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*Buy, Sell, Holds released by Anime Donkey prior to week 7—Amine Donkey says ignore the Miles Sanders buy due to injury*

I’m bringing this week’s buy/sell column to you from Sin City, where I haven’t slept since I arrived Saturday afterno&*xnak;lsf. Sorry, dozed off for a minute there. I have to be on the brief side this week because every minute I sit here typing is a minute I’m losing money. They’re literally giving money away downstairs. FREE MONEY GIVEAWAY!! Do you know who else is like free money right now? Antonio Gibson. The Football Team’s lead back is getting no mainstream respect because J.D. McKissic rears his ugly head in the passing game from time to time. The past two weeks Gibson has played less than 50% of the offensive snaps which isn’t great, but that’s also been driven by heavily negative game scripts along with his shin injury. After having gone bust each of the past two weeks, now is the perfect time to acquire Gibson, who I’d expect to produce solid RB2 numbers rest of season with backend RB1 upside. Who’s ready to gamble with me? Can I get a loan? Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Buy Miles Sanders?! The same Miles Sanders who has just 29 carries over the past four weeks? Are you smoking crack again, Donkey Teeth? Yes, yes and not at the moment, Mr. Random Italicized voice. Here’s the thing with Miles Sanders: he’s the Eagles most dynamic and explosive weapon (or tied with Jalen Hurts) and they haven’t been giving him the ball. And they’ve been losing games. I’m no longer a rocket scientist—I quit rocket science to write dick jokes and fantasy football advice—but it seems like the Eagles just might realize that they should try giving Sanders the ball. From an opportunity standpoint, Sanders’ percentage of the offensive snaps has been on the rise each of the last three weeks, culminating in a season high of 83% this past week. So the lightbulb may have already gone on in Nick Sirianni’s head. Regardless, Sanders’ consensus fantasy value can’t get much lower and his owner in your league is probably ready to quit fantasy football altogether. He’s a risky investment depending on the cost but there’s a chance Colonel Sanders returns high-end RB2 production over the rest of the season. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I usually write this while I watch Monday Night Football. But I will not be watching MNF. I will not watch the Saints until they put in Jameis Winston. It’s been sad watching the box score through the first half. I don’t understand the Taysom Hill plays, I don’t understand the dedication to Drew Brees. I guess New Orleans could be a destination for Dak Prescott when he’s healthy, eh? After not being able to reach a deal with Dallas in the offseason and suffering an unfortunate gruesome injury, I would be surprised if Dak signs in Dallas on anything team friendly. Jerry Jones has given Dak the runaround on a new contract the last two offseasons while Dak is just trying to get a fair deal in an ever changing market. If you look at the deals that Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson received, Dak wanting 40 million per year wasn’t so crazy after all. The fantasy market is changing at a much more rapid pace than the quarterback market, so let’s get to the buys and sells for week 6. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I have been following a simple metric this season for running backs: weighted opportunities (WO) per game. This summer I found that WO/g correlated strongly with fantasy points (FP) per game with an R2 of 0.88 based off 2018 numbers. Granted, this was a small sample size of only 1 year but it’s all the data I had.

In a nutshell, the idea is that players should have a FP/WO ratio of about 1, and if they are above that they are either very efficient or lucky (probably via TDs). If they are below that number, the inverse is assumed. In that piece I identified 4 backs that looked like strong buys this offseason, so let’s see if FP/WO helped.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I marvel at Adam Schefter, Ian Rapoport, Charles Robinson, and all the other beat writers, analysts, and experts that are just getting absolutely bombarded with information during training camp. Just consuming the influx of updates and news around the league as every organization fields its players and prepares for the oncoming season is overwhelming. It’s exciting for sure. But it’s also a lot to sort through.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Green Bay Packers starting running back Ty Montgomery, a converted slot-receiver selected in the 3rd round of the 2015 NFL Draft, certainly doesn’t have the body-type, resume, and hype of a NFL workhorse running back. However, Montgomery’s rare blend of elite rushing vision and smooth receiving abilities make him the perfect running back in Green Bay’s offense, a scheme centered around short, high-percentage passes that serve as a proxy running game. Montgomery punctuated his breakout campaign with 121 combined touches for 805 yards and 3 touchdowns after he took the reigns as the starting running back for injured Eddie Lacy in Week 6 of 2016.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

thestats
The 2014 fantasy football season is over Johnny. It’s over!

So now let’s take a few moments to talk about the players that The Stats Machine has a hard on for.  I’m not sure I like the way that came out, so I’m going to rephrase it. Let’s take a few moments to talk about the players that get The Stats Machine’s bits and bytes on information overload. Without further ado-do…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

murray_christmas-10214x640

T.Y. Hilton did not play on Sunday due to hamstring injury. LeGarrette Blount sat out with a bum shoulder. And in San Diego, Ryan Mathews was inactive for the second straight week with a sore vagina. Oh wait, that was last month… it was an ankle this time. It’s hard to keep track with him anymore. Besides, who cares about the Chargers? Just kidding Jay! I mean with Matt Kemp, Justin Upton and Wil Myers joining the Padres, aren’t they the team to root for now in San Diego? That outfield sounds like the ghosts of fantasy baseball outfield MVPs of the past, present and future!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Trent-Reznor-III
Last week, Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins attempted to put himself on the same pedestal as Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder in an interview on The Howard Stern Show. Say whaaaat! While I do appreciate a lot of the music he put out in the 90’s, and consider Siamese Dream to be a masterpiece of sound, you Billy Corgan are not quite at the level of those two legends. Pearl Jam and Nirvana are in a class of their own.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last Week: 9-5-2, Season Record: 94-69-4 

Greetings! I come to you humbled and begging your forgiveness after my lock of the week pushed this past week, as the Seahawks failed to put their foot on the neck of the Whiners for reasons I’m still struggling to figure out. Myself and the Hawks will make up for it this week, and that’s a guarantee straight from the horses mouth… I’ve been compared to a horse for reasons I’ll leave up to your imagination, and I’m not talking Mr. Ed. Wiiiiiiiilllbuuuuuuur. Put on your big boy/girl thong and let’s get this mula!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Beddict: Sons of Razzball, I am Tehol Beddict.

Razzball Reader: But Tehol Beddict is seven feet tall!

Beddict: Yes, I’ve heard. He has an ass like Hercules, kills men and women in fantasy football by the hundreds, and if he were here, he’d consume our opponents with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I AM TEHOL BEDDICT. And I see a whole army of my readers, here in defiance of coming out a loser this week. You have come to play with these Elder God blessed athletes, and ye are blessed in the same fashion. What will you do with your chosen soldiers? Will you fight?

VETERAN Razzballer: Fight? Against that? No, we will run, and we will start preparing for our fantasy baseball dynasty leagues.

Beddict: Aye, fight and you may lose in embarrassing fashion. Run and you’ll at least have made it the finals and kept some minimal amount self respect– at least for a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell your opponents that they may have boned your wife/husband before you married them, but they’ll never take your FANTASY TITLE?!

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jay-Cutler-in-Makeup
There would be no other proper way to begin this rant than by saying the four words that are screaming to be ejected from my mouth. Ef you Jay Cutler! What a bag of dog excrement. I don’t know him personally, and he might be a good dude to slam beers with (doubtful), but as far a quarterbacks are concerned, he can just go away. I’m sick of all the “Jay Cutler is a top quarterback” talk that I’ve heard for the past few seasons. He’s not.

Please, blog, may I have some more?