LOGIN

I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest (I picked my favorite Sunday game this week since Thursday was cancelled):

Cincinnati Bengals (+8) at Indianapolis Colts

Forecast: The ghost of A.J. Green heads to Indy this weekend to train with Philly Rivers. You see, Rivers has developed an elite shot put academy where he’s training his 19 children to become shot put champions. Green, in search of a new profession, has signed on as their newest recruit. Around lunchtime on Sunday Coach Rivers will take a break to play some football. In a battle of hyped rookies, Joe Burrow will be sacked 16 times in the blow out loss while Jonathan Taylor tames the timid Bengals defense with 220 rushing yards and 3 touchdowns. Colts 42, Bengals 17

Wager:  Colts -8 (4 Units)

2020 Season: 0-5 (-4.95 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 6 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Learn more about our 2024 Fantasy Football Subscriptions!

The best blend of accurate and bold weekly projections for QB/RB/WR/TE + PK + Defensive Teams and IDP as well as a kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!

Your WR top 80 7.0 is here! Now we not only have to deal with injuries, we have to account for COVID inactives and postponements. Tier 2 got bigger, but until the elites we are waiting on return, tier 1 remains a two man show. As a rule, injuries will always bump guys down. I am generally pessimistic that players will return on time at full strength without a setback. 

This list is not league or format specific, but it is based on 2020 rest-of-season projection only. When thinking through tiers and rankings I asked myself simply – “all things considered who would I rather have on my roster?”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s Tuesday Night Football! This comes around just as often as a global pandemic. Hopefully. The Tuesday night game really threw a wrench in my standard Tuesday evening plans of roller blading, Kama Sutra and Below Deck. I had my Ryan Tannehill lede all queued up when the big new broke about the Jets releasing Le’Veon Bell, who they were reportedly trying to trade just hours before. I’m pretty sure I play in a fantasy league with Jets’ GM Joe Douglas. He was the guy who kept offering me ripoff A.J. Green trades all the way up until he cut him. I’ve seen a lot of  speculation about where Bell might land, including Kansas City, Philadelphia, Arizona, New England, Chicago, Los Angeles Chargers and Saskatchewan. I’m not sure he’s more than a low end RB2 on any of those teams—except maybe the Saskatchewan Roughriders—also, is anyone else starting to pick up a little Antonio Brown vibe? As you might expect, the aftermath in New York isn’t very enticing. Frank Gore and La’Mical Perine are worth rostering, maybe even Ty Johnson too if you’re really desperate. Which I always am. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Entering Monday Night Football, Alvin Kamara was already the season-long RB1 overall in half-PPR and PPR formats despite having one less game played than much of the competition. So although his 15.9-point performance in half-PPR represented his weakest game of the season, it did very little to change his standing atop the top 60 rest of season running back rankings. Kamara rushed 11 times for 45 yards on Monday, fulfilling his usual role in the passing game with eight catches on 10 targets for another 74 yards. Latavius Murray (eight carries, 34 yards; two receptions, 23 yards) was effective but unspectacular, as it was the QB-duo of Drew Brees and Taysom Hill that punched in both of the Saints’ rushing touchdowns in the red zone. Yep, just how the fantasy gods drew it up.

As for the Chargers, the one-two replacement punch of Joshua Kelley and Justin Jackson didn’t exactly play out the way many anticipated. Although Kelley was the popular pick to step into startable RB2 status with the absence of Austin Ekeler, he averaged a measly 2.6 YPC while totaling 29 yards on 11 carries, catching just one pass for nine yards. In fact, it was Jackson who handles lead back duties, out-touching Kelley 19-to-12. Jackson rushed 15 times for 71 yards (4.7 YPC), but the major takeaway was how much more effective he was in the passing game: five receptions on six targets for 23 yards. Both look to be risky plays until Ekeler returns, likely lending no value outside of weekly Flex consideration — but the unpredictable split between the two makes even that risky.

