Welcome back, my lovelies, to another week of lovin’ from yours truly. How did you fare this week? Not too good from what I hear. Did you lose more valuable players to blown out ACL’s or other bodily injuries? Are you feeling like you are getting the run-around with this whole Ezekiel Elliot thing where one minute he’s playing and another he may not? I know. There is nothing worse that wanting to have a little fun and someone acting like an ex who won’t let go, and keeps hitting you up. Well, fear not. It seems that Elliot may be looking at his suspension soon, which means the door is open for some other talent to make its way into your life and satisfy all of your needs. Me you ask? I did pretty well this week. Of the leagues I am in that I actually pay attention to, I went undefeated this week. I have a few leagues which mean nothing to me, so of course, I treat them like anything which can’t meet my needs or satisfy me in the way I need it to…I ignore them and hope they will go away. So, with that in mind, let’s proceed like we are trying to get in the pants of some really hot young talent and get right down to it. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, welcome to Hit it or Quit it, Week 10.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Well, hello my lovelies! Have you missed me over the past two weeks? I know I missed all of you. Being an international sex symbol and all around catch has been exhausting. My Sugar Daddy decided to fly me all over the world for the past two weeks and hence, no time to pay attention to any of you. Well, not really, but it sounded good in my head as I was writing it. How are we faring? It seems none of us can escape a week without the loss of one of our beloved on our rosters and right now our teams are so ugly you wouldn’t even f**k it with your buddy’s d*ck. It’s understandable. Eventually, the lights have to come on after last call and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are looking at a winner, there isn’t enough tequila in the world to make that team look sexy enough to bang. Well, that’s where I come in. Let me be your bartender and slip you a roofie or two as we journey into Week 9 of the 2017 season. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and perverts, I give you Hit it or Quit it, Week 9!

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Now that my little Fantasy Football science experiment is over I’m going to change things up a little bit. You wouldn’t believe all the hate mail I got in the past couple of weeks. It seems my ESPN accounts have been locked out and someone even toilet papered my front yard. Enough is enough. Going forward I’m just going to give you my top six picks for the week. The only rule for a pick is that a player cannot be considered a stud to be eligible. Recommending Antonio Brown helps no one.

Before we get started let’s quickly see how I did last week…

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Want to nab him and hold onto him? Go on sexy britches, take a lesson from my playbook and Welcome back my lovelies, to another week of Hit it or Quit it. I honestly have to say that Week 5 has been the most carnage-inducing week thus far. The Black Widow Curse was certainly back and in full-on raging b*tch mode. Probably because she had been pretty quiet in Week 4. B*tches be trippin’ like that sometimes. But alas, here we are. I managed to make it out alive this week, but I know most of you are still laying in your kitchens with your heads in the oven. Don’t fret, my loves. I have always been here to satisfy all of your needs and this week is no exception. So, let’s cut through all the foreplay here, shall we? Bust out the lube and get ready. I present to you Week 6’s edition of Hit it or Quit it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week I promised that I would dedicate the following week to subjecting myself to the save level of scrutiny I have spent the past two weeks bestowing upon the author of ESPN’s weekly fantasy football Love/Hate article. Well fast forward to today and it is now next week. You like how I did that. I didn’t need a flux capacitor, 88 MPH or 1.21 gigawatts to launch us into the future. Eat your heart out Doc. On a related note, did you hear they are doing a remake of Back To The Future with Will Smith’s son as Marty McFly. Donald Trump will be playing Biff Tannen.

