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What if we just combined the two best apps in the world and made a Fantasy Tinder app, where I swipe left to get rid of a sucky player, then I swipe right for someone amazing (cough… Jonas Grey… cough), and Tinder does some magical thing where it aligns exactly who needs to be in my life with which players I liked. [Jay’s Note: So, I guess I know who Cam Newton will be matched up with then…] The Finder app (see what I did there?) would help fill up your empty fantasy tank with players from the waiver, and my team could survive.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Arguably the game’s best receiver last year will be rejoining the 6-4 Cleveland Browns on Monday. Josh Gordon, who had his season long suspension reduced to 10 games, will be set to make his season debut on Sunday in Atlanta against a Falcons team that is giving up the second most yards in the league to wide receivers at 288.8 yards per game, and the second most yards per reception at 13.1 yards per catch. That’s almost like a convicted pot smoker that’s jonesing for a bong hit getting out of jail to find out that they’ve legalized marijuana in his home state. [Jay’s Note: Uhh… if someone is jonesing for pot, they have deeper issues.]

He’s gonna light it up!

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Seriously… how many endangered birds live in Keisel’s beard? 48? 59? 1,085?

Mike Tomlin is 1-8 all-time against teams with a winning percentage of 0.200 or worse. Lucky for him and the Steelers, the Titans had a 0.285 winning percentage coming into last night’s Monday Night Football game. And since mathematics are unquestioned around these parts, mainly because I don’t understand what it is or what it does… obviously, based on all these facts, the Steelers won. Obviously. Something else that’s obvious is Le’Veon Bell is good at the game of football. And wouldn’t you know it? Ben Roethlisberger isn’t actually Aaron Rodgers, so the Steelers probably need other things to happen to make the playoffs. And wouldn’t you know it… a gun-shy Ken Wisenhunt punting on a 4th-and-4 in the 4th quarter with seven minutes remaining, down a field goal, with a 2-7 record, combined with Le’Veon Bell’s performance seemed to be just enough to qualify as those “other things” . The Steelers now have a 7-4 record and have… some control over the AFC North. Then again, they did also lose to the Buccaneers and Jets. Sooooo, yeah. Who the ef knows anymore…

BREAKING: Adrian Peterson has been notified today that he has been suspended for the remaining 2014 season. Granted, Adam Schefter is reporting this, so there’s at least an 89% chance that he starts this Sunday. Regardless, while he was a speculative add if you had a hole on your bench, he’s safe to drop at this point.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Well, that was certainly a Sunday worth remembering. Especially if you’re like me and reset the ole’ memory banks with copious amounts of bourbon throughout the day. You could say these Sunday notes aren’t just for you, but also myself… So here we are, together in this. And together, we saw some interesting things… the Bucs, the 1-8 Bucs (in case you were confused) destroyed Washington. For context, the Falcons destroyed the Bucs. And the Panthers almost beat the Falcons. So according to that, the Panthers would probably beat Washington by 200 points. In fact, with the Raiders only mustering 200 yards of total offense, I’m pretty sure if they faced off against Washington, both teams would find a way to lose. And let’s not forget the Lions having a throwback game to the Matt Millen Era. Peyton Manning thinking it’s the month of January (to be fair, the weather has me convinced of this.) Mark Sanchez returning to form. And then there’s this… the Cardinals are now 9-1. They are now three games ahead of Seattle and San Francisco, and one has to naturally wonder, how is this possible? My answer? Two quick touchdowns and leaning on your defense for three hours… this has been done before many times. So I’m just going to go ahead and write the Cardinals in as a playoff team. In permanent marker. And then prepare myself for the end of the world.

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Wow,  the Patriots taking on the Colts… a match-up that’s unheard of in modern-day football! Rarely have we seen these two franchises play against each other. Maybe one day, a rivalry can develop between the two, giving all of us an illustrious and storied narrative for which we will be bombarded with ad nauseam. What a future that would be… perhaps we will get a taste of this wonderful new era during this Sunday Night Football match-up? It wasn’t too long ago that we had all fired Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, and we were ready to usher in the era of Jimmy Garoppolo. I don’t know about you, but the epoch of Garoppolo sounds very intriguing. Only because it sounds like a Lost episode. But the Patriots find themselves with a 7-2 record and back to where they usually find themselves, atop the AFC standings. The Colts, despite some defensive hiccups, like Ben Roethlisberger doing whatever he wanted (sounds familiar for some reason…) are still in control of the AFC South. Mostly because the division has the Titans and Jaguars, two teams that are both dedicated in trying to out Jets the Jets and operate the Raider way. With the recent prime time games being terrible, there’s a chance for this to be quite an entertaining game. Which means it’ll be an excruciating three-plus hours of awfulness.

