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The first time you do something, it’s memorable. Like, your first kiss, or your first time waking up in a bathtub with a kidney missing. Because if you wake up a second time in a bathtub with a second kidney missing, well, it’s going to be a rough day that you don’t want to remember. 

Now, will Mick Ciallela’s second time at the top of the Razzbowl rankings be remembered as a second kiss or a second missing kidney? Let’s find out!

With 66% of the cutline best ball portion of the tournament done, Mick becomes the first Razzbowler to repeat as the Leadingest Leaderboard Leader. Let’s take a look at what the man from Fantrax has been doing to chase that coveted Razzbowl trophy and sweet, sweet Razzball merch. 

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Borat 2, the presidential debate and Thursday Night Football. What do they all have in common? Young girls. We have Rudy G trying to bang a very young woman (allegedly) in Borat 2. We have two 70 year old men bickering like school girls during the presidential debates—no offense to our two school girl readers. And then we have two quarterbacks throwing footballs like little ladies on TNF, or so we expected. But Carson Wentz wasn’t feeling much like a sissy man against the Giants defense, going 25/43 for 359 yards, 7 carries for 14 yards, 2 passing touchdowns, 1 rushing touchdown and 1 interception—he now has 10 passing touchdowns and 5 rushing touchdowns on the season. Pigskinonator saw this huge game coming when nobody else did, ranking Wentz as its #7 QB compared to the FantasyPros expert consensus ranking of #16. The pig-bot is really starting to heat up now that it has more data and extra slop to chew on. Sign up now for a 3-day free trial! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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Back this week after a brief hiatus last week while I was traveling. Plus, the weird Tuesday Night Football schedule threw off the whole week. It’s like somebody pissed on the rug, but while still leaving a stain, the piss smelled like roses. Because it was awesome having TuNF and a doubleheader this week on MNF. Anyway, you don’t care, and have probably stopped or never read the intro, so, on to the tight end rankings.

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I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

New York Giants (+4.5) at Philadelphia Eagles

Forecast: I hope you all appreciate the gravity of what’s happening here—0-6 against the spread is no small feat. My new goal is to do something even the 2008 Detroit Lions and 2017 Cleveland Browns were unable to achieve, an 0-17 record. In the return of Thursday Night Football we’ll also find the return of Desean Jackson, who was out on sabbatical visiting Hitler’s grave. Jackson’s return will be short lived when he’s ejected for attacking Giants’ safety Nate Ebner. Carson Wentz will resume throwing to his witness protection receiving corps of Greg Ward, Travis Fulgam and Richard Rodgers aka Dick Rod. Up front the Eagles will suffer even more issues as both of their 6th string offensive tackles will leave early with injuries, giving way to emergency offensive linemen Jalen Hurts and Darren Sproles. All of that still won’t be enough to keep the the second worst football team in New York competitive on Thursday night.  Eagles 24, Giants 13

Wager: Eagles -4.5 (2 Units)

2020 Season: 0-6 (-9.35 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 7 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

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Your WR top 80 8.0 is here! We’re getting some studs back playing on the field, so that’s a bonus to the upper tier. As a rule, injuries will always bump guys down. I am generally pessimistic that players will return on time at full strength without a setback. 

This list is not league or format specific, but it is based on 2020 rest-of-season projection only. When thinking through tiers and rankings I asked myself simply – “all things considered who would I rather have on my roster?”

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The choice for this week’s lede seemed obvious heading into the final game of the Week 6. Fresh off the Chiefs’ signing of Le’Veon Bell to a one-year deal, Clyde Edwards-Helaire erupted for 161 yards on 26 carries, adding another four receptions on four targets for eight yards. Other than the fact that CEH remains allergic to the end zone, it was an outstanding performance, as he cruised to 6.2 yards-per-carry while handling all of his targets with ease. Meanwhile, Bell saw a much different line in the box score: three plane rides, two luxury hotel stays, seven tweets and a new Mahomes. A big boost to the fantasy value? Well, it depends on how you look at it, as they say. All things are relative. It’s certainly a worse landing spot compared to somewhere like Miami or Buffalo where Bell would have a much greater likelihood of handling lead-back duties. However, playing second fiddle to CEH (which we have to assume for now, based on his Week 6 performance) still beats being the feature back for the New York Jets. Hell, being Andy Reid’s butt-scratcher beats being the No.1 running back for Gang Green. Still, I have to mention that it was in fact Darrel Williams (six carries, 16 yards, one rushing TD; one reception, 15 yards) that found pay dirt, running in a 13-yard score in the third quarter.

As of 8:15 ET on Monday night, that was the clear headline for my top 60 rest of season running back rankings. Well, that was until early in the second quarter of the nightcap between the Cowboys and Cardinals, where we saw the second highest paid running back in the NFL, Ezekiel Elliott, cough up his fourth and fifth fumbles of the season — and it’s only Week 6! By the way, that gives Elliott a share of the NFL lead for fumbles alongside Joe Burrow, Derek Carr and Carson Wentz. That’s right, he leads all running backs. Notably, the Cowboys actually showed a willingness to move away from Elliott for much of the second quarter after that, likely out of an attempt to both wake Elliott up and prioritize salvaging the game as it quickly got away from them. Tony Pollard ended up with a season-high seven carries in the first half, which he turned into 26 yards on the ground. In the end, however, it was obviously still Zeke’s backfield in the second half. Zeke finished with 12 carries for 49 yards, but he also caught eight of 11 targets (most on team) for 31 yards. Pollard finished with 10 carries for 31 yards, adding another two catches for nine yards. It’s reasonable to be concerned if you own any fantasy weapons in the Dallas offense after their performance on Monday night. Abysmal just doesn’t seem to be the right word, but it’ll do for now. The remainder of Dallas’ schedule is also pretty tough against running backs, so I’ve downgraded Elliott one spot.

