If you’re reading this, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. But, but, but….you are reading this, so that means you’re still in contention for the chip/ship (I’m a chip guy but understand the ship stance). It’s Week 13 and it’s the start of fantasy playoffs for most leagues, but there are two teams on bye, so Teddy Bridgewater and Tom Brady owners need another signal caller if they didn’t stash one. There’s also the whole Covid thing going around, which can decimate a depth chart from the drop of one cough. On Sunday, the Giants lost their signal caller, Daniel Jones, to a severe hamstring injury. Enter another backup quarterback into the pool. Can you spray and pray with Colt McCoy or is the chamber empty and best left on the table?

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Oompa Loompa doompadee doo. My buddy and I looked at these silly looking dwarves singing and making candy. Then we looked at each other. Then we looked at the dwarves. Shrugging our shoulders, we went back to stuffing ourselves with the sugary delictables yearning to be eaten. We were in heaven. But then….BAM! BOOM! POW! CRASH! The Loopmas scurried away as the house of heaven came crashing down to earth. After the dust had settled, and we were rudely brought back to reality from our sugar high, it hit us. No more candy. No more heaven. Only pain. That is what happened to Bengals and Joe Burrow fans on Sunday, as he suffered a brutal knee injury, ending his season. Sigh. Now, it’s Ryan Finley time. siiiiiiigggghhhhhh. What can we expect?

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After taking a long puff from the joint, I set it down in the ash tray and melted back into the couch. Gazing past the foggy haze, I transfixed my eyes to the ceiling , let the mushrooms kick in, and began contemplating the concept of fate. If I was meant to have something, then I could just chill in my room and it would magically appear. That’s how it works, right? Knock Knock. Who is it? Your Grubhub driver. Ok, thanks and leave it by the door. As I appeased my munchies, I realized that if you wanted something, you had to work for it. Now, that by itself doesn’t guarantee anything. Opportunites need to be presented. And that is the factor that many in the NFL have to deal with. The players are the top 1% of the 1% of athletes in the world, but many vanish into the ether because they never got that opportunity. On the flip side, many have made a name for themselves due to opportunity. Salvon Ahmed of the Miami Dolphins got his opportunity on Sunday and made the most of it, as he received the start and rushed 21 times for 85 yards and a touchdown while catching one pass for 5 yards. Should you go Ahmed and add him?

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The political climate has been at a fervent pitch in the US of A, as leadership has been….well, suspect. As a result, the people spoke with their votes and displaced those in power. What if you ruled the world? What would you do? Promise everyone ice cream? Legalize DFS and weed in every state? Help the poor, educate the masses, and provide universal healthcare? Or would you be a racist [email protected]#!, divide, and look to hook up your boys? When these questions are asked, I must revert to an OG, Kurtis Blow, who gave us one of the greatest and most sampled songs of all time. If I Ruled the World, he’d:

I’ve been to my share of church services over the years: white, black, Asian, Catholic, Presbyterian, subdued, musically inclined, traditional, and new age. Regardless of the congregation, bells and whistles, or place of worship, it’s always been about the sermon. A good sermon hits me right in the feels and gets me to come back for more. It’s not just about the message, though. There’s delivery, style, and enthusiasm, which differs from pastor to pastor. But pastors are human, so they get sick or have to travel from time to time. As a result, guest pastors make an appearance. Sometimes for the worse, but sometimes for the better. When the latter occurs, I incline from my recline, move my ass to meld with the back of the pew, transform into a perpendicular, and let me eyes and ears injest the lovely goodness. Which is exactly what happened on Sunday at the Church of Red Zone when I was expecting Joshua Kelley and Justin Jackson to lead the Chargers, but instead it was Troymaine Pope who kept popping off the screen and delivering. Who is Pope and can he continue delivering?

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It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood. A beautiful day in the neighborhood. Won’t you be…….SMASH! BAM! PUKE! SLAM! Unless you drafted Travis Kelce, George Kittle, Mark Andrews, or Darren Waller, the tight end position has likely caused you to throw remotes at the television or sulk, cry, assume the fetal position, then cry some more. But have no fear. Rather than wandering aimlessly in a GTA-esque fashion, there may be a short-term alleviation of your pain, as Richard Rodgers has entered the neighborhood and is prepared to throw a block party. Wait, bad choice of words. A catch party is more like it, but in this Rona world, that could be a troublesome phrase. 

