as they picked some of the shittiest options available for your lineup and changed your team name to something terribly immature. Well here’s another such group of players that appear to be a guaranteed one-way ticket to last place. But once again the joke’s on them as this lineup combined for 214.42 points in Yahoo! half point leagues and undoubtedly would have won any head-to-head match up.

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jab

I am the Great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole! And I could also use a few players to help me win my fantasy football playoffs. In 1993 Mike Judge gave the world the incredible gift that was Beavis and Butthead. Thank you Mike Judge. These two morons provided me with endless hours of entertainment and laughs. The adventures of these two legendary rock loving teenage delinquents originated from Frog Baseball, a short film by Judge which aired on Liquid Television in 1992. After seeing Frog Baseball, MTV contracted Judge to develop Beavis and Butthead. One of the best parts of the show was when these two idiots would sit on their couch watching music videos, offering their humorous and absurd commentary. As outrageous, lewd and immature as the show was, it was equally as funny. The dynamic couch sitting duo even reached the big screen with Beavis and Butthead Do America in 1996 and then made an encore appearance on MTV in 2011.

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 grayjoy

Perhaps more recently known as Reek, Theon Greyjoy is the heir of Lord Balon Greyjoy of the Iron Islands in the ever popular Game of Thrones saga. At the age of nine, he was left as a hostage by his father with the House of Stark as a condition of surrender. Despite being a hostage, Theon was treated well by they Starks, and he a Robb Stark became best friends. Depicted in the HBO series as an arrogant and narcissistic person on the outside, Theon is actually weak, insecure, and unsure of himself. After turning on Robb Stark when he was sent home to Pyke to seek an alliance with Balon Greyjoy, through a series of events, life for Theon took a drastic turn. He unknowingly attempted to seduce his own sister, was rejected by his birth father, seized Winterfell, was betrayed by his own men, and eventually found himself the tortured prisoner of Roose Bolton’s bastard son, Ramsay Snow, who cut off his manhood (literally), renamed him Reek, and turned him into his own human pet.

But now on to some legitimate Gray joy…

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Robert Selden Duvall has had a role in countless films that have helped me enjoyingly pass the time over the last 30-something years. Most will remember him for his role as Tom Hagen in The Godfather and The Godfather II, but few will know that he actually won the Oscar for Best Actor playing country western singer Mac Sledge in Tender Mercies in 1983. Heck, I’ve never even heard of that movie. When it comes to good old Bobby Duvall, I am more of a Days of Thunder kind of guy. “You can drive through it Cole!” Damn, that’s a great flick. It’s like Top Gun with race cars. But it’s not the movie I’d like to mention today. In 1988, Duvall and Sean Penn teamed up to play cops in the C.R.A.S.H unit that patrols East L.A.. Duvall, as Bob “Uncle Bob” Hudges, a 19-year LAPD veteran, is partnered with rookie Danny “Pacman” McGavin as the two work to keep the peace in East L.A. by trying to keep the street gangs in line. The film tells us the tale of these two police officers and their approach to dealing the Bloods and the Crips.

Colors was an outstanding movie, but it is not the reason this post is entitled “Colors”. That reason would be thanks to Jonas “Gray” and Alfred “Blue”, whose colorful names lead a cast of relatively unknowns, or I should say “unowneds”, to come together as a team that combined for 191.04 points and would have easily beaten any other lineup in Yahoo! half point head-to-head leagues.

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Batman14          batman

Arguably the game’s best receiver last year will be rejoining the 6-4 Cleveland Browns on Monday. Josh Gordon, who had his season long suspension reduced to 10 games, will be set to make his season debut on Sunday in Atlanta against a Falcons team that is giving up the second most yards in the league to wide receivers at 288.8 yards per game, and the second most yards per reception at 13.1 yards per catch. That’s almost like a convicted pot smoker that’s jonesing for a bong hit getting out of jail to find out that they’ve legalized marijuana in his home state. [Jay’s Note: Uhh… if someone is jonesing for pot, they have deeper issues.]

He’s gonna light it up!

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I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most of you have never heard of nor seen an episode of the television sitcom My Favorite Martian from the mid 1960s. Who am I kidding, I was born in 1977 and barely know much about the show. I watched a random episode or two when I was much younger, and probably again about 10 years ago during a late night online poker tournament on PokerStars. Remember when it was legal to play online poker in the good old U.S of A.? Dem some good times. My Favorite Martian starred Ray Walston as Uncle Martin who was a human looking extraterrestrial from Mars that piloted a one-man spaceship that crashed near Los Angeles.  Tim O’Hara, played by Bill Bixby, discovered Martin and took him in as his roommate. The show centered around the two and their adventures as they kept Martin’s martian origin a secret. The first two seasons were filmed in black and white, while the third and final was in color.

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