Before we get to the Week 7 rankings, let’s take a quick trip around the league.

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back to review week 6 as they await the double header of Monday Night Football. We start by going over some injuries and talk about their replacements legitimacy. The Eagles continue to lose offense weapons with Miles Sanders and Zach Ertz possibly missing time. Raheem Mostert was off to a hot start before going down with an ankle injury (we now know it was a high ankle sprain and he’s likely heading to the IR). Then, we talk about Baker Mayfield’s “benching” and how we view the young QB moving forward. 

Speaking of young players, the guys talk move on to discuss the NFL ROY and the fantasy football ROY. Plenty of candidates from James Robinson, Justin Jefferson, CeeDee Lamb, Justin Herbert, Clyde Edwards-Helaire, and more. We finish up the show talking about some potential waiver wire targets and where they rank among some of the other big performers from week 6. The two discuss the Bengals WR situation, the Lions and Ravens RB situation, Travis Fulgham, Tee Higgins, Preston Williams, and o yeah, we talk about Le’Veon. 

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Insurance has been at the forefront of my mind lately. Maybe it’s all the Baker Mayfield Progressive commercials brainwashing me. But most of the time when Baker comes on screen with his book club, I’m just wondering how it’s possible that a large insurance company couldn’t find a better spokesperson than Mayfield. So then maybe it’s all the Patrick Mahomes and Aaron Rodgers State Farm commercials brainwashing me. But most of the time when Patrick and Aaron come on I’m just giggling about the gallon of ketchup Mahomes is pouring on his steak. So, that can’t be it. Ah ha! I just figured it out. It’s those Geico Motaur commercials—a half man, half motorcycle talking nonsense is what speaks to my subconscious mind. If they hired an NFL up and comer to play the role of Motaur it would have to be Christian Kirk, his upper body already looks very stallion-like. He also went off for 2 catches for 86 yards and his 2nd and 3rd touchdowns Monday night which, based on Mayfield’s deal, must be worth at least a ten commercial contract. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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Life is rarely simple, as pros and cons must be seesawed before rendering a decision. We all love football, but what if the only game for consumption was the Jets vs Giants? I see y’all nodding your heads up and down. Now, shut down gambling and fantasy. What now tough guy or gal? How about sex? It’s wonderful and, without it, humans would cease to exist. Calories are burned and smiles are formed, but what if it was Lady Eloise from Boomerang who was purring “Marcus, darling.” Yuck, but it’s sex. Which brings me to Marcus Johnson of the Indianapolis Colts. Who? Exactly, but he caught 5-of-8 targets for 108 yards yesterday against the Cincinnati Bengals. Fling or a thing?

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I don’t have any kids. I’ve seen pictures and heard stories of the elated feelings of paternal pride when children take their first steps or bring home an A+ on their spelling test, but it’s not something I’ve ever experienced first hand. On Sunday I got my first taste of what I imagine that sense of pride must feel like while watching the Bears/Panthers game with my lady. As the medical staff gingerly loaded an injured Carolina defensive player onto the cart, my imaginary girlfriend says to me, “What do you think happens if a player poops their pants? Do they ask for the cart to be brought out so they don’t have to hobble their way back to the locker room?”  It’s a great question and one that I can’t believe I never considered. You know at least one of these big guys craps their pants each week. How many phantom injuries have occurred in the name of soiled drawers? But one player who didn’t crap their pants in week 6 was rookie D’Andre Swift, he took 14 carries for 116 yards, 3 catches for 7 yards and his 3rd and 4th touchdowns. Those who speculated that Swift might be a bigger factor after the Lions bye week were right on, as he saw two more carries this week than his first four games combined. It’s hard to trust Patricia and the Lions, but there’s a chance Swift is a solid RB2 rest of season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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It looks like we’re going to get week 6 in after a rash of false positives. Let’s enjoy it. As flu season approaches many viruses will share the symptoms of COVID. Our favorite players may miss more games than we’re prepared for. Anywho, let’s pop the hood on the week that was.

  • The next back to get a ride on the Falcons cushy matchup carousel is David Montgomery. Monty has posted back to back weeks of an 80%+ snap share, accompanied by 14 total targets. The groin must be better. He’s the man in that backfield with Tarik Cohen lost for the year.
  • A.J. Brown’s return was one of the few things to go right for Tennessee prior to beating the Bills. Their WR cupboard was bare aside from the sophomore. That led to 9 targets and a productive 7-82-1 line. Even with the full complement of pass-catchers in the opener (the only other game Brown played) Brown still saw 8 targets. He should be good even with other options returning.
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