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Howdy all, your boy Young Ralph Lifshitz is in the building, and I’m covering Daily Fantasy at DraftKings for the Legend (wait for it) Dary Sky. Just in case you’re wondering, Sky is fine, and certainly not bound and duct-tapped in the trunk of my 1998 Lincoln Mach VIII. From what I hear, Sky is in the Poconos with the Mrs. for a week of horse racing and cuddles and bubbles. Whether what I just said is a bold faced lie is for me to know and you to find out. While you come to your own conclusions about the last part, let’s talk about things we do know. First and foremost, pooping in a public bathroom is awkward 90% of the time, and the other 10% is middle of the road, but only because you’re alone. Secondly, and far more disgusting, the Jacksonville Jaguars stink against the pass, and by stink, I mean hot garbage cans full of rotten eggs. They currently average 2.8 passing TD’s allowed, 7.9 YPA, 11.4 yards per completion, and 40.8 opponent pass attempts per game. The last number is the most telling, because the only teams with a higher attempt per game average are the Broncos and Bengals. And well you pass against the Broncos and Bengals for very different reasons than you do the Jags. Sorry Jacksonville fans, but it gets no better this Sunday as the Pittsburgh Steelers and their top 10 passing attack come to town.

After Week 4, the Steelers rank 8th in the league in passing yards per game with an average of 274.8. They also boast the top wide receiver in the virtual game in Antonio Brown, a dual threat RB in Le’Veon Bell, and a veteran QB with a strong arm in Ben Roethlishberger. Though all the aforementioned names are strong buys this week, for the purposes of this post, Big Ben is my main focus. At a price of $7,400, Roethlishberger is the 12th most expensive option on the board, and due to his matchup, an absolute steal. He should easily outperform that rank on his way to a top 5 day. I suppose it’s not without risk as the Steelers could find themselves up big early with no need to pass. My guess is the improved Jacksonville passing game combined with the less than stellar Pittsburgh defense could keep the game just close enough to matter. Well that’s my hope anyway. Coming off a strong showing at home last week against the Buccaneers the Steelers passing attack should be in for another big game against another weak opponent.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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I’ve come to a conclusion about my draft strategy for next year. I’m not drafting any starting running backs. Nope! Only handcuffs in the later rounds for me. I won’t be fooled by you starting running backs and your supposed “talent”. Oh no siree, I’m moving on! In all seriousness though, what the hell is going on? The starters that haven’t been hurt, arrested, kidnapped, or shamed into retirement, haven ‘t been good. Anyone watch LeSean McCoy, Eddie Lacy, or Matt Forte lately? How is anyone winning in fantasy?

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Dear Running Backs,
What the hell is going on? Seriously guys, not only are you getting injured at an alarming rate, but your off the field antics are ridiculous, and not ridiculous in a Dennis Rodman fun idiot kind of way. Let’s take a minute to reflect. More than likely we the fantasy football collective will be without Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice, Jamaal Charles (maybe not), Ryan Matthews, Mark Ingram, Knowshon Moreno, Doug Martin and Jonathan Dwyer for several weeks. Oh okay, yeah, no one cares about Jonathan Dwyer, but you get my point. That’s seven starting running backs and we’re only two weeks into the season. Early in the fantasy baseball season we talked about the closerpocalypse well this is the runningbackalypse. I fully expect another three to be injured and Matt Forte to be found out as the real life Buffalo Bill by the time this blog posts. It’s been that kind of year. As corny dancehall reggae artist Elephant Man would say ju-kno! Well I guess the silver lining is there were plenty of intriguing handcuffs promoted to starter in the last week. Some are temporary, others could be more permanent, and some tried to get in on the runningbackalypse. Either way here are the ones to keep an eye on.

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Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m too old and married to have ever used Tinder. I hear the younger guys in my office quite often comparing conquests and potential… ummmm partners. Working at a company with a bunch of 20-something males, the topic comes up with some regularity. I like to think it’s sort of like the wavier wire for skanks, male and female alike. No worries peeps, ain’t no shame in being a super hoe! This is a judgement free zone, well unless you’re this guy. Then I ‘m judging the heck out of you. Anyway, much like the wavier wire you take to Tinder to fill a void missing from your life. You might be looking for a one night stand or a one week plug-in. [Jay’s Note: Isn’t that a type of air freshener? That’s a type of air freshener…] Maybe a potential suitor flashes a little skin to get your mind racing with possibilities. The same way a player buried on the depth chart can come in and flash a little potential. We’re all looking for something new, shiny, and better than what we have. With this in mind randy fantasy owners took to the wavier wire Monday and Tuesday looking for that potential stud running back to make their dreams come true. I just hope for you Tinder-roni’s that your potential hook-ups offer more than this week’s hot pickup Justin Forsett.