In other news, Le’Veon Bell is back, Todd Gurley finished as an RB1, Raheem Mostert’s return rendered Jerick McKinnon all-but-irrelevant and Chase Edmonds appears to be overtaking Kenyan Drake in Arizona. Before we get into the Week 5 rankings, let’s take a look at all of that and more via a quick trip around the league.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I got into the weeds Monday afternoon researching NFL mascots. I never knew how much I didn’t know about football mascots. Turns out there’s a lot of great ones out there, including Viktor the Viking, Rowdy the Cowboy and T-Rac, the Titans’ funny looking raccoon character who may or may not have coronavirus. Of course the Titans would have a random raccoon mascot. The Saints come in strong with not one, but two mascots: a friendly St. Bernard puppy by the name of Gumbo along with Sir Saint, a large mustachioed caucasian man with an obscenely large chin. The Chargers on the other hand are mascot-less after their unofficial mascot, Boltman, retired back in 2018 due to climate change. Enter Justin Herbert. The rookie QB balled out on Monday night with a line of 20/34 for 264 yards, 4 touchdowns and no interceptions.  Five of those completions went to Mike Williams who finished the night with 5 catches for 109 receiving yards and two touchdowns. Many forget that Big Mike caught 10 touchdowns in his sophomore season, only two years ago. The young QB/WR tandem looks to have a very bright future as the new L.A. Chargers mascots. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Donkey Teeth is back to discuss week 5 with B_Don. Dak Prescott is down for the season and the guys discuss what it means for the receiving threats, Ezekiel Elliott, and where Andy Dalton fits in with some of the other possible FA QBs. Dalton Schultz was a big riser last week for B_Don, but the TE may be falling as the TE position seems harder to find each week. 

We discuss the Dalvin Cook injury and where Alexander Mattison fits in for week 6. We move on to talk about some of the big performances from week 5 in Chase Claypool, Henry Ruggs, and Travis Fulgham. B_Don asks DT about a couple statements from his week 5 recap article where he says Miles Sanders is a 1st rounder and Calvin Ridley is a WR1 all season. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was indoctrinated into the Speed Kills philosophy early in life, thanks to Al Davis and the Los Angeles Raiders. Cliff Branch. Bo Jackson. Willie Gault. James Jett. Rocket Ismail. Darrius Heyward-Bey. Puke. “Speed kills. You can’t teach speed. Everything else in the game can be taught, but speed is a gift from God.” – Al Davis. As a result, I always sorted via the SPD column in my Madden fantasy drafts. When it came to real life football, I always gravitated towards the speedsters, no matter how many times I’ve been burned. As Maverick told Goose, I feel the need…the need for speed. Now, speed is not the only thing that matters. There’s route running, the ability to catch, and opportunity, but speed will get a first date from me any day of the week. Yeah, I’m superficial like that. Jeff Smith of the New York Jets, coincidentally, has jets. Literally. 4.41 40-yard dash. He’s also received a whopping 20 targets over the past two games. Should you jet to the wire to scoop him up?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Many people are familiar with the term “chasing the dragon.” It’s most common interpretation is simply smoking heroin. But according to Urban Dictionary, there’s a deeper meaning to this term. Imagine you get doped up on heroin for the first time and the high sends you to a euphoric, nirvana-like state where everything is beautiful and perfect and life makes complete sense. Soon the high wears off, so naturally you get cooked again seeking the same euphoric state, but this time it’s not quite the same. So you sell all your possessions and steal from your family in order to buy more and more drugs, attempting to return to nirvana. That’s chasing the dragon.  

But what about Chasing the TDragon, what’s that? It’s when you own only Broncos, Patriots, Lions and Packers receivers so you’re forced to start Chase Claypool in week 5 and he goes off for 7 catches for 110 yards, 3 carries for 6 yards and his 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th touchdowns against the Eagles defense. So of course you start the Steelers rookie every week for the rest of year, searching for that same high while destroying your fantasy season. Now listen, I’m not saying don’t pick up Claypool, you should. Just don’t get caught Chasing the TDragon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We avoided COVID calamity in week 4 only to trade it for even more uncertainty in week 5. It’s going to take luck and an extra edge to win leagues this year. We’re all desperate for some luck. Trust me, the saying “Horseshoe up your ass” is purely metaphorical. Help get yourself that edge by popping the hood on some players poised to produce.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Everyone wants to get some booty. Living in my mom’s basement, I haven’t seen much booty. Pirate’s booty, I mean. What I wouldn’t do to get some of that swashbuckling plunder. The Bears, however, didn’t appear to want any part of the Buccaneers nor Tom Brady’s booty for most of the first half Thursday night. Then, late in the 2nd quarter, Nick Foles took off the eye patch, tossed his peg leg aside and began his quest for the Brady booty. Foles went 30/42 for 243 yards with 1 touchdown and 1 interception as he led the Bears to their 4th victory. It wasn’t exactly pretty, but plundering is an ugly business by nature. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Elites

Prev Rank Rank Name Team Avg Snap % Total Tgts Avg Tgts Non-PPR PPR Non-PPR/G PPR/G Rec Yds TD
1 1 Travis Kelce KC 0.88 33 8.3 41.7 65.7 10.43 16.43 24 297 2
2 2 George Kittle SF 0.98 20 10 30.4 49.4 15.2 24.7 19 227 1

What do you want here? They’re really good. They play every down. They get a bunch of targets. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?