Week 11 Rankings have been updated for today’s games, for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

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I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most of you have never heard of nor seen an episode of the television sitcom My Favorite Martian from the mid 1960s. Who am I kidding, I was born in 1977 and barely know much about the show. I watched a random episode or two when I was much younger, and probably again about 10 years ago during a late night online poker tournament on PokerStars. Remember when it was legal to play online poker in the good old U.S of A.? Dem some good times. My Favorite Martian starred Ray Walston as Uncle Martin who was a human looking extraterrestrial from Mars that piloted a one-man spaceship that crashed near Los Angeles.  Tim O’Hara, played by Bill Bixby, discovered Martin and took him in as his roommate. The show centered around the two and their adventures as they kept Martin’s martian origin a secret. The first two seasons were filmed in black and white, while the third and final was in color.

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Week 10: 8-5, Overall: 63-53-1, Locks: 6-1

Greetings! What up doe!? It is I, Beddict, returning to your warm embrace after another successful lock of the week call. Imagine how much dough I’d have if I bet my entire Razzball salary on each of my locks and kept letting it ride! Enough money to get my mom out the hood, with enough left over for a state of the art, chicken coop, for my loving Beatrice. This week, I’m going all in. Join me or sit back from afar, either laughing at my demise or throwing rose petals on the ground, I walk as the Elder God blessed grand champion of gambling ATS. Have you witnessed the ESPN dude’s record this year, or last year for that matter? Yeeesh! I’m already 0-1 this week after foolishly putting my faith in the Bills, but let’s not dwell on the past by talking about how disgraceful the Bills offense was, or even how Ryan Tannehill ended my fantasy life by missing Mike Wallace on two HUGE plays. Seriously, Tannehill is gutter trash when it comes to throwing the football deep. It sickens me to levels beyond human comprehension… but as I said, let’s not dwell on the past…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!?!? F*CKING WHY!?!?!?!?!?

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Have the Saints finally figured it out?  No, not things in general, as their 4-5 record indicates, but do they finally realize the type of talent that Mark Ingram has when given the opportunity?  For years, the Saints went with a stable of backs, and the only ones who have fantasy dependable were Darren Sproles and Pierre Thomas (last year).  But as the injuries have mounted this year, Ingram finally got his chance to shine after teasing us for years.  Sucks for the Saints that he’s in a contract year, huh?

There’s no guarantee that Ingram will stay healthy — he already missed three games this year due to injury — but while he’s healthy and Thomas and Khiry Robinson are out, fantasy owners have to ride Ingram until the wheels fall off.

Ingram has carried the load for the Saints in recent weeks, and on the season, he has 551 yards on the ground (4.8 ypc) and six scores.  With another juicy matchup on the schedule this week against the Bengals at home, who just surrendered three rushing touchdowns last Thursday to the Cleveland Browns, Ingram is a no-brainer start of the week.

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Damn these Broncos keep me busy. It seems they’re in a 5 alarm Running Back crisis every three weeks. I’m of course talking about Ronnie Hillman‘s recent foot injury that will likely keep him out for the next two to three weeks. Over the last four games, Hillman had been a savior for Montee Ball owners, like myself. He’s actually been the 9th best Running Back in RCL’s over that time, and that includes last week’s 6 carry game. If we removed week 10 and replaced it with week 6 it would be even higher. Unfortunately it was short lived due to the aforementioned injury.

We now turn to C.J. Anderson and begrudgingly Ball in some cases. Anderson blew up last week gaining 163 total yards and a TD on 17 total touches. He’s also been touted as the team’s “Best Running Back” by Mike Klis of the Denver Post. Outside of one game against the Raiders and the endorsement of a beat writer, there’s not a lot to draw from. He’s had just over 20 career carries and gets mentioned on deep league watch lists from time to time. Will Anderson stick as the starter in what’s been called a “Hot Hand Situation” by coach John Fox? That’s a question I can’t answer. But I do know this, Monte Ball’s never had hot hands, ever. In fact I’m pretty sure even wearing fleece mittens in a sauna he still has chilly paws. Doesn’t mean he won’t find a way to suck value away from Anderson though. Ball has a way of ruining everything, in fact I heard he gave Hillman a hug only moments before his injury last Sunday. Starting to make sense now, right? Yes, Ball is a nuisance and we’d all be better off without him for a long time. Then again, maybe this is his shot for redemption. His chance to provide weeks of value going into the playoffs. Maybe winning over the hearts and minds of the Fantasy Football Collective. Wow, the Fantasy Football Collective sounds like a non-profit organization aimed at saving under maintained fantasy teams. They would all wear button up knit sweaters, and have dumpy bodies, with awkwardly groomed facial hair. Then again these fearless guys and gals are doing the lord’s work, so maybe I should cut them some slack. Oh sorry about my A.D.D there, back to Ball, so maybe this is his shot at redemption, and maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him for flavor of the week Anderson. This is a former 1st round pick from 2013, which is only a year ago. One that was highly decorated in college, being voted an All-American in back to back years at Wisconsin. His career YPC isn’t horrible either at 4.2, though that’s heavily supported by last year’s 4.7. He’s got a real shot to do something if Anderson slips up. So the question remain the same with Ball, “will he finally step up and take the job he’s been handed so many times?” I guess the next few weeks will tell us.