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Welcome to the Handcuff Report, 2014 primer. The Almighty J-FOH has bestowed upon me the honor of keeping you knuckleheads up to date on the latest NFL arrests, felonies, and misdemeanors. If Steven Ridley and Shane Vereen are smoking weed in a Pontiac Firebird, we’ll be there. If  Titus Young finds his way back into the league, we’ll be there. If Golden Tate decides to steal maple bars from a Detroit bakery, we’ll be there. You get the point…. Wait.?!?! That’s not what this post covers?…. It’s about running back committee’s? …Hmmm I don’t think that’s right. Jay, I think we have a problem…..I had 1,300 words about Ray Rice, Josh Gordon, Le’veon Bell, and LeGarrette Blount. It seemed reasonable, there are a lot of arrests, and they do in fact impact our rosters. But okay… I got it now, you meant handcuff in a less literal sense. Oops! Welp, time to refocus. I guess instead I’ll be discussing the ever evolving Running Back committee situations around the league. For today and at least the first few weeks of the season, I’ll be providing a list of depth charts and commenting on the situations I feel need to be covered. In other words I’ll be spending less time on teams like the Vikings, Bears, or Seahawks and more time on teams like the Lions, Falcons, and Dolphins. As the season progresses, I’ll probably switch to more of a “handcuffs to watch format”, where I’ll cover a handful of backs with expanding roles. But who knows, we’ll see, you guys can tell me in the comments if you like the depth chart rankings. I’m cool with that. After today I will be sticking with the tried and true tiered approach (say that three times fast Micro Machine Man) and the tier names that J-FOH had last year, because what else is there outside of Fuzzy, Standard Issue Police, and Duct taped handcuffs? That pretty much covers the handcuff gamut. No??? Are there other varieties besides the ones covered?  Like those weird plastic ones, that cops use, maybe? Did you notice I said “cops use”… do you know why? Because Standard Issue Police That’s Why!!!

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Okay, full disclosure I’m a Patriots fan and have been for a long time. The first professional sports team I can remember caring about was the Pats. My father had molded me into a football fan from an early age. The problem was the Patriots were terrible and a lot of their games would be blacked out. Even though I grew up 25 miles from Foxborough, I rarely saw a televised home game. Instead I filled my Sundays watching the 49ers and Joe Montana or the Giants in the Phil Simms and  Bill Parcells days. We’d typically get away Patriots games and almost always they’d get smoked. It got so bad there was talk of the franchise moving. A preposterous thought nowadays. At one point it seemed as though they were headed to St. Louis. It sucked being a Pats fan. Then Bob Kraft swooped in bought the team, hired Bill Parcells, drafted Drew Bledsoe with the top overall pick, and started rocking the hell out of two toned collected shirts. So what I’m getting at is, I’m sort of bias.

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Hey, any of you guys see where my offensive line went?

Hey guys, I get it, risk is scary. Most people go their entire lives doing whatever they can to avoid risk. No matter what it is, people avoid risk like I avoid poison ivy and country music. Well consider me to be the fantasy version of the tacky motivational poster on your boss’s wall. Throughout my years as a fantasy football player, I’ve come to know a few things to be true. Never draft a Mike Shanahan coached running back, never draft a QB in the first round, and those who take risks, win. Some of the best picks I’ve made have been some of my riskiest over the years. For example, Randy Moss in 2007 was going rounds after other top receivers after a futile stay in Oakland and a Training camp of DNP’s. What ensued was pure fantasy magic as the combo of Moss and Brady carried several of my teams to Payout City. Think of all the players that avoided Peyton Manning last year coming off of neck surgery. Now think of all the laughs the owners had who took the risk on Manning, as they cashed the more conservative owners checks.

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Hey, wait, where’d all my receivers go?

Why you no like Cam Newton? What did Cam Newton do to you? Be a top-4 overall scorer just last year? A top-5 QB in all three of his NFL seasons? Late round gold in 2011? Why all the hate? Why is Newton being drafted after guys like Cordarrelle Patterson, Shane Vereen, Ray Rice, Jordan Cameron, and Joique Bell? Those are three committee backs, a TE who had a boom early last year and disappeared for another large chunk of it, and a receiver who’s tied to a Matt Cassel run offense. Seriously! I gots mad questions yo! I’ve seen these sorts of players drafted ahead of Newton in almost every draft I’ve done on numerous sites. He’s currently rated 45th overall on ESPN and 54th on Yahoo, and I’ve gotten him in the 7th round a couple times already this year, in 12 team leagues at that. If past performance holds true, It’s safe to say he’ll outperform that draft position.

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