Last Week: 9-5-2, Season Record: 94-69-4
Greetings! I come to you humbled and begging your forgiveness after my lock of the week pushed this past week, as the Seahawks failed to put their foot on the neck of the Whiners for reasons I’m still struggling to figure out. Myself and the Hawks will make up for it this week, and that’s a guarantee straight from the horses mouth… I’ve been compared to a horse for reasons I’ll leave up to your imagination, and I’m not talking Mr. Ed. Wiiiiiiiilllbuuuuuuur. Put on your big boy/girl thong and let’s get this mula!
Seattle (-8) @ Arizona (LOCK OF THE WEEK) –Ryan Lindley.
San Diego (+1) @ San Francisco – San Diego is playing for their playoff lives whereas the Niners are in full lay down mode. Gore and Hyde are both out and Kaepernick is playing the worst football of his life. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that Vernon Davis looks like his 40-time dropped a full 2 seconds and shouldn’t even be on the field. I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking San Fran against the Titans this week, let alone the Chargers, who are, by the way, what I thought they were; an average football team.
Philadelphia (-8.5) @ Washington – I have to admit that I was extremely tempted to take the Washington here, as RG3 is bound to step up at some point and shove his coaches words up his yin-yang, right? No, not up his own arse, his coach’s, the imposter Gruden. Then I started watching some game tape and pictured RG3 taking 8 sacks in between 3-yard designed QB runs and WR screens for no gain. Mark Sanchez should look like John Elway in his prime against this embarrassing excuse of a team.
Minnesota @ Miami (-6.5) – My advice would be to not touch this game, but since my contractual obligations force me to select a winner in each and every game, I’ll go with the mediocre Dolphins of Miami. Watching them is like reading columns on any fantasy site other than Razzball… Boooooooooring. Philbin is finished and I like what Zimmer has done with the Vikings, but the Dolphins should be able to cover at home against a rookie QB and a banged up Matt Asiata.
Green Bay (-11.5) @ Tampa Bay – Aaron Rodgers has struggled mightily when on the road in Tampa, but those were different times. Shoot, back then, Nicolas Cage and Christian Slater may have even been respected actors… Okay, probably went too far with Slater there, as he hasn’t been relevant for a solid 15 years. Tampa has about as much hope of stopping the Packers offense as I do of becoming the ambassador for North Korea.
Detroit (-9.5) @Chicago – The Lions screwed tha pooch last week, but I’m giving them another shot against Casey Clausen and the horrendous Chicago Bears. I sit in the semi-finals of a money league I’d give my right nut to end up victorious in… and Matt Stafford is my QB. Escaping his dud unscathed last week was the greatest thing to happen to me since the Olsen twins turned 18 (That’s a story for another time and possibly another place). If Staffy can’t make mince meat of the Bears atrocious secondary, he’s officially finished as far as ever being a star quarterback in my book. May the Elders look down upon Stafford and lead him to glory this week and
Atlanta @ New Orleans (-6.5) – Another game where most of the “experts” are picking Atlanta to cover. I must admit, a big part of me taking the Saints is based on the fact that Julio Jones is extremely banged up and may not even suit up. We saw what Atlanta looked like last week without him, as they got curb stomped in their own crib by a Pittsburgh squad that New Orleans dismantled on the road with ease. This is for the division, and I know, deep inside my, what some would say, black heart, the Saints will go marching into the playoffs. It all starts on Sunday. Witness!
New England @ New York Jets (+10.5) – Oh so tempted to take the Jets here, as they crush their fan base by moving even further down in the draft order, but there’s simply no way that secondary is stopping Tom Brady and…Bradon LaFell…? HOW IS THIS GUY GOOD??? I watched him blow Gorilla D for years in Carolina, and now he looks like an All-Pro. Makes me think what a total moron Chad Johnson must have been to not have been able to pick up this offense. Is he broke yet? Patriots take this one by 14.
Kansas City @ Pittsburgh (+3) – Just when you think Pittsburgh has everything going for them and they look like a possible contender, they get their backs blown out by a Cleveland or lose to the Jets. Hopefully, for my sake, this isn’t that type of week as this team continues to suck me in as if they were sponsored by Hoover itself. I say they get it done this week and get one step closer to a playoff spot. Plus, Kansas City’s quarterback is Alex Smith.
Cleveland @ Carolina (-3.5) – It’s official like a referee whistle; Cam Newton is back, ya’ll. I fully expect to witness far more “Superman-ing” than the Johnny Football money signal thing. What’s the name for it? I’m blanking, but either way, dude needs to axe out the money signal from his repertoire. I was and still am a fan, but that celebration needs to be deep sixed like the Eragon film sequels….Remeber John Malckovich in that??? LMAO.
Baltimore (-5.5) @ Houston – The only talent Case Keenum has displayed at the NFL level is throwing the deep ball. Herein lies my only concern; The Ravens secondary is one of the more inept units in all of football…. BUT, Keenum hasn’t been with the team all season and Baltimore also has one of the more ferocious pass rushes in the league. The Ravens shat the bed last week by not covering the spread with an uninspiring victory over the Jags, but if you want to think positively, I never would have gotten blacked out, taken home that 3 ½ from a Seattle nightclub, and had my sorrows sucked out… and then I wouldn’t be sitting her before you now, with a positive attitude. So there’s that.
New York Giants (+6) @ St. Louis – Three words: Odell Beckham Jr. Or should I have written, “One word: Odell Beckham Jr.”? Either way, OBJ is going to embarrass Janoris Jenkins at least twice this week and the Giants always seem to finish strong under the legendary Tom Coughlin.
Buffalo (-6.5) @ Oakland – Everyone and dey Momma seems to truly believe Oakland is going to keep this one close. Was Buffalo’s shut down of both Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers not witnessed by these people? I shutter to think about what Derek Carr, the Casey Affleck of NFL quarterbacks, will be able to accomplish. On a side note, I believe Latavius Murray will have a 100 yard day IF the Raiders don’t abandon the running back when they go down by 10 points in the first half, just as they did last week. The running game is the Raiders only hope, but if I know this coaching staff like I know this coaching staff, they’ll continue to baffle us with play calling that makes about as much sense as a major studio giving Tim Burton creative control EVER again for one of his films.
Indianapolis (+3) @ Dallas – America’s team isn’t stopping Andrew Luck from backdooring them on Sunday, with or without T.Y. Hilton. Even after Dallas dominated Philly last week, I just can’t see them doing the same thing to Chuckie and his disciples. Wait, we’re forgetting something here…THIS IS DALLAS!! They’re going to lose the game, like they always do.
Denver (-3.5) @ Cincinnati – Denver is 2nd in the NFL in run defense, and I’m pretty damn sure Andy Dalton won’t be dissecting this secondary sooooo, yeah, they have no shot here. Denver wins by at least a touchdown. You have to be realistic about these things.
Thank you for joining me for another edition of “Betting With Beddict.” As per usual, your comments regarding both fantasy football and betting against the spread can all be discussed bellow. The quest for the perfect week continues.
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