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I have leagues registering now. If you’re not familiar with the format, NBD, relax, you got us. Smokey and I are giving you the best Fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign upand use us as your guide.

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With four more teams on bye this week, two of which have a usable option at the position of tight end in Witten and Daniels, I’ll be focusing on the return of the “red-nosed” receiver of the tight end variety, Kyle Rudolph.  He has been absent since the early days of TV antennas and no remotes this season.  For those who don’t know, that was Week 3.  That, to me, seems like forever ago.  I was probably carrying around a Dukes of Hazard lunchbox, you know, the one with Daisy prominently displayed on the front?  Week 3 for Rudolph saw a whole new system of play for the Vikings, as they were only two weeks removed from the Adrian-ocpalypse that nuked their run game and made us pick up the “Great” Matt Asiata.  The thing that makes me wanna take more notice is that they had a different and most likely better QB to get him the ball than Matt Cassel, whom he had 12 targets with in 2 games. He then went into Week 3 with new starter Teddy Bridgewater not completely healthy and left the game after garnering 3 catches on 5 targets for 27 yards.  He was originally drafted as your TE1, and may soon return there. And that’s what I am here to convince you of, or at least try to via the internet, where arm twisting and wet willies aren’t quite the same.

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This looks like a stroke. Someone should call a doctor at some point, yes?

Well, Thursday Night Football was once thought of as an offensive onslaught of the mind, soul, and body early in the season. At least, that’s how it accosted me with all those 50-point blow-outs and Phill Simms repeating “Well JEEEEM” ad nauseum. Then there was a two-week reprieve where normal football things occurred. This, obviously, was against nature itself. We now have some kind of ridiculous regression going on, and in the specific case of last night’s game, the Bills and Dolphins entire first half consisted of “let’s drive as close to the goal line without scoring a touchdown”. Spoiler Alert: The Dolphins came out on top in that intriguing game of chicken with twice as many field goals as the Bills… with two field goals. But hey, if you managed to fight off a brain aneurysm to watch the second half, you were rewarded with two Miami touchdowns, Kyle Orton doing very Kyle Orton things, and the refs doing their own homage to the Thursday Night Football derp.

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DO NOT say I didn’t warn you. I made it abundantly clear that starting Jay Cutler was a grave mistake, an error so sacrilegious, not even the usual animal sacrifices would appease the Elder Gods. All week I declared that it was irresponsible journalism to have Cutler in anybody’s Top-10 for this week. Cutler’s numbers in Green Bay are right there in front of everybody’s face. It’s a known fact that he’s David Hasselhoff, blacked out on the bathroom floor eating cheeseburgers type of pathetic when playing in Wisconsin. Hopefully owners realize how ridiculously lucky they were to get that incredible TD from Brandon Marshall, making Cutler’s day somewhere approaching respectable. The only reason he put up decent numbers two weeks ago at New England was because the Patriots went to prevent defense once they were up something like 200 points. The Bears are an absolute joke right now, and my respect for Cutler has collapsed to Michael Lohan levels. Inexcusable all around performance by the Chicago Bears and fantasy analysts everywhere… hold tha phone! I just looked at Jay-bone’s rankings, and now I feel like a real d*ckhole. Let me point out that Jay is one of the most accurate rankers in the world, and that even geniuses like himself (Cutler thing), Kanye West (R&B album that somehow didn’t ruin his career), and Roman Polanski (an affinity for underage women), are prone to minor mistake every now and again. [Jay’s Note: That’s why they call me Jay… Wrong.] I’ll pray to the Elders, that he doesn’t’ delete me on Snapchat for this, or even point out the fact that if it wasn’t for his editorial work, it would look as if a 9-year-old child put this together. [Jay’s Note: You’re too hard on yourself. More like an 11-year-old…] Let’s just move forward with all of our lives, shall we… Gods, I F*CKING DESPISE OWNING JAY CUTLER.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!

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