Well I guess it’s time to see just how much I am going to ridicule myself. Without further adieu…

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Hello my loves! Welcome back to another rendition of Hit it or Quit it. How was your week? Did you manage to avoid arrest for indecent exposure? Yes? What is wrong with you? You need to step your game up then, otherwise we can’t be lovers anymore. I had a fairly decent week until I got bent over and did raw in one of my leagues when I wasn’t notified that Michael Crabtree was out and ended up starting him. It handed me my first loss in that league and yeah, I am still salty about getting a case of the CRABtrees. Alas, such is my life. I am still sitting ontop of all of the men in that league, so the view is pretty sweet. Wait, that sounded dirty…heh, heh, heh… Now, I am sure you are all here because, like the song of the Siren, you couldn’t pull yourself away. Again, it is understandable, I am pretty awesome after all. In a week where the Black Widow Curse was pretty quiet (probably from all that man flesh she feasted on in Week 3), it is not guaranteed how long her satiety will last. So, with that, let’s get down to business and stop all this pillow talk. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and degenerates, ask and ye shall receive. I give you, Hit it or quit it, Week 5…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well hello my lovelies!  I am so sorry I missed you all last week, but hopefully Matt Bowe took good care of you in my absence.  I know that no one can love you as much as I do, but sometimes a little variety is needed.  I know I left you in capable hands.  With that being said, how did you all fare this past week?  Me?  Well, not so well.  It seems that it took all of three weeks into the season before my Black Widow Curse decided to decimate half of one of my rosters.  It’s okay, I can adapt.  It would be nice to have a man who can actually finish for once though (in more ways than one) to the actual end without having to tap out prematurely.  But, c’est la vie.  I know you are all eager to see what I come back with this week because I know you are all hungry for what I have to offer you, and it is understandable.  I am quite addictive, I know.  It’s a curse in and of itself sometimes, but alas, what’s a girl to do?  Are you ready?  Are your hammies all stretched out and those little blue pills have been downed?  If so, let’s get this party started, shall we?  Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and parolees, I give you, Week 4’s edition of Hit It or Quit It!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Your baby mother’s favorite fantasy football gunslinger is back! “Hile, Beddict.” “Hile, Gunslinger!” I can hear you chanting it from your mother’s basement! I am very much looking forward to tomorrow’s games, for I will be in Las Vegas, spread eagle at the Palazzo, getting my gooch waxed for what will certainly be an entertaining week.

Legal weed….Prostitution…….Automatic weapons…..Prostitution…..Gambling……Prostitution…Who doesn’t love Las Vegas!? Last time I visited, I lost 10K betting the over of the Alabama/Texas A&M game back in 2012. Alabama, at home, on senior night, with Eddie F*CKING LACY couldn’t punch it in from the 3 yard line against one of the worst defenses in college football history………..WHAT THE F*CK!!>!!>?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!! WHY ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Anyway, wish me luck, and enjoy my work below, if it does ya.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! TAKE HEED!!!!

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Believe it or not I am still going strong in my head-to-head points league in fantasy baseball. It’s the second week of a two-week World Series, but I’ve still got one foot in the fantasy baseball door. Between baseball and my eleven football leagues I haven’t had much time to consider how I’d like to contribute to the football side of things here at Razzball this season. I thought, perhaps, I would give some of you the opportunity to suggest some topics you’d like to see me cover. What subjects could potentially provide you with a weekly post that might help you gain an edge in your league?

In the meantime I’m pretty much going rogue. Just about everyone I know in my personal life that plays fantasy football comes to me with questions. A guy from work, whom I don’t care for very much, swears by the advice of Matthew Berry. He said that his Love/Hate post is his go-to source each week. He even suggested I start reading it if I want to win my league. I responded by asking how many times he has won his league. After a long winded spout of bullsh*t, he said he hadn’t won it yet. I laughed and told him to keep up the good work.

This did give me an idea however. Let’s see what Mr. Berry has to say. What did he say about last week and how would have following his advice helped me. Spoiler alert! His advice blows.

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Crowd chants: “WE WANT JEN! WE WANT JEN!” I know, I know, sometimes real life gets in the way. You probably woke up this morning expecting your usual Hit it or Quit it article and were disappointed to see the picture of Diddy at the top of the football blog but I promise you that we will get through this together. Jen will be back next week and if you would like to check out my regularly scheduled Monday programming, you can find it here.

And now, are you going to Hit it… or Quit it?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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