Rodgers is 28 years old, 6′ 4″, and 257 pounds. He played his college ball at the University of California Berkeley and was selected by the Green Bay Packers in the third round of the 2014 NFL Draft. During his four year stint with the Packers, he played in 63 games and received 181 targets and caught 120 for 1166 yards and 13 touchdowns. In 2018, he was signed by the Philadelphia Eagles. Unfortunately, the next two years were mired by multiple injuries resulting in only eight games played, 1 reception, and injured reserve settlements. He signed with the Washington Football Team in 2020, was released, then ended up back with the Eagles.

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Life is rarely simple, as pros and cons must be seesawed before rendering a decision. We all love football, but what if the only game for consumption was the Jets vs Giants? I see y’all nodding your heads up and down. Now, shut down gambling and fantasy. What now tough guy or gal? How about sex? It’s wonderful and, without it, humans would cease to exist. Calories are burned and smiles are formed, but what if it was Lady Eloise from Boomerang who was purring “Marcus, darling.” Yuck, but it’s sex. Which brings me to Marcus Johnson of the Indianapolis Colts. Who? Exactly, but he caught 5-of-8 targets for 108 yards yesterday against the Cincinnati Bengals. Fling or a thing?

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I was indoctrinated into the Speed Kills philosophy early in life, thanks to Al Davis and the Los Angeles Raiders. Cliff Branch. Bo Jackson. Willie Gault. James Jett. Rocket Ismail. Darrius Heyward-Bey. Puke. “Speed kills. You can’t teach speed. Everything else in the game can be taught, but speed is a gift from God.” – Al Davis. As a result, I always sorted via the SPD column in my Madden fantasy drafts. When it came to real life football, I always gravitated towards the speedsters, no matter how many times I’ve been burned. As Maverick told Goose, I feel the need…the need for speed. Now, speed is not the only thing that matters. There’s route running, the ability to catch, and opportunity, but speed will get a first date from me any day of the week. Yeah, I’m superficial like that. Jeff Smith of the New York Jets, coincidentally, has jets. Literally. 4.41 40-yard dash. He’s also received a whopping 20 targets over the past two games. Should you jet to the wire to scoop him up?

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Urban Dictionary is the best, as no word is left without a home. They are all so colorful with vivid descriptions. Plus, I acquire some street cred when I tell the young kids to get off my lawn. So when I typed in “Chubb” into the site, I was proud of our youth that they gave it the proper utilization. Drafting Nick Chubb for fantasy football gave all who selected him….not a full erection, but a chubb. The offensive line was bolstered and Kevin Stefanski brought his run-dominant ways, but Kareem Hunt was there to siphon off both carries and pass targets. But yesterday, that chubb turned limp as Chubb exited the game with a right knee injury. In his place, Hunt showed off his talents and scored two touchdowns, but it was D’Ernest Johnson who elevated and led the team in carries. Will this Johnson be a one-night stand or a consistent booty call?

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Eight receivers caught at least 2 touchdowns on Sunday. You’ve heard of Mike Evans, Tyler Lockett, Jimmy Graham….Wait, what?! Jimmy Graham caught 2 touchdowns? Geez. And Tyler Kroft? 2020 man. Anyways, Tee Higgins was a highly touted rookie, but Cedrick Wilson (5 rec 107 yds 2 TD), Andy Isabella (4 rec 47 yds 2 TD), and Dontrelle Inman (3 rec 38 yds 2 TD)? What to make of those three and should they be a part of your team?

Andy Isabella is 23 years old, 5′ 9″, and 188 pounds. He played his college ball at UMass and was a finalist for the Biletnikoff Award. Pro Football Focus graded him as the highest-rated wide receiver in college football after Isabella caught 102 pass for 1,698 yards and 13 touchdowns his senior year. The college production was eye-popping, but the physical attributes (4.31 40-yard dash, 77th percentile speed score, and 65th percentile agility score according to PlayerProfiler) and performance at the Senior Bowl (7 rec for 73 yards TD) cemented his status as a NFL prospect. As a result, the Arizona Cardinals selected him with the 62nd overall pick in the 2019 NFL Draft. 

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