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Sooo, not exactly what I would wear during hunting season…

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the AFC East 1st place team– The Buffalo Bills. Sure it’s only week 2, and they are in a three-way tie with the Dolphins and Jets, but let’s get real. The Jets will soon do what the Jets do best, and that’s not stay in first place. And the Dolphins, I’m sure, will find interesting ways to stay mediocre. Then again, both those things can be said about the Bills, but let’s enjoy it while it lasts. After all, some day in the future, someone will remember that one week where the Bills were Super Bowl bound and on pace for a 16-0 season. But probably not.

Week 2 Rankings have been updated for today’s games. You can check them out here.

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Chip Riley

I have no idea what’s going on here, but what ever it is, probably needs more doctor. 

Warning: This is a Ray Rice free zone. And as much as we’d like to adhere to this policy on Razzball tonight and in the future, you’d be crazy to think that the NFL Network will. And if ESPN and their mighty journalistic integrity are any indication of what we’re in store tonight, we’re f*cked. And what probably doesn’t take attention away from domestic violence is the fact that domestic abuse survivor, Rihanna, will be performing with Jay-Z (more like Jay-Y, amiright folks?) before the game. Well, to the NFL’s credit, at least they didn’t ask Chris Brown to perform… But, luckily for us, there’s actually going to be football going on between two franchises that really seem to dislike each other. So let’s bring in the football so we can forget everything else for a few hours. Well, okay, you’re right, with the commercials, it’s more like five hours.

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Because Sunday was not enough to fill everyone’s football appetite, we don’t get just one Monday Night Football game, but two. Or as the Spanish call it: dos. The more you know. These two final week one games will serve as a bookend to what was a half-derpy, half-competant filled weekend of football. So I guess normal, except the Bills are in first place, which is just silly. And while you could make the claim that it was quite the unpredictable weekend, three of the four teams that had first-round byes last season won their first game. Tonight will probably be no different than Sunday, just at a smaller scale. Or maybe a bigger scale since Eli Manning is playing.

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Hey, did you know Peyton Manning was once the quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts? Pray tell! While Manning’s first game against his former team was heralded as an “emotional” return because of all those years he worked to bring the Colts as many Super Bowl Championships that Tavaris Jackson has, this Sunday Night match-up will feel a little bit different. Mostly because the man (Jim Irsay) who created such a sentimental treatment in the last match-up is on a short Roger Goodell imposed time-out. (Since it’s not like he beat up a woman or something like that.) And Wes Welker, arguably not one of this best receivers, is hanging out with some woman named Molly.

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With only two games in the late portion of today’s schedule (WHY ONLY TWO NFL?), we get to focus on the one of the bigger news stories going on right now, and that’s Cam Newton sitting in week one.

“Ron Rivera’s comments throughout the week indicated Newton might very well not play this week as the Panthers take the “long-haul approach” to their franchise quarterback. If Newton is out, Derek Anderson will get the nod. The Panthers are probably confident Anderson can do everything they need for offensive purposes, but it’s obviously a significant drop-off from what Newton brings to the table.”

Hahaha, “probably” confident.

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JEST-Sign

They probably root for the Mest as well. Just a wild guess.

The season is now in full swing, with the first Sunday of football for 2014 season bringing us a fantastic slate of games. Do you want action? Do you want drama? Do you want romance? I WANT ALL OF THESE THINGS. Well, then I present to you the Raiders versus the Jets. Haha, just kidding… but this is week one… I wouldn’t have really minded that being the premier match-up, for at least a few minutes. Honestly, what can you say about Jets that would excite anyone? And what can you say about that Raiders that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan? Nada, to use a parlance of our times.

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pete-carroll

Ah yes, the magic of football has returned, with the season opener on SNFTNFNBC (I feel like I just mapped the genome with that acronym… or just entered in the Contra code). After seven long months of dealing in a world without football, now we get five months of unadulterated joy and happiness, or I guess depression if you are a Cleveland Browns fan. Which wouldn’t be much different than any other day in Cleveland I suppose.

HEY JACK, IT’S A FACT!

1 – PAPRIKA IS FOR MEN

2 – YOU BOOZE, YOU LOSE

E – RESPEK THE SUN

(.Y.) – AARON RODGERS IS A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER

That being said, the Packers face the daunting task of going into the dreaded CenturyLink Field, where fans cheer really loud apparently and are almost too proud of it. Those hipsters, they were cheering so loud before it was cool. Pete Carroll also brings his gum-smacking Ric Flair impersonation to full bare on the sidelines. I mean, is this guy ever not chewing gum? What adult man chews gum? Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

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Also my hungry face.

This is it folks. We won’t go a week without some sort of football activity until the end of Super Bowl XLVIII, uh, plus some JVJLGH’s, and maybe some more LLIFJ’s. Could use more X’s. Like 80. I’m not sure what Roman numerals are or what they do, but I think that’s right. BUT OH MY GOD FOOTBALL IS BACK, and though it’s only a NFL Hall of Fame Game, which means it’ll have as much excitement as a Patriots preseason game, at this point, I’ll take anything.

Please, blog, may I have some more?